Coming to Terms
by GinnyW 31
Summary: A one night stand, a handful of condom wrappers, and Bella decides she's meant to be alone. Fate has other plans. Re-posted with minor edits.
1. Chapter 1: One Night in Seattle

**Author's Note:** This story originally began posting in October 2008 and was completed in November 2009 under story ID#4626503. I removed it for a variety of reasons. This story has been available to read as a download from the twific database, online via Twific News, and on my blog. Despite the availability of the story, I have still received MANY requests to have it reposted here on ffnet and after much deliberation, I have decided to return it for a period of time. I am posting the entire story, including outtakes, and snippet that was sent out via review replies when the story was originally posted.

Although the story could still use a bit of cleaning up (not to mention some serious clipping and cutting to fix the pacing), I'm not doing much of that at this time. There will not be any additional author's notes in this story unless there was something that particularly needed to be addressed. Thanks go to Shug and DeeMichelle who tirelessly beta'd this story as it was being written and originally posted. And also thanks to the others along the way who had offered bits of advice, crit, etc. As with most cases, it takes an entire community to write a fanfic and that was definitely the case with this story. And that, my dears, is the real reason that I'm reposting this. Thank you.

Oh, and yes, Contractually Bound will be completed, Shug is working on it right now.

**Disclaimer:** This story is a work of fanfiction. The characters and setting were inspired by SMeyer. The story is mine. Please do not copy without permission.

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**Coming to Terms**

**Chapter 1: One Night in Seattle**

The waitress set my drink on the table in front of me and, without even bothering to ask if I would like anything else, walked off to attend to another table. Typical. Even at a Hilton I manage to get snubbed by the staff. Though, it's true, I didn't look as if I fit with the ritzy business crowd; even if I was here on business, I just didn't look it anymore. I'd spent far too much time in meetings and boardrooms today in an attempt to convince some of Seattle's most infamous businesses that they needed to update their software and computer security systems, and that the Newton Corporation was the company that would do the best job for them.

Taking a long sip of my drink, I sat back in my chair and sighed. The meetings had gone well, and for that I was grateful. I'd been working for the Newton Corporation since I'd graduated from college and was now vice-president of sales and customer relations for the brand new Pacific Northwest branch that was expected to open in just over two months time. I just didn't know which city I would be calling home. Which meant that I was living out of a suitcase and practically would be until the new office was open. At least after the office was done, my traveling would go back down to the normal once or twice a month.

In the last two weeks I'd been to Eugene, Salem, Portland, Vancouver, Olympia, Spokane, and finally Seattle. I was currently waffling between whether I wanted to pitch Portland and Seattle as the site of the new office because of their size and the quick, easy access to the airport. Ease of travel: always a necessity when a good chunk of your business was sales.

I took another long sip of my drink and closed my eyes to shut out all of the people around me. My feet were tired. My neck muscles ached. Perhaps I needed to take a bath rather than consume alcohol. Not that I was ever a heavy drinker. No, I only drank when I wanted an easy way to unwind after a day full of meetings. Well, either alcohol or sex would serve that purpose, but seeing as I'd not been with a member of the opposite sex in well over a year, and the only man I knew who was available (and readily at that) was Mike Newton… well, let's just say that I wasn't _that_ drunk yet, nor was I likely to ever be.

I had been traveling with my business associate, Mike, for the last two weeks. He was the technical guru; the one who would be in-charge of implementing the promises that I was making. Not to mention that he was the company owner's son.

Mike was currently expressing his preference for Olympia being our new base for Northwest operations. Although he claims that his preference for Olympia has nothing to do with a certain blonde cocktail waitress who he saw, and exchanged saliva with, last Tuesday night. But, the only advantage that Olympia offered was a more central location between the current markets we were trying to break into and if that were the singular deciding factor, Portland would seem the more logical choice.

It didn't matter, though. Not really. Each location was as bad as the other. Wet, rainy, dreary, cold.

It was my own definition of hell.

Why I was even considering this job transfer to one of the rainiest sections of the United States was beyond my current level of comprehension, but admittedly, it meant loads for my career. A raise, a promotion… neither of those things were something to scoff at. Especially since I was still struggling to payoff the student loans I'd taken out to attend college. But the souvenir t-shirt that I'd seen for sale at the Portland airport had made me seriously begin to rethink my decision. The ugly yellow shirt had hung in the shop window with the simple words: _People In Oregon Don't Tan… They Rust._

And I knew from experience that Washington was the same. I had spent most of my life living with my mother in California and Arizona, but every summer I had been forced to spend two weeks with my father in a small town in Washington named Forks. Once I'd graduated and had been officially on my own, I'd spent one final summer with Charlie and then had begun college in Arizona with its glorious sunshine. By the time holidays and summers rolled around again, I cited financial responsibilities and work as a reason why I could no longer visit that dismal, rainy little town. The only time that I had ever gone back to Forks was two years ago when Charlie had been shot while on the job. Once the hospital released him and he'd returned home, I'd only stayed for a couple of days until he was settled.

I groaned and massaged my temples.

Alcohol always made me pensive.

"So, Bella, what say you and me open up those doors separating our rooms tonight?" Mike asked as he plopped down in the chair next to mine.

"Uh, no. But thanks for the offer." I didn't even bother to look at him. He had obviously had more to drink than I'd had. He'd gone well beyond pensive to a point I rarely allowed myself to reach... you know that point, it's when all of your inhibitions fall by the wayside and you think it's actually a _good_ idea to go past flirting with your coworker and you all out proposition them.

"Come on, Bella, it could be fun."

I looked up to find that Mike was now leaning on the table towards me. I rolled my eyes. "I'd have more fun getting a bikini wax after I baked in the sun all day."

"Ooh. Ouch." He paused and flashed me a wicked grin. "But a lovely image. Thanks for that."

Then I kicked him.

"Fine, Bella, but you don't know what you're missing," he said, standing from his seat while slightly favoring his left leg that I'd just attacked. "I'll try my luck over there." And with that, he headed towards the bar where a beautiful woman with short, blonde hair had just sat down.

I watched, only marginally interested, as Mike put on his best performance for the young woman. She smiled at him and said something that made Mike laugh before turning her attention to the bartender. Whatever she'd said, I think that Mike felt encouraged because he sat down on the stool next to her and continued his attempts to flirt with her.

With marginal interest I watched the odd little mating dance that I'd seen my co-worker perform on numerous occasions until I felt more than saw someone come up to the table. Assuming it was the snobbish server from earlier, I didn't even to bother to glance her way as I shook my head. "No, I'm good, thanks."

"I'm glad to hear that. Do you mind if I sit down?"

My head snapped up to see one of the most gorgeous men that I had ever laid eyes on. "Uh… um… sure?" It sounded like a question. I quickly glanced around the room, my eyes noticing that there were several empty seats and tables and I wondered why someone like him would want to sit with someone like me.

He sat in the chair that Mike had vacated only a few minutes before, and smiled. It was then that I got a good look at him. His face was nearly flawless, clear, with a strong, angular jaw and a pair of the deepest green eyes that I've ever seen. They were outright mesmerizing and I found myself getting lost in them before I even had a chance to introduce myself. His hair was a reddish-bronze color, a bit longer, messy, and seemed to be almost begging me to run my fingers through it.

I was pretty sure that my mouth was hanging open as I continued to gawk. It wasn't until he began to chuckle softly that I was able to draw myself out of my daze.

"Long day?" he asked.

"God, yes. Sorry." I shook my head to clear my thoughts and held out my hand to him. "I'm Bella."

"Edward," he replied, but instead of shaking my hand as I had expected, he brought it up to his lips and placed a kiss on the back of my hand.

I had to stifle the gasp the built in my chest at the gesture. The instant that his fingers touched my hand, I felt a jolt tingle across my skin. Not like an electric shock, something deeper that raced directly to my soul. _What in the hell is going on?_

"I really don't normally do this, but I've been watching you since I came in here, and there is just something about you that drew me over here."

"Oh… uh… thanks?" Back to the questions again. Seriously, I didn't know how to respond to this guy, he sounded as if he'd just swallowed my latest Harlequin.

He chuckled again. "I sound stupid, don't I?"

"Well…" _At least I smiled at him when I shrugged, right?_

"That's what I thought. In my defense, I've been up for the last thirty-six hours, and after this, I plan on going home and sleeping for the next two days."

I ran my finger along the lip of my now empty glass, trying to think of something witty I could say. Ever since he'd approached me, I had the feeling that my brain was leaking out my ears. Really, all I wanted to do was ask him why he was sitting here talking to me, and if he would please kiss me until I didn't even know my own name so that I would at least have something pleasant to dream about tonight. Oh, and while he was at it, to let him know that he was more than welcome to spend the next two days naked in my bed.

Instead, I settled for: "So, what is it that brought you here tonight?"

He nodded towards a table at the other end of the room that currently held four people. The most notable was a blonde woman whose face belonged on the cover of magazines, now she seemed like the type of woman that this man belonged with. She sat between a large, muscular man with curly brown hair, and a much smaller man with dirty blond hair who wore it in a long ponytail. The other person sitting at the table had her back to me; all I could tell was that she was very petite, with short, spiky, black hair.

"I'm here with my brother and his fiancée; they are getting married in a few months, and tonight they were checking out the facilities here. Tasting food, drinks, looking at the banquet hall. I finally had to get up and leave when the hotel's events planner and my sister began to argue about the benefits of flower arrangements versus candles as table centerpieces."

"And you came with them," I deduced.

"Yes. With my sister, Alice. She's the small one with the dark hair. Her boyfriend couldn't join her, and she said that she refused to come here for dinner without a date."

"So, you chose to abandon her when she began to argue with the wedding planner."

"Ah, you see, the event planner is merely the guy who works for the hotel. Alice is acting as my brother's wedding planner. And Alice is very… determined."

"That sounds like another word for stubborn."

"Determined, stubborn, obstinate, pushy… all the same thing," he said with a wink.

"Ah. I see."

There was a pause before either of us said anything. "So, tell me about yourself, Bella."

"Um… what is it that you want to know?" I asked, more than a bit flustered that the conversation was suddenly turned back towards me.

"Well, are you from Seattle? What is it that you do? What brings you to a hotel bar on a Thursday night?"

"Let's see… I'm in Seattle on business. No, I'm not from here, although my dad lives in a tiny town on the Olympic Peninsula, so I am familiar with the area. And it was my business trip that brought me to Seattle on this, dark and drizzly evening." I began to fidget with my fingers as I was speaking; I wanted to forget about the stress of the day. "Look, I would rather not talk about work. It's been a long couple of weeks and I'd simply like to forget all about it."

Edward nodded. "Okay. No talk about work."

"Thank you."

"What are your hobbies, then? Tell me, what does Bella like to do with her free time?"

"Oh, that's easy. I love to cook, although, lately, I haven't had much time to do that, because I've been traveling so much. And read. Books are my passion. I like to write, too. I know that sounds silly. I'm not a writer, but I enjoy writing short stories for my own amusement. I swear that it is some of the best therapy there is." The words that I'd just uttered had seemed to come unbidden, and I found myself glancing at the melting ice from my cocktail, wondering if there had been far more alcohol in that beverage than I had thought there was. No one knew about my writing. No. One.

His grin broadened. "I don't think that writing is silly. Everyone needs a creative outlet. Even if it's only for yourself."

"Does that mean that you have a creative outlet, Edward?" I asked, suddenly curious.

"As a matter of fact, I do. I like to compose music."

This surprised me. That sounded so _sophisticated_ compared to my insignificant confession. "Really? That's… wow."

He shrugged. "Not really. It's just something to help me unwind after a long day of work. Just like with you, it's something that's only for me."

I nodded.

"What sort of books do you like to read?"

"Anything. Everything. I'm sort of a book whore." I blushed as soon as those words left my mouth. "What I meant was that I have a large variety of tastes. From Austen, Tennyson, and Bronte to Maguire, Lindsay, King, Patterson…. On rare occasions I'll even pick-up a Nora Roberts novel."

"So, from classic literature and romance to serial killers, murder mysteries, and more romance?" he asked, amused. "When you said everything, you weren't kidding."

"No, I wasn't." I was impressed that just by last names he seemed to know which authors I was talking about. It made me wonder how well-read he was. "And of course, you've read your fair share of Nora Roberts, haven't you?"

It was his turn for his cheeks to turn slightly pink, but he shook his head. "No, not really. But I have been known to grab whatever is on the table to see what other people are reading. My sister is a Nora Roberts fan and a closet Harlequin enthusiast." He leaned closer toward me and whispered, "Shh. Please don't tell her I told you that."

I laughed. "On my honor."

"Thanks. Okay, everyone has read King, and most have at least heard of Patterson. What are your opinions on Maguire and Lindsey?"

That was the jumping off point to a conversation that engrossed us both. Edward, it seems, was also an avid reader, although he said that he rarely had time to read these days, unless it was a medical journal. Despite my claim that I didn't want to discuss work, I did end up telling Edward that my company was looking at moving me to either Washington or Oregon, and he wound-up telling me that he was a doctor… which explained his thirty-six hour shift and his penchant for reading _The American Journal of Medical Sciences_ and _Journal of American Physicians and Surgeons_.

Edward played the piano and that was what he composed his music on, and he had a hidden passion for books about serial killers, both true crime and fiction. He said that reading about the psychological implications of someone who was so completely deranged was fascinating. I wanted to ask what he specialized in, but for some reason, I was enjoying getting to know a person, not who they are based on their name or their profession. I was so thoroughly engaged in the conversation that I jumped when I felt someone touch my shoulder some time later.

"Hey, Bella, this is your last chance with me tonight," Mike announced behind me.

"You know how I pine for you, Mike. But tonight, I think I'll pass."

He nodded his head towards Edward. "Better offer, eh? Yeah, I know how you are. Prefer the new guy over what you can have any day of the week."

"Yeah, that's it," I said as I snorted to cover my embarrassment from his statement. "Oh, Mike, this is Edward. Edward, this is Mike, my co-worker."

Mike grinned and leaned over to shake Edward's hand. "Nice to meet you." Then he turned his attention back to me. "Well, you know where I am in case you change your mind."

"Uh, yeah, Mike. See you later." I watched as he walked away to presumably try his luck with his next potential victim.

I shot Edward an apologetic look. "I'm sorry about him. He's…" I waved my hand a bit. "He's just like that."

Edward smiled. "Yeah, my brother is," he waved his hand, mimicking my previous actions, "like that, too."

I giggled softly. "Thank you. It's nice to know someone who understands."

Just then he pulled out his cell phone which I could hear was beeping. I watched as he looked at the Blackberry, grinned, and shook his head.

"Everything all right?" I asked.

"Yeah, my brother, he just sent me a text to let me know that they all left me here because they didn't want to interrupt."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I hadn't even noticed that they'd left," I said, craning my head to look over at the now empty table that I'd seen his family occupy earlier.

"I didn't either. They're all just hoping that I score. They figure that'd be more likely if they left me without transportation. I'll just call a cab in a while."

I didn't know how to respond to that. I found myself blushing, of course, but for some reason I felt disappointed at the idea of him leaving. We were getting along well. I liked Edward far more than any other guy that I'd met in the last year. And there was just _something_ about him. It was like he had said when he'd sat down—I felt drawn to him.

But I wasn't a brash and bold woman. I knew how to get what I needed… what I wanted in the boardroom. However, that was a performance—nothing more than acting out a character of a much stronger, more confident, and powerful Bella. The strong Bella who took control of a situation and told people what it was that they truly wanted—whether they needed it or not—and was able to make those people believe it.

That wasn't me. Not really. I knew how to draw on that persona when I needed to get the job done. Most of the time, though, I hid. I was shy by nature. Too worried about what other people would think of me if I were to be too vocal.

But, damn! I wanted this man. Far more than any other man that I'd encountered before. He was witty, funny, smart, clever, confident, and probably the most gorgeous man that I'd ever met. And for some odd, unknown reason that I couldn't even begin to fathom, he seemed to want to talk to me.

My entire being yearned for him.

Desperately.

And it was for that reason—that sudden all-consuming urge that had begun in the pit of my stomach and had leeched out to encompass my brain, thereby causing me to completely tune-out that little voice of reason that was typically so vocal in the back of my head—that I did something completely unlike me. I tapped into that confident, self-assured Bella who was good at closing a sale. "You don't have to leave, you know."

I don't know who was more shocked by my simple words, me or Edward. Not once had I given off even a hint that I was "that kind of girl." Edward's eyes snapped up and locked with mine, it was as if he were trying to look into my very soul. I felt exposed, yet oddly comforted.

"Look," I said, trying to break the sudden tension that had developed, even though my own insecurities had had a chance to resurface. "I don't… I really don't want you to leave. I—I can't explain it, but…"

And suddenly the surprise melted from his gaze and was replaced with nothing less than desire, as a crooked smile grew on his face that made my heart nearly melt. Edward stood from his chair and held out a hand to me. "You lead the way, Bella."

The knot was replaced by butterflies as I grasped his hand for a moment, giving it a gentle squeeze before letting go and walking with him to the elevators.

I'd been nervous the entire walk up to my room, constantly clenching and unclenching my hands into fists. My heart was nearly pounding out of my chest, and I had to constantly remind myself to slow down my breathing. Passing out right now wouldn't be a good thing. When we finally reached my room, I fumbled in my purse for my room card.

His hand reached out and grabbed my hand into his as he turned me to face him. Edward's other hand reached up and gently cupped my cheek as he started to gaze into my eyes.

"Bella."

"Edward, I—"

He brought his finger to my lips to silence me. "Let me say this, please."

I nodded, never breaking eye contact with him.

"Bella, before we go in there, I want you to know that this isn't the sort of thing that I do." He brushed his fingers from my mouth, back up along my cheek. "I just need you to know that I'm not doing this because of some text that my brother sent. I want to do this."

I grinned. "I don't do this either, I—" This time my words were cut-off as his lips met mine. His lips moved against mine and the energy that seemed to generate at his touch began to thrum, almost urging us along. That single kiss held more passion and desire than I had experienced in my life. I could almost swear that I felt his soul reach out and touch my own. My heart began to beat wildly, no longer able to keep up a steady rhythm.

Edward pulled back slightly and smiled. Reaching down between us, he grabbed the key card that I had managed to find in my purse and swiped the door, letting us inside.

~X~

Like many mornings when I'm on business trips, I woke up feeling disoriented. This didn't feel like my room, like my bed, and the pillows most definitely weren't my pillows. The sheets were a tangled mess, and I felt as if I were missing something important.

I opened my eyes and squinted at the sun that was filtering in through the window. Gradually my eyes adjusted and the room came back into focus. And the fog from my sleep lifted. I bolted upright in bed and looked around the room.

I was alone.

The side of the bed that he had occupied for at least part of the night was cold and empty. I clambered out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom, noting that his clothes that had been scattered across the floor were no longer there. As I'd predicted, the bathroom was empty, too.

I walked back over to the bed, lay down, stared at the ceiling and sighed. It wasn't as if I'd expected him to stay. I just hadn't expected him to sneak out while I was sleeping. I'd been hoping for one final kiss before he walked out my door forever. Running my hands across my forehead first, I then rubbed my eyes.

He really had been amazing. I reached over my head and grabbed the pillow he'd used while he slept and brought it to my face, inhaling deeply. Memories began to flood my mind. The way it felt as my fingers ran down the planes of his muscular chest; the way his hands touched and caressed every part of my body; the way his mouth had wandered from my lips to my neck, to my breasts, to my…. I shook my head. If I allowed my mind to reminisce, I would never get anything done today, and I had a plane to catch in—I glanced at the bedside clock—damn, three hours.

With a deep breath, I sat up. I needed to shower, dress, and pack before Mike decided to knock on my door. It's not like I expected him to, Mike was a late sleeper and usually needed me to pound on his door to wake _him_ up. Standing up, I went to my suitcase and grabbed my clothes for the day, before heading towards the bathroom. As I was walking past the desk, I noticed a piece of paper on it, being held down by a pen and an unused condom. Subtle.

_I had a great time._

_Call me if you make it back in to town. Maybe we can get together again._

_Thanks,_

_E_

His phone number was written at the bottom.

Suddenly I felt hurt. It had been my idea to come upstairs, damn it. But I'd felt a connection with this guy. Almost instantly I'd thought of him as more than just a way to get laid. The last thing that I'd wanted was to feel like nothing more than a piece of ass. Though, I don't know what I'd really been expecting. He'd never even given me his last name. Granted, I hadn't shared mine either. It had all been my idea: not getting too personal, inviting him upstairs. But this was all new to me, all of the guys I'd had sex with before were men who I'd been in a relationship with first. I'd never been good at understanding this casual sex thing.

_Seriously, Bella, grow up! _I chastised myself when I felt the urge to cry.

I grabbed the note off of the desk, crumpled it up, and tossed it into the waste basket to join the used condoms and their wrappers. There was simply too much stress in my life; with the promotion, the move to an unknown city, and the current push to build a new customer base, I certainly didn't need to add the complication of a potentially intimate relationship with someone who seemed to only be looking for one thing from me. With growing aggravation, I considered each of my failed relationships. From the dysfunctional interactions I had with my parents, to my past boyfriends, to how I can't even get some random guy in a bar to look at me as something more than an easy fuck, it was suddenly very clear to me that I was meant to be alone.


	2. Chapter 2: The Sounds of Settling

**Chapter 2: The Sounds of Settling**

I collapsed in the middle of my apartment and wiped my forehead with the back of my hand, having just closed and taped up the final box. The last six weeks had been the longest weeks of my life. Upon returning to Phoenix, I had soon been informed that I would be relocating to Seattle. It hadn't even been one of the cities that I had pitched. I'd still been pushing heavily for Portland. However, the fact that I had managed to sign the biggest contract that the Newton Corporation had ever negotiated with a Seattle company was an important factor. It was an eight figure account and had the potential to be long-term, so Mr. Newton felt that it would be the most beneficial for his new offices to be located in the same city.

The following weeks had been spent working with my replacement, reading resumes and conducting phone interviews for my new assistant in Seattle, apartment hunting, and doing everything I could to keep Mike's hands off of me. Seriously, the guy had decided that we should now be an item since we were moving up to Seattle together to open the new office.

Mike Newton, with his grabby hands, acted more like he still belonged to a college fraternity instead of the Vice-President of West Coast Operations for an up and coming software firm. Of course, he got the job because his daddy owned the company. Mike was mostly just a cocky bastard who liked to think of himself as God's gift to women. It was this same confidence (well, I called it arrogance) that helped him to be so good at customer relations, though the computer-geek side was his specialty. He was truly a mathematical savant, but he had no ambition for anything unless it had to do with video games… or sex. Even though, with the right ambition, he had the potential to be the next Bill Gates.

Mike had dated over two-thirds of the women in our office in Arizona. And those that he hadn't dated consisted of the ones who were either married or lesbians. Well, and me, of course. I was neither married nor was I a lesbian, and yet I had still managed to keep Mike's hands out from underneath my skirt. Really, we managed to have a relatively good working relationship, and I think it was because I was able to consistently turn him down.

Lucky me, this meant that it was going to be my job to babysit him while we were setting up shop in a new city. Actually, I wouldn't have been surprised to learn that my perpetual non-relationship with Mike was the real reason _why_ I was being assigned the job in Seattle.

The song from my cell phone pulled me from my thoughts, and I grabbed out the phone from my pocket.

"Bella!" the voice exclaimed so loudly I had to pull the phone away from my ear.

"Hi, Mom."

"So, are you all packed and ready to go?"

"Yeah. I guess," I said as I slowly sat up. "The movers are supposed to be here in another hour or so."

"I can't believe that my baby is finally moving away. Although I really wish that you were moving closer to your dear old mom, but I think that this will be good for you and Charlie."

I groaned. "Mom, you make it sound like I'm going off to college." I was twenty-eight years old; it wasn't like I was an eighteen-year-old kid who'd just graduated from high school and was going out in the great big world all by herself for the first time. But my mom was right; since she and I had moved to Phoenix when I had been ten, I'd not left. Not even when my mom had spent most of my junior and senior year in high school splitting her time between traveling with her new husband and being a "parental figure" so that my high school had someone to contact in case of an emergency. In truth, I'd always been the parent in my relationship with my mother.

Renee laughed. "I just think that it's high time that you do something with your life rather than work all of the time, honey."

"I know, I know," I said, trying to placate her, though I knew I wasn't fooling her. My mother may be very childlike, but she was extremely perceptive. I'd avoided part of her earlier statement, and now it was only a matter of time before she brought it up again. "How is Brett?" I asked, trying to distract her.

"Wonderful. Growing. She's very excited about getting to start school in September. And she misses her big sister, you know."

I smiled. Brett was my half-sister. She was an adorably sweet little girl that I'd only seen five times in her life. I highly doubted that she missed me; she hardly knew me. Seeing my mom with Brett and her husband Phil had always been bittersweet for me. They seemed like a happy, loving little family. And somewhere between raising me and having Brett, my mother had found her nurturing side.

"—I just couldn't believe it!" Renee was saying when I realized that I had tuned her out.

"Oh. Yeah, Mom. I can't believe that either," I said in an attempt to cover.

There was a pause, and I almost wondered if I'd said the wrong thing.

"Honey, are you feeling okay? You haven't sounded like yourself the last few times that I've called."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just stressed. You know, packing, trying to find a place to live sight unseen, dealing with work…. It'll settle soon."

"Are you sure that's it? I just can't shake the feeling that something is going on with you."

As if on cue, I yawned. "Excuse me. Yes, Mom, I'm sure. I'm just really tired. It's the stress, and once I get moved, I'll be able to fall back into sync with my circadian rhythm."

Renee chuckled lightly. "So, have you called Charlie to let him know that you're moving yet?"

I ran my fingers through my hair; I knew she'd get back to the subject of my dad. "No. I haven't. I thought that I'd wait until after I got settled."

Mom sighed. "Bella, you should call him before you move. I'm sure that he'd come up and help you get settled."

"That's what the moving company is for. I don't need Charlie to come in and pretend to be my dad for half of a day just to ease his guilty conscience."

"You know it's not like that, Bella. He wanted to—"

"I know," I said, cutting her off. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm just cranky, and my temper is running on a very short fuse right now. I just don't need to add to my stress. Once I get moved and things even out again, I'll give Charlie a call. I promise. But right now, I don't want to add anything else to my plate. Okay?"

"Okay, Bella. Okay."

Our conversation didn't last much longer. My mom wished me a safe trip and asked me to call her once I got moved into my new apartment, and I complied. Before hanging up the phone, she again made me promise that I would call Charlie as soon as I could. I humored her, knowing that I would be putting off that chore until the last possible minute.

~X~

Leaning my elbows on my desk, I began massaging my temples and taking slow, deep breaths.

_In through the nose, out through the mouth._

I'd been in Seattle for two weeks and all hopes of things settling into a manageable routine were slowly swirling their way down the drain. The exhaustion from before had worsened to the point that I was now physically ill. I hardly ever got sick. But here I sat, fighting down the nausea that had been plaguing me at the mere thought of work lately.

Giving up with the massage, I gently laid my head down on the cool, hard surface of my desk and took another breath while I maneuvered the trashcan from underneath my desk. Blindly, I reached towards my desk phone and felt my way to the intercom button.

"I need you, please."

My assistant didn't even respond, and only seconds later, I heard my office door open. "Ms. Swan? Are you still feeling sick?"

"Yeah," I mumbled to the desk without even bothering to lift my head. I jumped slightly when I felt something cold on the back of my neck, before I took another deep breath and relaxed as I almost instantly felt better. It wouldn't last, I knew that, but the momentary relief was welcome.

"I can cancel your three o'clock appointment," Angela said while I slowly lifted my head from the desk. "God, Ms. Swan, you look like hell."

"Thanks," I said with a grimace. "I feel like I've been run over by a truck. I can't kick this damn bug."

"You're working too hard."

"It's not like I have a choice. This office just opened." I glanced at the clock. "Has Mike called yet today?"

She shook her head, and I felt the need to close my eyes; just watching the slightest movement made my stomach queasy.

"Would you like me to make you an appointment for this afternoon?"

I opened my eyes slowly and looked at her. "I thought that you just said that you would cancel my three o'clock."

"I meant would you like me to schedule a doctor's appointment for you in place of your three o'clock?"

"Oh." I glanced down at my desk, full of papers and memos that needed to be dealt with by the end of the day. I sighed. "No. Thanks, Angela."

"Ms. Swan, I really think that you should be seen. You've been really sick for the last week or so, and instead of getting better, it only seems to be getting worse."

Angela was wrong about one thing. This had been going on for longer than a week, but it had been minor at first, only being an issue when my stress was at its peak. Either my minor illness had grown into a major one or my stress was exponentially higher. I was betting on the latter. All a doctor's appointment would net me was an order that I relax and take it easy for a few days and possibly a prescription for some Xanax. I couldn't afford to do either of those things right now, though an anti-anxiety medication that helped me forget about everything for a few hours did sound like bliss, but there were far too many things that needed my attention. Besides, sleep wasn't my problem; if anything I was sleeping far more than normal.

I looked into my assistant's eyes, as she wrung her hands. She was worried, and I started to feel a touch guilty for being the cause of any additional stress for her. "How about I promise that if I'm not any better by the end of the week that I'll go in and see a doctor?" I had no intention of following through. Not that it mattered. I was certain that by Friday I'd be fine.

~X~

Most of the day had been spent in meetings and out of the office. By two o'clock on Friday afternoon, I returned to the office, and after a quick glance to ensure that there weren't any clients milling about, I removed my shoes. The only person I saw was Monique, our receptionist, and Angela. Not even Mike's assistant, Jessica, was at her desk.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Swan."

"Hi, Angela." I smiled weakly at her as I walked past her desk and into my office with my shoes in my hands.

She glanced at my shoes and then smirked as she raised an eyebrow in question. "Long day?"

"And it's not even over yet," I grumbled as I walked to my desk, unceremoniously dropping my cursed shoes on the floor before collapsing in my chair. Angela stood in front of me and handed me a stack of messages.

I barely looked at them before I asked her, "Is there anything that has to be dealt with immediately?"

"Just Mr. Newton. He wants an update on the MacIntyre account."

I nodded. I'd been planning on calling the Phoenix office this afternoon anyway. "Has Mike returned from Portland yet?"

"Yes, he's in his office typing up his report."

I caught Angela rolling her eyes. Even after only working with us for going on three weeks, Angela knew that Mike didn't type up anything if he could help it. It explained Jessica's absence. Knowing his track record, it made me wonder how much work was actually being done in that office; until I reminded myself that I _really_ didn't want to know the answer to that question.

"Anything else?"

Angela looked nervous for a moment as she tucked a strand of her light brown hair behind her ear. "You have a doctor's appointment this afternoon."

I groaned. "I feel fine, Angela."

She shook her head. "No, you don't. I caught you taking a nap in here this morning. You have dark bags underneath your eyes. You face is pasty white. You're hardly eating."

With a sigh, I sat back in my chair. I'd hoped that my efforts to conceal how miserable I'd been over the past few days would have spared me from the doctor's appointment that I'd promised Angela during a moment of weakness on Wednesday afternoon. "All I need is a good night's sleep. Then I'll be back to normal."

Angela stood up taller; she obviously wasn't going to back down. "You've been sleeping and don't try to tell me that you haven't been. I've called you three times this last week in the evenings, and each time you've been sound asleep and in bed before eight."

"And how do you know that those few minutes of sleep that you've interrupted this week haven't been the only sleep that I've managed to get?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Have they?"

I'd meant to stay strong. I'd intended on holding my ground. But in the end, I knew that I was a terrible liar. "Fine." I sighed in defeat.

Angela nodded. "Good."

"Where am I going?"

She handed me a piece of paper with an address and simple directions. "You're seeing Dr. Cullen at 4:30."

~X~

Despite everything, I still tried to get out of the appointment. First by dragging out my 2:30 meeting to last as long as it possibly could, then when that didn't help me, I'd even risked entering Mike's office to try to convince him that we needed to have a meeting about his projects for the next week. I was very grateful that I hadn't walked-in on anything incriminating. It seemed that Jessica really was transcribing notes for Mike's report.

When my attempts at avoidance fell through, I decided to simply suck it up and go. The office was located directly off-campus from the hospital less than half-dozen blocks from my office. I noticed the words on the door, however, and was concerned about what exactly Angela had made me an appointment for.

_Dr. Carlisle Cullen, MD, PhD_

_Immunology & Virology_

"Can I help you?" asked the young woman at the reception desk when I entered the office.

"Uh, yeah. Isabella Swan. I have an appointment at 4:30 with Dr. Cullen."

"Of course." With a smile, she handed me a clipboard with instructions to fill out the paperwork and to return when I was finished with it.

After filling out everything that I could remember of my medical history, excluding all of my frequent trips to the emergency room for my clumsy little mishaps, I returned the papers to the receptionist.

"Thank you. The nurse will be right out with you."

"Um. My assistant made my appointment for me, and I'm not sure that she sent me to the—"

"Dr. Cullen's nurse will be out in a moment, and you can talk with her," she answered shortly, effectively cutting me off.

I sat down, though now I was almost sure that this entire trip was going to be a huge waste of my time.

I stared at the window, not even pretending to immerse myself in a magazine, while the time passed. Eventually, the door near the receptionist's desk opened. "Isabella Swan," a blonde woman called.

Standing up, I walked to the door and followed her through.

The nurse introduced herself as she led me back down the hallway. "I'm Kate."

Once in the exam room, she began taking vital signs, and I broached the subject that I tried to bring up to the receptionist. "I'm not sure if I'm at the right place. My assistant made my appointment. I'm new to Seattle, and I'm just feeling a little bit under the weather. I don't think I need an Immunologist."

Kate smiled and glanced at my chart. "Your assistant is Angela Webber?"

I nodded.

"You're in the right place. She called a few days ago and spoke directly with Dr. Cullen. He has a few patients that he's had since his days working in family practice. Don't worry; you're not here because your assistant believes that you've contracted something overly serious."

I breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Okay, so, tell me what is going on with you." And with that the interrogation began.

Before Kate left, she sent me off to the bathroom to give a urine sample, and when I got back to the room, she drew blood. I had to squeeze my eyes shut and not breathe while slowly counting backwards from one hundred in an attempt to distract myself. Passing out right now would not help my current "I am fine" case.

"What are you testing for?" I asked once she'd removed the tourniquet and placed a band-aid on my arm.

"Just some standard tests. This is just going to save some time for Dr. Cullen. For example, we'll check your red blood cell count, your platelets, and iron levels. See if we can't get a clue as to why you're so tired and have felt so crappy for so long."

"Okay."

Kate smiled as she walked out the door, and I sighed as the waiting game began again.

It wasn't long after, though, when a knock on the door interrupted my wandering thoughts again.

"Ms. Swan."

I looked up at the doctor. With blond hair, hazel-green eyes, and stout, chiseled features, he reminded me of someone who my old college roommate would term as "swoon worthy".

"Bella, please," I corrected, holding out my hand.

He grinned, and I noted that when he smiled his skin crinkled around his eyes. They were the only sign of his age apparent on his face.

"Carlisle Cullen," he said.

I nodded.

He began looking through the notes that Kate had made on my chart and the papers about medical history that I'd filled out for him earlier.

"For previous hospital visits you merely listed 'frequent' and 'nothing serious.' Would you care to explain?"

"I'm accident prone. Sprained ankles, broken fingers, stitched up forehead, you know… nothing major."

He grinned lightly, appearing amused as he kept reading. "Last menstrual period?" he asked.

I'd left that blank because I hadn't wanted to make any more of it than was warranted. I knew where that line of questioning would lead me, and I was never regular. "Um… the first or second week of May, I think."

His eyes flicked up to the calendar on the wall. I knew what he was thinking and thought it was best to head off that direction of thought. "I only average about seven cycles a year. Besides, isn't it normal for a woman to skip a couple of periods when she's under a lot of stress?"

"It can be," Dr. Cullen allowed.

I let my tense muscles to relax slightly at the thought that the subject was dropped. Truly, it was nothing that I wanted to contemplate.

"However, we can't rule it out. You don't have any medications listed here. What are you doing for birth control?"

I hated having this conversation with people. Especially strangers. Especially hot strangers that I _wasn't_ going to go to bed with. I didn't care if this man was a doctor, discussing my menstrual cycles and birth control methods with someone I didn't know was embarrassing. I took a deep breath. "Mostly abstinence."

"Mostly?"

"And condoms."

I cursed under my breath as I felt my cheeks flame, and I fought to quickly control it. _I'm an adult for Christ's sake!_

Dr. Cullen was trying not to look at me as I fought to keep myself under control, and realizing this, I felt my cheeks cool quickly. "I'm sorry, Bella, but I would be remiss if I didn't ask this question."

"Okay."

"Has there been anytime in the last three or four months that you've had the need to use condoms?"

I shook my head. It was an automatic response, and then I glanced at the calendar again. It was the last week of July. My eyes shot between both the calendar and the doctor several times as the pieces that had been staring me in the face for the last several weeks finally fell into place with an audible _click_.

"Oh, God," I whispered as I wrapped my arms around myself. "Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God."

"It's okay, Bella," I heard Dr. Cullen say, though the words sounded almost muffled and in the background. "I will be right back."

I heard the door open, and I jumped off of the table and flipped the calendar back and began counting. I didn't need to know my last menstrual period. All I needed was the date that I had stayed in Seattle back in May.

The door opened again, while I stood, staring at the calendar.

"Ms. Swan? Bella?"

I turned around.

"I had Kate run a test on the urine sample you left, and it confirms that you are pregnant."

And that did it. The emotion that I had been trying to tamp down, and the moisture in my eyes that I had been fighting to control, broke through the flood gates. I sat myself down in the chair next to the wall and allowed the tears to fall.

I heard Dr. Cullen as he pulled a stool forward, and he sat down in front of me. He grabbed a box of tissues from the counter and handed them to me. Then I felt his hand grip my knee. "This wasn't planned."

I snorted. "No. Definitely not." I pulled out a tissue and began wiping my cheeks, then my eyes, and finally my nose. "I feel so stupid."

"Why is that?"

Grabbing another tissue, I sniffed. "How could I not notice this? How did I manage to ignore it? Now I've wasted your time, completely freaked out my assistant, and caused myself far more grief than necessary."

He smiled softly. "As you've already expressed, you've been under a lot of stress. And really, all of the symptoms that you've been complaining of could have been related to moving and acclimating to a new job. And I'm quite certain that your stress-level has exacerbated your pregnancy symptoms."

"Oh," I muttered, unable to think of anything else to say before I blew my nose.

"Do you know what you are going to do?"

I shook my head. I hadn't a clue.

"I know that you're new here. Do you have any friends or family that you can lean on?"

I shook my head again and laughed harshly. Mike didn't count; I just couldn't picture him being thoughtful and caring. My dad was nearby, but it was still a several hour's drive just to see him, not to mention that he and I had a relationship equivalent of that of distant cousins. Then there was Angela, who I'd known a grand total of twenty-five days. "My assistant."

"Angela is a very good person. If you let her in, she'll take good care of you."

"I've known her for three weeks." I groaned. "I can't believe this."

"Is the father involved?" Dr. Cullen asked next.

I was beginning to wonder if he was working off of a mental list. _Did he often deal with newly-pregnant single women?_

"No… I… don't…" I let my voice trail off as I rest my head back against the wall and closed my eyes for a moment. _How do I say that I have no idea where to find him or really anything about him?_

I felt Dr. Cullen squeeze my knee before letting go. "Whatever you decide to do, it is completely your decision." He sighed, and I opened my eyes and looked at him.

"I have to think about it."

"Of course. Kate is collecting some literature for you that will hopefully help you with your decision. She'll give you a referral and help you set-up an appointment for whatever you need."

Dr. Cullen stood from his stool and began to turn towards the door. "I know that I have no right to say this to you, but… If you decide to keep it, I would suggest that you contact the father and let him know."

"I don't think that—"

"I'm sorry, Miss Swan. I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I am just speaking from personal experience that even if you don't think that he'd want to know, he might surprise you, and it would be nice if you had someone else to help you."

He turned back towards the door, but just before he touched the doorknob, there was a knock and the door opened from the other side.

Kate walked in with a stack of papers. "Dr. Cullen, your son is here. I sent him to your office."

"Thank you, Kate. Bella, take care of yourself and call me if I can do anything else for you."

He closed the door behind him as he walked out.

"Okay, Bella," Kate said as she sat down in the seat that the doctor had just vacated. "I have information sheets here for you."

"Can I just take them and go home?" I asked. "I don't want to take up any more of your time."

Kate nodded. "You can, but you're not wasting my time. I'll answer questions, listen to you vent, or just sit here while you try to process everything that's just been thrown at you. Whatever you need."

The tears began to well-up in my eyes again as I listened to what she said. It seemed that Dr. Cullen and his nurse both knew that I was alone, and they weren't going to abandon me to deal with this life-changing information by myself.

And so I sat with Kate as she told me my options, answered my questions, and dried my tears, only stopping when she left the room to go tell Dr. Cullen that she was leaving for the night, before joining me for dinner to continue our discussion.


	3. Chapter 3: Do It Alone

**Chapter 3: Do It Alone**

Discovering that I was pregnant was hardly helpful. I still felt miserable, and simply knowing the reason for it did nothing to improve my situation. If anything, the added stress compounded my exhaustion and nausea. I now had decisions that I had to make. True to her word, Kate became a permanent fixture in my life and was constantly reassuring me that as soon as I decided what to do, then I would begin to feel a bit better. No doubt her belief had more to do with the fact that I was rapidly nearing the end of the first trimester when I should begin to feel better physically anyway.

At that point, though, I wasn't sure if I wanted to allow the pregnancy to continue past my first trimester. I was the sort of person who agonized over each and every major decision. I needed time to make my choice, and the larger the fetus became... the more _human_ it became. But was I really ready to be a mother? Especially considering all of the current changes going on with my job. I'd just been promoted. I was working over sixty hours a week, which didn't include all the time in the evenings and on weekends that I was devoting to my work. Not to mention, I was a selfish individual who enjoyed my freedom, who loved sleeping in on the weekends, and liked to spend any free moments that I had enjoying the silence while I read a book.

On the flip side, I had practically raised my mother, and as a result, I had a small sense of what all it meant to raise a child. I wasn't expecting a cake walk. There were no visions of a cuddly doll that I could dress-up in frilly little dresses, ship off to daycare for several hours a day, and who would make me feel loved at the end of the day.

Even though I knew that loneliness was no reason to have a child, I couldn't help but admit that the idea of no longer being completely alone was… _nice_.

Just contemplating the possibilities led me to the next issue which Dr. Cullen had briefly mentioned. It took two people to create a child, and one of those two people was missing from the equation. Personally, I did not have an issue with this. My own father had been mostly absent from my childhood, and I felt that I knew from experience that a father was not necessary while being raised as a healthy, well-rounded individual. Hell, if I was anything to go by, a nurturing mother wasn't all that important either. Renee had her moments. (Although, I had to frequently remind myself that obsessing over my own dysfunctional family was not helping me make my decision.)

Even if I did want to involve the father, all I knew was his first name and the fact that he was a doctor who worked somewhere in Seattle. Not that that piece of information really would help me. But I couldn't deny it; if I kept the child then Edward had a right to know.

The entire mess was far too much to think about during the day when I was supposed to be concerned about other companies' computer systems. Though that really didn't stop it from taking over my thoughts during every minute, of every hour, of every day. If it wasn't for my assistant, I don't think that I would have been able to focus on any of my work.

Angela was a saint; there was absolutely no doubt in my mind. This woman—who I had hardly known—did everything that she possibly could to make my life easier. She organized my schedule for me. Then, when my mind continued to wander too far, she helped to keep me on task. Not to mention that she knew about the unanticipated being currently taking up residence in my uterus, though she knew nothing about its conception, and she didn't voice her own opinions on the subject, simply allowing me to ponder it on my own. There was no doubt about it, Angela quickly became a lifeline for me to cling to, and it was what I desperately needed.

Kate was the same. No matter what I needed, she was there. Both of them made my next few Saturdays much more pleasant. Just knowing that I had people to call when the overwhelming quiet of my apartment began to suffocate me was comforting. Yes, that same quiet that I typically cherished suddenly felt almost as if it were going to smother me. Often it was only an evening out for dessert or tagging along while Kate took her daughter to the park on a sunny afternoon. It was just enough to keep the black hole from completely engulfing me.

Obviously, I was depressed. But it was hard to say whether I was depressed because of the overwhelming circumstances and that my depression prevented me from being able to make a decision, or if it was me just not facing my new realities and refusing to make a decision that caused the depression. Hell, maybe it was just hormones. I had no idea.

Regardless, I needed to figure some things out… and quickly.

~X~

After fighting with my wardrobe for nearly forty minutes on a Monday morning, I made my way into the office. It had taken over three weeks, but when I had been trying to button up my favorite black slacks and then later my navy skirt, I had finally come to the realization that while attempting to avoid making any life-altering decisions, I had in fact made one. Which probably meant that deep down I'd always known what I was going to do.

I arrived to the office with a new determination as I allowed myself to actually come to terms with what was happening. Living in a bubble and ignoring the issue wasn't going to solve anything. When I walked past Angela's desk, I smiled warmly at her as she took in my appearance. I had been forced to give up wearing my usual tight, pencil skirts and form-fitted dress pants. I couldn't even have my blouse tucked in unless I wanted to draw attention to the new bump that was taking up residence in my stomach. I failed to recognize that I would be drawing attention no matter what I wore.

After walking into my office, I sat at my desk and begin looking through the papers on my desk. Angela was right on my heels, and promptly closed the door behind her. Sitting a tall paper cup on my desk, she sat across from me.

Picking up the cup she'd handed me, I took a sip of the hot liquid and closed my eyes, relaxing my head back against my chair. Angela had taken to buying me lemon tea with honey every morning; she mentioned something about lemon helping with morning sickness. And, the tea tasted good; it reminded me of living with my grandmother when I was young.

"Thank you, I needed this," I said, lifting the cup.

"You're welcome." There was a pause before she began with our normal daily routine, and I opened my eyes to let her know that she had my attention. Angela began by telling me the stops that Mike and his team were making today, my meetings, and any calls that had come through which needed my attention. While she was talking, I flipped on my computer and began to sift through the pages that Angela was handing me. It was a mild day, no meetings, one phone conference and only a handful of phone calls to return.

When she finished detailing my schedule, Angela stood up and then looked at me for a few seconds.

"What?"

"You look…" She paused. "Different."

I smiled. "I think that I just finally realized that no matter how much I'd like it to, life is continuing to move forward."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Thanks, Angela. Why don't you order us some Chinese from down the street at lunch time, and we'll talk then."

She nodded as she walked out the door.

Once she left, I went through my emails and began returning calls. And so began my morning.

Noon found my friend and me sitting around my desk with a container of lo mien each and a box of egg rolls.

"You're going to have the baby, then?" Angela asked after I admitted that my lighter mood was due in part to my acceptance of the pregnancy.

"Yes." I felt a smile appear on my face as a tremendous weight seemed to rise off of my shoulders as I said that simple word aloud. Of course, that one word released a slew of other fears and worries, but suddenly they seemed manageable. All of that began with me actually making a doctor's appointment and seeing if I could find the baby's father.

In a city with over 500,000 people, finding a single person couldn't be that hard, could it?

"You know that Jessica has already begun to speculate what's going on with you," Angela said, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Oh yeah? What is Miss Stanley saying about me?"

Angela took a drink of her water before answering. "She's been suspecting that you were… well… you know… pregnant for the last two weeks. Today, you just confirmed it with your clothes, at least in her mind." She swallowed, as she began to fidget in her chair and looking at everything in the room except for me.

"Come on. Just say it."

She slowly turned her head back towards me with an apology clear in her eyes. "She's just… she's making insinuations about you and Mike. You know… what the relationship between you two really entails."

I sighed and dropped my gaze to my hands which were resting in my lap. It was to be expected. Everyone knew that Mike and I both came from Phoenix together. They had no idea about our history or lack thereof. Most of the people who worked in the office didn't know anything personal about me and assumed the worst about him.

When I looked back up at Angela, her eyes were questioning and I sighed again. "And you want to know if there is any truth to what Jessica is saying," I stated.

Angela began fidgeting nervously again and then she stood from her chair. "I'm sorry. It's not my place. You don't have to say anything," she said as she began gathering up the empty containers from our meal.

I put my hand on hers to stop her. "You've been a good friend to me, Angela. Thank you for that."

She smiled softly and her tense, jittery movements calmed.

Dropping my hand from hers, I then began to help her clean-up. "I hate admitting this," I began.

Angela nodded for me to continue when I stopped.

"Ihadaonenightstandinabar," I rushed out in one jumbled mess.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"So, what do you do there?"

I shrugged. "It doesn't really matter. I made my choice. I'll try to find him, just because I'd feel guilty if I didn't, but…"

"If you need any help, please ask."

I smiled. "Thanks. For now, I just want to do this on my own. It wasn't until this morning when I realized that looking for him might be a good move."

"Do you have a place to start?"

_Did I?_ I thought about that for a moment until I remembered that I at least had _something_ to go on. "Yes."

"Good. Can I get anything else for you?" She held the paper bag with the empty food containers, our plates, cutlery, and napkins, ready to toss it in the trashcan in the office break room so that the smells didn't bother me later on in the afternoon when a second wave of nausea usually came on.

"Nope. I'm just going to call Kate and get that referral for an OB/GYN from her."

Angela nodded and left my office.

Thanks to Kate, I soon found myself with an appointment set for Friday morning. My next order of business was to see if I could find the guy. I mentally began to list what I knew about him. He had a sister, the small one with short, black hair and a brother who was big and muscular. The brother was marrying the blonde woman who looked like she was a model. The sister's name was Alice, but I don't think that he ever mentioned what his brother or soon-to-be sister in-law's names were. At least I couldn't remember their names if he'd mentioned them. Oh, and I knew that Edward was a doctor.

And that was it; there were literally over one thousand doctors in the Seattle area. But I did know Kate who worked for Dr. Cullen. He was supposedly a prestigious doctor in the area, and according to Kate, he was very well-known and connected in the community. Perhaps if I became desperate I could ask either of them for help, but that would mean admitting my embarrassing little story to two _more _people.

It would have to be a last resort, I decided.

I was torn then, between looking in the phone book under the heading, Physicians, and trying to see how many of them were named Edward. There can't have been that many, could there? It wasn't like it was a common name these days. Just as I was pulling the book out of the bottom drawer in my desk, I remembered the other bit of information that I knew: Edward's brother was getting married at the hotel.

Or he had already gotten married at the hotel.

So, perhaps the hotel was the best place to start.

I chose to ignore the little voice in my head that told me, that perhaps his brother had chosen to marry someplace else. Such thoughts only served to stress my already frayed nerves even further.

~X~

After I'd made my decision on Monday, I chose to wait until Thursday evening before calling my mother and giving her my news. She knew instantly that something was up—I never could hide anything from her—and I could tell that she was going to try to be supportive of me when I finally broke down and told her that she was going to be a grandmother. Renee had mostly been a single-mother, and although I'd been more of the parent in that relationship, she did have to deal with the classic issues of raising a child alone. But our situations were very different. My mother had had to raise me while putting herself through college before she was able to find a steady job and a steady income. I already had my degree; I was well-established in my career, complete with a well-paying job. I wouldn't have to suffer the same hardships.

I did, however, neglect to mention to my mother that I didn't know who the father was. I simply brushed off her inquiries, stating that it wasn't important. Renee isn't stupid, so she knew that I was hiding something, but I think that she also caught that it was a closed topic… at least for the time being.

Right before I hung up the phone she asked, "So, have you called Charlie yet?"

I groaned. Of course I hadn't spoken to Charlie yet, not about moving and certainly not about my pregnancy, and I'm pretty damn sure that my mother already knew that. "No."

"You have until next weekend, Bella, and then I'll be calling your father and telling him everything. You know how thrilled he'll be to learn that his daughter has been living in Seattle all this time and hasn't even bothered to call him. Oh, and I won't be held responsible for when he shows up at your doorstep in full uniform with his gun cocked and demanding that guy's name."

Then she hung up on me.

Renee never hung up on me. With a sigh, I shook my head, in an attempt to put the conversation behind me.

At my appointment with Dr. Swanson on Friday, they had confirmed what I already knew, I was fifteen weeks pregnant and everything seemed to be progressing normally. I'd cringed, however, when the doctor had asked me about familial history and I was only able to give her a partial report. I really don't know if the disapproving look that I saw on her face was real or if it was something that I merely imagined, but she did tell me that there were always risks with any pregnancy and that having a complete history would better help to forewarn her of any potential genetic problems.

Therefore, on Saturday, I was again motivated to try to find Edward.

Unfortunately, Chris, the events coordinator for the hotel, refused to tell me anything. He wouldn't tell me if or when there were any weddings scheduled, not even when I specifically mentioned Alice. From Edward's remark about how she was heavily involved in the planning of the wedding, I figured that Chris would readily remember her. However, I had played that card too soon and couldn't judge his reaction very well over the phone. With a sigh, I'd given up going that route.

That left me with going through the wedding and engagement announcements from the newspaper archives and some online wedding websites. Although, it soon became apparent to me that announcing marriages in a newspaper wasn't as common as it had been twenty years ago. Besides, I needed a picture of the happy couple since I didn't have their names, and I was still banking on the fact that I would recognize them.

No such luck.

After spending most of Saturday and part of Sunday on that endeavor, I threw my hands up in the air in frustration and quit. The only thing that I'd managed to find was a raging headache. Then, I rounded out my weekend by spending Sunday afternoon shopping for a couple new outfits for work that would actually fit me.

Monday morning, I went to Angela and asked her to find the number for the police station in Forks so that I could put through a call to my father. My plan was that if I called him while he was at work, there was a much smaller chance of him becoming unreasonable. Angela brought me in the number soon after I arrived, and I stuck it to my computer monitor as a reminder of what I needed to do, even though I somehow managed to put off calling him that day. As long as I had the excuse that work was busy, I would use it. The problem was that if I used work as an excuse to do one thing, it invariably meant that I was too busy to do anything extra. The headache which had began on Sunday refused to ease-up and drastically slowed down my ability to work, I could hardly focus on anything. Out of desperation, I finally called my doctor on Tuesday morning and she prescribed me something that she promised would be okay to take occasionally to help treat the headaches. But, of course, the medication made me sleepy.

It wasn't until Thursday morning when I realized that my time was almost up to call Charlie, if I didn't just suck it up and call him now, then my mother would do the job for me. The memo with his work number was still taped to my computer screen, so after my first phone conference of the day—and at a time when I was certain he'd be at work, sitting at the Police Chief's desk—I dialed the number. I impatiently waited while the operator at the station found my father and connected the call.

"Isabella?"

I gritted my teeth together. "It's Bella. Hi Char—Dad."

"Bella! How are you doing? I haven't heard from you in months. Wait. Is everything all right? You don't usually call during the day. What's going on? Do you need me to—"

"Dad! Stop. I'm fine," I interrupted. This sort of reaction was one of the many reasons why I'd been putting off this phone conversation. "I called during the day because I've been horribly busy with work. I've hardly had time to breathe, let alone call."

"Oh. Well… okay. What's up?"

"I thought that I should tell you that I've moved." I took a quick breath, steeling myself for my next statement. "I'm living in Seattle."

"Seattle? Really?"

_Oh, God, he sounds excited._ I groaned.

"Yeah. It's one of the reasons that I've been so busy. You know, moving not only me, but opening a new office. Lots to do."

"When did you arrive? Can I help you move things in? I think that I can be up there on Saturday. I'll just need to cancel my fishing—"

"No, Dad, don't do that. I'm already moved in. I have been for awhile, actually. Plus, I have plans this weekend." I cringed.

"Awhile? When did you get here, Bells?"

I bit my tongue to avoid the inevitably loud snapping of my teeth at my father's favorite nickname for me. "It's Bella. And I actually moved up here about eight weeks ago."

"Oh. I see."

The phone line was silent for a full minute before he spoke again. "Well, I think that I should be getting back to work."

"Charlie, wait. There's one other thing." I took another deep breath, this news was _almost_ worse than telling him that I'd moved to within only a few hours hours away from him over two months ago. "I thought you should know… you're going to be a grandfather."

"What?" he asked, in a confused tone. "Are you saying that you're pregnant?"

"Yes."

"Umm. I mean… wow, that's… that's something. Umm, when will it… I mean, how far along are you?"

"I'm fifteen weeks. The baby should be born in February."

"Oh. So, do I get to meet this man that you're… you know… involved with?"

"There is no man, Charlie. I am doing this on my own."

"What? Bells, you're too young for something like that. You can't possibly think of having a baby by yourself!" he all but shouted into the phone.

The simmering anger that had been threatening to boil over was suddenly out of control. And I was going to go on the offense with a surefire attack. "It's Bella!" I shouted. "And I'll be just fine, I'm sure. I'm ten years older than Mom was when she had me, and somehow she managed to raise me all by herself."

The sudden intake of air I heard over the phone told me that my comment had hit its mark.

And then I felt guilty. Damn it!

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

"It's all right. I—I'm sure that you'll make a great mother," he placated.

"Thanks."

"Umm, I still want to know who the father is. You know, I wouldn't be doing my fatherly duty if I didn't scream and wave my gun to ensure that he's not just some slime who knocked up my little girl."

I had to fight back a bitter laugh at Charlie's words of "fatherly duty" and "little girl." But here is where a lie would have to come in, because he was not nearly as easily soothed as my mother. I could tell by the tone of my father's voice that he wasn't going to drop this anytime soon. And he certainly wouldn't be pleased with the truth. "It's not like that. He's just some guy that I knew in Phoenix. And before you ask, yes he knows and he's supportive of my decision."

Okay, that was an outright lie, and my voice squeaked near the end there.

But to my great surprise, my dad held his tongue. He merely finished out our phone call by stating that he was glad that I was safely settled in and he'd come up to see me in a few weeks. I told him that I'd call him when I had a free Saturday, and he wisely chose not to ask any more questions.

I hung the phone up on the receiver and immediately lay my head down on my desk as I reminded myself that everything was going to be okay.

~X~

Mr. Jack Newton flew into town on Friday morning, and I spent a good portion of the day showing him around the office, introducing him to our staff, and then Friday evening Mr. Newton, Mike, and I took the owners of our two largest Seattle accounts to dinner.

Upon seeing me, Mr. Newton instantly requested a private meeting with me Saturday morning before flying back to Phoenix later that day.

So, it was Saturday morning when I met him in one of the restaurants at the Hilton where he proceeded to ask me in a not-so-delicate fashion if I was sure that I was up to the task of continuing to run the office in my rumored condition, and if I was still up to babysitting Mike. Oh, and by the way, did he need to sit down with a lawyer and work out child support arrangements between Mike and myself?

It took every amount of control that my hormone-ridden body possessed to refrain from screaming at my boss. I needed my job, but I hated the insinuation that just because I was pregnant meant that my brain would suddenly turn to mush and leak out my ears. Or that I would suddenly not put my attention towards my work because I was too busy carpooling, hosting playgroups, and running the PTA. Then, worse yet, Mr. Newton was implying that after all of these years I'd finally allowed Mike to get close enough to actually impregnate me.

I wasn't sure if Jack believed anything that I'd had to say. For the first time since I'd begun working for Newton Corporation, I got the feeling that my job wasn't as secure as I'd always thought that it was.

After Mr. Newton left to go check-out and then head out to the airport, I made my way back down to the lobby. That was when I saw her.

Well, not _her_, exactly, but I saw a woman dressed to the hilt in her bridal gown and veil. The bride's make-up was done as if by an artist, her hair curled and pinned to her scalp by a professional, and she walked with a small group of people in dresses and suits towards one of the ballrooms. She wasn't familiar. No one that I knew, but I suddenly realized that if the events coordinator wouldn't tell me when Edward's family's wedding was, I could simply sit here and wait for it.

After all, how many weddings did a hotel like this host?

The answer to my last question was apparently a lot.

The lobby and bar of the Seattle Hilton became my new hangout. I still continued to look at the newspaper wedding announcements, and I tried to ask various hotel employees about the weddings that the hotel hosted, trying to get any information that I possibly could out of them. But it was a fine line to be hanging out at the hotel on a fairly frequent basis and not having myself tossed out by security. I took to scheduling all of my meetings at the hotel. That seemed to be the wisest move and gave me a legitimate excuse for being there.

I could tell that both Kate and Angela were starting to grow worried, however. Not that any of us were very close, but I could tell that they thought that I was working myself too hard. After several weekends where I had been spending time with them, they were concerned that I had suddenly found myself busy during every spare minute, including the weekends.

More than anything else I was becoming discouraged. Friday night I'd been so frustrated and upset about the entire mess that I had taken to calling the local hospitals and asking the operator for any doctor with the first name of Edward. It was horribly pathetic. At one point, I'd been so distraught that I'd actually explained my entire mess to the woman on the other end of the line. She readily transferred my call for me… to the psychiatric ward.

Incidentally, there are no psychiatrists in Seattle with the first name of Edward.

Now, sitting back at the same damn hotel, I figured that she was likely right. This was my third Saturday in a row having lunch in the Hilton hotel restaurant, and at this point, I didn't even know what I was doing anymore. All I could think was that this had been a stupid idea. Perhaps I'd do better to simply go home and see if Angela was available this afternoon. I knew Kate had said that she was busy. No matter what, I was going to go to Kate on Monday and see if I could enlist her help and possibly that of Dr. Cullen. And if nothing came of that, then that would be the end of it. It wasn't like I was trying to hide from anyone or keep secrets. And I would sooner swim with sharks than take out an ad on craigslist or in the personals. There was only so much that I could be expected to do.

I paid for my lunch and went back downstairs where I was going to try to call Angela. Stepping off of the elevator, I noticed another large wedding group walking near the other end of the lobby. Even if I'd wanted to, I couldn't stop myself from getting a closer look; the bride was tall and thin, with blonde hair.

"Bella?" I heard someone call as I walked across the floor.

I stopped and turned around to see Angela walking towards me.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Having lunch. They have excellent chicken and walnut salad here."

"Oh." She smiled.

"I was just getting ready to call you, but I guess you're busy."

"Just a wedding. My date stood me up; why don't you stay."

"Ah, no. I wouldn't want to impose."

"No, it wouldn't be an imposition. Kate is here, too."

"Really?" Now I was intrigued. "Who's getting married?"

"Dr. Cullen's son."

"Oh." Then it probably wasn't who I was looking for. "Really, Angela, I should go. Maybe we'll catch up tomorrow."

She grabbed my arm then. "Come on, please. It's almost ready to start. I was running late. I really hate going to these things by myself. It's not like I know many people, and I certainly don't want to have to be stuck talking to my parents all afternoon."

"All right," I conceded as I allowed myself to be dragged into the room. A handsome, blond gentleman led us to seats on the groom's side. I felt extremely out of place wearing my black maternity slacks and a blue tunic top that would eventually show off my ever-growing stomach, but right now it did more to hide the bulge than accentuate it. My hair was down and my make-up was nothing more than the basics. I looked nothing like the rest of the women in attendance, who were all wearing dresses and looked as if they were at a high-society event. Which, after thinking about it, I realized that was very likely what this was.

I'd just have to leave immediately after the ceremony.

Angela's father, who was officiating the ceremony, came out, along with the groom and his best man. The groom looked a bit familiar. Though I'm not sure that I ever would've picked him out of crowd, but the best man I would've known anywhere.

It was Edward.


	4. Chapter 4: And I'm Telling You

**Chapter 4: And I Am Telling You…**

Angela noticed my sharp intake of breath as I stared at the bronze-haired man standing at the front of the room.

"What's wrong?" she whispered.

"Who are they?"

"Emmett and Edward Cullen."

"So, are they both Dr. Cullen's sons then?" By this point I knew the answer to that question. Seeing Edward standing next to him, I knew that Emmett was definitely the man who had been in the hotel lounge that one night. I just needed her confirmation, and Angela quickly gave it to me.

My heart began to pound in my chest as I attempted to catch my breath.

"Bella, are you all right?"

I nodded, but I was seriously trying to figure out how I could get out of the room without being noticed, and when I glanced around, I quickly realized that such a thing would be impossible. Every guest was seated, me standing up to leave would be easily seen. And then the music started and the procession down the aisle had begun. I readily recognized the short woman with the dark hair. She was so graceful and lithe… and completely beautiful. But as lovely as she was, she didn't hold a candle to the bride who soon followed her with a man who I assumed was her father.

The bride was nothing less than stunning. A thin, statuesque blonde who held her head up, her body straight; she was gorgeous and she obviously knew it.

"What's her name?" I whispered softly to Angela.

"Rosalie Hale."

The ceremony commenced, and I spent more time watching the best man than I did watching the wedding itself. And as I watched Edward, I both silently willed him to look my way and prayed that he wouldn't notice me.

I wanted him to see me, to see an instant glimmer of recognition in his eyes as he saw me across the room. But rationally I knew that his brother's wedding wasn't the appropriate venue for the discussion that needed to occur.

As I continued to watch him, I thought through the endless possible scenarios of him seeing me or hearing my news, the wedding passed by with hardly my notice. Before long, Angela's father had pronounced the couple as married and Emmett was kissing his beautiful bride… and then they were walking past us back down the aisle, followed closely by Edward and his sister.

I was completely mesmerized by his smile as he leaned his head slightly to his side while his sister—who had to be way more than a foot shorter than he was—chatted quietly to him, both of their attention only on their walk in front of them.

"He's really something to look at, isn't he?" Angela asked me

I felt my cheeks flame as I forced my eyes away from Edward's retreating frame. "Umm, yes, he is."

Angela laughed softly. "Come on, let's go to the reception and get something to eat."

"Oh. No, I should really be going." The reception was the last place that I needed to be seen. I had to get home. I'd do some asking, some digging, and get Edward Cullen's phone number first thing Monday morning.

"Please," Angela begged. "I hate going to these things. I need someone to talk to. Kate will be dancing with Garrett the whole time."

"Don't you know these people here? You were invited, after all." As I answered her, I could already feel my resolve waning.

"Dr. Cullen and my dad have been friends forever, so I know them all, but I was invited because of my parents, not because of me."

"I see." I sighed. "Really, Angela, I should get home."

"Please, Bella. I'll bring you in one of those Tazo lemonade teas from Starbucks that you love so much on Monday. Please. Just for a little bit. Something to eat. Watch them cut the cake. Then we can leave."

I internally debated, but one look at the pleading eyes of the woman who I was starting to consider a friend and I caved. "Fine," I said with a defeated sigh. "Let's go."

Like most women my age, I'd been to my fair share of weddings. I'd even been in a few of them, but none of those receptions could hold a candle to the Hale-Cullen wedding. There wasn't a long table filled with cheese, meats, crackers, and meats. There wasn't even a buffet line set up with trays of things like chicken enchiladas or Salisbury steak and mashed potatoes. No, this was a full-service meal.

The waiters were quick and attentive, and the meal was superb: beef Wellington with seasoned potatoes and summer squash, complete with champagne—I drank water. I sat at a table with Angela, Kate, and Kate's husband, Garrett. Kate seemed pleased that I was there, but I admitted that I felt foolish for crashing a stranger's wedding. Of course she blew it off and told me that nobody would care. I was still uncomfortable.

I listened as toasts were given by the maid of honor and the best man. Even Kate commented on how completely transfixed I seemed to be with Edward Cullen. As he gave his speech, where the words meant absolutely nothing to me, his eyes roamed the room. When he looked in my direction, I could almost swear that he recognized me, but there wasn't a waiver in his speech or anything more than the briefest of pauses before his eyes began to sweep the room again.

The cake was finally cut, and Angela insisted that I have some, but we had to wait for the servers to bring it to us. As they were going about and serving, the music began, prompting the bride and groom's first dance. By the time they were finished, I was finally eating my dessert, and Kate and Garrett had gone to join the dancers on the floor.

"Bella," Angela said as she put her fork down. "I'm going to go use the bathroom. Promise me that you won't leave until I get back."

I nodded and waited patiently for her to return as I took my last bite of the chocolate cake. Of course it was fantastic. Smooth, moist, rich, without being overly sweet.

"Read any good books lately?"

I jumped as I turned my neck around to see who was speaking to me. He was standing behind me, off to my left side, with that same crooked smile that I'd seen on him before. His hand, however, hovered just over my shoulder as if he were unsure whether or not he should touch me.

I swallowed hard, forcing my heart back down into my chest as I stared at him.

As the silence grew between us, he dropped his hand and began looking elsewhere. "Um. I'm sorry. I'll—"

Grabbing the sleeve of his tuxedo jacket for a moment, I quickly tried to compose myself. "Edward, please sit down. I was just… surprised."

He pulled out Kate's chair and sat down next to me. But the discomfort and tension continued as I began to fidget with my small clutch purse, ready to bolt at any moment.

"You can't have been too surprised," he began. "You obviously knew I was here."

"Yes, but I didn't know if you knew that _I_ was here or if you'd even recognize me. Even if you did, I didn't know if you'd want to come over and talk to me."

Edward shot me a puzzling look. I couldn't tell if he was hurt, angry, or amused by that statement.

The silence grew between us again as I continued to shoot him glances out of the corner of my eye. When I caught him doing the same, I felt the corners of my mouth twitch. Apparently this had been the sort of thing that he'd been waiting for. I heard him take a deep breath, and then I watched as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"You never called."

My stomach sank. "I know. I'm… I—I lost your number."

He simply nodded, I'm not sure whether he believed me or not. "What are you doing here?"

"I moved to Seattle."

"You did? That's… nice. But what I meant was what are you doing _here_?"

I wasn't sure what he meant by that exactly. Was it a bad thing that I had moved to Seattle? Did he think that I didn't call him, but instead I was suddenly going to try stalking him?

Clearly seeing the confusion on my face he prompted, "At my brother's wedding?"

"Oh. I was actually up in the restaurant having an early lunch. When I was leaving I ran into Angela and she insisted that I attend the wedding with her. Her date bailed on her or something and she didn't want to stay here by herself."

"You know Angela?" He looked confused again. Although the hints of anger were gone in his features and it made him look rather cute.

"She's my assistant."

"Small world."

I nodded, and couldn't stop the grin that wanted to erupt on my face now. There was just _something_ about him. I couldn't describe it, but I felt content and comfortable in his presence. It was a connection that I'd never experienced with anyone and trying to fight it wasn't doing anything but causing me to feel more stressed and anxious. Without even thinking about it, my hand reached out and grasped his, and I saw the same calm smile appear on his face. The tenseness in his shoulders relaxed as he gripped my hand tightly, and he looked at me as if I were a life preserver for a drowning man.

"Hello, Edward," Angela said, as she came back to our table. She shot me a confused look as she pointedly looked at my and Edward's joined hands. After all, I had asked her who Edward was earlier this afternoon.

"Angela. Glad you could make it," he said politely before looking back at me and giving my hand another squeeze.

Something in my expression must have alerted Angela to something because she quickly made her excuses, stating that she was just going to go to the bar and get something to drink. Both Edward and I declined her offer to get us each something then we were left alone again.

"Would you like to dance, Bella?"

My face fell and my stomach clenched. "Umm. I don't dance."

It was true. I was hopelessly clumsy. I would've thought that he would've remembered that. Although, there weren't too many times that I stumbled that night, much of that night was spent with either me up against the wall or horizontal. Though I had managed to trip on the way to the shower….

I shook my head at the invading images. The issue wasn't about how amazing our night together had been. It was that I just didn't know how I could avoid telling him about the pregnancy if we were dancing together. This really wasn't the best place to reveal anything, although at this point I didn't know how I was going to get out of this. All that needed to happen was for Kate or Garrett or Angela, or hell, even Dr. Cullen to come up to me and ask me how I was feeling and the entire thing would be shot to hell. And not only that, but how was I supposed to leave. I may not be showing that much, but I'm sure that if someone was looking hard enough the protrusion from my stomach would be noticeable. This was exactly what I'd been worried about when Angela had convinced me to come to the damn reception with her.

"Please," he said softly, leaning towards me. I became completely lost in his eyes and intoxicated by his scent.

It took every ounce of control for me to shake my head no.

He leaned in even closer and whispered seductively, "I seem to remember that we danced rather well together before."

My cheeks flushed. "I don't recall dancing."

"Some people would consider it dancing. The way that your body moved, it was nothing less than erotic. Dance with me, Bella. I want nothing more than to hold you close to me again."

Oh, God. My heart was racing and my breathing hitched. I could hardly think, but the thoughts that made it through were a mix of my heart telling me that I belonged anywhere that this man was, and my head telling me that there were more pressing matters to deal with here.

I was working myself up into a frenzy, the problem was that I didn't even know what sort of frenzy that I'd worked myself into; one of sexual frustration or fear. All of the emotions suddenly engulfed me and caused my stomach to lurch. "Uh, Edward, I need to…" But I didn't finish my sentence as I abruptly got up and half-ran, half-walked as quickly as I possibly could out to the lobby and into the restroom. I didn't even know if he followed me. But in less than thirty seconds I was locked in a bathroom stall, sweating, and fought to ensure that my lunch wouldn't pay me a second visit.

I lost that battle.

Within minutes, I heard the bathroom door open and panic gripped me as I wondered if Edward was the sort of guy to walk into a women's restroom.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

I sighed in relief. "Yeah, Ang, just give me another minute please."

She didn't say anything as I flushed the toilet, collected myself, and walked out of the stall. I immediately went to the sink where I splashed cold water on my face and grabbed an Altoid out of my purse to hide the flavor in my mouth.

Angela handed me a paper towel to dry my face. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?" she asked, bluntly.

"No. It's nothing. I just wasn't feeling well."

"Edward was pretty worried when I got back to the table."

I stared at her, wide-eyed through the mirror. "What did you say to him?"

Tilting her head and looking at me questioningly, she answered, "Just that you haven't been feeling quite like yourself lately."

"Oh."

"Is there something I should know?"

I shook my head. "No. Can we leave now?" I asked.

"Sure."

We walked out of the bathroom and my eyes looked around the lobby quickly for anyone with reddish-bronze colored hair. There was no one. Good. I just needed to leave.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"I forgot my purse. Do you think that I could go in and…"

"I can just go on home. I'll call you later."

"No, please don't. I really need some girl talk."

I looked at her for a few minutes, puzzled at her statement. And for the first time I noticed that she wasn't her typical bright, self. She seemed almost depressed. Then I remembered what she'd said when I'd seen her earlier: she'd been stood-up. I internally sighed. "Sure, Angela, I'll wait."

"Thanks. I'll just be a minute."

She gave me a tight smile as she walked back toward the ballroom. I didn't really want to stay. If I left, I knew that she'd understand, but she'd been so supportive of me these last weeks, that I felt that I owed it to her. Then again, I was also worried that by talking through her personal issues, I'd have to supply my own answers to satisfy the questions I'd seen spinning behind her eyes in regards to my reaction to Edward.

I felt so torn.

Crossing my arms in front of my chest, I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes, taking slow deep breaths. I just needed to get home and collect myself, then I'd casually try to get Angela or Kate to give me Edward Cullen's phone number, and I would try to deal with him next week.

"Are you feeling any better?"

My eyes snapped open just as Edward brought his hand up and brushed it across my forehead, and then my cheek.

I nodded as I fought the urge to lean my face against his cupped hand.

I lost that battle, too.

"Bella, if you want me to leave you alone, just say so. I had thought that you were as drawn to me as I seem to be to you. I'd hoped that…" His voice trailed off as he pulled his hand away from my face and ran it nervously through his hair again. "I had hoped that you'd call."

"I lost your number," I told him again, lamely. _In the bottom of the trash can,_ I added to myself. _Why had I done that again? Oh, yeah, because he walked out while I was still sleeping and left a note as if he were looking for nothing more than a booty call._

And that's when I felt it; a definite tapping from the inside of my abdomen. Over the last two weeks I'd begun to feel tiny little flutters, but this was a definite _tap, tap_. I gasped as I felt it, and my hand immediately touched my bump, even though I knew that there was no way that I'd be able to feel the movement from the outside of my stomach yet.

"Bella?" he asked as his hand flew to cover mine and he immediately jumped back. His eyes met mine as I plainly saw pain etched on his face; he looked as if I'd just kicked him in the groin. "I thought…" He shook his head. "I guess I was wrong," he muttered and turned to leave.

"Edward. Wait," I called as I reached for him. "It's not what you think."

"What? You're trying to tell me that you aren't pregnant?" he asked, spinning around to look at me.

"No. I'm not trying to tell you that."

"Then there is nothing more to say. Look, Bella, I like you, but I don't condone cheating, and I certainly don't share."

"You don't understand. What I need to say is… What I'm trying to tell you that it's yours." I sounded desperate. He'd been so suave, so smooth, just a few minutes ago. I'd found myself falling head-over-heels all over again for his lines. Completely smitten… utterly dazzled.

I carefully watched his face as it changed from surprise to anger, and I immediately took a small step back.

"What do you mean that it's mine?" he hissed, leaning down towards my face to close the space between us.

My eyes shot around the room, zeroing in on the doors to the ballroom where several of the guests were chatting with one another, the party clearly spilling out through the opened doors. It was then that I noticed that Angela was walking towards us, looking concerned.

"Can we take this somewhere else please?" I asked, nodding in Angela's direction.

"Fine."

I hurried out of the hotel and into the parking lot with Edward right beside me. When we reached my car, I turned back to him.

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? And that's supposed to help?"

"There's not much more I can say! What do you want me to say?"

"What the hell do you mean that it's mine?"

"Exactly what it sounds like!"

"What kind of fool do you take me for? I don't even know you! And you show up here—at my brother's wedding, no less—to announce that you're pregnant with my kid! What makes you think that I'd believe such a thing?"

I couldn't help it. I was mad and I was hurt and as a result, the tears began to form in my eyes unbidden as I tried to blink them away. "I didn't come here to ruin anything. I didn't know that it was your brother's wedding until I saw you both, by then I would've brought far more attention to myself if I'd left. And I don't know why you'd believe me. You're right. You don't know me. But _I_ know me and I happen to know that you're the only person I've had sex with in the last year!"

"Yes, I believe that from the woman who traded sexual quips with her male coworker, as if they had an intimate relationship, in the bar, before inviting me up to your room."

"Not that it's any of your business, but I've never had sex with Mike."

"You had a box of condoms in your suitcase!"

"Well, you didn't have any!"

"Because I don't sleep around," he snarled.

"Well, neither do I! I keep condoms in my suitcase because I travel a lot. They're _always_ in my suitcase. I'm cautious, and I'm definitely not stupid!"

He took a breath and I followed suit. We obviously weren't getting anywhere by shouting at each other.

"If everything that you're saying is true, then why didn't you call me, Bella? This isn't the sort of thing that you keep from someone!"

"I didn't have your phone number."

"Don't give me that line again. I left you my number and you don't seem like the flighty type of woman who loses things at every turn."

"Fine," I growled. If he wanted the truth, then he was damn well going to get the truth. There was no point in hiding it now. "I threw your stupid little note away, Edward. I'm not into the whole 'sex only' relationship thing and that seemed to be what you were asking for."

"I never said that!" He was pissed again.

"No, you just left before I'd even awoken that morning, after telling me the night before that you had the next two days off of work. And your note only said to call to see if we could 'get together again.' Not to mention that you held the note down with an unopened condom."

Horror flashed briefly through his eyes before his expression hardened again. "I never meant it like that," he said through gritted teeth.

I wanted to ask him what exactly it did mean, but I shook my head, that would merely sidetrack me right now. "Look, what it boils down to is that I didn't have your phone number. I didn't have a last name. Nothing." I was starting to feel desperation consume me. I wanted him to know. I wanted him to understand. "I scoured the newspapers looking for wedding announcements, hoping I could recognize your brother or his wife, and I began hanging out down here hoping that I could find you. It was only as I was leaving today that I'd decided that my idea was stupid and wouldn't net me anything when Angela saw me and begged me to go to the wedding with her. I'd never intended to actual attend your brother's wedding. All I'd wanted was a last name so I could get a hold of you!"

I bit my tongue. I nearly told him that I'd been planning on going into Dr. Cullen's office on Monday morning to enlist Kate's help in tracking him down. The scenario that suddenly played through my head at that thought was horrifying.

Edward simply stared at me, his eyes full of anger and hate, the emotions were as clear as if he'd said them aloud. I didn't think that it mattered what I said at this point. He certainly was in no mood to listen or even try to be reasonable. Not to mention that I didn't know anything about his temper, and truthfully, that frightened me a little.

Barely even able to keep my own emotions from breeching the point of unmanageable, I did the only thing that I thought could possibly help. I reached into my purse, fumbling for a moment, as I found a small card. Grabbing a pen, I quickly wrote my cell phone number on it and handed it to him.

"That's my phone number. Call me when you want to talk."

Edward simply glared at me. So, I flipped the card over and pointed at the information on it. "That is my ultrasound appointment in two weeks. If you want to show up and see for yourself that the dates match up, you're more than welcome." It was the least that I could do. Maybe all he needed was some time to process things and some proof that my claims were legitimate.

He still said nothing as he clenched his teeth and made a fist with one of his hands that was so tight that his knuckles instantly turned white.

I couldn't deny it. I was scared.

With my shaking hands, I wiped away the stupid tears that were streaming down my face. I had to get out of there. "The ball's in your court, Edward," was all I said as I got in my car and left him standing in the parking lot. I would call Angela later.


	5. Chapter 5: I'm Not Going

**Chapter 5: I'm Not Going**

As I was driving back to my apartment from the disaster of a wedding, Angela called me in a mild panic. I apologized for leaving her and I invited her over to my place. As soon as she arrived she asked me why I hadn't waited, I simply told her that Edward and I didn't get along and I didn't feel welcome. It was a slightly twisted version of the truth, and she accepted it, though I still saw the questions swimming in her eyes. I was fairly certain that she suspected that Edward was my one-night stand, but she never said it outright… and blessedly she never asked. Before that line of questioning could get much further, I shifted everything to her and asked her to tell me about the man who had stood her up.

She was more than willing to latch onto that line of conversation, and my own problems were easily brushed under the rug for me to deal with on my own.

Edward never called.

Not even after eighteen days.

Eighteen days since I had crashed his brother's wedding.

Eighteen days since I'd given him what he'd likely considered was the worst news of his life.

Eighteen days and I'd not heard a word.

I had debated with myself several times about asking Angela for his number… or calling Kate and asking her… or showing up at Dr. Carlisle Cullen's office to ask him to help me get in touch with his son.

It hadn't escaped my notice that Edward's father was the man who had diagnosed my pregnancy. Nor had I missed the fact that Dr. Cullen had urged me to inform the father of the baby's existence if I chose to keep it. I could just envision the conversation if I tried contacting him. Awkward was the word that came to mind.

No thanks.

Besides, all of that was moot. I'd told Edward that it was up to him now. I couldn't force him to do anything. Maybe all he needed was time, or maybe I'd never hear from him again. Either way, it was his decision, just as choosing to keep the baby had been mine.

And I couldn't blame him for being angry over the situation. He didn't know me, and my timing for telling him had been horrid. Why would he trust me?

Those thoughts and a thousand others had plagued my mind since mid-September, causing more than a few lost nights of sleep. Even though worrying about everything didn't help anything either. I could only wait.

Patience was not one of my strong suits.

Hell, my birthday had passed me right by and I hadn't even noticed until my flighty mom called me a week later.

So, eighteen days after the wedding, I was drinking my second glass of water while getting ready to go to my ultrasound appointment. I had to leave the office in fifteen minutes if I was going to make my 11:00 a.m. appointment. Biting my lip, I wondered if Edward was going to show up for it.

Each time that thought tried to latch onto my mind, I instantly attempted to stifle it. It could almost be considered hope, and I certainly didn't need any of that where he was concerned. There was no reason for me to suspect that he'd show up.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid, Bella._

I looked at the clock and decided that it would be perfectly acceptable if I left. The sitting and the waiting was driving me crazy. Grabbing my purse from the bottom drawer of my desk and then my coat, I left my office. Angela smiled at me and wished me luck, before reminding me that I had a 1:30 conference call that I needed to be back for.

The walk to the doctor's office was quick, but cold. I pulled my coat tighter around myself. It was never this cold in Phoenix in October. Not for the first time I found myself cursing the cold and dreary locale known as the Pacific Northwest. I preferred walking, and the office was only a couple of blocks away. At least it wasn't raining.

I arrived at the doctor's office early and was lucky enough that I only had to wait about five minutes before my name was called. As I stood up, I glanced around the waiting room quickly before deciding to pause at the reception desk to tell the woman there that there was a possibility that an Edward Cullen would be stopping by, and asked if she would please allow him back if he were to show up. I don't really think that she heard me, seeing as she answered the phone in the middle of my statement and merely nodded her head at me.

With a sigh, I went through the door that a woman was holding open for me back to where the exam rooms were located. The room that she led me to wasn't the same room as I'd been in the last time I'd been here. This room was slightly larger. Instead of the exam table being up against the wall, it was more towards the middle of the room, up next to a cart with the ultrasound machine on it and a monitor up on the wall.

"Just have a seat up here, and I'll be right back. Will anyone be joining you today?"

I shook my head. "I don't know."

"Okay. I'll be right back."

Unsure of where I should sit, I climbed up onto the exam table and waited. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door and it opened. But it wasn't the blonde technician who had been in the room just a moment ago. The woman who walked cautiously through the door had soft brown hair and blue eyes. She was older but still beautiful, and she looked vaguely familiar.

"Bella?" she asked in an uncertain tone.

"Yes."

Her face broke out into a broad grin as she confidently walked across the room, her heels clicking across the floor as she held out her hand to me. "I'm so happy to meet you. I'm Edward's mother, Esme Cullen."

"Hi." I cautiously shook her hand. She gripped it firmly and even brought her other hand up so that she was holding my hand from both sides. However, it did little to reassure me of her sincerity. This was not a scenario that I had considered.

"I hope that you don't mind. Something came up at the hospital, and Edward couldn't make it this morning. So, I thought that I'd come down in his place."

I was completely dumbfounded. I think that I must've opened and closed my mouth four times, unable to find anything to say. After not having any contact with Edward in over two weeks, he decides to send his mother in his place?

Mrs. Cullen watched me as a crease developed in her brow. "If you'd rather I step out, I will."

"Oh, no," I said, at last finding my words. "It's fine. You can stay."

She seemed to relax at that. "Thank you."

The ultrasound technician chose that moment to come back in the room with my chart in her hand. She noticed Mrs. Cullen and smiled. "Oh, I'm glad that you'll not be alone today, Bella. Shall we get started?"

I nodded my head and soon found myself lying back on the table with my blouse pulled up and cold goop all over my ever-expanding belly.

"Okay, this says that you're due February 13th, is that correct?"

"Yes." Though, internally, I groaned. Of course my baby would be due on Friday the 13th. That sort of thing was just par for the course for me.

The ultrasound was more uncomfortable than I'd thought that it was going to be.

The constant pressure of the transducer as the technician pushed it along the taut skin of my abdomen—combined with my painfully full bladder—caused me to grimace more than once. But the images up on the screen made it truly worthwhile as I realized that I would suffer through anything for the child that I didn't even know yet.

Watching the distinct outline of the baby as it moved its hand towards its mouth and began sucking its thumb made my heart sigh and a smile appear on my face that was so wide I thought that my face would crack. When I hazarded a glance towards Mrs. Cullen, she was positively beaming, tears streaking down her face. She caught me looking at her and reached out to grasp my hand. Then, she proceeded to hold it tightly from then on out.

At one point during the scan, the technician focused on one section for a bit longer than anywhere else but said nothing until she informed me that the baby's measurements matched up with my due date. Then she asked me if I wanted to know the baby's gender. Of course I did, I'd had enough surprises with this entire thing that I felt as if there needed to be something that I had control over. Well, that and it bothered me that this ultrasound technician would know the sex of my baby when I didn't. Of course, she already knew, because the moment I told her that I wanted to know, she announced that I was having a boy.

After another few minutes, she shut off the machine and cleaned off my stomach, sending me on my way with a strip of pictures. After a quick trip to the restroom to relieve my full bladder, I was informed that my doctor had been called in for an emergency delivery and wouldn't be back until after lunch. I was assured that Dr. Swanson would call me if there were any concerns.

Once outside the office, I leaned up against the wall in the hallway, lost in a daze. The images of the baby—of my baby—had been so clear. I'd been able to see his fingers, his toes, his lips, his nose…. It had been the single most beautiful thing that I'd ever seen. But he was a baby. A small, little being who would rely on me for absolutely everything in his life for the next eighteen years. That very idea was daunting in and of itself, but….

A boy.

A _boy_.

_A boy._

What in the hell was I supposed to do with a boy? I knew nothing about boys. I had no brothers. Shit, I barely even had a father. Suddenly, I felt like I was drowning, my faux confidence about this entire situation was faltering. I seriously had no idea what I was going to do.

Subconsciously, I think that I'd been expecting a girl. I'd not said that out loud, but to me it had practically been a given. I knew about girls. Why would God see fit to give me a boy when I didn't have the first clue about them? How was I supposed to be a mother to this child?

"Bella? Bella!"

My eyes shot up and I looked at Mrs. Cullen standing in front of me looking concerned. I'd forgotten all about her.

"Just take a deep breath," she said. It was only then that I realized that I was nearly hyperventilating. "Are you going to be okay?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

Wrapping an arm over my shoulder, she pulled me against her side. "Then how about some lunch?"

I bit my lip. I didn't know this woman, but she was obviously trying to make an effort. It just all still rang through my head as being wrong that Edward had ignored me for two weeks only to send his mother down to my ultrasound appointment. Maybe this was his attempt at smoothing things over for being a prick at his brother's wedding. Or maybe he sent his mother to watch me in the vain hope that I'd drop my guard and admit to being a whore who is merely lying about my child's paternity. But then I looked at the woman standing in front of me; she looked so warm and caring that I couldn't allow myself to truly believe that. This woman had a good soul, I could tell.

"Okay."

Her face relaxed into a smile. "Good. There is a place right down the street that I like to go to."

So, I pulled my coat tighter around myself as I followed her out of the building and back out onto the cold and windy Seattle streets.

The restaurant that Esme led me to was only a block away, though it was in the opposite direction of my office, which explained why I'd never been over this way before. It was very upscale and not the sort of place that I would go to unless I was trying to impress an important client.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Cullen," the maître d' said when we entered the building.

It did not escape my notice that he knew the woman I was with by name, which told me that she was a frequent visitor. Then again, we weren't that far from the hospital, and with her husband being a doctor, this would be a convenient place to meet for lunch. This thought suddenly made me think again about how close I had been to finding Edward. If I'd only gone another few blocks from my office, maybe I would've encountered the Cullens sooner. If only I'd actually asked Kate or Angela for help.

If only.

We followed the maître d' to a table, where he took our coats from us and pulled out our chairs before we sat down. After we ordered our drinks, I busied myself by studying the menu. One glance over the top of it, though, told me that Mrs. Cullen was busying herself by studying me. I realized that I was merely delaying the inevitable. The waiter brought us our drinks, and then, with a deep breath, I closed my menu and set it on the table.

Just as I suspected she would, Edward's mother took it as her opening. "I need you to tell me your version of how you ended up in this predicament," she said in a no nonsense tone.

"Mrs. Cullen—"

"Call me Esme, please."

I nodded and took a breath. "Esme, I don't know what you know about me or what you think about me… or what exactly Edward told you, but I can tell you that this isn't some plan that I concocted. I don't date much. Well, really, I hardly ever date at all and certainly not now. I wish that I could claim that I was drunk and stupid, but neither one of us was really impaired,"—_at least not from the alcohol_, I mentally added—"and we weren't stupid or irresponsible. The result of that night was as surprising to me as it was to Edward, believe me." I hated that when I was upset I tended to ramble and say more than was necessary.

"I know that you were surprised by this, Bella. I don't want you to think that my husband is the type of man to break doctor-patient confidentiality, but the day that you went into his office really affected him for many reasons, and he told me about a single woman who'd recently moved to Seattle and broke-down in his office when he told her that she was pregnant. When I'd asked him a week or so later if he knew anything about what happened to that distraught young woman, he'd said that Kate and Angela were taking good care of her."

Esme paused for a moment before intently meeting my gaze. "Carlisle was very surprised when he saw you at Emmett's wedding, but it didn't take much for me to realize that you were the patient he'd told me about. We saw Edward go over and flirt with you and then saw as you suddenly got up and ran out of the room. He was concerned, and after Angela returned, we saw him leave. Edward never came back in. Carlisle later found him in the bar, but he wouldn't talk about any of it until I found your appointment card in the pocket of his tuxedo jacket."

"I'm so sorry, Esme," I said.

"There is nothing to be sorry about, dear," she assured me, leaning over and patting my hands. Esme sat up, took a sip of her water, and then the mood between us lightened as she smiled.

I disagreed with her. I was sorry about how her family had learned of the pregnancy… for crashing her son's wedding… for arguing with her other son during that wedding… for disrupting her family. But I could also accept that most of it had been outside of my control. Now, my goal was simply to make the best choices that I could for myself and for my child.

"So, tell me about yourself," Esme prompted when I remained silent.

Over the course of the next twenty minutes, I answered Esme's questions, only pausing briefly to order our lunch.

Mostly due to the quick way in which she asked her questions and how comfortable I suddenly felt speaking with her, by the time our food arrived, Esme knew more about me than my father did. Although, admittedly, I really didn't think that was such a feat. I was pretty sure that Charlie only knew where I grew up, my birthday, and what degree I earned in college.

Esme was sweet, funny, and there was sincerity in her eyes when she spoke with me. I found myself rather happy that Edward had sent her in his place this morning, and decided that it must be a sign that he was accepting of the truths that I'd told him.

As I began to eat my lunch, Esme switched directions on me and caught me somewhat off-guard. "So, what was it that you were concerned about when we left the doctor's office earlier?" she asked.

I suppose that I should've expected a subject change from her; I'd honestly been surprised when she'd not pressed me on that earlier. Taking a sip of water in order give myself another moment to my thoughts, I tried to answer, though I was just as confused as I had been before. "I don't… I don't really know." I took a breath. "I think that it suddenly hit me that this is real, and I don't know how I can do it all by myself. I mean, taking care of my mother is not the same as taking care of a newborn. Babies are loud and messy and fragile. And then that woman said it was a boy, and I don't know the first thing about—"

"Hush, Bella. It's going to be okay, you know that," Esme interrupted as she pulled me against her shoulder, her hand running soothing circles on my back. During my mini-rant, I'd not even noticed that she'd moved from her chair to crouch beside me.

I sniffed then. Stupid overactive tear ducts and oversensitive hormones. Grabbing my napkin, I wiped the tears from my face so that I wouldn't smear make-up on Esme's designer top. "I'm sorry," I told her as I sniffled again. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

She released me then and chuckled. "You're pregnant. That's really the only excuse that you need." Grinning at me, Esme gave me another hug before standing up and going back to her chair. "Now what is wrong with having boys?"

"My mom had girls. I don't know the first thing about boys."

"I thought that you were an only child." I hadn't actually said that was the case, but it was easy to interpret it that way.

"Sort of. My mom raised me by herself. When I was seventeen, she remarried and they had a child after I graduated from college. I've only seen my half-sister a handful of times."

Esme nodded as if the entire situation made absolutely perfect sense to her. It made me want to laugh. My life was anything but normal.

"You won't be alone, Bella, and I have experience raising sons. Besides, boys are far easier than girls. Trust me on that," she said with a grin and a wink.

Though her words had touched me, her last remark had made me laugh.

We finished our lunch with her telling me stories about Emmett and Edward. Although, I had to say, her tales didn't exactly make me feel any better about me raising my own son. It sounded to me that boys were rambunctious, hyper, and always getting into trouble. When I pointed this out to Esme, she assured me that girls were much more difficult, even if it were only for the plain and simple fact that girls could actually get pregnant.

She'd meant the comment in jest. I knew that the moment that I heard the words slip from her mouth, but it still brought me up short.

"I'm sorry. I really didn't mean it that way," she rushed to say.

"I know that you didn't. It's fine. Besides, I'm 29 years old. There is a difference," I assured her while smiling slightly. It probably made things worse, but my bladder also chose that moment to remind me that I was pregnant and thus was required to spend a certain number of hours a day sitting in the bathroom. Excusing myself, I went to fulfill that obligation.

While I was in the bathroom, I noticed my make-up was a mess from my small bout of tears during lunch, and I sighed. I wasn't really a make-up kind of girl, except I had to admit that my face usually appeared so white that most people would mistake me for a corpse if I didn't at least use a small amount of foundation to highlight my features. Of course, a little bit of foundation led to a touch of blush, a dab of eye shadow, and a smidgen of lip gloss. But today I'd worn a bit more than usual because I had been holding out the secret hope that Edward would be at my appointment, and now my eyes had black smudges around them from my rarely-used mascara and eye liner.

Resigned, I began to wash my face and then reapply the tiny bit of make-up that I was normally accustomed to. When I realized how long I'd actually been in the bathroom, I hurried to finish up and headed back out to the table. I certainly didn't want Esme to think that I was upset over the comment that she'd made.

As I approached the table, however, it was easy to see that my lunch partner was no longer alone. I stifled the gasp that threatened to erupt from my throat. Really, I couldn't help it. Each and every time I saw Edward he had that effect on me.

His back was to me as he stood next to the table speaking with his mother. I was afraid to interrupt, but I quickly told myself that he must've known that Esme and I were going to be here for lunch. With a smile I walked towards the table until I saw his body stiffen and Esme's face fall when she showed him one of the ultrasound pictures. I took two more tentative steps, and then I clearly heard Edward's harsh voice, "You're not listening to me, I will not allow her to rip apart our family. You already know far too well what sort of problems someone like her can cause."

"Bella is not… _her_," Esme replied, her eyes moving from her son to see me standing there listening to their exchange.

This time I was successful when I fought the blush that threatened to appear from embarrassment at being caught eavesdropping.

Edward's head whipped around. I swallowed hard as his green eyes flicked up and down my frame. There was the briefest of moments when I thought that there was something there other that just hatred, but whatever that emotion was, it was quickly cleared away. It was easy to see that Edward was anything but happy to see me.

Clenching my teeth, I jutted out my chin and stood up as straight as I could manage. I was not going to allow him to intimidate me. "Edward," I said coolly.

He growled softly and turned back towards Esme. "I'll leave you to return to your lunch, Mother."

I saw Esme sigh.

Edward then turned around and took the three steps so he was standing right in front of me. "Don't for a moment think that worming your way into my mother's good graces will get you what you're after."

"I'm not after anything," I hissed.

His eyes flashed with anger before he brushed passed me and left.

My eyes followed him for a moment before I looked over as Esme. "I think that you have something else that you want to say," I said harshly, not even attempting to be polite.

"Sit down, Bella."

I did, but not before looking at my watch. "I have to get back to work."

Esme nodded and then rushed to explain herself, "Edward wasn't going to go to your appointment. He intentionally scheduled a surgery this morning even though it was supposed to be his day off. I think he was just trying to make sure he was busy." She took a breath. "Going behind my son's back isn't something that I would normally do, but I understand what it's like to be alone, and I couldn't bear to do that to you. Edward is an adult. He is old enough to make informed decisions—although I think that he is choosing wrong. I still believe that he's simply just shocked, and I'm hoping that he'll come around."

Her eyes were tearing up, and she looked at me pleadingly. "No matter what Edward decides to do, Carlisle and I would like nothing more than to be involved in your lives in whatever capacity that you'll allow."

It took a few minutes for my brain to catch up to everything that Esme had said. Edward wanted nothing to do with any of this. Part of me wanted to believe that he was still in a state of denial like I had been initially. But he was obviously just as angry with me as he had been when I'd seen him last.

I didn't need him, I reminded myself But what, then, was I to do about Esme's request? What did she and Dr. Cullen want? To be grandparents even if my son's father wanted nothing to do with him? I could just picture my son going to see them at Christmas and Edward sneering and scowling at him at every turn. Ugh. Definitely not the most pleasant image.

"I don't know, Esme, I'll have to think about that."

She nodded.

"Edward thinks I got pregnant on purpose."

She nodded again.

"I didn't."

"I know that, Bella."

Although I knew that wasn't the case. She barely knew me, but it felt good to have someone show a bit of faith in me, regardless.

She sighed. "Edward… Edward thinks that you learned about the financial and social status of our family, and you did whatever you could to stake some sort of claim."

_Edward thought so highly of himself that he thinks that after meeting him, I went out and got myself knocked-up, just so that I could claim it was his?_ I shook my head, disgusted with that thought. "Does he think that highly of all women, or am I the exception?"

Esme chuckled. "He has a hard time trusting anyone, really. He's definitely a 'glass is half empty' kind of person."

"I'll call my doctor to schedule an amniocentesis." I didn't want to do it. I hated needles, but I would do whatever was needed to convince these people. And if DNA testing was what they needed, then I would give it to them.

"No. You won't. There is no need for that," Esme replied quickly. "That is something that can wait until needles aren't required."

I was silently grateful and didn't question her further on it.

"I haven't a clue about your financial or social status," I told her. Though I suddenly now had the urge to look that information up, simply because it was now a huge unknown. My eyes wandered around the restaurant for a moment, and I already knew that this family was well out of my league. But I also knew that it wasn't important enough to me to search out the information on my own.

"I know you don't, sweetheart."

I glanced at my watch again. "I really do have to leave."

Esme nodded and stood up when I rose from my chair. "I'm sorry."

"For?"

"For how my son reacted. I raised him better than that."

"It's not your fault."

We began walking toward the front of the restaurant. There was barely a pause as we were given our coats and we walked to the entrance of the restaurant. I realized then that Esme had likely already taken care of the bill. "Given the way that your son is acting, perhaps you'd like to concede that boys are more difficult than girls?" I asked with a smirk.

"You, my dear, have not met Alice yet. I think that after you do, you'll agree with me." Her face broke out in a proud smile when she said her daughter's name. The tension from the previous conversation had dissipated just as easily as it had earlier during our meal.

"Maybe."

"Would you mind if I stopped by your office to take you to lunch again?" she asked cautiously.

"That would be nice."

I then found myself enveloped in a warm hug. It reminded me how it used to feel to be held by my own mother when I'd been a little girl. "Thank you," she whispered.

When she finally released me, I gave her another smile before bundling up in my coat. Heading out the door and back toward my office, my head filled to capacity with everything that I'd learned in the last couple of hours. She definitely had given me a lot to think about and consider.

It was only when I entered the building to my office that I remembered that I'd neglected to thank Esme for lunch.

"Hi, Angela," I said as I walked past her desk and into my office.

She looked up at me, grinned, and followed.

Once in my office, she shut the door. "I want to see pictures."

I laughed as I pulled the strip of them out of my purse. Esme had one profile shot of the baby that the ultrasound technician had given her, whereas the strip of images I had ranged from a few profile shots to pictures of his hands and feet. My favorite being the image of him sucking his thumb.

Angela "ooh'd" and "ah'd" appropriately over the pictures, and then squealed rather loudly when I told her that I was having a boy. She instantly noticed my less excited mood, and when I explained my reservations, she was just as quick to reassure me as Esme was.

"Bella, I have twin brothers who are considerably younger than me. And my mother once told me that even together they were easier to raise than I was."

I just rolled my eyes at her.

She handed over the usual stack of messages for me, as I sat down behind my desk to make my phone calls and do my last minute preparations for my conference call.

"Anything here that I need to know about?" I asked her.

"Just the usual. Except that your doctor called, and she wants to speak with you."

"Dr. Swanson?"

"Yeah. Didn't you just see her?"

"No. She had an emergency come up, so I just had the ultrasound. Did she say anything else?"

Angela shook her head. "She just said that it was important that you call her when you got in."

"Thanks, Angela," I said, dismissing her. A quick glance at my watch told me that I had a meeting to get ready for before I even thought about trying to get a hold of my doctor. Whatever it was could wait a couple of hours at least.


	6. Chapter 6: Trick Or Treat

**Chapter 6: Trick or Treat**

It took me three days of phone tag to get a hold of my doctor. All right, I admit that there was also the minor detail that I was scared half-to-death about what she had to say to me. In my mind, the only reason that she'd be calling me would be to tell me that there was a problem with my baby. I imagined hundreds of scenarios about what could be wrong with him, each one worse than the last.

In the end, I'd learned that it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd thought. Dr. Swanson had told me that I had what was called a low-lying placenta. She said that it was just something to watch but likely wouldn't be a problem. They'd do another ultrasound in a few weeks to ensure the placenta had moved away from the cervix, as it should. If it moved, then there was nothing to worry about; if it didn't move by then, then she would discuss the implications with me at that time.

Of course, I knew myself rather well, and I could guarantee that if there was a potential for a problem, then it definitely would be a problem.

When I off-handedly mentioned that to Angela, she scolded me and told me not to be such a pessimist. She obviously hadn't known me long enough to know that Murphy's Law and all of its corollaries were what my life had been based on. Although, I did have to admit that since I'd become pregnant that I'd seemed to have found my center of balance. Perhaps my luck really was changing for the better.

Not that it mattered at this point anyway; it was simply easiest to push my worries aside and put them out of my mind.

It was a Friday, October 24th, over three weeks since my ultrasound appointment, and I'd had another doctor's appointment before going into the office at ten. I briefly discussed with her my interest in an amniocentesis and the reasons for it. She told me that we could schedule it if I really wanted to, but she wanted to wait until the follow-up ultrasound was done. She began talking about risks versus benefits and how DNA testing could easily be done with cheek swabs or cord blood, so that no one has to be poked with a needle. I took her pamphlets and told her that I'd think about it and let her know. All I knew was that the quicker I could get Edward Cullen off my case, then the quicker I'd feel as if I could actually breathe.

Why did this all have to be so hard? It wasn't as if I'd gone to him and asked him to take responsibility. I'd simply told him. It had been the right thing to do; I was certain of that. And when I considered that, I couldn't help but think of who else had advised me to do that… Dr. Cullen.

I would've done it anyway. The moment that I realized that I was going to keep the baby, I had the consuming urge to find Edward and tell him; I honestly think that I would've felt that way with or without Dr. Cullen's advice. I wasn't stupid enough to believe that Edward would be happy about it, and I knew that him learning about it at his brother's wedding was bad… but I didn't expect him to be so horrible about it, either.

And it hurt.

I was a romantic at heart. Well, not in the traditional sense. It wasn't as if I had expected flowers and a marriage proposal; that would have been utterly ridiculous. But I'd had this insane vision of two parents for my son. I wanted that fairytale ending, even if it was more of the modern fairytale as opposed to the classic ones. Regardless, those thoughts had been dashed when Edward had shown up at the restaurant after my ultrasound.

The only thought that had run through my mind after that was that I would do whatever it took to protect my child from that pain. I didn't want my son to feel the same sense of rejection that I felt from my own father.

As if to confirm that feeling of rejection, I heard nothing more from Edward's mother. Not that I blamed her; after all, wouldn't she support her son? But when I'd spent those few hours with her, I'd thought that we'd bonded somewhat and that she wouldn't hold her son's opinions of me over my head. I supposed that this meant that I really didn't need to give any thoughts about Esme and Dr. Cullen acting in any capacity as grandparents to my son.

From first hand experience, I knew that kids did okay without grandparents. I'd had a grandmother until I was ten. That was it. I had survived. And my son would have Renee. It didn't matter that she lived on the other end of the country; Renee would still be there when and if I needed her.

_I don't need the Cullens for anything._

"What was that?" a voice asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Angela, I didn't hear you come in."

She smiled. "No, you didn't. What's going on?"

I began shuffling the papers on my desk in a futile attempt to look busy. "Nothing," I replied, unable to meet her gaze.

"Bella, I've tried to stay out of your business. Really, I have. I understand that we don't know each other very well, and we're not really close friends, but I had been hoping—"

My eyes shot up. "What are you talking about? Of course you're my friend."

She sighed and sat down in the chair opposite me. "Please don't get angry for my asking, but what is going on with you and the Cullens?"

"It's nothing, Angela."

Angela watched me for a moment before she began shaking her head. "I don't believe you. I just don't understand what I'm missing here."

All I could manage to bring myself to do was stare at her.

"Listen," she began after taking a deep breath, "I have my suspicions."

"What are they?" I bit my lip.

I didn't really want to know.

I truly didn't want to know.

"Your mysterious one-night stand guy is one of the Cullens," she said in a rush while shaking her head. "The reason that I haven't said anything is that it honestly scares me that there is even the remotest possibility that it wasn't with Edward."

I sighed. "Don't worry and over think things, Angela," I said, trying to dismiss her conclusion.

"It would explain everything, including why Edward seemed so pissed off at you, or why Alice Cullen is out in the reception area right now waiting to see you, or how come I distinctly heard you say that you didn't need the Cullens for anything. They aren't the type of busy-body gossip-mongers who try to worm their way into everyone else's business. They only do that if it's important to them."

"It was Edward."

"Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"Like you so eloquently stated, he's pissed off at me."

She snorted. "Why?"

"I don't know! Because… because he thinks I'm a trashy whore who is just trying to cash in on some big child support payments or something."

"Huh. That doesn't really sound like the Edward that I know," Angela shook her head.

"Then obviously you don't know him very well."

She looked at me curiously for a moment. "Well, Edward has always been the most dramatic of the three of them," she said quietly as if to herself. "So, did you hear me? Alice Cullen is out in the reception area, waiting to see you."

"Really? What does she want?" That was… interesting.

"She said that she wanted to see you, and she firmly told me that she wouldn't take no for an answer," Angela said with a giggle. "Really, though, Alice is very nice. A bit pushy and overbearing, but that's just her. If you can ignore that about her, I think you'd like her."

I felt very uncertain about this. Were they all stalking me now or something?

"So, do all of them know about the baby?"

I shrugged. "Well, obviously Dr. Cullen knows. And Esme came to the ultrasound appointment with me."

"She did?" Angela asked with a smile.

"Yeah."

"Esme's very sweet. She helped raise Kate and her sisters—did she tell you that?"

"No."

"Their mom died of breast cancer when the girls were in their early teens."

"Oh. That's horrible."

"She stepped in and helped out. The whole family did."

"She seems like she'd be that sort of person."

"They're all great, Bella. I think that they're going to welcome you with open arms."

I wasn't sure if that's what I wanted, but no matter how much my logical side was telling me to send Miss Cullen on her merry little way, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I felt resigned to dealing with whatever this mess entailed. At least for a little bit longer. "Send her in, please."

"Of course. I'll be right back."

Angela soon returned, leading a petite woman who I readily recognized from the wedding. Alice Cullen bounded into my office and practically launched herself at me. Wrapping her arms firmly around me, she informed me that she knew we would be the closest of friends.

"Hi," I said cautiously, once I found my center of balance again.

_Sweet Lord, is she bouncing?_

Alice smiled and grabbing my hand, began leading me towards the door. "It's lunch time. We're going to eat."

I shot a worried glance at Angela, who looked terribly amused. I never stood a chance.

"Um. Okay?"

Angela only giggled at me as she handed me my coat and purse, while Alice continued pulling me out the door.

Nothing that anyone could have ever said to me could have prepared me for the whirlwind that was known as Alice Cullen. She was cute, smart, perky, and full of so much energy that I knew that I'd never be able to keep up with her.

Lunch was an experience. Alice took me to a deli less than half of a block from my office. I'd never been inside, but I recognized the name instantly as a place where Angela would bring back food once in awhile. I'd been uncertain at first, but I found Alice easy to talk to, and over the course of the hour that I spent with her, I discovered that she was right; we could definitely become friends.

Of course, I say "could" as there was still the issue of her brother, and I really didn't see how I could truly entertain a friendship with Alice, or any other member of his family, as things stood now.

Alice spent most of our meal rambling on and on… and on about the boutique that she owned. It was a high-class shop in downtown Seattle, and she had a dream of starting her own designer clothing line. The woman quite obviously loved clothes. From our discussion it was easy to discern her two great passions were shopping and the love of her life, Jasper. She spoke about Jasper as if he were a Greek God who had come down from Mount Olympus just to be with her.

Alice didn't pressure me to tell her everything about myself, nor did she accuse me of being a gold-digging slut, for which I was grateful. By the time she walked me back to my office, though, I couldn't stop myself from asking, "Alice, what does your family think about me?"

She shot me a curious look, as if I'd completely caught her off-guard.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so abrupt. I just…" I sighed. "It's just that your mom said that she wanted to stop by again, and I haven't heard another word from her, and I'm sure that Edward has made his opinion of me known. Then you showed up today and, quite honestly, shocked the living hell out of me. So, I'm just trying to figure out what's going through all of your heads."

"You have no problem saying what's on your mind, do you?" Alice said with a small laugh.

"I tend to ramble when I'm nervous."

"Well then, take a deep breath and relax, Bella. It's not nearly as bad as you're probably imagining."

I did as she said and then waited for her response.

"No one has said much of anything. I think that my parents are waiting for Edward to actually say something, which so far he really hasn't. Except for the day that Mom found your appointment card. They argued then, and I think that Dad talked to him that night, too, but I don't know what was said. Edward is really more the type of person who internalizes things. He and I are usually really close, but he hasn't said a word to me about this. Though, I've been in New York for the last two weeks, too."

"He and your mother must've talked after she showed up at my appointment."

"He's only come by for dinner twice since then," she said with a sigh. "I would've thought that Mom would know better than to try to set him up like that," she muttered softly.

"What? Set him up?"

"Mom told him to meet her for lunch. She was hoping that she could get the two of you to talk in a neutral place. I guess that he arrived just as you left the table for the bathroom, but he knew you were there. Needless to say, Edward wasn't pleased."

I snorted.

"I know that my brother is being an ass, but he just hasn't had time to really process all of it yet."

"He's had six weeks."

"Yeah. I know. He's being a douche," Alice conceded. "Edward always has had a tendency to overreact. He's such a drama queen. And Mom didn't call you yet because she wanted to give you space and not overwhelm you. She felt bad for interfering—she knows that she only made things worse."

"She could've told me that," I said, rubbing my forehead. "Thanks for telling me."

"Everything will all work out, Bella. Don't worry. I know these things," she said, tapping her head.

I couldn't help but snicker at her. Alice had spent several minutes during lunch trying to convince me that she was psychic.

"Oh, don't you laugh at me. You'll see soon enough."

"Whatever you say, Alice," I placated.

"Okay. I have to get back to work. I had fun, Bella. Do you mind if I come by sometime next week?"

"That would be…" I didn't know what that would be, but something felt right about it. I liked her; she was genuine, if not a bit too perky for her own good. "That would be fine, Alice," I replied. She hugged me and turned around, walking back to the elevator.

When I entered the main office, Angela smiled. "Did you have fun?"

"Alice is definitely unique," I said with a shake of my head.

Just as I was walking into my office, Mike spotted me from across the room, and he hollered at me. "Hey, Bella! You just getting back in from lunch?"

"Yes, Mike."

"Tell me next time before you leave again. I worry about you and my baby, you know," he said.

I rolled my eyes at him. I'd get pissed off at his teasing, except that he was genuinely concerned about me. When he said he worried, he truly meant it. We'd known each other far too many years, I suppose. About two weeks ago, he'd come into my office and told me in all sincerity that he'd marry me if I wanted him to. I had snorted and asked him, "You do realize that it is physically impossible for this child to be yours, right?" He'd laughed at me, ruffled my hair, and said of course he knew that, but that didn't mean that he'd abandon me either.

It was after that day when he'd begun referring to the baby as his. At this point, I think that the rest of the staff was going to start to believe it was true, even though I'd been adamantly denying it.

The following Tuesday, Alice showed up again for lunch. This time she brought Esme with her. The three of us went someplace nicer than the deli, although I would've been happier with simple and inexpensive. Esme and Alice, on the other hand, wouldn't hear of it. Other than Esme apologizing profusely for having Edward show up during our lunch and swearing not to interfere like that again, neither one of them said anything about Edward, and I didn't ask. It was easier that way. We parted with them both promising to return the following Tuesday, and I was talked into a date to go shopping with Alice on Saturday.

On Friday, just as I arrived at my apartment building from work, my phone began ringing.

"Hello," I said without even glancing at the caller ID.

"Bella? It's Kate."

"Hey, Kate. How are you?"

"I'm frantic. Do you have any plans tonight?"

I laughed outright at that. "You may not have known me long, but you really should know me better than that."

"Well, it's Halloween, so I wasn't sure."

"What do you need?"

I heard her sigh. "My babysitter backed out on me at the last minute."

"Tonight?"

"Yes. Garrett has a company party to go to, and he's trying to make partner at the firm, so he wants to do everything he can to impress."

"And that means to arrive with his lovely wife on his arm."

She laughed. "Yes, something like that. So, can you watch Ashley tonight, please?"

"No one else can?" I asked, biting my lip. I adored Kate's daughter—she was adorable—but it had been a long week, and I had to get up early tomorrow for my shopping date with Alice. Not to mention that I wasn't much of a "kid person."

"No. I've called everyone. They all have plans."

"So you figured why not ask the single, pregnant woman?"

"Very funny."

"Have you tried Angela?" I asked, hoping that there was still one final person who could be her last resort.

"I did, but she has some Singles Meeting get-together through her church."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot about that." After she'd been stood-up by the last loser that she'd dated, Angela had decided that she wanted to try meeting people through her church. Their meetings were Monday nights, but apparently they also had parties and such for special events.

"My sister can watch Ashley later on, but she's busy for another couple of hours and Garrett doesn't want to be late tonight," Kate replied, pleading.

I sighed. "All right, Kate. Let me get my clothes changed, and I'll be right over."

"Thank you, Bella! You're a life saver."

It took me twenty-five minutes to change clothes and drive out to Kate and Garrett's house. I could see the stress on her face the moment that she opened the door. That was when the actual date fully registered with me. I'd not given much thought to the fact that it was a holiday. A holiday that kids tended to enjoy.

And just as I suspected, when I walked in the door I was greeted by Kate and Garrett who were in full costume, dressed as if they were going to a 1950s sock hop. Then there was little Ashley, who was wearing a frilly pink dress with wings on her back and a silvery crown on her head. She even had glitter on her cheeks. The little girl was the most adorable fairy princess I'd ever seen.

I felt my stomach fill with dread at the thought of taking her out trick-or-treating. Traipsing through a strange neighborhood in the dark and cold wasn't really my idea of a good time, and I silently said a prayer of thanks that it wasn't raining.

Kate instantly picked up on my nerves and moved to calm me. "It'll be fine. Ashley only goes to a handful of houses. The list is here," she said, handing me a sheet of paper. "These five are just our neighbors." She pointed in the general direction of each house, indicating who was where. "They're all older couples whose kids have moved on, and they absolutely love Ashley, so be prepared for them to dote on her incessantly."

I chuckled at that before I glanced at the rest of the list. The few in the neighborhood weren't anything to be concerned about, but the next location bothered me. "You take Ashley over to Dr. Cullen's house?" I asked, trying to keep the panic out of my voice. I didn't know if Kate knew. Did she? I looked at her face and tried to judge her eyes, but all I found in them was confusion.

"Of course. They asked if Ashley could come by before eight because they're going out and they want to get pictures." My face paled. "Is everything…" she began before her lips formed a small 'o' as it dawned on her. "Don't worry. I called Alice just a bit ago. Edward isn't there if that's what you're concerned about. He worked at the hospital today, and since everyone else has plans, he won't go over to their house. He usually just goes home. Really, it'll be fine. Will that be okay?" she asked worriedly.

"Yeah. That will be fine," I said unsure. My eyes flicked to Ashley who was dancing around the living room singing about seeing Nana Esme. I sighed. "So, your neighbors, then the Cullens' place, and then you want me to take Ashley to your sister's house?"

"Please. Tanya will take her for the night. She just had a late meeting and couldn't take her for another hour or so, and we need to leave before then. Ashley's bag is right there." Kate pointed to the corner of the foyer where there was a pillow and a small suitcase.

I nodded while I bit my lip, still wondering about the detour to the Cullens.

"Bella? Are you feeling all right? You're looking a little green."

"I'm fine. Really. Don't worry."

"If… if it's too much to go by Carlisle and Esme's house, just tell me. I'll call them and…"

I glanced over at Ashley who had instantly stopped dancing and stared at her mom with a worried look on her face. I shook my head. "No. If you're sure that he won't be there, I'll be fine. I just don't want to run into him tonight."

"Alice assured me." She studied my face for another moment in question before she nodded her head as if in answer. "Okay. Well, we need to get going. Dinner is done—it's in the kitchen. Phone numbers for everyone are on the refrigerator."

"Sounds good. I think we'll be fine," I said with a forced smile. I didn't think that I'd be fine at all, but I would survive the evening at any rate. And maybe it would be a good measure if I would ever be able to handle sending my child to see his grandparents a few years down the road.

Kate gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you." Then she and Garrett gathered their coats and went out to the garage to their car.

"Okay, Ashley, let's go have dinner so we can go trick-or-treating."

She squealed and ran to the table, and I followed closely behind.

We quickly ate the beef stew and rolls that Kate had prepared. Then, I cleaned up while Ashley sat down to watch SpongeBob on television. Once that was done, I helped Ashley clean her mouth and hands before we grabbed her bag for candy and our coats so we could go to the neighbors' houses.

It took about forty-five minutes to go to the five houses on their block that Kate had specified. Just as Kate had predicted, they all doted on Ashley, snapping pictures and exclaiming that the little girl was the most beautiful princess that they had ever seen. By the time we were standing in the foyer of the fifth house, I was watching the clock, debating whether I should hurry Ashley out the door in order to make it to the Cullens' before eight, or whether I could just use the Jensens as an excuse not to drop by their place at all.

But, Ashley knew where we were supposed to be going and that meant that she'd insist on seeing Dr. Carlisle—as she called him—and Nana Esme. So, I was resigned when I rushed Ashley with her visit at the Jensens' house and took her home, where we grabbed her suitcase and pillow for staying the night at her aunt's house, and then we left.

I pulled up to the Cullens' house, and my mouth fell open. The neighborhood was one of those where the lots were at least ten acres per lot with manicured and sculptured landscapes that spanned the entire property. I'd half-expected the house to be gated, but I was grateful that it wasn't. I had no desire to announce my arrival through a speaker.

Parking my car in the circle drive, I rested my head against the back of my seat and closed my eyes, taking slow deep breaths in an attempt to clear my mind and relax.

"Miss Bella," called Ashley. "Can we go inside now?"

"Yes, sweetie. Come on." I unbuckled myself and got out of the car, then opened the backdoor and helped Ashley out. She even acted like a princess; we had to brush down any possible wrinkles from her dress from sitting in the car, and she wanted to look in the mirror to make sure that her crown was on right. I had to hold back a laugh as I helped to make sure that her fairy wings were on straight, as well. Really, all of it was futile, but it was giving me something else to focus on when my stomach was churning with nerves. Before I even realized what was happening, Ashley took off for the door and rang the doorbell.

All I could do was follow.

I stood back several feet so that I wasn't the first one who was seen. The entire time that we waited for the door to open, I couldn't help but think that if Edward had accused me of trying to get into his mother's good graces when she showed up uninvited to my ultrasound appointment, then he certainly would have something to say when I showed up uninvited to his parent's house.

The door opened, and I breathed a soft sigh of relief as I stepped forward. The man who opened the door smiled and crouched down so he was at Ashley's eye level. "Well hello there, Miss Ashley," the man with a slight southern drawl said, smiling at her and tipping his hat. His eyes then looked up to me. "And who do you have with you tonight? This certainly doesn't look like Miss Carmen."

Ashley giggled. "No. That's Miss Bella."

The man's eyebrows rose as he stood. He looked me up and down as he seemed to be silently asking me a question. In answer, I pulled my coat back so that my clothes, and more importantly my stomach, were easily seen. He nodded his head at me and turned his attention back to Ashley. "Well, little missy, let's go see what Nana Esme and Aunt Alice have for you in the kitchen."

He glanced back at me and tilted his head towards the inside of the house, clearly indicating that I should follow. I took another deep breath as I walked the last few steps up to the porch and then into the house, only exhaling when I didn't see signs of anyone else in the foyer. I took off my coat, draping it over my arm, and followed the man and Ashley towards what I assumed was the kitchen, when I heard footsteps coming from behind me on the stairs.

"Bella!"

I turned around to see Alice walk down as quickly as she could. She was in a long-sleeved dove grey dress that went down to her ankles with white trim around the cuffs and collar, then a white bibbed apron with a red cross on the front, and an old-fashioned white nurse's cap. Alice looked as if she'd just walked out from a period book about the Civil War. As I waited for her to come the rest of the way downstairs, my eyes continually looked around for signs of Edward. Although, I wasn't nearly as subtle as I'd thought that I was. "You're worrying again. Edward's not here," Alice said. "Where is Ashley?"

"In the kitchen with some guy."

"Blond, wearing a Confederate soldier uniform?"

"Uh, yeah." I hadn't noticed his clothes when we'd come in, too distracted by my fears.

"That's Jasper."

"Oh!" I'd heard quite a lot about Jasper, seeing as he was one of Alice's favorite topics of conversation.

"Come on, I'll introduce you," Alice said, taking my hand and leading me off to the kitchen.

We walked in to find Ashley sitting up on the marble counters with a large spoon of pink frosting. Jasper was standing next to her and smiling as she tried to convince him to taste some of the pink goop.

Alice flitted right up to him and after greeting Ashley with a kiss, she turned to her boyfriend. "Jasper, this is Bella. Bella, Jasper."

"Hi."

Jasper held out his hand to me to shake it. "I've heard a lot about you, Bella."

I chuckled darkly. "I'm sure that you have."

"Do you want something to drink?" Alice asked.

I shook my head no just as Ashley shouted, "I do!"

Alice laughed as she opened the cupboard and pulled out a small glass. "Milk?"

"Yes, please."

Alice filled the small glass with milk and handed it over to Ashley, and then she motioned me over to where she was. She put the milk away and when she closed the refrigerator, pointed to the single thing that was taped to it.

"Is that…" I placed my jacket on the center island counter before, taking another step closer.

"Yep. Mom said that she taped that up there the day that she met you."

I smiled as I ran my finger along the ultrasound picture; such a simple gesture, but it made my heart swell. Esme wanted this. It was clear. If all of her words or Alice's hadn't convinced me, this certainly did.

"Yes, except Edward scowls every time he has to open the refrigerator."

My eyes shot over to Jasper just in time to see Alice smack his shoulder. "That doesn't help anything," she hissed.

"Are you two fighting again?" a voice came from the entryway.

I grinned when I saw Esme enter the kitchen with Dr. Cullen right behind her.

"Nana Esme!" cried Ashley from the countertop. She put the now licked-clean spoon on the counter and held her arms out for Esme.

"Princess Ashley! You look beautiful, little one!" Esme exclaimed, walking over and lifting the child into her arms.

"It's good to see you again, Bella," her husband then said behind her.

"Hello, Dr. Cullen."

"Just Carlisle, please."

I smiled and nodded in response, although I felt rather uncomfortable at that moment. Standing in the kitchen of the Cullen's house felt far more intimate than eating at a random restaurant. The baby seemed to realize it too, for he began to make his presence known by kicking. (Well, that was a far more idealistic explanation than to say that he simply picked up on my own anxiety level.)

Then I heard a soft electronic _click_ and saw a flashing light.

Alice had grabbed a camera and was taking pictures. Ever the bossy little pixie, she told Esme to take Ashley into the other room so she could snap some more pictures that had "a decent background." Jasper quickly followed, leaving me in the kitchen alone with Carlisle.

"I'm glad to see that you're doing well, Bella."

"Thank you."

"I know that Esme has spoken with you a few times, but I wanted to also express to you my joy that you are being open about seeing us. I'm hoping that you'll continue to allow us into both of your lives," he said. His tone and body language were so calm, so serene, so incredibly genuine that I could feel the emotional tug on my heartstrings.

I sniffed. "I bet you would've never imagined that when you told me I was pregnant that it was with your own grandson."

Carlisle chuckled. "No, that was the furthest thought from my mind, actually." He studied me closely for a moment. "You really didn't know that there was a relation there?"

"No. Edward and I never exchanged last names."

He sighed then, running his fingers through his thinning blond hair—that must be where Edward got that habit—and I felt the need to clarify. The entire ordeal made us both sound so shallow, irresponsible, and…. "You don't under—it wasn't like that." I exhaled harshly. "I can't explain it right."

"You don't have to explain anything to me, Bella."

"I know, but I don't want you thinking that Edward is some sleazy guy who goes around picking up any girl he can, because I don't really know him. He says that he's not like that, and I can't say if that's true or not. And I don't want you thinking that I'm some slut who—"

Carlisle held up his hand to stop me. "I like to think that I can read people better than that, Bella. I may not approve of how my son is dealing with this situation right now, but I like to think that I do know him better than that." He shook his head and closed his eyes for a fraction of a couple of seconds before continuing, "And I spoke with you at my office, if you'll remember. From your reaction, I don't think that I could possibly get the impression that this is typical behavior for you either. I don't know you, Bella, but I believe you." He took a deep breath. "On that same note, I feel that I should apologize for my son's behavior. He has his reasons, but I certainly never pegged him for the kind of person to act this way. If nothing else, he should've at least listened to your explanations and waited for DNA testing if he was skeptical. But to completely disregard you and your feelings the way that he has…" Carlisle shook his head. "I would say that I know that he isn't thinking very clearly at the moment, but I don't want to create excuses for him. I'm just so very sorry, Bella."

"Your son's actions are not your fault. Hell, I don't even blame him for his initial reaction. What else was he supposed to think when I showed up the way that I did? It wasn't ideal and certainly not what I'd intended."

"He will come around."

I shook my head. "I can't… I don't think that I can wait around for that." I didn't tell him that I'd been considering contacting a lawyer to draw up papers, so that Edward would be free to go about his merry little way as soon as junior was born.

Carlisle looked at me with sad eyes. "Of course, you have to do what is best for you and your son."

My heart broke, and I didn't know what else to say. We simply stood there and stared at each other for several minutes, my own eyes swimming with tears, until Esme came back into the room announcing that it was time for her and Carlisle to leave. They had dinner plans with some friends of Carlisle's from work.

Esme looked at me for several moments, but I gave her a watery smile and told her that everything was fine. She and Carlisle both gave me a warm hug before they left, and I gathered my jacket before going off to find Ashley so we could leave for her aunt's house. All I could think about now was getting home and crawling into bed for a much-needed cry and some sleep.

Alice kissed my cheek. "Have fun at Tanya's," she said. "I think that you'll find that you both have a lot in common. You'll like her. And don't forget, I'll be by bright and early tomorrow morning so we can get some shopping done."

Saying our goodbyes, I guided Ashley out to the car so that we could leave.

Ashley chattered nonstop from the Cullens' to Tanya's house, going on and on about Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper. Alice and Esme had baked cupcakes that afternoon and decorated them with pink frosting, and Ashley had eaten a couple before I'd seen what Alice was feeding her. Ashley was running on a sugar high. I was grateful that she wasn't going to have to take care of her for the rest of the night. The prospect of trying to get the bouncy, hyper, giggling little girl to sleep was daunting.

I pulled my car up to Tanya's house about ten minutes later, surprised at how few groups of trick-or-treaters I saw on the streets. Unlocking the back door, I went through the same ritual as before with Ashley as she smoothed out the non-existent wrinkles in her gown, then straightened her wings and crown. I handed her the plate of cupcakes that Alice had sent over for Tanya and her to share that night. Therefore, she began walking towards the door at a much slower pace than she had when we'd arrived at the Cullens' place; Ashley didn't want to trip and drop her treats.

Opening the trunk, I pulled out Ashley's overnight bag and glanced towards the house where I could see through one of the front windows to what appeared to be the dining room. The woman was beautiful, with strawberry blonde hair tied up in a ponytail, and she was laughing, her eyes turned towards someone who I couldn't see from this angle. She stood up, and I saw that she was visibly pregnant, her belly protruding far more than my own. She had to be well into her last trimester at this point, and I found myself almost envious of that fact. It seemed that Alice was right; Tanya and I did have something in common. From my spot behind my car, I could see her smiling and talking as she grabbed someone's hand and placed it on her belly.

I took a step towards the sidewalk and glanced back up at the window to see if I could see the other person any better from the slight change of position, and I gasped, dropping the suitcase on the ground.

He was smiling broadly up at her, his face aglow with delight and awe, as he rested his hand on her stomach, clearly amazed over the feeling of her baby's movements through the thin layers of fabric and skin.

My body tensed, my chest heaved, and tears began to burn my cheeks as I recognized the person with the messy, bronze-colored hair. It was the very same face, the very same pair of eyes that belonged to the very same man who, when he'd touched my stomach a little over a month ago, had jumped back in horror.


	7. Chapter 7: Cutting Ties

** Chapter 7: Cutting Ties**

"Hurry, Miss Bella," Ashley called from the front porch, pulling me away from the sudden wave of anguish that was threatening to overtake me.

I tore my eyes away from the window where Edward was now rising from the dining room chair and clearing the table, while the blonde woman, Tanya, walked towards the living room.

"Can you ring the bell, sweetie?" I called to Ashley as I wiped the tears from my eyes and crouched down to pick up the suitcase I'd dropped.

"No."

I sighed. She was five years old and holding a plate of cupcakes. Of course she couldn't ring the bell.

_Take Ashley's things up to the door. Go in. Get out. Quick and efficient. That is all I have to do._

_Crap, crap, crap!_

I took a deep breath and walked up the path to the porch. Pushing the doorbell with my elbow, I stepped back out of Ashley's way while my heart thudded loudly in my chest.

The front door opened.

"Ashley! How is my little princess? You look beautiful!" the woman all but squealed. Of course Ashley completely ate it up. What little girl didn't like being told that she was gorgeous? "And you brought cupcakes?"

"Nana and Aunt Alice made them," Ashley said proudly, as if she'd been responsible for it. If I hadn't have been so confused and upset, I think I would've been amused.

"Well, I think that you need to go take those inside and give Uncle Edward one—he didn't have a very good day."

Ashley sighed dramatically. "Is he brooding again?"

It was ridiculous, so completely and utterly absurd that a six-year-old would make such a remark. Quite obviously brooding was something that Edward did often, and it was commented on enough that a child could recognize the behavior. And my emotions were going in every single direction that I had to laugh.

Tanya giggled, as well. "He is. Come inside, it's freezing out here."

Ashley walked through the door, and Tanya turned her attention to me. "You must be the sitter. When I last talked to Kate she said that Carmen had cancelled on her and she was calling everyone she knew."

"Yes, she was pretty desperate," I said nervously as I took a step towards the door and handed the suitcase and pillow over. The sooner I could get out of here, the better.

"Come inside. As I already said, it's freezing out here. I've got some water on for tea if you'd like some."

"Oh… uh… Th-thank you, but I really should be going," I stammered.

I could tell that she was getting ready to argue when I heard Ashley cry, "Oh! I forgot my wand in the car!"

_Fuck!_

I wanted to scream, to shout, to… anything, but instead I took another breath and forced myself to hold it together. "I'll be right back," I said.

Tanya gave me a confused look as I turned back to my car. It took only a moment to find Ashley's wand in the back of my car. I held it in my hand for just a moment, twirling it between my fingers and wishing that I could wave away all of the pain that I was feeling… I just wanted to fix things.

With a shake of my head, I walked back to the house. Tanya was no longer standing in the doorway, but the door had been left ajar for me. I pushed it open a bit more, glancing for a table or something nearby that I could set the wand on and make a hasty retreat.

Of course, to reach the table, I had to actually set foot inside the door to reach it. The idea of just throwing it and running flittered through my mind, but I couldn't bring myself to do that.

So, I did the only thing that I could, I walked through the door and set Ashley's wand on the table. As I turned around to leave, I hazarded a glance into the living room, and I saw Edward down on his knee, grinning as he was being fed a cupcake by Ashley. Dabs of pink frosting decorated his nose and the corner of his lips, and even from a distance I could see a sparkle in his eyes. He looked happy for a change.

I moved my eyes back to the door and moved so I was just behind the wall and out of the line of sight into the living room. As I moved my hand to the doorknob, I heard, "Please come in and sit for a bit." Jumping slightly, I turned back to see Tanya again. She held out her hand to me. "I'm Tanya, by the way. And you are?" she prompted.

Squeezing my hands into fists at my sides, unable to grip her outstretched hand, I answered, "Bella." My voice was quiet, and I hoped that Edward wouldn't hear.

_God, I need to get out of here,_ I silently prayed.

It was just like with Jasper. Tanya's facial expression turned thoughtful and questioning as she then assessed my appearance. She'd obviously heard about me. It made me feel uncomfortable, and I wondered what in the hell Kate or Alice, or any of the Cullens had been thinking when they sent me over to face this couple.

Tanya continued to watch me but said nothing, making me feel more and more uncomfortable as the seconds passed.

I glanced back towards the living room. As long as I stood flush against the door, I was pretty sure that Edward couldn't clearly see me standing here. "I need to go."

She merely nodded sharply, and I wished that I knew her well enough to know what she was thinking.

That was when I heard Edward speaking in the other room, "Where is Miss Carmen, Ash?"

"Miss Carmen couldn't come, so I brought Miss Bella."

"Fuck," I whispered soft enough so that Ashley wouldn't be able to hear me.

Tanya eyes narrowed in disapproval, and I saw the change in Tanya's demeanor, as if she'd finally come to some sort of conclusion. That was when I realized that she'd made a decision about me, and it wasn't the same one that everyone else in Edward's family had come to.

"Didn't your mother teach you manners for when you're at someone else's house?" she all but snarled.

And there it was, as I'd suspected, she had chosen a side in this strange battle. I had just met this woman—literally moments ago–and she was already passing judgment on me? "I beg your pardon? Who in the hell do you think you are?"

"I'm someone who actually cares about this family. How in the hell did you worm your way into my sister's life?"

She never said the words that I was expecting: Edward's wife. Edward's girlfriend. And I again wondered who they were to each other that he would laugh with her and caress her stomach.

"You've been talking to Edward," I noted bitterly.

"Yes, she has," Edward said, now joining us in the foyer.

"Miss Bella! Miss Bella! This is my Uncle Edward!" Ashley said excitedly.

"I see that."

Edward glowered at me.

"Come here," Ashley said, grabbing my hand and tugging me into the living room past Edward and Tanya who were now wearing beautifully matching sneers. I couldn't help but notice that they looked perfect together.

Ashley pulled me over to show me the huge bowl of Halloween candy that Tanya had sitting in the middle of her coffee table. I had to fight not to roll my eyes. I crouched down and smiled at her. "You look lovely tonight, sweetheart. I had a lot of fun. Thank you for taking me trick-or-treating with you," I said as I brushed a blonde curl out of her face. "But I need to go home now, okay?"

Ashley leaned forward and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I smiled. "Have fun tonight, honey."

"Okay. Bye."

I stood up slowly and walked back towards the door, keeping my head down in an attempt to avoid eye contact with the other two adults in the room.

I hated this.

I hated everything about this.

Here I was, doing a favor for a friend, and then Edward appears and I end up feeling as if I've done something horribly wrong.

With my hand on the door handle, I braced myself for a fight and looked up at him, meeting his steely gaze. I completely ignored Tanya; quite frankly I had no desire to even consider her place in this equation. The possibilities were painful to contemplate and far more than I wanted to deal with. Even if she was just a close family friend, I couldn't help feeling jealous of the affection she was able to garner for her baby while I was left to feel like a social pariah. No, I had no desire to deal with either of them, but this was the first chance I'd had to speak to Edward since the day of my ultrasound and I felt as if I should probably take advantage of that opportunity. "I need to speak with you," I said tightly.

His gaze flitted from the woman standing next to him over to the blonde little princess who was watching my departure with curious—almost worried—eyes. He gave a stiff nod and motioned for me to continue outside.

I gave Tanya a tight smile that probably looked more like a grimace and went outside to the porch.

Edward followed closely behind me and shut the door. "What?" he asked.

"I just want you to say what I know you were dying to say in there."

Of course he said nothing.

"Come on, Edward. I know that you feel like you'll combust if you don't say it. Just lay it out there," I goaded.

His eyes narrowed. "Fine. I hate that you keep pushing yourself onto my family and into my life. You're acting like some crazed stalker."

"You really don't get it, do you? I didn't do anything! I'm not pushing myself on anyone! You're just being a huge ass!"

He simply glared more, as if his eyes could actually cause me bodily harm.

"I am not seeking anyone out, but they are finding me. It was all just a bunch of random coincidences, and then Esme and Alice began showing up. And…" I shrugged. "Kate and Angela were the first friends that I had here. I didn't plan any to sneak my way into your life." I wrapped my arms around myself in an effort to keep myself warm.

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger and squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm just trying to figure this all out," he whispered.

"So am I." I sighed and then forced myself to say, "But we both need to figure it out soon."

He opened his eyes and stared at me, his gaze no longer hateful. His green eyes were only filled with worry, grief, and confusion as he nervously ran his fingers through his hair. After several minutes, he looked back down at the porch and nodded. "I know." The words were so quiet that I almost didn't hear them.

"Look, I don't know what's involved, but I'll call a lawyer on Monday and ask what needs to be done."

Edward instantly stiffened. "Of course," he hissed. "You've got to get all of your ducks in a row before you sink your claws in."

"What the fuck are you talking about? Sink my claws in? Are you seriously that stupid?" I shouted.

"Then explain it to me!" he challenged.

"I just want to know what can be done to make sure that you are under no obligation for anything. I don't need nor do I don't want your money. And at this point, I really don't even want you around."

He just stared at me and scrubbed his hairs with his fingers roughly.

The cold seemed to be seeping through my skin and into my bones. I shivered. "I need to go. And I think that you need to go back inside to your pregnant girlfriend." The words made acid creep up my throat as I looked up and noticed her peeking through glass next to the door.

Before he could even respond, I rushed down the steps and down the walk to my car. When I opened my car door, I looked back up to the porch where he was still standing, staring at me. His hair was in his eyes, and he looked downtrodden. And for a fraction of a second, my heart ached for him.

_But,_ I reminded myself as the tears began to fall, _he has someone else to turn to. A woman and a baby that he can claim. Obviously, that is what he wants._

Edward didn't turn around to go back inside until my car pulled away from the curb.

I went home and did everything I could to try to forget about the end of my evening, but even as I finally fell asleep from pure exhaustion, all I could see in my dreams were a pair of green eyes that flickered between hate and despair.

~X~

"Alice, I really don't feel up to shopping today," I said. I was standing in the entryway of my apartment, holding my robe tightly around me as Alice tried to push herself past me and into the room, but I refused to open the door far enough for that.

"I heard about last night. You just need to go get in the shower and get dressed."

"I am not going anywhere. I'm done, Alice. I refuse to play this sick, twisted game any longer."

She rolled her eyes. "You're being ridiculous, Bella. Now, go get in the shower before I toss you in there myself. I changed our plans. We're going to a spa, so you don't need to do much."

"Alice, I can't go to a spa," I said, pointing my stomach.

"Sure you can. I asked Dad. He just said that I had to choose a spa that dealt with prenatal clients. You can do most everything, even a massage."

"You called this morning? How did you manage to get an appointment?"

"You worry too much, Bella. Let's just say that my family is well-connected."

And that again reminded me of why I wasn't going to do this. She was from the well-connected, well-to-do family that saw me as a gold digging whore. Well, Alice didn't seem to see me that way, but her brother certainly did and that was what mattered.

"Besides, we need to talk about last night," she prodded.

I leaned against the doorframe. "What's there to talk about?"

Alice blew out her breath, exasperated. "You are just as stubborn as my brother."

I snorted.

When she didn't say anything more, I sighed. "I feel horrible about all of this, Alice."

"About what? This isn't your fault, Bella. No one is blaming you."

"Edward is."

She shook her head, but I think that even she knew that she couldn't deny that.

"But that's not the point, this is a horrid mess that I can't seem to fix… and I just want to fix it, Alice. I would give almost anything to fix it." I brushed my hand against my stomach and looked down. I could feel him kicking and turning around inside of me. How was it that I could already love the being that was growing inside of me? "Except give him up," I amended.

Alice studied me for a moment and nodded. "What you have to understand is…"

"Yes?" I prodded after she trailed off.

She shook her head. "It's not my place to discuss it. But Edward has his reasons. They aren't reasonable or even logical, but they are what they are. I just think that… I think he's really confused now, Bella. Please try to be patient with my brother."

"I'll say he's confused." I laughed without humor. Thoughts about Tanya again began swimming in my mind. I rubbed my palm against my forehead for a moment, trying to think. "I guess what I really don't understand is why are you so nice to me? You, Esme, and Carlisle. Why are you all so accepting of this mess?"

"Why wouldn't we? Seriously, Bella, things happen. This is all just part of life. It's not like it was planned."

"Yeah, but he had to have cheated on his girlfriend. I mean, seriously, if she hadn't been so bitchy, I would've felt sorry for her. Hell, I think that I _do_ feel sorry for her." Then my eyes snapped to her before she could answer. "And I'm mad at you, Alice. Why could you send me over there like that? Really, the entire mess is like some badly written soap opera! And why would you think that I'd like Tanya after that?" I was angry again, and I found my voice rising louder and louder with each syllable.

Alice's mouth hung open as she stared at me dumbfounded. "Wait a second. Back up. Girlfriend? What the hell are you talking about?"

The look on my face must've been just as confused as hers. "Tanya, of course. You said we had a lot in common, I'm just shocked that you could be so callous about the entire fiasco."

And then she laughed.

"What is so funny? My God, Alice, not only is he with her, but she's hugely pregnant! He had to have cheated on her to be with me, or maybe they broke up for a time. Hell, I don't know, he told me he didn't condone cheating. All that matters is that after all of that, she obviously took him back!"

She laughed harder.

"What?" I all but shouted.

"I'm sorry, Bella," she said, trying to calm down. "God, I can only imagine the horrible thoughts that have been running through that overactive mind of yours."

I gritted my teeth. "I think you just heard them all. Get on with the explanation, Alice. I'm still waiting, and I warn you that my patience is worn very thin."

"Sorry," she said, giggling again. When I glared, she managed to compose her features. "Edward is not nor has he ever been with Tanya."

"But he was there with just her, putting his hand on her stomach, laughing with her."

"Tanya's boyfriend is down in Dallas on business," she explained. "Edward and Tanya are just friends. You do know that she and her sisters are really close to our family, right?"

I nodded.

"He thinks of her as a sister. Really, when he called me last night to tell me what happened, he said he'd gone over there to talk to Tanya about you. He wanted to speak to someone he could trust and who wasn't involved. Edward thinks that Mom and I are too emotionally invested." Alice rolled her eyes.

"Oh," I said as I tried to absorb what she was telling me. "Wait. Edward called you last night after I left?"

"Yes. He was upset, and he said that Tanya wasn't helping him any. Apparently you got her pretty riled up."

"She wasn't the only one," I muttered.

"Like I've said before, things will work themselves out, Bella. You just need to be patient."

I nodded, unsure what else I could say.

"Now come on. After all of those thoughts about Tanya, it's no wonder you look like you only managed about an hour of sleep last night. I think you need that massage far more than I had originally thought."

Taking a breath, I allowed everything settle upon me and realized what I needed to do. "No, Alice. I… this… we…." I sighed. "Just… go home. Respect your brother's wishes… and don't come back."

My heart broke when I said the words. I liked her. She was sweet, kind, funny, bubbly, and genuine. I felt as if I could trust her, but this wasn't going to work. In my very core, I knew that staying friends with her and Esme was going to cause me more pain than anything.

I couldn't make a rational decision about allowing any of them to be in my baby's life if they were constantly in mine now. And all of it was simply causing more friction when it came to Edward. Things would be better all around if he and I had nothing to do with each other.

Edward had to come to me if he wanted anything. It had to be his choice. Otherwise, he was going to resent me, resent the baby, if he felt forced into anything because of his family. So, that meant cutting them off.

As she looked at me with a pained but resigned expression while I shut the door on her, I felt the slice of pain through my body as I removed the Cullens from my life. Clicking the lock, I then leaned my forehead against the door, fighting back a fresh wave of tears.

~X~

I dumped the dough onto the flour-covered board and began kneading it, wishing that I had taken Alice up on that massage. At least got the name of the salon from her so that i could go on my own. Standing in the kitchen for several hours would cause anyone's back and shoulders to ache, therefore it was only logical that a pregnant woman's back and shoulders would feel doubly-worse.

"Mom, will you baste the turkey for me?" I asked.

It was Thanksgiving, and my little apartment was actually crowded with my mom, her husband, and my half-sister staying with me. They'd arrived Tuesday evening, and I'd taken Wednesday off so I could spend more time with them.

Alice had attempted several times to call me over the last few weeks, but I never returned her calls, and she had respected my wishes by not coming down to the office or returning to my apartment. I had spoken to Esme once, and she told me that she would respect my wishes but asked me to call if I ever needed anything. The last message that I had received from Alice had been Monday afternoon when she'd called to tell me that she was worried about me spending Thanksgiving dinner alone and she wanted to invite me to their family dinner. She'd even promised that Edward would be working and she wasn't trying to trick me into anything. It was painful to listen to her pleading on my voicemail for a full five minutes, and in the end, I'd decided to send her a simple text message that read, _No._

Kate had called, and I'd seen her once, but she neither asked, nor mentioned anything about the events on Halloween, and I found myself extremely grateful to her for respecting my privacy.

I'd contacted a lawyer, who basically told me that there was very little that I could do until the baby was born and that I would do best to stay away from all of the Cullens. Since I'd already cut them out of my life, there was nothing else to be done. She told me that DNA testing could be done after the delivery, if I needed it. Otherwise, she told me to just take care of myself and my baby. So, I tried to do just that.

"What else can I do to help you, Bella?" my mom asked, snapping me out of my reverie.

"Nothing, Mom. Why don't you go sit in the living room with Phil?"

Renee said nothing as she opened the cupboard and pulled out a pan and filled it with water and put it on the stove.

"Where are your potatoes?" she asked.

I pointed to a bin in pantry as I formed the dough I'd been kneading into balls. My mom grabbed far more potatoes than I thought were necessary and took them to the sink where she began to wash, peel, and then cut them into chunks.

The tension in the air was growing by the second. When it finally became too much for my mom to handle, she tossed the paring knife in the sink and spun around to look at me. I didn't even flinch as I calmly covered the pan of rolls and set them off in the corner to rise a final time.

"Bella, look at me."

I turned around and met her gaze. "What?"

"I'm worried about you."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. "I'm fine, Mom," I said as I went to the pantry and pulled out the things to throw together a green bean casserole.

"No, you're not. You're alone in a strange city and you're pregnant. I want you to come back home with Phil and me."

"Florida has never been my home."

"Your home is with your family, Bella," she asserted before turning her attention back to the potatoes.

"No, my home is wherever I choose to live, and I choose to live here."

"You didn't choose to live here—your boss transferred you."

"But I want to stay. Besides, I'm not alone. Aren't you the one always reminding me that Charlie lives close by?"

"And when was the last time that you saw your dad?"

I pursed my lips but said nothing.

"That's what I thought."

When had my mother become so _parental_? I'd have asked her that out loud, but I knew the answer. And she was sitting in the other room on Phil's lap, watching football with her dad. Brett had completely changed my mom. Where she'd seemed to have continuously tried to cling onto her youth when I was born, with her grip growing stronger with each year that I was alive, Brett had altered my mom, making her grow-up and see what was important in life.

"I'm not alone here, Mom," I told her.

"What a few friends from work? I know you, Bella. You're not one to socialize with people, and you certainly aren't one to allow people into your personal life."

"Yeah, well, I haven't been given much choice in the matter," I grumbled, thinking about how Angela had been calling me almost nonstop since Halloween. I was certain that she'd found out about me breaking off contact with the Cullens and she was trying to ensure that I wasn't alone. The only time during the week when I'd been truly free of her was when she was faithfully attending her Monday night Single's group.

Renee cleared her throat to gain my attention again. "Well, I'm glad that you have people, then. You need some people to push themselves into your life."

I snorted. "You have no idea, Mom." Only this time I was thinking about when I'd first encountered Alice and Esme, and I fought down the twinge pain from that loss.

We were silent for a few more minutes while she rinsed the potatoes and then added them to the boiling water, while I finished mixing the casserole.

"So, who are these people? Was I right, are they from work?"

"Yes," I answered too quickly. My mom was fishing now—I recognized it instantly—and I knew myself far too well… I was going to give in. I was going to give her more information than was necessary and even though it wasn't a lie—at least it wasn't a lie now—I could never lie to Renee when we were face-to-face.

"Just Angela. My assistant."

Renee looked at me and pursed her lips; she knew that there was something else that I needed to discuss.

I sighed. "About a month ago, I was spending time with Edward's family."

"Edward?"

I placed my stomach on my twenty-nine-week belly for a moment, before I turned around, busying myself by removing the turkey from the oven and then placing both the rolls and the casserole in to bake.

"Bella," my mom said, moving to stand behind me. "You told Charlie that the baby's father was some guy in Phoenix."

I swallowed, but refused to turn around to look her in the eyes.

"Bella," she prodded again. "I want to know what's going on."

So, I told her… _everything_. I told her about my one-night stand and about how I felt around him that first night. I described to her how it felt like our souls touched. Then I told her about the morning after and moving to Seattle. I told her about going to Dr. Cullen and the wedding and the ultrasound and Alice and Esme and Halloween and the lawyer…. I even told her about Alice's message inviting me to Thanksgiving with her family.

By the time I was finished, she had her arms around me while I sniffled hopelessly against her shirt.

"Well, I think that I'd like to string this Edward Cullen up by his balls."

I snorted and wiped my nose on a tissue my mom had handed me. "They are a nice family. I'm just confused. They all want to be a part of this, and I want that too, but it's so confusing and complicated and…." I sighed. "I'm here, Mom. I like Seattle, but it's been hard shutting my door to them. But what it really boils down to…" My voice trailed off, and I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment.

"What?"

Opening my watery eyes, I looked at my mom. "I don't want Edward to do the same thing to this child that Charlie did to me. He deserves to feel loved and wanted and important."

Renee grabbed me hand and held it firmly. "Honey, you'll make the right decision and figure it out. But you can't compare your situation to mine with your dad. It wasn't his fault, you know."

I shook my head. I'd heard her reasons dozens of times before, and I certainly didn't need to hear her making excuses for my father now. Damn, maybe it would be better if I just left, went to Florida with my mom, pulled myself completely out of this mess and spared my son the heartache that I'd suffered. Hadn't I wished for a magic wand to fix everything?

As if she could read my thoughts, my mom said, "Perhaps you're right. Seattle is the best place for you. But if you're going to stay, I need you to do me a favor—"

Whatever it was that Renee was going to ask me to do was cut-off by a knock coming from the door. I moved to go answer it when she grabbed my arm, "Don't be mad at me, Bella. I hadn't realize how much stress you were under."

I gave her a puzzled look as I moved to open the door, only to reveal Charlie standing there, looking at me happily and expectantly.

And he wasn't alone.


	8. Chapter 8: Turkeys

**Chapter 8: Turkeys**

Now I knew why my mother had been encouraging me to cook far more food than I'd thought was necessary for just the four of us; the reason she'd insisted on a twenty-pound turkey, and had begun peeling nearly ten-pounds of potatoes. Thanks to my mother's interference, there were now twice as many people in my apartment having dinner than I had expected.

My father had brought three additional people with him when he invaded my home. He claims that I knew all of them, but my memories from my childhood visits to see him were not very clear. Charlie introduced me to his best friend, Billy Black and Billy's son Jacob. Then, he smiled broadly as he presented Sue Clearwater, his girlfriend.

My apartment was by no means large. I had two bedrooms, one bathroom, a decent-sized living room, a small dining nook, a cubby with my washer and dryer, and a kitchen. It was far better than the small studio that had been my first place while I had still been a student in college at any rate.

The adults sat on the sofa and loveseat to enjoy their Thanksgiving meal in front of the television set. Charlie, Billy, and Phil shouted various things at the screen while they watched a game, while my mom and Sue talked. Apparently, Renee and Sue had known each other back when my mom had still been married to Charlie. It struck me as odd that Charlie's ex-wife was talking with Charlie's girlfriend about grandchildren. I had a strange urge to interject that my unborn son didn't count as having a grandchild yet, but I somehow managed to hold my tongue.

While the adults ate in my living room, I had been relegated to what I dubbed as the "kids' table," along with my little sister and Jacob.

There were small things about the Blacks that I could recall, but the memories were hazy. Jacob, on the other hand, seemed to remember everything as if it had happened yesterday. He had a very bad habit of beginning a sentence with the words, "Do you remember that time when…?"

To which I could only respond with an uninterested, "Not really."

Not that I had anything against Jacob. He seemed nice enough. Jacob, his dad, and Sue were all a part of the Quileute tribe from La Push. I had very vague memories of Jacob's older twin sisters, who were a year older than I was, and even more indistinct ones of his mom, who had been killed car crash ages ago. Jacob lived in Seattle and was working out at the airport as a mechanic, and he lived with his dad. Although it sounded as if neither Jacob or Billy would be staying in Seattle too much longer. They both felt a duty to move back to the reservation.

I remembered nothing of Sue Clearwater, though she told me that I'd had a few meals at her house with her family before.

Between Jacob's constant desire to drag me down memory lane, my mother's talk about babies, and the off-color shouts from the men watching the ball game, I felt like I was about to snap. Poor Brett was the only person who I didn't have the desire to lash out at during dinner. All she had done was periodically tell Jacob and me stories about her friends at school.

I was suspicious at my dad's motivation for bringing all of these people along with him, but I had to admit that Jacob was hard not to like. He was good looking, well-built, with silky black hair that hung just below his shoulders, and he had a charm about him that simply welcomed people in. He was trying to be funny—though I wasn't in the mood for that—but there was no denying that he was sweet. Besides, how could I think badly of a guy who took in his severely diabetic and wheelchair-bound father to help take care of him?

I could never see myself as being as generous as Jacob. When Charlie had first come in, he'd hugged me, told me how beautiful I was, and how much he missed me. Then, shortly after, he'd begun to make comments that he was worried about me and wanted to know what he could do to help. I'd managed to keep my mouth shut, but I'd longed to tell him that the best thing he could do to help would be to stay away.

Yes, I could recognize that was not exactly a fair reaction, but it was almost gut instinct. _Push him away so he can't hurt me when he finally decides to leave._

Jacob was talking again, but I really had no idea what he was saying, I simply nodded and hummed every so often. Nor did I really care what he said until I heard, "—maybe we could try next Friday."

I dropped my fork. "What?"

"You know, next Friday. We could grab some dinner, see a movie…"

"You want to go on a date?" I clarified.

"Well, yeah… Charlie said…."

"My father said what, exactly?" I hissed, turning my attention to Charlie. Well, at least now I knew for certain that I could blame him for setting me up like this.

It wasn't Jacob who answered, however, nor had I expected it to be. Instead my dad stood up from his place on the couch and nodded his head towards my kitchen. Privacy was a novelty, especially in a 900 square foot apartment, but my kitchen was mostly closed off and we would at least be out of the line of sight from everyone else.

"I just told Jacob that after that punk in Phoenix, you deserved to have someone treat you right. Someone who would take care of you. Someone who could actually be a father to your baby," my dad said once we were in the kitchen.

"My life is none of your concern, Charlie. I've done just fine on my own. I don't need you showing up after ten years and trying to tell me what to do," I said just loud enough for him to hear, mindful of the listening ears in the other room.

"I'm just trying to take care of you, Bells."

He reached his hand out to me as if to offer comfort, and I flinched out of the way. My face reddened with anger. I had been right; this entire mess was my dad's ingenious plan to get me together with Jacob. What gave him the right? "So you thought that you'd try to set me up with your best friend's son? God, Charlie, who do you think you are?"

He took a step towards me, as if to assert his authority, thereby enraging me further. "I'm your father, and I only want what's best for you."

My breathing was ragged, and my heart was pounding out of my chest. "Charlie, you actually never have been a father to me. In fact, if I remember correctly, I have spent exactly thirty-four weeks with you from the time that I was two years old. In my book that sounds more like a distant relative than a parent," I hissed, the hateful words laced with venom.

Charlie stumbled backwards until his hands found purchase with the counter, as he looked at me in disbelief and hurt. Unbidden, tears welled-up in my eyes and began to burn trails down my cheeks as I began to war between the feelings of anger and pain. The guilt, however, began to override them both as I continued to stare into my father's eyes. Unable to take it any longer, I turned my head and walked out of the kitchen to escape, only to be met with six more pairs of eyes.

Renee and Sue looked at me with a mixture of pity and horror. Phil kept shooting me surreptitious glances while pretending to focus on the television. Billy held the posture of a true elder, as if he wanted to make certain that I knew my place as a daughter. Jacob's dark eyes were full of compassion with a hint of amusement, and little Brett was quite obviously frightened.

I felt sick.

Crap, what in the hell was wrong with me?

"Excuse me," I muttered—unable to look at any of them, but most especially the innocent eyes of that little girl—and walked quickly to my bedroom. I slammed the door and proceeded to sit on the edge of my bed as I rubbed away the tears with the palm of my hand and tried to calm myself down. I picked up the phone by the side of my bed and thumbed through my directory before finally tossing my phone aside. There was no one that I could call. Angela had told me that she and her family were volunteering at a soup kitchen that afternoon. And Kate was with the Cullens.

If I didn't think that it would've caused an even more messed up scene, I would've called Mike and invited him to come over.

I was tired and alone. I wanted nothing more than to go home with my mom, where she would bake me a batch of cookies, read me a story, and tuck me into bed. It took roughly thirty seconds to acknowledge the fact that my mother had never done any of those things for me. Not that she hadn't tried, but she had the tendency to burn cookies when she baked them, and she had a habit of merely handing me a book to read myself… but the tucking into bed, that she had done often.

I did miss that.

With a sigh, I pushed myself to sit up. This was my home, and I had guests. Whether I had invited all of them or not didn't negate the fact that they were in my living room. I went into the bathroom to wash my face and clean up a bit. I felt horrid; I had just acted horridly to my family and my dad's friends. While I'd been in my bathroom trying to compose myself, my mom had apparently pulled Charlie into the guest bedroom to speak with him. There was no way that she could've known that the walls were paper thin and I could hear every single word she spoke. She told my dad some of the things that I had confided in her only a couple of hours earlier. Namely, she spoke to him about Edward, how my meetings with him had gone, and her general opinion of him. She jokingly told Charlie that she wouldn't think any less of him if he did what she couldn't and went out to find Edward at the hospital to string him up by his balls. Renee meant well, though I couldn't help but think that she was trying to make excuses for me on account of the stress that I was under.

I emerged from the bathroom a short time later, and as soon as I did, Brett came over and wrapped her small arms as far around my hips as she could manage. I ran one of my hands through her fine brown hair and held her against me. Her innocence and love seemed to permeate right through my skin and touch my soul.

"I love you, Bella," she said softly, and I wondered why it was she had a desire to console me.

What was it I had thought about her before? I remembered that I had once brushed off my mom's remarks that Brett missed me and wanted to see me as just something my mom had thought that she should say. After all, how could a five year old miss someone who they'd only seen a handful of times?

But it was suddenly clear to me that this little girl loved me.

Why?

The answer was simple. It was because I was her sister.

We were family.

I noticed Charlie standing nearby, and I mumbled a half-hearted apology to him. He did the same, and then we both did what we did best—we ignored the issues that had been staring at us in the face moments earlier.

Soon after, Charlie made his excuses and he left with Sue, Billy, and Jacob. But not without a hefty dose of guilt poured on me by both of my parents that had me agreeing to see my dad for lunch the following Saturday in Edmond, and me giving Jacob my phone number so he could call me.

~X~

Friday I awoke with a migraine. It was unsurprising after the stress of the day before but knowing the cause certainly didn't help to alleviate the pain. I spent most of the day lying in my bedroom with the curtains drawn and an ice pack on the back of my neck. The plus side to this was that it gave me an excuse to not have to go Black Friday shopping with Renee. The downside, however, was that I was feeling so sick that I couldn't even manage to go in for my ultrasound appointment, although Renee was far more disappointed about that than I was. I had to reschedule it, and the earliest they could get me in was December 10th when I was set to see my doctor again.

Jacob Black called every single day, sometimes more than once, after the Thanksgiving Day Debacle. The guy was relentless and more than a little bit annoying. Though I had to admit that after I finally let my guard down, he was a decent guy to talk to. The most beneficial thing about him was that he had absolutely no connections with the Cullens. Each conversation began with him telling me about his day, him then trying to ask me about my day, followed by some story from our childhood, and would end with him asking me out on a date. Of course, most of the time I told him only the very basics about my day and ignored his stories about the past… and I used up every creative reason that I could think of to turn down his offers for dinner.

After eleven days, I was running out of excuses.

Therefore, I was sitting at my desk in my office trying to get my work finished up so that I could leave. Jacob was picking me up from work and taking me out to dinner. By Wednesday night, he had worn me down and we had talked for longer than I had allowed before. So, I agreed to dinner; but we made a deal, if I agreed to go out on one actual date with him, then he would stop pressuring me… in other words, he wasn't allowed to ask me out on a second one. He seemed so certain that once I went out on the first date with him that I would be the one insisting on the second.

When I'd told Angela, she'd laughed at his persistence. But she knew how I felt. I really wasn't in the mood for dating at the time, and when I'd told her how uncomfortable I'd been about the entire thing, she had made a few suggestions to make it feel more like friends going out rather than an actual date. Thus was the reason he was picking me up from work, so I wasn't expected to dress up for the occasion other than my work clothes, and why we were going out on a Monday night. Angela had picked me up for work this morning, but she had to leave before Jacob was set to arrive because she had her Monday night Singles Group meeting at her church.

So, it was Mike who insisted on staying late at the office with me. I swear Mike was starting to act like a puppy the way he'd attached himself to me over the past few weeks. Anytime I'd asked him about it, he'd make another quip about taking care of his baby. But then, this afternoon, he'd turned to me and said in a very serious tone, "Bella, you're like a sister to me. I'm not going to abandon you right after my dad forced you to move to a new city. Especially with little Mikey Junior on board there."

I'd had to bite back the sarcastic retort that had been sitting on the tip of my tongue because, really, Mike was being terribly sweet.

The door to my office opened, and Angela peeked in. "I'm going to leave, Bella. Are you sure that you'll be all right?"

I nodded. "Yes, I'm sure. The worst thing that could happen would be that Jacob doesn't show up, in which case Mike is still here."

She grinned. "Have fun tonight and don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

I had to chuckle at her last statement. "I think I already have."

Angela winked at me just before closing the door behind her. The girl was by no means a virgin, but she also wasn't the type to sleep with someone she'd picked up in a bar. Then again, I hadn't been either.

After Angela left, I went back to working on my report but was starting to find that I really couldn't focus on my work. Sitting back in my chair, I closed my eyes and sighed. On Saturday, I had gone to Edmond to meet Charlie for a late lunch. It'd been just as awkward as Thanksgiving had been, and I'm afraid that we made little headway in our relationship. Really, I didn't even know if the relationship was repairable; there were too many factors, too many things that still hurt, and I didn't know how to get past all of that. Although, he did seem genuinely disappointed when I'd had to turn him down for Christmas, because I had already bought a plane ticket to fly down to Florida to see my mom. He'd tried to insist that air travel wasn't safe when I was that far along in my pregnancy and went on to insist that no respectable airline would allow me to fly. I'd simply swallowed my snide reply and nicely told him that as long as my doctor approved it, I was fine.

Of course, I'd not had a chance to mention it to my doctor again since October, but I would do so before I boarded the plane to travel across the country.

I looked at my watch realized that Jacob should be arriving soon. It was time for me to go freshen up in the bathroom before I left with him. Besides, the baby had recently decided that my bladder was the next best thing to a trampoline, so I would do better to use the bathroom now. Then hopefully I wouldn't have to take three trips during dinner. With the way that Jacob had sweet talked himself into this date, I wouldn't put it past him to insist that if I spent more time in the restroom than at the table then he wouldn't allow me to call our outing a "date," thereby forcing me to go out with him again. As if to reiterate the point, I felt a few firm kicks from the inside of my stomach, and I smiled.

Once I got into the bathroom, I realized that something wasn't right. I had been too focused on my personal drama to notice the uncomfortable wetness in my pants. I was mortified to think that the baby had kicked hard enough to cause my bladder to spasm, but once I looked, it was clear that wasn't the problem.

_Blood._

Bright red blood.

It wasn't a lot, but it was enough to stain my underwear and it was certainly enough to make me start to panic. As quickly as I could manage, I pulled my panties back up and stood, trying not to inhale as I did so. That would've been my undoing. Passing out was really not a good thing. Without even looking back, and ensuring that I was holding onto something the entire time in case I wasn't able to keep my head clear enough to keep from fainting, I grabbed my purse and left the bathroom, shouting for Mike the entire time.

He heard me from down the hall and came running, fear written plainly across his face. "Bella, what's wrong?" he asked urgently.

"I need you to take me to the hospital right now," I somehow managed to say while I grasped randomly at items in my purse, trying to find my phone. The trembling of my hands was making it difficult, however. I couldn't seem to catch my breath, and I was quickly becoming more and more lightheaded.

"Bella. Bella! Calm down."

He grasped my shoulders, and his voice was suddenly full of authority. I found myself instantly responding, and I looked up at him. It was only then that I realized that I'd been hyperventilating.

"We're going right now, Bella. Okay?" he said, wrapping his arm around me and walking me towards the door.

I stopped after only a few steps, however. "Wait."

"What? What? Do you hurt?" He was panicking again.

"No. I just need my coat."

He told me to wait right where I was, and he ran into my office to grab my coat. I leaned back against Angela's desk and then began fumbling through my purse again to find my phone. Mike was at my side again before I could even start to scroll through my contact list.

"Are you okay?" he asked as he helped me put my coat on.

"Yeah. I just want to leave now."

"Okay."

Mike insisted on keeping an arm around me as we walked out of our offices and into the main building. I told him that I wasn't hurt at all, just scared, but he refused to let go of me. And, even though it was annoying, a small part of me found it to be rather endearing.

The elevator took us down to the main level, and just as we were walking out the side doors to the parking garage, I saw Jacob walking from the lot towards the glass door with a small bouquet of flowers in his hands.

My heart plummeted. This was fan-fucking-tastic.

Jacob's eyes narrowed at us as we came closer. We reached the door at the same time as he did, and he opened it for us. "What's going on?" he demanded.

"We're kind of in a hurry, if you don't mind," Mike snapped at him, brushing him aside.

"Yeah, I mind. That's my date."

Mike stopped walking and looked at me. I sighed. "Seriously. This is the guy you were waiting for?"

"Yes. Now don't stop walking. Let's go!"

Mike began walking, hurriedly guiding me to his car.

"Wait! Bella!" Jacob yelled after us. No longer stunned by us moving past him, he rushed to catch up. "What's going on?"

"Mike is taking me to the hospital, Jake."

"What? Are you okay?"

I glared at him. "That is a really stupid question."

"Well, I'm coming with you," he insisted.

"Really, that's not necessary."

We had reached Mike's car by now, and he opened the door for me.

"I insist. I'm not leaving now. Besides, what would I tell Charlie? That his daughter had to go to the hospital and I abandoned her. No way."

I groaned. I hated being manipulated, but the guilt would eat away at me if I didn't give in. "Fine. You can meet us there," I conceded.

Jacob beamed at me as I sat down and closed the car door. Before I could even get my seatbelt buckled, I saw Jacob sprinting towards his car.

Mike started the engine, and I looked down in my hands to see that I was still gripping my phone tightly.

The first person I tried calling was Angela, but I quickly remembered that she was at her meeting, and I knew her well enough to know that she likely didn't even have her phone with her. Next, I tried Kate, but her phone went immediately to voice mail, telling me that her phone was turned off or she saw my name pop-up and she was blocking my calls. I was hoping that it was the former. Who else could I call? My mother would worry and she was on the other side of the country, there was nothing that she could do for me. The thought of calling my dad was a joke. So, who did that leave me with? Mike and Jacob?

I squeezed my eyes shut and fought against the imminent tears. I couldn't do this. Not alone. Opening my eyes just a sliver so that I could see what I was doing, I scrolled through my contact list, found the name I was looking for, and hit "send." I shut my eyes again as I prayed that she'd actually answer the phone and not send my call off to voicemail out of anger for me.

It felt like minutes rather than seconds as I listened to the phone ring until the call was finally answered and I heard to Esme's voice kindly ask me to leave a message. I tried Alice next, with no success, and I banged my head back against the headrest of my seat in frustration.

"Calm down, Bella," Mike said. "Leave whoever you're calling a message, and they'll come soon. It's six o'clock—everyone is probably just trying to drive home in this insane traffic, or they're on their way to dinner."

I took a deep, shaky breath, and I knew that he was right.

I tried Esme again—no luck—but I was desperate enough that this time I left her a message telling her that I didn't know what was going on, but I was on my way to the hospital to find out. I tried to be vague without trying to pass it off as nothing. I wanted her to come down there while remaining composed.

I then did the same with Alice, hoping that my voice managed to come across as calm and nonchalant. A panicked Alice or Esme was not something that I cared to see right now.

Just my luck, as I was getting out of Mike's car, I dropped my phone onto concrete from of the parking garage. It didn't take anything more than a cursory glance to recognize that a cell phone that was in half dozen pieces wasn't going to be of much use to me any longer. At least I managed enough forethought to ask Mike to grab the SIM card so he could give it to Angela in the morning so she could easily set up my replacement.

Not long later, I was in the maternity unit triage well-under evaluation. Mike stood on one side of my small bed and Jacob on the other in the curtained off room. They both refused to leave. The nurse shot me an odd glance when she asked which one was the father, and I told her it was neither of them. I think she was surprised because both of them were acting like they were; the way that they hovered, kept getting in the nurse's way, plumped my pillows, kept trying to offer me things to drink (though the nurse said I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything for the time being), and the way they protested when she asked them to step out so she could see how much I was bleeding. Quite frankly, they were both starting to drive me insane.

The baby was okay. At least for now. I'd already suspected that; I could feel him moving around, turning side-to-side, kicking, just like always. He was active. But they had me hooked up to the monitors to watch his heart rate and see if I was having contractions. Judging by the clock, I'd been on the monitors for over half an hour, and my hip was starting to hurt from the position they had me in on the uncomfortable gurney. Then the nurse came by to tell me that she'd spoken with Dr. Swanson, and she was going to bring in an ultrasound machine to take a look at things before they decided anything.

"Are you feeling all right, Bella?" Jacob asked, leaning in too closely towards me for my comfort.

"Yes, I'm fine. Really, you can leave. I'm sure everything will be okay."

He shook his head. "No. This is our date, and I'm not leaving early."

I snorted. "And later you're going to say that we never actually had our date and use that to try to set something else up."

Jacob grinned broadly. "You're a smart one, Bells! I knew there was a reason that I liked you."

The grating nickname that had previously prompted me to lash out at Charlie didn't have nearly the same effect on me when I heard it coming from Jacob's mouth, and I found myself snickering at him. "Go home, Jacob. You can call Charlie for me." Then I glanced at Mike who was standing right next to him. "You can go home, too. This is probably going to be awhile, and if they let me out of here, Angela will be home from her meeting in another hour or so anyway. So, she can take me home."

"I'm not leaving you here by yourself, Bella," Mike said firmly. "It took them twenty minutes to figure out where they had your chart filed. There is nothing that could make me leave you and my baby in the hands of these people." He laughed at his own joke, and I shook my head in disgust.

I barely caught a glimpse of Jacob's wide eyes when a sound across the small room caught my attention. I turned my head to look behind me to see Alice staring at me with her mouth open, looking upset, and the back of a person who had to have been Edward as he stormed off.

_Fuck._

I glared at Mike. "If I could kick you right now, I would. And once they let me out of here, you can be sure that if you ever make one of your stupid and very _false_ comments again, I'll grab your balls and make certain that you'll never be able to have children of your own."

Mike just stared, unable to form a sentence, while Jacob began to chortle. Alice's mouth snapped shut, but she still seemed more confused than anything. I reminded myself that confusion was far better than the glint of anger that I'd seen flash in her eyes, just moment's ago, on her brother's behalf. Silently, I pleaded with her to go say something to him. Not that I expected it to do any good, but it was better for her to say something to him now than for him to stew on it for any longer than necessary.

"I'll be right back, Bella," she said before she left.

I turned back to the two competing cocks. "There, Alice is staying. You can both leave now."

"Who was that? I've seen her before."

"Yeah, you probably have, she's been to our office several times, Mike. She's my friend."

"And that guy," he paused for a moment and studied my face for a moment. "He looked familiar, too."

I snorted. Mike was good at remembering names and faces, a skill that I greatly lacked, so it wasn't surprising to me that Edward seemed familiar to him. "He's Alice's brother. Now, are you leaving? Because I've got to say that you're really causing me far more stress than can be healthy for me."

"Fine. I'll go," he sighed, resigned.

"Thanks. And really, Mike, thanks for bringing me down here," I told him sincerely.

A smile lit up his baby face, and he kissed my forehead before walking out.

Turning my attention to Jacob, I waited for him to finally take a hint and leave, as well. Instead, he smirked at Mike's retreating backside as if he'd just bested him in a pissing contest.

"You can leave now, too, Jacob," I said with more than a little bit of hope that he'd actually listen.

The smirk fell into a frown as his eyes looked to me. "B-but, I thought…" he sputtered, holding out the damn flowers, which were now beginning to wilt, towards me.

With I sigh, I held out my hands and finally accepted them. "Thank you. I'm really sorry, but this really isn't a good time."

He nodded. "Can I call you some time tomorrow?"

"I don't know. I really don't want to date anyone right now."

"Not a date. I just want to see how you're doing."

"Really, I think it would be best if…" I began, but I made a mistake and looked into his sad, dark eyes and I couldn't tell him no. I sighed again. "Sure, Jacob. Sure."

"Thanks, Bella." He paused, and I could tell that he was unsure whether it was all right to hug me. Finally, he settled for grasping my hand and caressing my fingers for a moment before turning to leave.

I watched him go with a bit too much of a spring in his step for my comfort, just as Alice reappeared with the nurse, my doctor, and an ultrasound machine in tow.


	9. Chapter 9: Dazed and Confused

**Chapter 9: Dazed and Confused**

The room was dark, with the only light coming from the monitoring machine next to my bed that gave off a slight green glow. The only sound that could be heard was the _whoosh-whoosh-whoosh_ from the fetal heart monitor that was strapped around my stomach. The sound was turned down so it was little more than background, almost like something that could be heard from one of those white noise machines. It was oddly soothing. The belts that were strapped around my middle were uncomfortable. I felt like someone had run over me with a truck in Arizona in the middle of a heat wave and then left me there in the middle of the scorching pavement to die; that was the best way to describe it. I was hot, heavy, groggy, disoriented, my muscles felt like Jell-O, my mouth was dry, and I had a horrible headache… not to mention that I'd vomited three times in the last two hours. This was all due in part to the medication that was currently running through my bloodstream to stop the contractions. Contractions that even my doctor said weren't very strong to begin with.

"This is just a precaution," she'd said while she'd eyed Alice warily.

I'd agreed to her proposed treatment, but only when she explained that even the little contractions I was having were causing the bleeding to be a bit more than she was fully comfortable with. However, I found myself almost instantly regretting my decision as soon as the nurse walked into the room with needles and tubing.

With the ultrasound, my doctor had confirmed my suspicions: the placenta was still too low—it just touched the cervix. Apparently add some stress and a few mild contractions to the mix, and that combination equates to bleeding. So, now I had a medication running through my veins that made me feel almost worse than death.

I shifted slightly, trying to get a bit more comfortable, but I knew from earlier in the evening that I couldn't move much. If I moved too much, then the monitor might not be positioned properly anymore, and then the nurse would have to come in to fix it. So, I settled for moving my arms a bit and shifting my head. I was hoping that if I could just get comfortable enough, then I would be able to slip from this waking dream into something deep and restful.

More than anything, I wanted the night to be over with. My doctor had told me that the first twelve hours were the worst and when she came back in the morning, she would likely decrease the medication I was on, and I would begin to feel more normal. When she came in to see me with the ultrasound, she had lectured me for cancelling my ultrasound appointment the Friday after Thanksgiving. She confirmed my other, darker suspicions as well—I would definitely be stuck in bed for several days, with the possibility that I may have to remain flat on my back for the rest of the pregnancy. I'd tried not to cry when she'd given me the prognosis. I was torn between worry for my baby and frustration that something that was so normal and easy for so many other women in this world was hard for me. It hardly seemed fair, although it did prove my previous prediction that I was still living my life by Murphy's Law.

On top of that, I couldn't stop myself from worrying about my job. FMLA be damned, Mr. Newton would not be happy when he heard about my impromptu vacation from work. But my brain was so foggy that I could only follow that thought for about thirty seconds before it trailed off onto something else.

I was scared. This life that was growing inside of me suddenly seemed so fragile, even though the nurses spent a great deal of time reassuring me that even if I had to have my son this early, his chances at survival were very good. Of course, that didn't mean that I was ready to give birth now. Even less so after my doctor informed me that I would most likely require a caesarean section for my son to be born. There was still a chance that I could have a vaginal delivery, if the stupid placenta would move. I just needed a bit more time and a bit of luck for that to happen.

I was conscious of my surroundings but was having difficulty thinking beyond my immediate thoughts. For example, I was acutely aware of Alice in the room. She was sitting in a chair just on the other side of the monitor cart. It was one of those small, uncomfortable things that was more suited to sitting around a kitchen table for a twenty minute meal than for sleeping in. There was no way that she could be asleep while sitting there. A part of me knew that this would be a good time to talk with her, but I didn't think that I'd be able to articulate my thoughts into anything coherent.

Really, all that mattered was that she'd believed me when I had explained Mike's stupid comment when she'd arrived, and that she wasn't going to leave me here alone. Despite my rocky relationship with the Cullen family, the last thing I wanted was to be abandoned in the hospital to suffer by myself.

The door opened and closed quietly, and someone took a few steps into the room. I figured it was the nurse just coming in to check on things for a few minutes until I heard the whispering.

"She's sleeping, don't worry. Bella and your son are both fine." That was clearly Alice's voice.

"But you're not. Go home," said the other voice. It took me a moment before I realized that Edward was the one who had come in, but I couldn't even begin to imagine why.

"Was all of this really necessary?"

"All of what?" Edward asked.

"That stuff they have her on. It's awful. She's been throwing up like you wouldn't believe, and she says that she can barely think clearly enough to put two words together."

"She's on several things. Don't worry—she'll be a little more coherent tomorrow."

"But was it necessary?" she asked more firmly.

"Don't look at me like that, Alice. I'm not her doctor. I didn't order anything."

Alice snorted loudly. "Dad and Maggie have been friends for over twenty years, and she cares about you. Of course she's going to follow your overcautious requests if you beg her to." There was a pause, and then Alice switched gears and said, "I trust that it didn't escape your notice that she seemed genuinely surprised that Bella was somehow involved with our family."

"If you mean that Bella didn't tell her that the baby was mine, then that just points right back to those two idiots who were hovering over her bed when I came in earlier."

"I know you're really not that stupid. What woman would subject herself to your asshole ways time and time again if she wasn't telling the truth?"

"I know she's telling the truth." The words were so quiet, I barely heard them and as it was, I had no way of knowing if it was my imagination filling in the blanks or if what was going on around me was real. I shifted again and tried to fall into a deeper sleep, one where my dreams wouldn't skim along the cusp of reality.

I felt my subconscious begin to slip once more until it was jarred once again by Alice. "I'm not going to leave her alone."

"She's asleep. It's not like she'll know."

"What if she wakes up?"

There was an audible sigh. "At the very least, why don't you go down to the cafeteria and get yourself something to eat, use the bathroom, and maybe get yourself another cup of coffee."

"The cafeteria is open?"

"Yes. They open for the night shift staff."

The room was quiet for a minute.

"If I go, will you stay here with her?"

"Yes," he answered.

"If you wake her up and upset her, so help me God, I'll make you pay."

"I won't do anything, Alice. I promise."

"Just… Edward… she's a good person."

"Yes, and I should trust you because you know her so well," he said with dripping sarcasm.

"I know her better than you do."

"Probably," he allowed. "I just…"

"Yeah, yeah, you're confused. I get that. We all get that. But you've had more than enough time to figure this out."

"I know. I… I was going to call her later this week."

Alice snorted in obvious disbelief. "Sure you were." Then she paused before adding, "Be nice."

"I will. Now go. She'll be fine."

I consciously knew that this was a golden opportunity, it was quiet, Edward sounded relatively calm… it was the perfect time for me to talk to him, if only I could wake-up enough and clear the fog from my mind. I just simply didn't have the energy for either.

"—until I get paged," I heard Edward say in response to something I'd missed.

I heard Alice stand up, followed by her steps and the opening of the door as she slipped out. Edward hadn't moved, and I felt myself begin to slip back into my dreamless state of consciousness again only to be yanked back into my hazy fog by the baby kicking more actively. When he kicked particularly hard, it could be heard through the monitor, as well, and I opened my eyes for a moment. I could barely make out Edward as he leaned over towards the machine and pick up the stack of paper on that was recording the baby's heart beats and flicked on a penlight to study it before dropping the pages back to the floor as my eyes shut again. It took too much energy to even attempt to focus on what he was doing.

"I don't know if I'm relieved or angry that you're sleeping right now," he said softly. "I'm so tired of all of this. I don't want to hate you. Why did things have to get messed up so badly? What the hell were you thinking in not telling anyone that there was a possible problem with your pregnancy? You succeeded in scaring the shit out of Mom and Alice."

My muddled mind didn't miss the fact that he didn't add himself into that particular equation. He was silent again for a several minutes while my mind went off on the tangent of Alice and Esme. Alice had heard my message just as she was walking out of her office. She'd missed the call because she'd been in the staircase as she walked down from her office and then out of her shop. Apparently, her entire shop has crappy reception and is almost the equivalent of a dead zone, unless Mars is in retrograde. As soon as she'd heard my message she'd paged her brother who was on-call, and then she'd left a message for her mom. Esme and Carlisle had gone up to their cabin up near Stevens Pass, about ninety minutes from Seattle for a couple of days, something they did every year at this time. Alice had told me that they were coming back in the morning because of the snow front moving through the area at the time. Of course, by the time Alice tried to call me back to let me know she was on her way, my cellphone littering the floor of the parking garage.

"God, Bella, you have absolutely no idea how much you've confused me." Edward's words pulled me away from my fuzzy memories that were fast becoming dreams. I was almost certain that I felt him brush his fingers along the side of my face for the briefest of moments. "I have never felt this drawn to another person in my life. Do you have any idea the number of times I dreamed of you after we met?" He was whispering, almost reverently, and I knew that I was dreaming now, just something from my romantic fantasies from several months earlier. I could almost feel his breath on my face as I imagined that he was leaning in close to me.

The baby kicked again, hard enough that a loud noise came from the monitor; it sounded as if someone had just blown into a microphone. I felt a sudden burst of cool air, followed by a string of mumbled curse words.

"Then you show up at that wedding, and I thought you were my dream come true, only to have you throw this at me."

An angry Edward was familiar; it only made sense to me that my subconscious would take him down that direction. Though I couldn't figure out what my own mind was trying to tell me when I barely heard him mutter in disgust, "—my own mother."

"Rationally, I know that's unfair. I have been trying to look past it, to do what my family has requested and start to look at you and see you for who you truly are. When I do that, I am finally able to not judge you for another person's mistakes, but it is difficult. Then something happens like the incident with those guys who were with you in triage earlier tonight." There was a pause in his words. "You do realize that when idiots like those friends of yours make comments like they did earlier, it doesn't help your case any? Of course, you shouldn't fear, they both defended your honor rather valiantly," he added with a dark chuckle.

My dreams took on a surreal quality at that point as I thought about Mike and Jacob earlier in the evening and how they could valiantly defend my honor. It all sounded very old fashioned as I envisioned knights, horses, swords, and armor. I was only pulled back to the dream-setting of my hospital room when I imagined the slight brush of fingers along my abdomen. "I didn't even know it was a boy until Alice said that he was fine just before she left. No one told me," he said softly, a hint of despair clouding his tone.

And that was when I knew that it was real. I tried to force my mind to focus, to be able to string together a complete thought. "What are you doing here?" I managed to ask.

"Are you awake?" he asked, startled.

"I don't know," I mumbled.

"Shh," he said. "Go back to sleep. Alice will be back soon."

"Why are you here?"

He didn't answer for a moment. "The call room is full, and I wanted a quiet place to collect myself."

I couldn't even wrap my mind around what that meant and could only utter a soft, "Oh."

"Go back to sleep, Bella."

I think I nodded—at least, I'm pretty sure that I did—as my eyes closed again and let unconsciousness settle over me.

~X~

If anyone would've asked me, I would've sworn that Edward had been in the room at some point while I slept, but there was no evidence of him when I awoke the next morning. I had a general sense of the dreams that I'd had the night before, but it was like trying to hold onto water in a cupped hand—no matter what you do, it seeps out, leaving only the vague impression that there was ever anything there.

I still felt the side effects from the medication that the doctor had me on, but it wasn't nearly as bad as it had been when they'd first started me on it the night before. At least the nausea had seemed to abate somewhat, and I felt like I could actually follow a conversation now.

I had to bribe Alice to leave and actually go into work. Not that I felt great about her working all day after barely sleeping, but she had outright refused to go home for a nap, a good meal, and a shower. However, to get her to agree to leave, I had to commit to the spa trip that she'd wanted to have back in November.

Esme arrived by mid-morning from her trip. She said that Carlisle was on the phone with my doctor and they were discussing a "plan of care." Apparently, he was using the fact that he was listed as my general practitioner to its fullest advantage. I couldn't help but wonder how all of that figured in with ethics, but I really didn't care. It reminded me a bit of my dream where Edward was responsible for the drug they were giving me now. However, even from my few interactions with him, I trusted Carlisle and I felt confident that he wouldn't do anything to harm either me or my baby.

When I asked Esme why Carlisle was discussing things with my doctor, she told me that I was simply learning what it was like to have a family of physicians. I mentally cringed at the thought of overprotective doctors, especially since I tended to spend more than my fair share in emergency rooms and doctors' offices. However, I was also quite confident that all I had to do was complain to someone, whether it was Carlisle, Esme, one of the nurses, or my own doctor, and then the Cullens would step back into the corner that I'd banished them into at the beginning of November.

But, if I allowed myself to really think about it, I knew that I didn't want that to happen. The same part of me that hadn't wanted Alice to leave the night before could also admit that she liked having people around who cared about what happened to her.

I received a lecture from Esme for not telling anyone that there was a potential problem with my pregnancy. She accepted my apology but insisted that I accept her help in return. And judging by the number of times Esme told me how worried she'd been, I could tell that Alice had gotten her powers of persuasion—also known as her ability to use guilt trips—from her mother.

My doctor came in to see me just after lunch, and she said that they were turning down the medication they had me on, and if all was well tomorrow, she'd have it shut off. She said that they'd start me on a blood pressure medication after that to help control any preterm contractions. I'd not been having many before this ordeal, but she felt that even the minor irritability could have been one of the reasons for the bleeding. Really, it seemed to me that all of this was simply to give everyone the sense that we were trying to do something more than having me lay around and do nothing all day.

I spent the afternoon—less doped up than I had been—playing cards with Esme, while we talked. I adored her even more than I had before. She made it her goal to try to keep my mind off of the clock. Not an easy thing when there was literally nothing I could do. Well, except play cards. I had briefly considered asking her to stop by my apartment to get my laptop, but I wasn't quite clear-headed enough to actually do any work. When I'd spoken with Mike and Angela earlier, they'd both assured me that my schedule had been shuffled and everything had been taken care of for the next few of days. So, I had nothing that needed to be done. And Angela had already picked up a new phone for me which she would deliver to my apartment as soon as I got home.

Perhaps if I was still stuck in the hell hole that some people referred to as a hospital for another day, I'd consider doing some work, however everyone else thought that any stress could be detrimental.

Therefore, Esme had decided that it was her responsibility to be the one to keep me company while Carlisle had gone into work to catch up on some paperwork.

"You really don't need to stay," I said for the fifth time that afternoon. We had just started our twelfth game of Gin Rummy, and though I might have enjoyed card games, it was quickly becoming monotonous. I couldn't imagine how dreadfully boring all of it must be for her.

"Bella, you do realize that there is nothing that you can say that will make me leave, right?"

I smiled. Really, I was quite certain that there were plenty of things that I could say, but there is no way that I could bring myself to do that… _again_. I knew that doing so before had hurt them almost as much as it had hurt me.

"It's just terribly boring," I lamented. My eyes glanced up to the television across the room from me. It had been on most of the day, but neither one of us were watching it.

"It would be even more mind-numbing if you were stuck here with no one to keep you company. Unless you're trying to tell me that my company is less than desirable."

"No, not at all." I rushed to tell her, only to see a sly grin appear on her face which caused me to smile and relax again.

We each played several turns before she spoke again.

"I spent several weeks at home on bed rest when I was pregnant with Alice," Esme said suddenly.

"Really?"

Though Esme and I had talked several times before, she never truly revealed anything personal like this. Most of her stories dealt with her children, it was easy to see that her world revolved around them.

"M'hm." She drew a card and then put down a set of threes. "I was about six months along. And not only was I stuck in bed all of the time, but I had two little boys running around the house that demanded attention. To top it all off, Carlisle was a first-year resident."

"I can't even imagine that," I said, shaking my head in disbelief.

She smiled. "We had to hire someone to come in to watch Emmett and Edward, and someone else to take care of the house."

"How long did that last?"

"Six weeks."

I couldn't imagine being stuck in bed for that long. I quickly did the math in my head and realized that I could easily end up doing exactly the same thing, and I swallowed hard. "I think I'll go insane if I have to do that." If I was discharged from the hospital, I would go to my empty apartment and spend the next however many weeks _alone_.

Esme leaned over and patted my leg. "Don't worry, sweetheart, there are enough of us to keep you occupied. You won't get too bored."

I just shook my head, knowing that there was no way that I could argue with her right then. After all, we were only on day one.

The conversation had taken such a turn that I'd lost my concentration with the game—though losing my train of thought was still rather easy to do while on the medication—and Esme soon laid down her last grouping of cards leaving me with a handful of points to deduct from my score. While I recorded our scores, she began to shuffle the cards again. Before she could deal, there was a light knock on the door and my nurse walked in.

"Mrs. Cullen, your son is here at the front desk. He asked me to send you out to speak with him."

It was pretty simple to deduce that the son in question was Edward. However, hearing that he was nearby reminded me of my waking up the night before and I wondered how often he'd been nearby.

Esme made an annoyed face and stood up, setting the deck of cards on the table next to my bed. "I'll be right back, Bella."

Once the door was closed, the nurse turned to me. "Next to her husband, her sons are the best looking men that I think I've ever met," she said with a wink.

"They are," I replied, hoping that she'd drop the subject of the Cullen family. The last thing that I needed was for the hospital staff to start gossiping.

"He's actually been sitting out there for awhile."

Now that piqued my interest. "What? How long?"

"For at least an hour. He's been watching your monitor strip on our computer screen and reading your chart."

I was surprised by this revelation. Weren't there laws that kept him from being allowed to doing that unless he had my permission? What was his motivation behind it? The cynical side of me screamed that he was a sneaky bastard for slinking around the nurses' station like that, and I wondered why they even allowed it—though the nurse's words about his looks certainly gave me some insight into that.

My thoughts returned to the night before, and I tried to wrack my brain for the bits and pieces of a one-sided conversation that were eluding me. Was it just my imagination that he had been here or not? I wanted to believe it, though again, I was torn between being pleased that he was actually taking an interest in things, angry that he'd suddenly nosed his way in without my permission, and skeptical that he was doing all of it because of an ulterior motive.

The nurse eyed me curiously for a moment before she went through a checklist, asking me questions, checking my temperature—routine things that I was subjected to because I was stuck here. When she was finished, she left the room, telling me to call her if I needed anything else.

Esme appeared another minute later, but she never mentioned anything about whatever it was that Edward had wanted, and I didn't ask. She simply sat back down and began dealing out the cards, beginning with the meaningless chatter as if nothing had happened.

At around seven, Esme went out to dinner with Carlisle, promising to return. She was planning on staying the night, just as her daughter had the night before. The room wasn't comfortable for anyone, and I felt bad. However, she wouldn't listen to me when I insisted that it wasn't necessary. I was a big girl and could sleep in a strange room all by myself. Besides, I was still feeling rather loopy and they were planning on drugging me further so that I could sleep at night.

Of course, Esme didn't listen to me. At least, one of the nurses had dragged a recliner into the room, so hopefully it would be a bit more comfortable for Esme than it had been for Alice.

By nine, Esme still hadn't returned and a nurse I'd not met before came in to do yet another routine assessment and give me a something to help me sleep. Though I'd deny it—because I didn't want anyone to feel obligated—I was terribly lonely from my two hours alone. Before I could stop myself, I found myself asking, "Is Dr. Cullen sitting out at the front desk?"

"Oh, umm…" She seemed at a loss for words, and it made me wonder what was wrong with my question.

"You know, tall guy, reddish-bronze hair, green eyes. Really, you can't miss him if you see him," I said lightly, trying to play it off as if it wasn't a big deal.

She still said nothing, but her eyes darting towards the door were answer enough.

"When you see him, if you could ask him to come in here instead of lurking out at the desk and essentially spying on me, I would appreciate it." My tone was harsh. Judging by her actions and evasiveness, I knew that Edward was out there, but for whatever reason, she didn't want me to know that.

It was only a few minutes after she left that Edward came into my room. He looked at me with the familiar, emotionless mask firmly in place. I raised my eyebrow at him, but the effect was ruined when I suddenly yawned loudly. However, after another moment, his face cracked slightly and the stiffness seemed to evaporate from his frame. That didn't stop the fact that we both simply stared at each other for several minutes.

Recognizing that we weren't getting anywhere, I sighed. "You can sit down."

He seemed to think about that for a moment before he pulled a chair up near my bed, but he still said nothing.

"How long have you been sitting out there this time?"

"This time?" The look on his face told me that he had no clue what I was talking about. Either that or he was a very skilled actor.

I bit my lip and began to question my train of thought, but after a moment, I decided that it was far better to simply say what was on my mind. "Yeah, when you asked to speak with your mom earlier, the nurse said that you'd been out there for over an hour."

Edward narrowed his eyes as if he were challenging me to say something about his behavior. "And?"

"All you had to do was ask."

He said nothing, seeming tired by the conversation already.

I pursed my lips. "We would get along much better if you would simply stop being an antagonistic ass."

This time his lips did actually breakout into a slight grin. "Perhaps."

"So…."

"So, yes, I've been out there since just after Mom left."

"Your mom left two hours ago."

He shrugged.

"Why didn't you come in here?" I asked after the silence grew to the point where it was becoming unbearable.

"Because I've been working for the last two days, and I had no desire to come in here just to argue with you."

"Oh."

He leaned back in the chair and looked up at the ceiling. Lifting his hands, Edward began to massage both of his temples with his palms. When he finally dropped his hands and sighed, he appeared completely and utterly defeated.

"I don't like people spying on me," I said.

"You don't say. I can't imagine what it would feel like to constantly turn around to find that someone has been watching your every move," Edward said with a sneer.

I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed my face. The constant antagonism wasn't getting us anywhere. I'm not sure if it was my sudden exhaustion from the medication that I'd been given or if I was simply overwhelmed by all of the emotions that were swirling through me, but I felt the moisture begin to form in my eyes. "It wasn't like that," I managed to choke out.

"So you've said." Edward turned his face towards me then, and his eyes met mine. He stared as I sniffed and wiped my eyes. I saw his hand twitch, almost as if her were thinking of offering comfort, but his fingers curled into a fist and his hand remained at his side.

After another moment, he sighed. "What do you want from me, Bella?"

"I don't want anything."

"That's not true, and you know it."

"Were you here last night?" I asked abruptly.

Edward began to run his fingers through his hair in what I could only guess was nervousness or agitation. "You remember that?"

"Not really. A little bit, maybe." Well, at least that confirmed my suspicions, though it didn't explain why I felt more comfortable around him than I had in the last few months. Okay, not necessarily comfortable, but the overwhelming sense of anger seemed to have lessened slightly. I sighed. "Why are you here, Edward?"

"You told the nurse to send me in here," he answered automatically.

"We're going around in circles," I stated, leaning my head back against the pillow, fighting my heavy eyelids.

"And whose fault is that?" he asked in return.

I sighed. "Look, I don't know what you want me to say."

"Of course you don't. You didn't have a chance to rehearse this scenario."

"You make this sound like this is all some sort of game to me. What sick, twisted world do you live in?"

Edward stood up then and walked over to the bed, and I recognized his stance as the one he used each and every time he thought he was being confronted by me. It made me briefly wonder if it was all just a defensive mechanism. That thought almost made the next words he uttered lose the venom that he had tried to infuse in them. "One in which I've learned not to trust women who sneak around and lie."

I didn't have a chance to respond before there was a soft knock on the door, and a nurse entered the room.

"Dr. Cullen," she said, with a broad smile and eyes that suggested that she was interested in far more than work. "There is phone call out at the desk for you."

I shook my head slightly and fought the urge to roll my eyes at her. Everything about her, from the way that she shyly tucked her head down to the way that she batted her eyelashes, said that she was shamelessly flirting. Edward didn't seem to notice.

"Thanks. I'll be right there," he said dismissively. "I'll come back."

I was surprised by that announcement, and I tried to figure out what would make him even want to return. But it was the stupidest comment that wound-up coming out of my mouth. "You're not working?" I asked lamely.

"No. I have the night off."

My brain was growing even hazier and I shook my head. "And if I tell you to stay away, then you'll just sit out at the desk until your mom returns?"

He shrugged.

"At least if you're in here, I know that I'm being stalked," I muttered.

Edward smirked. "Fair play and all that."

"Whatever," I said under my breath as he turned and walked out of the room.

As I relaxed back into the bed and closed my eyes, I allowed the last several minutes to run through my mind, but just as I had been the last twenty-four hours, my brain was too muddied to be able to make much sense of anything. I knew that I was still angry with him. There had been no apologies or explanations for his behavior to me, and he obviously didn't trust me.

However, that had never been my goal. All that I'd wanted from the beginning of this mess had been to give him the option. He still had that; I wasn't going to take it away. Maybe this was a decent first step or perhaps this was simply going to fuck everything up even more.

I didn't know; it would be something that I'd need to think about later when I was clearheaded. For now, I needed sleep.

Several hours later, I awoke briefly to my darkened room with the now familiar _whoosh-whoosh_ sound, which had been muted before I'd gone to sleep, coming from the fetal monitor. I didn't need much light to notice that the recliner had been moved closer to my bed… or for me to know that it was Edward, not Esme, who was lightly snoring in the makeshift bed.


	10. Chapter 10: Home

**Chapter 10: Home**

When I awoke the next morning, I was greeted by the smiling, yet overly tired, face of Esme. Slightly disoriented—as I had been the morning before—from awakening in the hospital, I greeted her. "Good morning," I said fuzzily. Then I remembered that I'd not seen her return the night before. The last time I'd opened my eyes, Edward had been sleeping near me. A quick glance told me that the recliner was moved back to where it'd been yesterday afternoon. I shot Esme a puzzled look.

"Edward had to work this morning," she said in reply to my unasked question.

Her answer only served to confuse me further. "He had to work this morning?"

She nodded. "Yes. He had to be on the floor at seven."

"Then why did he stay if he had to work? That can't have been a very restful sleep for him."

Esme seemed incredibly pleased at the direction of our early morning conversation. "I think he got a far better night's sleep in here than he would've at the nurse's station."

I scoffed. "You can't honestly expect me to believe that he would've spent the night at the front desk if he hadn't been in here."

Esme looked at me critically, as if to challenge my words. Obviously, she fully expected that he would've done exactly that.

Huh. I found myself wondering what to make of that but decided that it was too much for my brain to contemplate so early in the morning. "Wait. Is everything okay with you?" I suddenly asked, changing the direction of the conversation. "I'm not upset that you didn't return last night, but you look like your son after he's worked a seventy-two hour shift."

As if on cue, Esme yawned. "Excuse me. I'm sorry that I didn't make it back in here until very early this morning. I thought that Edward would have told you what happened when I called him last night."

I shook my head. "If you're talking about the phone call that Edward received at around nine-thirty last night… I was asleep when he came back in."

"Ah. Well, I was actually here most of the night. We all were."

"What?"

"Tanya went into labor late last evening. She delivered a baby girl at four o'clock this morning."

"Oh, that's… nice." I didn't know what else I was supposed to say to that. All of the Cullens had said wonderful things about Tanya, and obviously Edward liked her enough to confide in her, but all I could think of was the one time that I'd met her she made me feel like a piece of gum being scraped off of her shoe.

Esme was unaware of my lack of enthusiasm as she beamed with delight and pride. Immediately she launched into extensive detail of Tanya's labor and her newborn baby girl, Kirsten. She went on to show me some images of the little girl on her digital camera. She bragged about how well Tanya did during labor and how she'd gone through the entire ordeal unmedicated. Then she went on and on and _on_ about Kirsten's perfect pink cheeks, her perfect tuft of light blonde hair on her head, her ten perfect fingers and ten perfect toes….

There was no doubt about it: Tanya and her newborn daughter were the models that all women and their babies should hope to aspire to.

The very thought made me want to gag, and I fought against the jealousy.

Yes, it was irrational. It made absolutely no sense, whatsoever. My current problems were completely outside of my control. The fact that I had been told that I'd likely end up having a scheduled surgical delivery, and therefore be on copious amounts of medication, was not something that I could change.

But it still brought a surge of bile up my throat that I had to struggle to keep down.

Esme noticed my pained face and immediately asked if I was feeling all right.

I grabbed at the water on my table and swallowed some down. "Yes, I'm sorry," I managed after I drank a hefty gulp. "You must be exhausted after such a long night. Maybe you should go home and get some sleep."

"Oh, I'll be fine. This certainly isn't the first time," she reassured me. "Besides, I want to wait here until your doctor comes in for rounds this morning."

Before I could even respond, she pulled out a deck of cards and began shuffling for another hand of cards.

When my doctor finally came around to see me, she told me that I seemed to be doing well and that she'd shut off the magnesium sulfate. If all went well, then I could likely go home the following day.

"However, if I send you home, Bella, you need to promise me that you'll stay on bedrest through the weekend."

"Of course," I quickly promised.

"That means that someone should stay with you."

"Oh."

"Bella, you can come stay with us," Esme interjected.

"Um."

Dr. Swanson nodded. "That would be good," she said with a smile. "Okay, I'll be back again tomorrow morning."

Once she walked out the door, I turned my head towards Esme. She was grinning at me broadly. "I can't stay with you."

"What?" Esme asked, her pleased expression dropping instantly.

I sighed. "It's not a good idea. I just…."

"I thought that you and Edward were working things out."

I thought about that for a moment. "It's not…. We haven't…." I groaned, and attempted to compose my thoughts before speaking again. "Edward and I haven't worked anything out. We've only managed to stay in each other's company for more than two minutes without screaming at each other, and I really only think that's because I've been drugged up to my eyeballs."

Esme just looked at me with sad eyes and shook her head and mumbled something that sounded like, "So damn stubborn," under her breath. I didn't know whether she was referring to me or her son, but I never got the chance to ask as the nurse came in to start fiddling with my IV.

The conversation wasn't picked up again after the nurse left. Truthfully, I believed that Esme was too tired and neither one of us had the energy to discuss it further. All I was able to do was ask Esme to deal another hand of cards.

The distraction of the game served to help keep me from thinking too hard about anything else. Though, as Esme grew sleepier, she began to pay less and less attention to the game or the idle small-talk that we'd become accustomed to, and my mind wandered more.

What was I to do now? I'd told Alice and Esme to leave me alone because of how Edward had been behaving, only to call them when I feared that something was wrong with the baby. Now, what? Did I cut them all back out again?

The answers to those questions all hinged on one person: Edward.

He was the reason why I'd cut his family out. However, when I'd seen him the night before, he had been almost cordial. Well, perhaps that was overstating things a bit. He hadn't been as adversarial as he had been.

What really caused me to pause were the things that he'd said when he'd thought that I was asleep Monday night… or, early Tuesday morning. It was all only a hazy memory to me, but one thing shouted out loud and clear: he was conflicted and confused. Part of me could understand that; after all, I had been too. But he's had three months to figure things out, and only now he was beginning to realize what all of this meant?

Really, it made me want to smack him upside the head with a package of diapers, or a crib.

A crib was heavier.

Which led my mind down a completely different trail of thought: I had nothing for my baby. I'd done nothing to prepare for him. No clothes, no furniture, no diapers. I hadn't even thought about names for him.

I sighed loudly.

"Are you okay, dear?" Esme asked, my sigh seeming to snap her awake.

"Sorry. I'm just thinking."

"About?"

"I don't know. Anything. Everything. My mind is going in a dozen different directions at once. I just don't know how I'm going to do this."

Esme reached her hand out to mine. "I know that you need to make the decision that's best for you and your son, but please know how much we want to help you. I know how you are feeling, and I know that no woman should ever go through this alone."

I felt the moisture begin to pool in my eyes as I looked at her.

"I'm just scared," I whispered.

She squeezed my hand. "I know you are. But even if everything was perfect, you would still be scared."

After a moment, she added, "Trust me on that."

I sniffed, nodded, and then turned my attention back to the card game.

~X~

Wednesday night, I'd been alone, and without any nighttime visitors. Esme had gone home by five in the afternoon, nearly falling asleep on her feet. Alice, who had stopped by earlier in the afternoon, seemed to be in the same shape. I had assured them both that I would be fine by myself, and they'd finally left. I thought it had more to do with the fact that they were tired and in no condition to argue. Just before ten that night, my nurse came in and told me that Dr. Cullen had left a message that he wouldn't be stopping by because he was on-call and he was horribly busy, something about being down a doctor, but I wasn't sure. He just didn't think that he'd be able to pull away.

When the nurse delivered the message, I seriously had to wonder why Carlisle was having her tell me that. And then, after another moment, I realized that the message was from Edward, and I wondered why he would even bother. I wasn't sure if he perhaps felt obligated or guilty or… I had no idea, and frankly I didn't want to think about it until I could actually talk to him.

My doctor officially released me from the hospital on Thursday morning. I was thrilled. But, Esme and Alice were still insisting on taking me home with them. And that was something that I really couldn't do. It took a lot of convincing and bargaining, but I finally convinced them to take me home.

Of course, that meant that I wasn't going home entirely alone. Alice insisted that she would be staying with me until my doctor's appointment Monday morning. I was hopeful that Dr. Swanson would actually release me back to work then; even she had admitted that the treatment I'd received had been more aggressive than she normally would prescribe. Aggressive wasn't necessarily a bad thing. All that mattered to me was my baby's health. If he was okay, then I was okay.

However, I found myself thinking that I likely stood a better chance of being released back to work if Alice didn't go with me to my appointment. Not that I blamed Alice for anything, I just had the feeling that the entire Cullen family was overprotective and Dr. Swanson seemed to know them. It didn't take a genius to deduce that the aggressive treatment probably had something to do with them. Esme's words about being among a family of doctors ran through my head. If I wanted Dr. Swanson to only consider me as her patient, not associated with the Cullens, I'd have to do what I could to ensure that Alice and Esme had other plans by Monday morning.

The pair of them helped me out to their car, and I was honestly surprised when Alice actually turned the car onto my street, taking me to my apartment. I had half expected them to try to kidnap me and hold me hostage for the next several days.

Naturally, nothing is ever simple. Once I got the door unlocked to my apartment, Alice and Esme both took complete control. They stuck their noses into everything. Alice ran around squealing about how cute everything was, how she loved the coverlet on my bed, adored the decorations in the bathroom, and she began gushing over my music collection. All the while, Esme poked through my closets, pulling out extra blankets and pillows for me to stay on the couch during the day. She then went into my bathroom, started the shower for me (because apparently I wasn't able to do _anything_ for myself anymore), and grabbed me some clean clothes that would be comfortable for lounging around the house, all before going into the kitchen to start lunch.

With a sigh, I simply gave in and went into the bathroom to get cleaned up.

When I emerged nearly thirty minutes later, Esme was finished in the kitchen. She and Alice were sitting at my kitchen table, eating and there was a tray with food on it for me on the coffee table. They both began to talk, though most of it centered on Tanya and Kirsten, quickly turning my stomach and causing me to lose my appetite. After lunch, Esme gave me a quick hug goodbye so that she could go over to Tanya's house to "get things ready for them" when she and the baby were discharged later that afternoon.

Alice insisted that she wasn't leaving. She went over to look at my meager collection of movies, found something that she dubbed as "acceptable," and popped it in.

"Bella," Alice began in a tone that was too sweet even for her as she sat down on the sofa next to me, "where is the nursery?"

"The spare bedroom is right down the hall," I said simply.

"Bella! My nephew is not going to sleep in that room. It's cold and dreary and… and… _boring_!"

"It's only cold because I never open the door. It's nothing more than a storage room right now."

"So what are your plans for it, then?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. I hadn't really thought about it."

Alice's mouth fell open in a mixture of shock and horror, and I felt the need to try to explain myself. "It's just a room. It doesn't matter. I mean, I'll find a crib and maybe a dresser. What more do I really need?"

She gave an exasperated sigh as if I missed the point entirely. "But a baby needs a nice room that's homey and comfortable. You need to paint the walls and get all of the boxes out of there." She tapped her lips with her finger. "And maybe hang some wallpaper."

"It's for a baby. I highly doubt that he'll know the difference," I snapped, interrupting her thoughts. Really, I didn't want to bother with paint and wallpaper. In my opinion, there really wasn't any point to it. Maybe in a house, but this was just an apartment.

"Sure he will!" she insisted loudly. "Studies show that a baby who has a nicely decorated room and is surrounded by calming things will sleep more peacefully, cry less, and grow up to be smarter."

I snorted. Now she was being ridiculous. "What studies?" I challenged.

"Well, I'm sure that there are some out there somewhere!"

I rolled my eyes. "Sure there are."

Alice pursed her lips and glared at me for a moment.

"Just tell me what it is that you want," I said.

"I want to decorate the nursery."

I started to shake my head, whether it was to deny her request or simply because I was too stunned to actually say anything, I'm not sure.

"Please, Bella. Please, please, please," she begged. "Think of it this way—it'll give me something to do while I stay with you for the next few days."

"Alice, I don't want you to stay for the next several days."

The pained look that suddenly crossed her features made me feel instantly guilty, but before I could apologize she looked at me and said, "I know that you had valid reasons for telling us to leave you alone and for refusing to return my calls. But, you are the one who called us, Bella. You were scared and you called me. Don't shut any of us out again. Please don't. You…. You'll…."

"I'll what?" I asked after her words trailed off, though I had a feeling that I didn't want to hear the rest of her sentence, I already felt horrible as I looked at her sad face and her tear-filled eyes.

"If you cut us out again, Bella, you'll not only hurt me, but you'll absolutely crush Mom."

I hated myself at that moment.

I hated hurting people, especially as sweet as Esme and Alice had been.

But what I hated more was that I was a sucker for guilt trips. And Alice, like her mother, was a pro at them. They're both damn lucky that I liked them.

~X~

I must've fallen asleep during the movie because I jumped when the phone rang sometime later and the credits were rolling.

Alice wasn't anywhere in the living room, and it took me a second to find the handset.

"Hello?"

"Bella!" the voice on the other end of the line exclaimed.

"Hi, Angela," I said, smiling.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine. Tired. But, fine."

"When did you get home?"

"A couple of hours ago. I fell asleep, or else I would've called you myself."

"No problem. I'm glad that you're home. I tried calling on your cell earlier."

I shook my head at her words, even though I knew she couldn't see me. "I don't have my new one yet."

"Oh. I gave it to Alice this morning. I'm sure she probably just forgot. I was only calling because I need to know when you think that you'll be back in."

"Oh, Monday, I hope. I have a doctor's appointment early in the morning, and if everything is okay, she should let me go back to work."

"Good. That sounds… that's very good," Angela said, sounding a bit distracted.

"I'll go through my work emails this afternoon. Is there anything that I need to address immediately?"

"Um." I heard the shuffling of paper, followed by some muted voices in the background. "No. Nothing to worry about, Ms. Swan."

I frowned. These days, Angela only addressed me as Ms. Swan if there were clients around or if she felt the need to distance herself from our friendship, which was a rarity. Besides, she'd already screeched my name when I answered the phone. "Is everything all right there?"

"Oh, yes. Nothing to worry about," she repeated again quickly.

"Okay. Well, send me the rest of this week's schedule so I can see what can be done over the phone or on the computer tomorrow. Barring any other complications, we can probably schedule any meetings for Monday afternoon or Tuesday morning."

"I'll go through your schedule," she assured me.

I waited for a moment before saying, "Angela, are you sure that there isn't anything else?"

"Nothing that can't wait until Monday."

"All right. Thank you. If you need anything call or email. And I'll find Alice and get my cell, so you can reach me that way, too."

"That's good to know. I'm glad that you're home."

"Me too. Thanks again, Ang. I'll talk to you later."

"Goodbye."

I hung up the phone and stared at it, puzzled for a moment, before getting up from the couch. "Alice!" I called.

The door to the spare room opened, and Alice emerged with a pad of paper, a pencil behind her ear, and a tape measure. "What?" she asked.

"What are you doing?"

"Just sketching," she said too innocently.

I just shook my head and decided it was best to leave her alone. "I need my phone," I said, changing the subject.

"Oh! I forgot!" Alice walked quickly past me and to the kitchen where she pulled my cell phone out of her purse. "I picked that up from Angela this morning before bringing you home."

I took it from her and walked over to grab my laptop off of the counter. Knowing that I was about ready to open Pandora's Box, I plugged everything in once I settled onto the couch and booted up both my new phone and my computer.

There were thirty-two texts and forty-eight voicemails on my phone. Angela obviously had obviously purchased the new phone bright and early Tuesday morning and aside from setting up my voicemail, she hadn't done anything else with the phone. I appreciated that she respected my privacy, however, it was her job to take care of some of these details. It only took me a moment to realize that the majority of the messages were from Jacob. I groaned. I'd forgotten to call him, and now he was panicking. I sighed, hadn't he realized that my phone broke?

The latest voice message from him said, "Bella, where in the hell are you? The hospital says they've never heard of you. You're not home. You're not answering your house phone, and your cell number is ringing, so I'm assuming that it's fixed. You're not at work. Your assistant only told me that you were out for a few days and to 'call back later.' Nobody is telling me anything! If you don't call me by five o'clock this afternoon, I'm calling Charlie, and I'm sure that you're aware of how horrible that would be."

Of course, I'd had so many messages to listen to before then, that it took me close to an hour to hear that one. While I was doing that, I was sifting through my email inbox sorting the messages between work-related, personal, and spam; and then sorting them based on priority. Nothing jumped out as something that was life or death, but there was plenty there to keep me busy for awhile.

"Alice!" I yelled again.

This time when she came out of the spare bedroom, she had a light sheen of sweat on her forehead, and she looked as if she'd been doing a workout.

"What are you doing?" I asked after taking in her appearance.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm rearranging some things. Honestly, Bella, I don't know what you thought you were going to do in there by yourself."

I crinkled my forehead and briefly wondered what in the hell she was talking about. All that was in that room was a spare bed—which if she was insisting on staying, she would be sleeping in for the night—and boxes of books and old clothes. Maybe she was moving the bed around. Really, I didn't want to know.

"What did you need?" she prompted me.

"Jacob left me dozens of messages on my phone, and more than once he said that he tried calling the hospital only to be told that I wasn't there."

"Oh. That."

"That what?" I asked, starting to get angry.

"Dad had them list you as private when he got there Tuesday morning."

"What does that mean?"

"He was just trying to protect you and prevent too many rumors starting. People could call you, but only if they knew your room number. Everyone else would be told that you weren't there."

"That's just…" I shook my head, "odd."

Alice shrugged. "He said that he told you about it, but it's really possible that you never understood. You were pretty stoned on Tuesday."

I nodded. That much was true. It seemed odd that Carlisle would do something like that, but there was nothing to be done about it now. And really, I didn't want to think about why Carlisle would even begin to think that it was necessary to list me, Isabella Swan—a nobody—as private. Wasn't that something used by either women hiding from abusive boyfriends or people who wanted to hide from the press? _Unless he was worried about the hospital gossip spreading beyond the maternity floor,_ my actively working mind told me.

Alice just flashed me a grin as she decided that the conversation was finished for now and turned her attention back to my spare bedroom, while I opened my phone, found Jacob's name and number, and pressed send.

I was equally annoyed and pleased when the call went to the answering machine at his apartment. "Jacob, it's Bella. I'm fine. No need to call Charlie. I was at the hospital. Long stupid story. I was there until a few of hours—"

My message was cut off when by a loud screeching noise, and then Jacob's worried voice, "Bella?"

"Yeah, Jake. It's me."

"Sorry, I was helping my dad, and I couldn't get to the phone before the machine picked up. Is everything all right? What happened? How are you feeling? Is the baby—"

"Calm down. Everything is fine. Honest. The baby is healthy. My doctor just wanted me to stay for a couple of days."

"Good. I'm on my way over. You can tell me all about it," he said. In the background I could hear the jingling of keys.

"Stay right where you are," I rushed to tell him before he ended the call and walked out his door.

"I want to see you, Bella. Just to make sure you're okay." The pleading, desperate tone in his voice once again worried me as to how seriously he was considering our "friendship." I'd thought that I'd been very clear on what I thought of our relationship. But to be fair, it did sound like I had done a disappearing act on him since Monday night. That would make any _friend_ nervous.

"I'm sorry that I worried you, but I'm fine."

"I just hate the idea of you home alone, Bella."

"I'm not alone. Don't worry about me."

"Who's there with you?" he asked, sounding slightly irritated and even more concerned.

"Alice is here."

"Alice? The woman from Monday night? _His_ sister?"

"Yeah, that's right."

There was a pause on the other end of the phone. "Is that Edward guy still being a jerk to you?"

"That's none of your business."

"I think it is. You're my friend, and you deserve better than for some asshole to treat you like crap."

"You and I have known each other for two weeks. It's not your place. Besides, I've been dealing with the _asshole_ just fine on my own, thank you very much. I don't need some knight in shining armor to come along and rescue me. I'm not a damsel in distress."

"Now that you're done with all the clichés," he snapped. "I've known you practically my whole life. And I think that whether you believe it's necessary or not, everyone could use a bit of rescuing."

"Just because _my_ dad used to drag me out on fishing trips with _your_ dad does not make us lifelong pals. I already told you, I don't remember any of it. I try to block those memories out of my head. If you're feeling this incredible desire to go out and save someone, go become a fireman or something."

Silence followed my remarks, and I began to bite my lip, nervously. I didn't really feel guilty about what I'd said, but I knew that it probably hurt his feelings. I chose not to think about those fishing trips with Charlie when I was younger. There had been nothing about them that I'd found to be enjoyable. A lot of cold, wet, rainy days spent sitting in front of a body of water and a lot of dirt. Not my idea of a good time. It had been those activities, when Charlie forced me to do something that made me so horribly miserable, that had begun to plant the seeds of my resentment towards him in the first place.

When the phone remained silent, I sighed. "Listen, Jake. I really am fine. I can take care of myself. Why don't you plan on coming by on Friday? If I'm lucky, I'll be able to convince Alice to go to work, but even if she won't, I'm sure that she'll leave us alone for a bit. Right now I need to go through some stuff for work. Please, give me through tomorrow morning to get some things caught up at the very least." I bit my lip, hoping that he'd hear the genuineness of my words. He had been very sweet to me these last couple of weeks. It made me think that on some level he felt as if he were my dad's eyes and ears in Seattle, which led me to some very uncertain feelings to say the very least.

"Okay. I can do that. Name the time, and I'll be there."

I gave him the directions to my apartment and asked him to come by early afternoon.

Once Jacob was assured that he could stop by and see me, he was much less overbearing. I was actually able to hold a legitimate conversation with him. He told me that he'd not told Charlie anything yet. Thankfully, Jacob had wanted to have something to tell him; otherwise Charlie would've been in Seattle before I'd awoken Tuesday morning. I said a silent prayer of thanks that Jacob didn't call Charlie or my mom as soon as he couldn't get a hold of me on Tuesday morning. Really, he'd been very patient when the hospital said that they'd never heard of me.

Finally, I used the excuse that I needed to get some work done and ended the call.

After I pressed end, I began the tedious chore of reading all of my emails.

Esme and Carlisle brought dinner by that evening because, apparently, Alice didn't know how to cook. Esme and Carlisle were both very sweet, but their stay was short. Aside from bringing us food, their main reason for stopping by was to bring Alice a suitcase of "necessities."

Those necessities included more beauty products than I had purchased in my entire lifetime. It was completely ridiculous. Before they left, Esme gave me a hug before kissing her daughter on the cheek and handing her a folded piece of paper. Then both she and Carlisle were gone nearly as quickly as they'd arrived.

After we ate, Alice began shopping online with the computer her mother had brought her, and I excused myself to go get ready for bed. I was still horribly tired.

I cleaned up and changed. Just as I was getting ready to get into bed, Alice knocked on my door and came in.

"Do you need something?" I asked her. It wasn't until that moment that I realized that she was a guest in my house and I'd done nothing for her. "The sheets are—"

Alice stopped me as I started walking towards the linen closet in the hallway. "I'm fine, Bella. I'm not a guest—I'm here to take care of you."

"I appreciate that, but I really don't need it."

"I know that you feel relatively normal, but really, it will make all of us feel better if you just follow your doctor's orders and allow us to dote on you."

My lips formed a tight smile as I shook my head. "I don't like to have to rely on anyone."

"Really? None of us ever would've guessed that," Alice retorted, sarcasm positively oozing from her.

I felt my smile grow more genuine. "You should go into work tomorrow, Alice. I don't want to be responsible for you losing your shop. Besides, I have a friend coming by in the afternoon."

She was waving her hand to dismiss my concerns until I mentioned that someone else was stopping by. "Who?"

"Jacob."

"He was at the hospital Monday night."

"Yes, he was the one with the long black hair."

Alice studied my face for a moment and then nodded. "Okay. In that case…"

I waited for the shoe to drop and for her to announce whatever plans she was now concocting for the three of us Friday afternoon. I had a funny feeling that an afternoon of Jacob, Alice, and me would be more than a little bit uncomfortable.

My dread must've been apparent on my face because the next thing that Alice said was, "Cheer up, Bella. I know you'll miss me when I'm gone."

My ears perked up. "You're going to work?"

She nodded. "I think that you're right. I probably should run down to the boutique for a bit tomorrow. I haven't been in much this week, so I should at least make an appearance."

"As I've said before, I'll be fine. Besides Jake, I have work that I need to get caught up on, so feel free to take as long as you need."

She gave me a disapproving look. "Don't overwork yourself."

"I won't. I promise."

"Okay, then. I'll go into the shop in the morning to make sure that everything is fine, come back here with lunch, and then leave when your friend comes by to visit. Does that sound all right with you?"

I smiled and nodded.

"I'll be right back." Alice walked out of the room and was back moments later. Walking over to my dresser, she set two bottles on top of it. "Your medicine and your vitamins."

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks, mother."

Then she handed me a folded piece of paper. I was fairly certain that this was the same thing that Esme had handed her earlier. "Those are numbers for everyone. You have to promise me that you'll call if you need anything."

I studied the list. It was indeed phone numbers for every member of the Cullen family. There were the numbers for the cell phones for every family member from Carlisle to Edward to Jasper, followed by office numbers, backline numbers to end-run the receptionists, to pagers. There were even numbers for Emmett and Rosalie who I hadn't even met yet.

"Don't hesitate to use those."

"I promise, Alice, if something happens during those entire three or four hours that I'm left here by myself, I will call... _someone_," I said with a chuckle. She looked indignant, so I added, "Thank you. This is more than sweet of you."

"You're welcome."

After another moment, I couldn't fight off a yawn. "I really am tired," I said needlessly.

"Of course. You'll let me know if you need anything?"

"Yes, Alice. I'm really all set."

"Okay. Have a good night, Bella." Then she did something she'd never done before, Alice placed her hand on my stomach and leaned her head towards it. "Good night, baby."

Alice looked up and grinned at me broadly, and I couldn't help but laugh. "We will both see you tomorrow, Alice."

Deciding that was a sign of encouragement, Alice squealed and hugged me before she left the room, leaving me to relax in peace at last.


	11. Chapter 11: Memories

**Chapter 11: Memories**

Friday morning I awoke to a soft sliver of light peeking through the curtains of my bedroom window. Curious, I hoisted myself out of bed. Seriously, I was beginning to feel huge with the way that my stomach protruded in front of me. I couldn't simply sit up in bed—well, not without a major production—and to actually get out of bed, I had to roll. I opened the drapes and sighed. It would've been too much to hope that it was sunny outside. It was just another dreary, dark, dismal winter's day in Seattle. I missed Phoenix.

I yawned, rubbed my face, and then glanced at my bedside clock. It was nine. I'd slept a long time and couldn't figure out why I was still so tired. I felt as if I could easily crawl back in bed and sleep for another twelve hours. Stifling a yawn, I trudged off to the bathroom to get ready for the day. I might have been required to spend much of the day lying around, but that didn't mean that I didn't need to try to get some work done from my spot on the couch.

I took my time showering and dressing, even taking the extra minutes to blow dry my hair, all just so I could avoid facing the rest of my day. In my mind, bed rest meant that I needed to spend the majority of my time either in bed or on the couch… but, I was allowed to be up for things like using the bathroom. Seeing as I was expecting my time in the bathroom to be the highpoint of my day, I wound up taking nearly an hour getting ready.

However, no matter how much prep time I had, nothing could've prepared me for what awaited me when I emerged from the hallway into the main living area of my home. While I had slept, my apartment had been transformed into what I could only imagine was the North Pole. It was… _excessive_. I recognized some of the decorations that were now adorning my living room; as of yesterday afternoon they had all still been in boxes in my spare bedroom. I gritted my teeth as I wondered what else Alice had snooped through. Not that I had anything of value or anything overly personal in there, but it was my stuff, and I really hated people interfering with my things.

On a second look, I realized that I only recognized some of the decorations—like the wooden reindeer and sleigh that I'd inherited from my grandmother when she died. But there were other things that were definitely not mine. For one thing, I didn't own this many strands of lights. There were glittering lights that circled the entire living room and dining room. They outlined the windows and, of course, covered the Christmas tree in the corner of the living room.

Taking a deep breath and shaking my head, I walked over to the couch and sat down. Dropping my head in my hands, I fought the sudden urge to cry. Tears were the only thing that I could even feel. What in the hell was wrong with me? Typically I loved the holidays. I was one of those people who got out the boxes of Christmas decorations the day after Thanksgiving and had a tree up by the first of December. (Though, admittedly, I'd never had this many decorations.) I religiously had cards signed and sent out by the fifth, and I spent the rest of my free time during the month in the kitchen baking for my family and friends.

And this year… nothing.

I'd had a migraine the day after Thanksgiving, so Renee hadn't even mentioned decorating. No cards, no cookies… hell, I hadn't even bought a gift for my little sister. I always bought gifts for Brett.

I wasn't angry about the decorations in the room. Really, the only emotion that seeing my living room decked out like Santa's workshop evoked was a vast sense of emptiness. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball on the couch and sleep, with the hope that when I awoke things would be better.

I couldn't do that though. My eyes spotted my computer sitting on the table, along with my brand new phone that Angela had set-up for me. There were emails that I needed to answer, a couple of reports that I should start typing up, and I needed to call the office.

With a sigh, I pulled my computer and phone up to me, settled myself on the couch, and got to work.

I spent what was left of the morning typing up reports and making a few follow-up calls with some of our clients. Angela was busy, so I ended up speaking with Mike for a good twenty minutes. He assured me that the office was running smoothly and that there was nothing for me to worry about. Of course, for me, that was easier said than done.

At around noon, I heard the lock on my door jiggle a little and then open.

"Hello, Bella!" Alice said excitedly when she literally bounced into the room.

"Hi," I replied with a half-hearted smile.

She held up a bag. "I brought you a sandwich from that deli by your office."

I thanked her as she handed me the bag of food.

"Don't you want to eat?" I asked her when she sat down and began watching me eat, making me feel self-conscious. As I bit into the sandwich, my stomach gurgled slightly, and I realized that it was the first thing that I'd eaten all day.

"I had lunch with Angela."

I nodded. That explained the reason that Angela wasn't in the office when I'd called before.

"So…" Alice began.

"Yeah?" I asked around a mouthful of food. Apparently my manners had flown out the window.

Waving her hands in a gesture at the room, she asked, "What do you think?"

I swallowed my bite. "I think you went through my closet without so much of a by your leave."

Alice had the good sense to duck her head and for a blush to creep up on her pale cheeks. "I thought that you could use something to cheer you up."

I didn't have the heart to tell her that the decorations only made me feel worse, so I just nodded my head and tried to smile. "Where did you get everything?" I asked, as I held back a sigh.

"Some from the boxes in the nursery, and then I went down to the store to get the rest."

I wanted to protest, but what could I really say after the fact? So I settled for a simple, "Oh."

Alice stayed until I finished my lunch. I had the feeling that she knew that I'd skipped breakfast, but she didn't say anything about it. Then she smiled, "I need to run back down to the shop for a bit. Are you going to be okay?"

People tended to be asking me that a lot lately. "I'll be fine, Alice. I'm just… I don't know. Everything still feels too far out of my control. I don't like it," I admitted.

She stood up, walked over to me, and placed her hand reassuringly on my shoulder. "Things are going to start getting better soon, I promise. Trust me on that," she said with a grin and a wink. Then she waved and left.

The way that she said it reminded me of Esme, and I was once again struck by the similarities between the mother and daughter.

It made me contemplate the similarities between myself and my parents. Which attributes of theirs did I possess? Was I really like my mother, unable to have any real relationships, too afraid of being hurt to ever actually love someone until I was nearly forty and realized that nearly half of my life was over with? What did that mean for my own child? Would he be distant and unable to form attachments with people? How would I be as a mother? Would I be like Renee, always more concerned about living my own life than ensuring that my son was feeling wanted, loved, and needed? Would I actually be able to hug my child, hold him, comfort him in ways that Renee always seemed to shy away from?

Then there was Charlie. I didn't know him well enough to know if he and I were alike much. Well, I knew little things, like my hair had a bit of curl in it because of him, and my general clumsiness came from him. And when I was growing up and would argue with my mom, she'd tell me that I was just as stubborn as my dad.

I loved my mom. Hell, I loved Charlie, even though he had ignored me most of my life. But what did all of that mean for my own child?

I was quite certain that it was the nature of parents to make mistakes with their children. I'd long since come to terms with the fact that my mother was much more nurturing with my half-sister, than she ever had been with me. But the question remained—would my son have the same feelings of insecurity? Would he have burdens of responsibility far beyond his years? I didn't want that for him. Like many people, I wanted something better for my child. I wanted him to feel loved and wanted, never an imposition… and _never_ a mistake.

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud knock on the door, and I jumped slightly. Glancing at the clock, I realized that it was likely Jacob, and I moved to get up.

"Hi, Jacob," I greeted with a forced smile as I opened the door.

"Hey, Bella," Jacob said, pulling me into a hug that I immediately tried to extricate myself from. I didn't know him well enough for that.

"Did you find the place all right?" I asked.

"I have actually been here before," he said as I led the way into the living room and sat on the couch, motioning for him to sit as well.

"Oh." Well, now I felt stupid. I had spent nearly five minutes giving him directions the day before. I'd not really put much thought into the fact he had been with Charlie for Thanksgiving.

He laughed at me and then held up paper grocery bag. "Are you hungry?"

"I had lunch a bit ago," I said, hoping that he hadn't gone out to buy me another meal.

He smiled and then reached his hand into the bag pulled out a small bouquet of flowers from in the bag and handed them to me.

"Thank you for the flowers," I said as he handed me the bouquet of red and white carnations. I was more annoyed by his gesture than anything, but it would've been rude to say so.

"You're welcome." Jacob followed me into the kitchen where I put them in a vase and then placed them in the middle of the kitchen table. It was the one surface that Alice hadn't covered when she'd decorated the night before. "Now, can I tempt you with what's in here? It's your favorite," he said as we sat back down in the living room.

"And how would you know?" I asked skeptically.

"Charlie told me."

I rolled my eyes. Really, I couldn't help it. Charlie knew nothing about me, let alone my favorite… well… _anything_.

Jacob reached back in the bag and pulled out some paper plates and plastic cutlery, setting them on my coffee table. Then he pulled out a box with a familiar script on the side, and I wracked my brain, trying to place the name. It was when he opened the box that my eyes bulged and my mouth began watering. A slew of memories flooded me from when I used to visit Charlie. Things that I hadn't thought about in such a very long time. For years he would insist on celebrating my birthday a month early so that it was during my visits with him. We would always spend the day up in Seattle where he would take me to lunch, followed by a trip to a museum, a show, to a baseball game, or some other activity that took up a few hours. Then, the last stop of the day would be when he'd take me to a dessert shop, Simply Desserts, and he would buy me white chocolate cheesecake.

I hadn't had their cheesecake since my eighteenth birthday. I'd completely forgotten about it. Obviously, Charlie hadn't.

"You bought an entire cheesecake?"

He shrugged. "You said that someone was staying with you. This way you can share."

My eyes began to tear up for the second time that day. I couldn't help it. "Thank you," I said sincerely.

Jacob beamed at me. "You're welcome. Does that mean I can get you a piece?"

"Please."

Within two minutes, Jacob had a piece of the dessert sliced, on a plate, and in my eagerly waiting hands. Over the years, if there was one thing about food that I have learned, it was that nothing tasted as good as you remembered it. Cookies, cakes, chips, pizza, soda… all of those things that I had savored when I was younger didn't taste anywhere near as good as they once had. The cheesecake that I was eating, however, was the exception to that rule. This cheesecake was better than I had remembered. Rich, creamy, smooth… amazing. It was the perfect blend of sweetness of the white chocolate mixed with the tanginess of the cheese. It was utterly delicious. I immediately wished that I was hungrier or that my stomach was not currently being squished by my growing child so that I had room to eat more than my fill.

I kept my eyes closed as I put forth all of my attention to my taste buds. This was something that I never wanted to forget again.

Hearing a soft snicker, my eyes snapped open. Jacob was laughing.

"What?" I asked, around my mouthful.

"You just moaned."

My cheeks flushed as I swallowed and put the plate on the table. "It's really good."

"I wasn't telling you to stop eating."

I smiled. "No, I'm really way too full. If I eat any more than that, I'll get to enjoy it a second time, and I'm pretty sure that it won't taste the same on the way back up."

"Ugh. Bella, do you have to be so gross?"

It was my turn to laugh and shrug. "Really, though, thank you for that. It's wonderful."

Jacob preened. "You're welcome. See? I told you that I know you. It really is your favorite."

"As I recall, you said that Charlie told you. I don't think that I can give you points for asking my dad."

"Hey, now, at least I knew where to go get the information."

"True." Really, I was thinking that I ought to give Charlie props. He remembered something about me that I didn't even know. And here I'd been living in Seattle for months and I could've been eating the decadent cheesecake all this time. It was probably a good thing that I'd forgotten. Somehow I didn't think that consuming cheesecake for every meal would be something that my doctor would be pleased about.

I took a drink of my bottle of water to rinse my mouth from all of the sweetness and looked over at Jacob. He was sitting next to me on the couch as he fidgeted. It was only then that I realized how rude that I was being. "Oh, I'm sorry. Umm. There are drinks in the kitchen. Would you like something? I can—"

I moved to get up just as Jacob interrupted me, "No, I'm fine. Please stay down. What happened with the doctor?"

"Are you worried that something is going to happen now?"

"The last thing I need is for your friend to come home and yell at me for having you get up and try to play hostess."

"Alice wouldn't yell at you. Besides, I'm fine. I'm just supposed to stay off my feet for the next few days. That's all."

Jacob nodded. "So, how has it been spending your days and nights practically in bed all week?"

"It sucks."

He laughed. "You know, most people would kill for the opportunity."

"I'm not most people."

"That's why I like you."

I sighed. "Jacob, you really don't know me."

"Really, I do."

I shook my head. "How can you even begin to think that? And no, you can't count anything before I was eighteen."

There was a distinct grumbling sound coming for Jacob's chest. "Fine," he said.

Then he pulled his cellphone out of his pocket. Puzzled, I watched as he fiddled with the gadget for a few moment and then let out a triumphant, "Aha!" and handed it to me.

"There," he said, pointing to the display.

And indeed, there it was. Every phone call that I had made to Jacob or he had made to me since Thanksgiving, along with the number of minutes that we'd logged in that time. I shook my head, boggled; I didn't talk to my mother for that many minutes in a month, let alone a couple of weeks. I quickly scrolled through and thought about the conversations. At first, when he'd called, I'd make the calls as quick as possible. Two minutes, tops. However, Jacob had grown ever more persistent, and a part of me had latched on to the fact that he was a new person to talk to, someone who wasn't somehow linked to the Cullen family or my current situation. It had been nice, and we'd had two phone conversations that had lasted more than two hours. In that time, I'd learned more about him, what he liked, his past relationships, the history with his parents, and the tribe he was a part of. Before I could think on it further, though, Jacob pulled the phone back out of my hands, leaned over me and put it back in his pocket.

"Shouldn't you be lying down or something? You've been sitting like that since I got here. Isn't it best for the baby if you're lying down?"

"Are you going to start mothering me now too?" I asked, disgusted.

"Someone has to."

"I have enough people doting on me right now, thank you very much." But he was right, I should be lying down, and even though I'd been on the couch for several hours, I'd been sitting up nearly the entire time. I glanced around the living room at the loveseat and the chair. I made an impulsive decision. My logic stemmed from the fact that if I were to lie down on my side like I needed to, then I would have to crane my neck to see him anywhere. Standing up, I looked at him. "Come on."

Jacob stood and followed me into my bedroom. I turned on the switch for the bedside lamps, climbed up on the right side of the bed, and lay down on my left side.

"Wouldn't you be more comfortable under the covers?"

"I think I'll be fine. Thanks, Mom. Besides, crawling under the covers makes it feel more confining."

"I see."

"Come on. I moved us back here so that I could actually see you while we talked."

It was another invitation that Jacob accepted far too readily for my comfort. He turned on his side and faced me and grinned. "I like this."

"You know, this doesn't mean anything," I said. I nodded towards the huge gap between us, hoping that he'd understand that the gap was there for a reason.

"I'll take what I can get. Besides I always take it as a bonus if I can manage to get a woman into bed on the first date."

I snorted. "I'm not that easy."

Jacob raised his eyebrows and nodded toward my stomach. "Aren't you?"

My reaction was only suitable: I smacked his chest.

"Ow. You know, you could warn a guy first."

"And you could keep your snide comments to yourself."

"Sure, sure." Though it didn't sound like agreement; it came across more patronizing, in a tone that told me that he was only trying to placate me and would do whatever he damn well pleased.

Jacob was quiet for a few minutes, and in that time my son decided that it was time to wake-up. The baby was normally active after I ate and almost always when I tried to lie down. I moved my hand to press where he was currently kicking my side.

Jacob noticed. "Can I?" he asked, raising his hand.

I moved my own and nodded. "Sure."

He scooted a bit closer to me as I glanced up at the empty doorway. It would be my luck for Alice to come home right now.

Placing his hand directly over where I'd had mine, he pressed his palm against my stomach. The baby recognized the pressure and kicked back, and Jacob laughed. "When my sister was pregnant, I spent nearly every afternoon with my hands on her stomach, talking to my nephew."

"That's sweet."

"Have you named him yet?"

"No. I don't…." I thought for a moment. "I don't know if I should or not."

"Aren't you keeping him?" he asked, shocked.

"Yeah, but I don't know what's going to happen. We haven't discussed anything about it."

His eyes flashed up at me for a moment before he turned his attention back to my moving belly. "We?"

"He's not just my baby."

"After the way he stormed out of your room on Monday…."

"I know. He's an ass, but he misunderstood what was going on." I squeezed my hands into fists for a moment, mentally berating myself for actually defending Edward. It's not like he deserved it.

Jacob's eyes darkened. "I know."

"What?"

"Nothing," he muttered. "I just thought that it was just another example of how much of a douche that Cullen guy can be."

"How would you know? I don't recall having any deep, meaningful Edward discussions while we spoke on the phone," I said harshly. I didn't know what it was about Jacob saying rude things about Edward, but it bothered me. Maybe I felt like I was the only person who should be allowed to say rude things about him. I didn't know.

Jacob moved to sit up and leaned against the headboard while keeping his eyes focused on the foot of the bed. "He's a jerk, Bella. You don't deserve to be treated like that."

"You only saw him the one time at the hospital. Of course he was going to be pissed. He had no idea what was going on." I didn't even want to analyze the part of me that was insisting on being defensive about this conversation, but all I could think about was that this was none of Jacob's business. It was nobody's business but my own. I needed everyone else to stay out of it.

Jacob turned to look at me sheepishly before ducking his head and averting my gaze. "Umm."

"What?" I demanded.

Taking a deep breath, he turned towards me. "I've run into him twice."

"Twice?"

"Yeah. Once, when you were admitted to the hospital—Mike and I chased him down."

My eyes widened in surprise, though a small part of me told me that I already knew that. _Did I?_ It didn't matter, and I brushed it aside. "Tell me what happened," I demanded.

Jacob shrugged. "Mike told him he had just been making a joke, and tried to play it off. When Cullen still acted like an unconcerned ass, we both laid into him. It was kind of fun."

I sat there with my mouth gaping open. "Fun?"

"Look, Bella, you've got to understand that he's a selfish prick who doesn't give a damn about anybody but himself and his stupid reputation."

Was that Edward's problem? He was only concerned about his reputation? I shook my head. "And the other time?"

"Do you remember Thanksgiving?"

"Yes." I wanted to be annoyed that he'd even ask that, but it really was a fair question. After all, I'd forgotten that he'd been here before until he'd reminded me.

"Well, your mom told your dad about Cullen."

"I know about that. I overheard them when I was in the bathroom."

"Oh. Well, when we left, Charlie took Dad and me home and told us a bit about it. He was pretty upset, Bella. I asked him what he was going to do about it, and he said that he wanted to go have a talk with Cullen. So, we did."

My eyes widened, and I scrambled to sit up. "What? Charlie went… and you… what…" I stammered. "How could you do that? How could Charlie?" I shouted.

"Knock it off, Bella."

"Tell me what happened, Jacob. Now."

"Your mom told Charlie that Cullen worked at the hospital and was supposed to be there on Thanksgiving, so Charlie and I went down there. At first, Cullen acted like he didn't even know who you were, but once your dad informed him who _he_ was, Cullen quit trying to be so evasive. He hardly said anything, but your dad sure gave him an earful."

I didn't know whether to be furious with Charlie for going down and confronting Edward behind my back or with Edward because he tried to tell my dad that he didn't know who the hell I was. And I knew that I was angry with all of them for not telling me any of this sooner. My head was starting to hurt, and I began to massage my temples. "What exactly did Charlie say?"

"Just that Cullen had better step up and take some responsibility for this mess."

I groaned.

"Hey, Charlie was defending you and putting that jackass in his place."

"It wasn't Charlie's place to do that," I growled.

"Look, Bella, you need to get over this thing that you have with Charlie. He's your dad—it's only natural that he would want to protect you and take care of you. That's what dads do, and all Charlie did was make sure that Cullen knew that, too."

I sighed. "Someone still should've told me." Suddenly, I couldn't stop wondering if that was the reason for Edward's sudden concern… if it could be called that. And here I'd thought that it had been something that he'd actually figured out on his own. Not that it really mattered, I supposed.

"What is it between you and Charlie anyway? The Bella I remember was always happy to spend her summers with her dad."

Closing my eyes, I put my head back against the headboard. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me." Jacob was quiet for a minute before he said, "Please, Bella, tell me what changed."

After a minute's thought, I decided that, for the first time, I wanted to tell the story. It had always been too painful, and I rarely confided in anyone. Renee had likely guessed, but she still wasn't completely aware of everything. "It was a lot of things really. I hated how much Charlie seemed to miss my mom. I hated the fishing trips. When I was about twelve, I told him that I wanted to spend our two weeks together in California, but he told me that it simply wasn't feasible for him, and Renee wouldn't let me stop the visits completely, so I started to resent him for that. When I was a junior in high school, Renee got remarried. Phil was playing minor league ball at the time and was traveling all over. Renee missed him, and I thought that it would be better for them if I moved up to Forks to stay with Charlie."

It wasn't important to mention the little things that had bothered me, but they ran through my head while I explained things to Jacob. Like the way that Charlie would ask about Renee far too much for my comfort, or how my mom had once told me that Charlie's priorities were skewed. When she'd announced that she was leaving Forks with or without him, he'd decided that it was more important to stay in the small town and help take care of his parents than it was to take care of his wife and daughter. Charlie had never asked for more than two weeks a year visitation, and he had never come down to Phoenix or California to visit me. Other things had always taken priority. There were truly hundreds of little things that all added up to the whole, but it had been one defining event that had simply reiterated the belief that had formed in my mind at a very young age.

Still refusing to open my eyes, I took a deep breath in an effort to keep my emotions in check. "It all seems so stupid now, but I called Charlie at Christmas to ask him if I could move in with him. After he stumbled over his words for a few moments he said, 'If that's what you really want,' and without so much as a pause, he went into a story about some salmon that he'd caught two months earlier. I hung up the phone completely distraught. To me, that had been the final nail in the coffin—Charlie didn't care about what I did or where I lived. Nothing else compared to the memory he had for my mom, or for his passion for his job, or for his damn fish. I called him a week later and told him that I'd changed my mind."

When I really thought back and looked at it, I could say that I might have been hasty and irrational, but I couldn't stop the feelings of rejection that had washed over me at Charlie's disinterest. Even eleven years later.

The bed shifted, and I felt Jacob's arm go over my shoulder, and he pulled me firmly against him. "He didn't mean it that way," he said softly.

Sniffing, I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. I hadn't even realized that I'd started crying. "How do you know?"

"I remember that Christmas. Charlie came down to La Push to have dinner with us, and he spoke nonstop about you moving up. I don't think that I'd ever seen him so excited."

I pulled my head up so I could look at Jacob. "What?"

"Really. He was so happy, Bella. He even talked to my dad about buying his truck so that you'd have something to drive when you arrived." Jacob took a breath. "Charlie was crushed when you called and said you weren't coming."

The sadness that I'd been feeling when I'd told my story increased a thousand times over with Jacob's version of events, and the tears began to fall with abandon.

Jacob tried to comfort me. He rubbed his hand up and down my shoulder and my arm and whispered soft words of comfort in my ear. After several minutes, he reached over for some tissues for my eyes and nose. "It's okay, Bella. Don't feel bad about it. You didn't know."

"I felt so rejected. Like he wanted nothing to do with me. And now you're telling me that he's just socially challenged and just never found a way to tell me that he wanted me around? I've been so awful to him." And I had. I could vividly hear every single horrible thing that I'd ever said to my dad in a new light. I had been horrible and hateful… and I'd never even given him a chance. Despite all of that, he was still doing things like scolding Edward and telling him to man up. I owed him far more than an apology.

"Yeah, but as you said, Charlie's guilty here, too. Besides, you're lucky—it's not too late to fix things with him."

I didn't know if that was true or not. Things had been strained between us for a very long time. How could I even know how to fix it? I wanted that relationship, but I couldn't even remember exactly what it had been like before our falling out. So I did the only thing that I could and I asked.

I questioned Jacob about all of my trips to Forks that I'd tried to suppress all for so many years. He obliged me, of course, and I began to understand both Jacob and Charlie more as a result. He told me of fishing trips, of time I'd spent at his house baking cookies with his mom and sisters, about how we'd use to run along the beach collecting sand dollars and agates.

As I listened to him, I realized how much it was that I'd chosen not to remember, not that it was beyond my capabilities. The overwhelming sense of dread and foreboding that had been hanging over me for days, if not weeks, seemed to slowly start to dissipate. As we talked, we shifted around several times, but eventually I was lying down on my side again and Jacob was lying on his side, curled around so that he was talking to my stomach, telling my son embarrassing stories about me. Only occasionally would he tell a story that I was truly familiar with. Jacob seemed completely unfazed by that and kept talking. The baby, who had remained rather active during my emotional turmoil, seemed to calm at his voice, and it made me smile… even if I wasn't thrilled to hear about the time that I'd decided that I wanted to try fishing like my dad and had made to cast out the line only to get the hook and worm caught in my hair

My fingers played with Jacob's long, black, silky ponytail while he spoke. I'm pretty sure that he liked that, considering that he'd protested when I'd stopped. Though up until his protests, I'd not even realized that I was doing it.

"Then there was your mom's first kiss," Jacob said, snickering a bit as he launched into his next story.

I yanked firmly on his hair. "Hey! What do you know about my first kiss? I never told you anything about that."

Jacob titled his head up to me for just a moment. "Quiet. I'm telling Little Jacob a story here."

"His name is most certainly not Jacob."

He gave an exasperated sigh and proceeded to ignore me. "As I was saying, your mom's first kiss was when she was six."

_Six?_

"It was me, your mom, and my sisters. We were on the shore of Lake Pleasant, and my dad had just caught a trout, and all of us kids stared at it as its mouth moved."

And then I remembered, and I smiled at the vision as it played through my head. Rachel and Rebecca started making fish-kissy faces by sucking in their cheeks and moving their lips. Soon, all four of us were doing it, and Rebecca made a comment about wondering if fishes kissed that way. Curious, seconds later I had pressed my fishy-shaped lips on Jacob's. After a very loud "Eww!" from him, and a blush from me, we were back to building a sand castle.

"Interesting tall tale there, Mr. Black," I said to Jacob as he finished telling his story.

"Not a tall tale—simply the truth."

"Well, right now it's your word against mine, and I already told you that I don't remember anything."

He arched his neck and looked back at me, then made the same fishy-face at me that I'd remembered. I burst out into a fit of giggles, only to try to make the same face myself right back at him.

"See? I knew that you remembered!" he announced triumphantly.

I didn't have a chance to confess or deny his statement before there was a knock on the door frame. My eyes shot up to the entryway to meet Edward's gaze.

"Hi, Edward," I said calmly, hoping that would help to stave off the animosity that I was certain I saw brewing in his eyes.

"Bella," he said shortly.

Jacob quickly sat up, and it was impossible to miss the looks that Jacob and Edward shot at each other. I obviously didn't need to worry about introductions between them. After another awkward minute, Jacob turned to me. "I'm going to go, Bella."

"You don't have to leave," I said, more out of habit than anything else.

"Yeah, I do," he said while looking at his watch. "It's getting late. It's time for me to start getting dinner together for my dad."

"Okay. Well, thanks for coming by to see me. I had a nice afternoon," I said getting up from the bed. Both men had worried looks on their faces and looked like they were going to try to convince me to lie back down, but I tensed my jaw and glared at each of them in turn. They both stepped back and into a more relaxed pose, obviously realizing that this was a battle that they had no hope of winning, as I walked out of the room past them both. Jacob followed quickly on my heels, while Edward kept his distance.

As I opened the door for him, Jacob flashed me a Cheshire grin. Then, before I could say anything, he leaned down and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. "Bye, Bells."

The moment that I shut the door, Edward said sharply, "We need to talk."

And in a flash, my anger with him resurfaced. "What? You walk into my apartment, unannounced and demand that we talk?" I snipped as I walked past him again and into the living room.

Edward followed me. "Tell me, Bella. Do you often entertain guests in your bedroom?" he snarled, avoiding my questions entirely.

Who in the hell did he think he was? I opened my mouth to snap back at him, but before I could say anything, someone else joined us in the room.

"Hi, Bella," Alice said, happily. Her smile faded when she noticed the tension in the air. "I'm sorry. Edward was asking about you, so I told him to come by, but when I got back you were with your friend, and I didn't want to interrupt," she rambled off quickly. "I have a date with Jasper tonight. But…." Her eyes flickered back and forth between Edward and me for a moment. "Um…? Should I stay?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. "No, Alice. Go. Enjoy your night out."

She nodded her head slowly. "Okay. If you're sure. I—I'll be back early." Alice turned her attention to her brother. "Behave."

Edward nodded sharply. Alice left, still shooting us concerned glances.

"Shouldn't you be sitting down at the very least?" Edward spat.

I glanced around the room and realized that the box of cheesecake and the disposable dishes that Jacob and I had used to eat the dessert were still on the coffee table. "Just say whatever it is you have to say and get out," I hissed as I leaned down to clean up the mess on the table. Then I winced.

"What?" he asked, the anger quickly melting away to concern, stepping towards me with his hands outstretched as if to help.

Damn, his emotions swung back and forth so quickly, I was surprised that he hadn't given himself whiplash.

"Nothing. He just seems to think that my bladder is a trampoline at the most inopportune times," I said cringing as I straightened back up, so that I could make yet another bathroom run. I'd clean up when I got back.

"Oh." Edward could be so verbose.

"I'll be right back," I said as I stormed past him, to the bathroom. If nothing else, the few minutes would give me a chance to think about what to say to him, and if I was lucky it would give him time to calm down. But with my luck, he'd simply continue to stew and build up all of that anger in him.

Emerging from the bathroom, I walked back into the living room and over to what had become my spot on the couch. Edward was still standing in the same place he'd been when I'd left; then a quick glance at the table showed the mess was cleaned up.

"The cheesecake is in the refrigerator."

"Thanks," I mumbled. How could he be so nasty one minute and then turn right around and do something thoughtful? Granted, it was a simple something, but did he do it for me or for the baby… and did it really matter which? Sitting down on the sofa, I put my face in my hands and sighed. "You have five minutes, Edward. Talk."


	12. Chapter 12: Nurseries

**Chapter 12: Nurseries**

I raised my head and stared at Edward for a moment. He was standing across the room from me, shifting the weight of his feet and constantly running one of his hands through his hair. His eyes were closed. It was when I noticed that small fact that I truly began to study his features. It was really the first time that I'd done that since his brother's wedding… and even then I'd not paid this close attention. _No, that would've been back when this entire mess started,_ I thought to myself.

I may not know much about the "ins and outs of Edward Cullen," but one thing that I could say for absolute certain was that he was exhausted. His face was paler than seemed healthy, and he had dark circles under his eyes. I wondered how he could even think clearly.

Edward opened his eyes and took a deep breath. Even from this distance, I could tell that his eyes were bloodshot. I wanted to tell him to simply just leave and we'd have this discussion (whatever _this _discussion entailed) later, but just as I was about to say that, he spoke.

"I'm sorry."

I waited for him to elaborate on his statement, but he said nothing else, simply going back to running his fingers through his hair nervously.

"Sorry for what?" I snapped, more than just a little bit annoyed.

He looked at me and glared, gritting his teeth and tensing his jaw. His entire stance was now rigid. "For what I said about you and your friend," he said tightly. "It was a reflex response. I didn't mean it."

I narrowed my eyes. "Are you sure about that? Because it seems to me that you attempt to call me a whore at every turn. That was just par for the course."

"I never—" he began angrily, but I quickly cut him off.

"You never said the words. But that was certainly what you meant."

Edward's eyes widened, and I watched as several different emotions crossed his face in quick succession—too quick for me to even begin to identify them. After another moment, he dropped his head before bringing one of his hands up to rub his face. Then Edward slowly raised his head and looked me in the eyes. "I am so sorry, Bella." His voice was just above a whisper, but I heard it clearly. Not only did I hear the words but also the pain and the sincerity that his voice was infused with.

He meant it. This wasn't a perfunctory apology of a child who got caught swiping a cookie from the pantry right before dinner—which was exactly what his first apology had sounded like. And it left me feeling even more conflicted than before. I couldn't help thinking about my question the last time we'd attempted to talk, when I'd asked him what sort of sick, twisted world he lived in. His answer at the time was burned deeply into my memory, and my stomach twisted slightly at the array of possibilities that would cause someone to be so horribly bitter.

I felt a surge of pity for him. However, I couldn't just sit back and accept his apology. "You need to figure out a way to control that reflex response, Edward."

I was slightly taken aback when he simply nodded in response.

I glanced at the clock. "Your five minutes are up." I didn't know how much longer I could handle him being there. He wasn't acting the same way that I was used to seeing. "What was it that you wanted to say to me? Because I hope to God that you didn't come here to apologize for something that you haven't even done yet." And I was pretty damn sure that, judging by the look on his face minutes ago, he'd not even considered apologizing for the similar remarks he'd made in the past.

Edward began fidgeting again; it was almost disconcerting. He had always come across as being calm and collected. This behavior actually reminded me a bit of how Charlie had behaved in the very same living room on Thanksgiving.

"You can sit down," I grumbled. This was obviously taking longer than five minutes, and honestly, the way that he was shifting and swaying, I was concerned that he'd collapse if he stayed standing much longer.

"I'll fall asleep," Edward replied, confirming my suspicions.

My train of thought instantly wandered. I think that it was a defense mechanism, though I was truly curious. "Have you seriously been working that much this week?"

"Was there any question of that?"

"I didn't know. It just seemed like you were putting in excessive hours," I said with a shrug. "Aren't there rules or laws or something about that?" I really didn't know the first thing about the hours that doctors or interns or residents—or whatever the hell he was—worked, but working all week? That seemed extreme.

He shrugged. "I've been taking extra shifts."

"Why?"

"It's the holidays, and people tend to need more time off for various commitments. And it's always beneficial having a few favors to call in when I need them."

"So, you're building up a bank of time off?"

Edward nodded. "It doesn't exactly work like that, but close enough."

I tried to puzzle that over for a bit, but I wasn't even sure how to interpret it or how something like that would work, so I didn't even bother trying.

"I've only had a few days off since Thanksgiving. It's why I haven't been able to call you sooner."

My eyes narrowed. "You expect me to believe that you were actually going to try to contact me even if I hadn't been hospitalized?"

"Yes."

"Nice try," I scoffed. "What could've possibly changed in the last two weeks that you'd choose now to actually talk to me?" I hissed, angry that he would even attempt to lie to me like that. It seemed like a cheap way to try to placate me.

"You did say that the ball was in my court, didn't you? Or did you rescind that?"

"I didn't rescind anything," I spat. "You just made your feelings quite clear."

"I apologized for that, didn't I?" he retorted before snapping his mouth shut and taking a deep breath. "The bickering isn't getting us anywhere."

"You're just figuring that out now?"

"No. But I didn't come here to fight," Edward said, infusing his voice with a note of finality

I sighed. He was right. Edward might have been an ass, but I did seem to have a knack for encouraging the cycle that we constantly seemed to find ourselves in. "You're right," I acknowledged aloud.

Looking up at him, he'd brought up his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, only to snap them open quickly seconds later after he'd swayed.

"You need to lie down before you collapse into a heap on the floor."

Edward seemed to contemplate my words for a moment before walking over to couch and sitting at the opposite end of it from me.

"Your dad came to see me," he announced suddenly.

"Again?"

"No. But you know that he came on Thanksgiving?" Edward sounded surprised.

Slowly, I nodded my head. "I just found out about it today." My words were soft as I thought about what Jacob had told me about his two encounters with Edward in the last two weeks.

"Ah. Yeah, I've run into your friend Jacob a couple of times." Edward's tone was sour when he muttered that, and he even grimaced.

"I didn't tell them to do that."

"I never meant to imply that you did," he said calmly, surprising me. After all of the other things that I'd heard him say, I'd expected him to blame me for the people who were harassing him on my behalf.

"What was it that my dad said?"

Edward leaned back against the cushions as his fingers slid through his bronze locks for the umpteenth time that evening. "He just told me that I had no idea of the things that I was shutting myself off from," he said speaking to the ceiling. Then, he turned his head and looked at me with such intensity that it made me think that he was referring to something far greater than the baby.

His words washed over me, and I felt a strange pull… as if I were one step closer to him, even though, physically, we were still a couple of feet apart. Ever since I found him again in September, Edward had felt distant, no matter how physically close together we were. The only time that I'd felt as if he'd let down his guard was when he'd been in my hospital room in the middle of the night.

I had never been so confused in my entire life. I wanted to break down into a fit of tears while this arrogant man comforted me almost as much as I wanted to stand before him and kick him as hard as I could while shouting at the top of my lungs.

"Look, Bella," he said, sitting up and turning slightly toward me, "I don't trust you."

And with those words, I felt as if someone had kicked me… yet again. I had just started to feel comfortable around him and now _this_.

He must've seen something in my expression because he rushed to add, "That's not exactly what I meant. I _want_ to trust you, Bella. I just don't know how to!"

"I want to trust you, too, but…" And as I said those words, thinking about them as I allowed them to trail off, I realized what it was he had meant. We weren't in a position to trust… not now. Though, if any of this was going to work, we'd likely have to learn how. But, Edward had done far too many things to hurt me over the last few months. He'd been hateful and cruel in his words, and I had fueled it. We'd actually said very little to one another since his brother's wedding. How much of what he'd said had been a reflexive response? Though, sometimes it was harder to recover from verbal slaps than physical punches. Even if I was finally starting to see that it might not all have been intentional. It even made me start to consider that possibly things hadn't been quite as bad as I'd interpreted them. Had they been? Not that it mattered much now… he knew how I perceived him to be; he could've made more of an effort before now.

I sighed. "I know how you feel," I said, finishing my statement.

Edward relaxed a bit then, and laid his head on the back of the couch and closed his eyes. I couldn't help thinking that he truly was going to fall asleep.

"Have you decided that you're going to be a part of this, then?" I finally asked several minutes later.

"Yes," he answered simply, without even raising his head.

He didn't elaborate, and I didn't know how I felt about that exactly.

"You said that your comment this afternoon was a reflexive reaction. Why? What was it that caused you to react that way?" I asked, unable to stop myself.

Edward didn't answer me immediately. Instead, he reached up and ran his hand up over his head, holding the hair back. Creasing his brow, he took several deep breaths. I had the distinct impression that it was more because he didn't want to answer my question than the fact that he had to think about his response. When he finally spoke, it didn't really surprise me that he didn't answer my question at all. "Bella, on Halloween, when you saw me with Tanya, how did you feel?"

"Jealous, angry, guilty," I answered after I forced myself to think of that night.

"Why were you jealous?" he asked, lifting his head and watching me.

Now I had the feeling that I was being led somewhere intentionally, but I was too curious to detour his line of questioning.

"Because when I got to the house and was standing outside, I saw you and Tanya laughing while she held your hand to her stomach." They had looked like the perfect little family. Just thinking about the image still made my stomach churn.

A pained look crossed his features as he slowly nodded his head. "But you weren't jealous because you felt as if you caught your boyfriend having an affair," he stated.

I snorted and rolled my eyes. "Of course not."

"Then why?" he asked.

"I…" I closed my eyes. I didn't want to think about his question, but my mind went there anyway. I'd felt unworthy as I'd watched them, unworthy of that sort of relationship. It had felt like the ultimate form of rejection—just one more place where I had been shunned and relegated to the dunce corner to watch others interact in normal relationships. Rationally, I told myself that I didn't need anyone, I could do this alone. Emotionally, was another story and I felt as if I was constantly fighting against the desire to have people in my life that truly cared for _me_.

But that was far too personal a pain to share with him. As he'd already pointed out, we didn't trust each other enough right now; and I'd be damned if I was going to be the first person to take any steps towards changing that.

Edward seemed to recognize that fact, too. "You don't have to answer," he said quietly before taking a breath. "Today, when I walked in and saw you, I saw some other man filling _my_ role. He was so comfortable, and you actually seemed happy. It was like someone had just dumped a bucket of ice water over me, and I didn't like it."

After contemplating that for a minute, I could see what he meant. Jacob had been horribly sweet while he was visiting, and my spirits had felt slightly lifted when he had not only paid attention to me but to my pregnant belly. He'd not only touched my stomach, feeling the baby as it moved, but he had spent time telling the baby stories. I even smiled a bit at the memory. I could almost understand Edward's reaction. When faced with a similar situation, I'd not behaved exceptionally well either.

Looking back at him, I noticed that his head was back against the couch again and his eyes were closed. I glanced at the clock and sighed; I really wasn't supposed to be sitting up so much. With another sigh, I moved so that I was lying on my side, with one of the couch's pillows under my head and my feet carefully tucked away so that they weren't touching the other occupant on the sofa. I couldn't see him like this, but I really didn't care. This wasn't the same as entertaining a guest.

I stared at the room in front of me, my eyes focusing on the intricacies of the candles that Alice had placed on the coffee table. The candle holders were made of thick threads of blown glass. The strands of glass wove through each other and around, much like an intricate spider's web, but they looked so much like ice that one might expect to see a puddle of water at the base of them. They were absolutely beautiful and seemed so very fragile. One small crack and the entire thing would break from the weight. It was so much like the delicate fibers that held each of our lives together. I'd felt as if the fracture had been spreading, causing my world to crumble around me, and I didn't want to live that way anymore. I just didn't know how to change my current path.

I listened carefully to Edward's breathing, wondering if he'd indeed fallen asleep.

"Edward?" I asked, quietly in case he actually was sleeping.

"Hmm."

"That first night… when we met…."

"Yes?" he prompted.

"Why did you leave?"

I heard Edward sigh and move from the couch, but I closed my eyes, not bothering to look at him. If he wanted to leave and avoid the discussion, then that was his decision, not mine. "I got a phone call about a patient."

"But you said—" I began, snapping my eyes open. His fingers on my lips stopped the question from falling from my lips, as my eyes snapped open to see him crouching right in front of me.

"I'd just finished a three day shift, but the patient that I'd been called about was someone who had been my patient back when I'd first begun my internship while in medical school." Edward moved his finger from my lips to brush a wisp of hair out of my face and tuck it behind my ear before pulling his hand away completely. Then, he sat on the floor in front of me. "I'd met him during a med-surg rotation, and he was an oncology patient but went into remission before I finished my internship. I stayed in contact with him. They told him that the cancer had come back last Easter and there was nothing more they could do. He'd been getting sicker for weeks, but the last few days had been the worst. He'd convinced his wife not to call. He'd gotten it in his head that he wanted to die at home, quietly, and he had even refused hospice, saying that he didn't want to burden anyone until he knew that there were only a few days left. Being such a martyr, he'd not noticed when it had reached that point. And he'd failed to realize how much agony he was putting his wife through. That night his pain became so bad that Sarah, Jeremiah's wife, didn't know how to help him anymore. She rushed him into the ER where they admitted him. It took Sarah hours to convince the nurse to call me. I don't work in oncology, and most of the nurses there don't know me. Not to mention that I was never listed as Jeremiah's doctor in his records because I wasn't his oncologist. By that point, I was nothing more than a family friend. I was later told that it was one of the aides from the surgical floor who was floating on the unit and managed to convince the nurse that is was all right to call me."

As he spoke again, his voice was soft, gentle, reverent… and full of pain. It made my heart begin to ache, and I had to remind myself that I was still angry with him. Edward brought his left hand back to my cheek. "When I got the call, you hadn't been asleep long. I didn't want to wake you, and I was in a hurry, the only thought running through my head was that I needed to get down to the hospital before Jeremiah died. I never should've left you a note like that."

Edward's fingers lightly traced my cheekbone, up around my eye, down the side of my nose, to my jaw, up to my ear, where he cupped his hand and held the side of my face for a moment before he sat back again, taking his hand with him. I instantly lamented its loss.

"If I could take it back… if I could choose to wake you up that night… if I could remove that damn condom from the desk… I would," he said, his voice heavy with fatigue.

For a moment, I wondered if he meant what he was saying, or if it was all a sign of his exhaustion. If I chose to believe him, it was all just a misunderstanding on my part… on his part…. Someone just dealt us the wrong cards and fucked with our lives.

His words didn't fix everything. I was certain that there was still a great deal of animosity hiding beneath the surface—on both our parts. I was simply too overwhelmed to process all of my conflicting emotions. And Edward typically had his defenses up full-force whenever I was around him, but the wall was slowly cracking. Though I didn't know if that was simply because he was beyond tired, or because he was beginning to trust me. I was hoping that it was the latter.

Without thought, I reached out my hand towards him, stopping just above his arm, before reconsidering and pulling it away quickly.

"You need to get some sleep," I said.

He nodded and stood up, swaying again once he was towering over me.

"The spare bedroom is down the hall."

"No, I'll just go home," he said.

I pushed myself back up to a sitting position. "I'm not going to be responsible for you getting in an accident on the way home."

He snorted in disbelief.

"Sleep deprivation is as bad as, or sometimes worse than, being drunk," I informed him.

I stood up and began leading him back to the spare room. Surprisingly, Edward followed without further protest.

"Oh my God," I said the moment that I opened the door and flipped on the light. I'd been shocked at the decorations in the main part of the apartment, but nothing could've prepared me for what had to have been the staging room.

Alice was messy.

The bed was crumpled, there were shoes and clothes covering the bed and most of the floor, there were several notepads on the bed and the desk, and boxes strewn… well… _everywhere_. Most of them were empty, remnants from new purchases. I hadn't realized how many of the decorations that were in the other room were new.

Walking over to the bed, I picked up one of the notepads.

It was a list.

A very long list, consisting of several pages of items.

Apparently, despite being a slob, Alice was very organized. On the pad was every single item a person could ever possibly think of for a baby. From a crib to bedding to undershirts to diapers… it was all here. I had no clue what in the world a Diaper Genie was or why someone would need a baby wipes warmer.

Grabbing another pad, it appeared to be pages and pages of designs for my spare bedroom. I was floored. It seemed that Alice had everything planned from wall colors, to a wallpaper border, and a large mural.

All I could do was stand there with my mouth open and shake my head in shock. I hadn't put this much thought into any of it.

The only thing that pulled me out of my daze was the sound of a rich, velvety chuckle from behind me. I turned around and narrowed my eyes at him.

"You obviously haven't been in here for a couple of days," he stated.

"No."

He glanced at the notepads that I'd dropped onto the bed as if they were going to burn me. "Did you actually give Alice permission to design a nursery for you, or is this a project that she took on herself?"

"I told her she could," I said confused. Why should it matter? "But I had no idea that she'd…"

Edward smirked.

"What?" I asked, growing quickly irritated.

"It's just that she probably would've done this anyway, but if you hadn't said anything then it would've been much easier to reign her in. Since you've invited her, however, there will be no stopping her."

I stared at him, my eyes growing wide.

"Good luck," he added, laughing again.

"It's not funny," I hissed, angrily.

He sobered. "You're right, it's not. Especially since I'm sure that Esme will do something even far more extravagant."

"No, I don't want your mom to come in here and decorate, too. This is just ridiculous." Hadn't Alice listened to me when I reminded her that this was an apartment? One that I was leasing? In other words… temporary.

"Oh, no, she wouldn't do that unless you told her she could. I meant at her house. I would be willing to wager that she's already begun working on a nursery there."

"What child needs two nurseries?" I scoffed.

There was a pause before I heard him softly say, "Three."

"What?"

"Three," he said a bit more firmly. "He'll have three nurseries."

The confusion was written plainly across my face as I stared at him.

"I told you that I am going to be apart of this."

Somehow I found myself nodding as my brain slowly began to process that. In somewhat of a muddled daze, I leaned down to start picking up Alice's clothes when I felt Edward's hands stop me.

"I'll get it. You need to go lie down. I've kept you up far longer than I should have. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."

"I—"

"I'm not exactly a guest. I promise not to leave until I've had a couple hours of sleep, but I'm fine. Besides, I'm used to cleaning up after my sister." Edward flashed me a dazzling smile.

All I could manage to do was shake my head slightly, trying to shake off the confusion and the feelings that his dazzling smiles seemed to evoke in me.

"Okay. I'll just… I'll just go lie down then. Let me know if you need anything," I said somewhat distractedly.

"I will."

I turned to leave and just as I was walking through the doorway I heard Edward say, "And, Bella… thank you."

"Umm… you're welcome."

I made my way to my room where I crawled up on the bed and lay down, but I knew that there was no way that I was going to be able to settle my mind anytime soon. I was too busy replaying Edward's words.

My son would have three nurseries.

My intent all along had been to involve Edward in the baby's life… if that was what he wanted. Now, suddenly, I was hearing that he did indeed want that, but I'd never really considered what that would mean.

When I'd thought about joint custody or visitation, I'd always thought of those two weeks a year that I'd spent with my detached father. A nursery meant something far more frequent, far more permanent.

And that thought scared me much more than I had ever thought it would.

~X~

After several hours of tossing and turning the evening before, I'd finally been able to get some sleep. Well, sleep came after another slice of cheesecake that I had at around ten o'clock. I never heard Alice return, but when I got up Saturday morning, she was in the kitchen with a box of muffins, orange juice, and tea.

Edward was still sleeping in the guest room. Apparently when he reaches an extreme state of exhaustion, a herd of wild elephants could run past him and he wouldn't wake up. Alice said that it usually wasn't this bad, but he'd been physically and mentally working himself to the edge for the last few weeks. Edward hardly moved until late Saturday afternoon. I didn't mind, really. He was out of the way and not bothering me in any way. But it also meant that Alice had no place to retreat to and therefore she was constantly trying to do things with me, like play card games and paint my toenails. Although, she was good about making sure that I spent almost all of my time lying down like I was supposed to.

Sometime Saturday evening, well over twenty-four hours after he'd arrived, Edward stumbled out of the bedroom. He'd tried to apologize for crashing so hard and for so long, but I waved him off. Just before he left to go home—and hopefully sleep another twelve hours—he told me that he'd call me sometime on Thursday.

I recognized the questioning look in Alice's eyes after Edward walked out the door, and I quickly excused myself to go take a bath and then turn in for the night.

On Sunday, Alice decided that it was time to involve me in her plans for the nursery. After breakfast and then cleaning herself up for the day, she emerged from the bedroom with a pencil and her notepads. Then, she sat down and began to go into great detail on how she intended on converting the bedroom into a nursery.

"Alice, I really don't think that all of this is necessary," I said in an effort to detour her.

"You already said that I could," she reminded me, firmly. So, I decided to try a different route.

"Don't you have a nursery to plan with your mother at her house?"

"Who told you about that? It was supposed to be a surprise!" Then she began muttering about her brother's inability to keep secrets, as well as rattling off comments about needing three completely different color schemes and which designs would work best where, while she flipped open her laptop and began typing things into it feverishly. I couldn't get her to pause long enough to answer my questions to explain what she was talking about. All I knew was that she was suddenly shopping, and frankly, that thought scared me a bit.

Suddenly, I knew exactly what it was that Esme was referring to when she'd insisted that boys were easier to raise than girls. Alice was far worse than even the most ornery of little boys. She was a maelstrom of energy and determination.

And I was quickly learning that it would be a mistake to ever cross her. When Alice set her sights on a task, she gave it her full attention. Therefore, I decided that I would try to distract her with something else.

I tried several topics of conversation while she kept pulling up various baby boutique websites before I succeeded. She was constantly trying to pull me in conversation, showing me blankets and undershirts and nursing bras, while I tried topics like computers, music, and even fashion. The subject of fashion piqued her attention, until she discovered that I knew absolutely nothing about it, and she rolled her eyes and quickly dropped it, stating that if she was going to teach me anything at that time, it was going to be about baby necessities.

Finally, I asked her about her and Jasper's relationship. I was very pleased when the diversion worked. Alice sat back, placing her computer on the coffee table, and turned her full attention to me.

"Okay, this is girl talk, I need something sweet. There is still more of your cheesecake left, Bella. Do you want that? I'm going to steal that pint of Hägen-Dazs that I saw in your freezer earlier."

"You scouted through my freezer?"

"Of course! I had to know what was here before I ordered groceries to be delivered."

I bit my tongue. An order of groceries was nothing compared to the thousands that I'd just pulled her away from spending on a baby who wouldn't know the difference between crib bedding from Wal-Mart and the set that I could see on her computer from Dimples & Dandelions. All I knew was the difference in cost was more than most people spent on an actual crib… though I suspected that the cribs that Alice was looking at could rival the cost of my first car.

Alice returned from my kitchen with a piece of cheesecake for me and the Fluer de Sel Caramel ice cream that she'd been talking about for herself. She tossed me a bottle of water before she sat down in the armchair next to my couch and settled-in with a blanket to cover herself as well. I sat up so that I could not only see her better, but also so I could eat without making a mess.

"So, where should I start?" she began after taking a bite of the ice cream, "I knew that Jasper was the man that I was going to marry the moment that I first laid eyes on him."

"And when was that?" I asked, smiling at her overly romantic tone.

"The first day of eighth grade." She stopped for a moment, a dreamy look on her face, and I had to fight back a chuckle. "Jasper was new. His parents had just moved here from Austin, Texas. And he was so cute—I just couldn't stop staring at him all through homeroom. But he was the new kid in a very snobby school, so despite his looks and the fact that he wasn't one of the few charity case kids who were admitted, he was still an outcast."

I grinned at this romantic side of Alice. "And you knew right at that moment?"

"I saw it."

I waited for her to say something else, but when she didn't, I prompted her, "You saw it?"

Alice looked at me seriously for a moment, pursing her lips and studying my face. "I saw a vision of our future together. Our families intermingled… our wedding… our children."

"Okay." I tilted my head and tried to figure out what it was that she found so intense about that. What girl didn't have a vision of flowers, weddings, and babies with their high school crush?

"Bella, I already told you this," she said with an exasperated sigh. "Sometimes I foresee the future."

Yes, she'd told me that before, but she said it as if it were a joke and I suitably had laughed it off. That's not what this felt like. This felt like she was suddenly confessing a secret, not a teenager's elaborate daydream.

"It was very short, but I saw it clear as day. So, I did the only thing that I could do at the time… I became his friend."

"Alice, I don't think that I'm following you."

She looked down at her pint of ice cream that was nearly half-finished and set it on a magazine on top of my coffee table. "I saw this vision of this future with him, and I _knew_ that it would happen… eventually. But he wasn't interested in me like that. Jasper had a thing for the tall, blonde cheerleader type of girl. And since I knew that he wasn't going to look at me the same way that he'd look at someone who looked like Rosalie or Tanya, I did the next best thing. I became his friend. I helped him with his school work. I hung out with him. Hell, I even helped him land a date with the head cheerleader for the Winter Formal our sophomore year."

"How did you know that he wasn't interested in you like that, Alice?"

Alice shrugged. "I just knew. It's like the visions. A sixth sense… I just knew."

"Huh."

"He was a dependable, reliable guy. Jasper didn't sleep around. He had steady girlfriends… and each girlfriend he had was my friend. It was almost a prerequisite. If someone wanted to date him, they had to have my stamp of approval."

"That's kind of cute, Alice."

"It's pathetic as hell, Bella," she shot back. She sighed and picked up her container of ice cream again, obviously deciding that would help. "I'm sorry. I just don't usually think about all of this. It was hard to see him like that. To love him but to know that he only loved me as a friend."

"So, what happened to change things?"

"Berkeley."

"So, college?"

"Yeah. We applied to several universities together, and we were both accepted to Berkeley. So, we went down that fall and started our freshman year together… as friends."

I watched her facial expressions, and she stared at the wall. The energy and excitement that so often emanated from her seemed to be missing, and I felt guilty for bringing up this discussion at all. I silently debated whether or not to simply distract her with more shopping. I'd vetoed a website she'd been looking at earlier that had a cashmere layette that she'd wanted to purchase. Perhaps that would be enough of a distraction. Just as I was about to suggest that she pull out her credit card, she spoke again.

"So, we moved down to California, and we were staying in dorms at the university, and things were just as they always were between us. Then, one night when we were finishing up a paper for our English class, he told me that he was tired of dating. The girls at Berkeley were as stupid as they were back in high school, and he didn't want to deal with it. I told him that he just wasn't dating the right kind of girl. I should've told him then how I felt, it would've saved me from an awkward conversation later, but as you well know, hindsight is twenty-twenty."

Alice took a large drink of her water. "Well, we went to a party one night, and we both drank way more than we should have. Jasper had found another buxom beauty there to distract him, and he was grinding against her while I stood around and drank and watched him with this girl that I didn't think that I could ever compete with. There was this guy there who had been hitting on me all evening, but near the end of the evening he was rather more forceful with his affections than I wanted. Jasper saw what was going on, and came up and punched the guy. Knocked him down flat. Then he grabbed my arm and all but dragged me back to my dorm. We got there, and I begged him not to leave. Next thing I knew, he was kissing me."

I smiled; the romantic side in me loved her loyalty to him. Then I saw a tear well up in her eye and slowly begin to trail down her cheek. "Alice?"

"I remember thinking so clearly that he had finally realized that he loved me. He finally knew how I felt. It was clear as day. But I was wrong. Jasper wasn't looking for a relationship. He felt that we already had a fantastic friendship, and he wanted it to stay that way. He just wanted to add a benefits package to it."

"What did you do?"

"I told him that I was in love with him. Needless to say, that didn't go over well. He moved away from me so quickly, it was if he'd thought I'd burned him, not confessed my undying devotion."

I cringed for her. I could just picture it: Jasper kissing her, telling her that he wants her, then Alice admitting her feelings for him, followed by him running away scared.

"Things were awkward after that. Jasper didn't know how to treat me, and I just wanted things to go back the way that they were before. It was a mess. By February, he had found himself a new girlfriend, completely unlike any of the others before. Maria was the first brunette he'd ever dated. She was smart and clever, and very manipulative. Not to mention that she hated me."

"Of course she did, Alice. She knew that she had competition with you."

She nodded. "Yep. Well, she pushed things with him quickly, and the closer she pushed herself into his life, the further she pushed me out of it. It made me ill to see the two of them in a room together. By the end of my freshman year of college, I'd had enough. I went home at the end of the spring semester and applied to Columbia. At the end of the summer, I moved to New York, I went to college, I dated, and I did anything and everything to get my mind off of Jasper. When I finished college, I applied for an internship in Milan, and I got it. As Edward likes to remind me, I was hiding."

Alice's voice was no longer as sad as it had been, and I found myself wondering how often she'd told this story. Did her family know all of these details? Did she have friends whom she confided in? Because right now, it seemed the emotions were hitting her as if it had just happened… as if she'd never taken the time to actually think them through.

"While I was in New York, my family begged me to come home. They were mad that I was shutting myself off from everyone. But I wanted to break out of the rut that I'd fallen in. I needed to be away from anything and everything that reminded me of Jasper. It was awful. What I didn't know was that while I was graduating from Columbia and firming my plans to go to Europe, Jasper was breaking things off with Maria and applying to the University of Washington for his MBA. He wanted to be near me, and he was hoping that I'd go home after school was done."

"Wow. So, how long did it take you to come back then?"

"Almost three years. Jasper finished his degree, and when he found out that I wasn't planning on leaving, he got on a plane to come get me," she said, with a smile on her face.

"See?" I said. "I knew that your life was a fairytale."

She laughed, the sound almost like chiming bells.

"And you're going to live happily ever after."

"Of course!" she exclaimed. Then she sobered slightly. "Thank you, Bella. I have never really told that story to anyone. My family knows, but only from what they saw. I never liked to talk about it."

"Why is that?"

Alice shrugged. "Because it was probably the hardest time in my life. The rejection from my best friend had been the worst thing that I'd ever gone through. It was beyond painful, not to mention more than just a little bit humiliating."

I nodded, suddenly knowing exactly how Alice felt. There were so many times that I felt like I was on the outside looking in, not accepted, not a part of anything significant. And, if I allowed myself to admit it, I was extremely jealous of those that were on the inside, warm, comfortable… and wanted. "You're welcome."

"And don't worry—you'll have your fairytale ending, too."

"I don't think so, Alice," I said with a snort.

She tapped her head. "Remember what I told you. I know these things."

And I had to laugh. Not that I believed her, but that's what friends did, and I suddenly felt much closer to Alice than I had before. I was certain that was related to her sharing so much her herself with me. It made it easier for me to see her as a person and not just a shopaholic.

"Your turn, Bella!"

"My turn for what?" I asked her warily.

Alice had the familiar mischievous glint in her eyes. "I want to know about Friday. What's going on with you and that Jacob guy who came by? And what happened between you and my brother?"

And then I felt it—that sudden sense of belonging and acceptance, and I loved Alice for it. I gave her a small smile, and then I proceeded to tell her about my visit from Jacob on Friday afternoon, relishing the feeling of having someone who I could trust to talk to.

Not to be outdone after hearing about Jacob regaling the baby with stories from my and Jacob's past, Alice clambered down onto the floor in front of couch and rested her head against my stomach.

"Now, when I was little, your daddy used to be the prince and rescue me from your Uncle Emmett—the big, mean ogre," she began.

I smiled as I closed my eyes and listened as she spoke of dreams, fairytales, nursery rhymes, and magic. It made my heart feel lighter than it had in months, and as I slowly slipped into slumber, I finally felt a small sense of peace.


	13. Chapter 13: Changes

**Chapter 13: Changes**

"I can drive myself, Alice," I said, crossing an arm in front of my chest and holding out the other to the annoying woman in front of me in a vain hope that she would actually hand over my key ring, which she'd swiped from my counter before I'd had a chance to grab them this morning.

"But I want to go with you anyway. Why waste gas by taking two cars?"

"No." I felt very much like a defiant three year old rather than an adult.

"Come on, Bella. Please?" When she looked at me like that—her lower lip out in a pout, her eyes downcast and pitiful-looking—I had a difficult time turning her down. It was obviously a well-practiced, cultivated expression. Alice had been working on it for a _very_ long time.

"I'm a grown woman, not a child that you need to escort everywhere."

"But I want to go with you to your doctor's appointment."

"It's just an appointment. She's going to either tell me that I can go back to work or she's going to tell me to go home and put my feet up for another week or more." I was hoping it was the former. I really had no desire to spend the remainder of my pregnancy lying down and twiddling my thumbs. I needed to be active and busy.

"I'm just worried about you, Bella. So is everyone else. I already promised my parents and Edward that I'd go with you."

"Oh, Alice," I whined. Although my tone further accentuated my feelings of reverting to being a toddler, Alice knew that she'd won.

As we were getting into her car, Alice said, "Honestly, Bella, it would be easier if you'd just give in to my requests when I make them."

"You don't request. You demand."

"Same thing," she said, waving her hand in the air before putting the car in gear and pulling out of the parking space. "The point is, I wouldn't press you on the major things, but something little like this…" Then she paused for a moment before she added, "But if it was something serious…"

I just shook my head as her voice trailed off, but I couldn't help the small smile that formed on my lips at Alice's persistence, caring, and downright devotion. Though, I think that was because I knew that if I truly put my foot down on something, she would respect that.

After much pleading and promises that I would do as little as possible, my doctor—bless her—released me back to work. I only had to promise that I would go directly to the hospital if I had any cramping or bleeding. She also told me to take the medication they'd sent me home from the hospital with if I started having any contractions. And, as I suspected, she didn't want me traveling anywhere for Christmas… including Florida and Forks. That was the moment when I'd wished that Alice hadn't been in the examination room with me. The last thing that I wanted was for her to get any crazy ideas in her head about me spending Christmas with her family.

After Dr. Swanson's assurances, Alice drove me to work, where she dropped me off and promised that she'd be there to pick me up at five that afternoon. I still felt bad that she'd need to pick me up. It seemed like a needless extra trip for her, but Alice had "forgotten" to pack up all of her belongings from my apartment, and she claimed that she needed to return to pick them up.

I smiled brightly at Monique, the receptionist, when I walked into the office and headed directly for Angela's desk to reassure her that I was back.

"Ms. Swan," she greeted with a tight smile.

"Angela?" I asked, trying to study her face.

"Mr. Newton is in your office." Her voice was barely above a whisper, and I found myself automatically leaning toward her.

"Mike?" I was puzzled; we always referred to Mike as "Mike," never as Mr. Newton. Then I started to walk past her.

Angela grabbed my arm and stood up to whisper in my ear. "Jack flew up from Phoenix this weekend. He has someone with him in your office, and they have been going through the account files."

"What?" I hissed.

"We lost the Dawson account last week, Bella. Mike didn't want me to tell you. He was really worried and didn't want to increase your stress."

"We lost it? How?"

"I don't know. They called on Tuesday and spoke with Mike, then on Wednesday they called and said that they were going someplace else."

"What's Jack doing here?"

"Bella, nice of you to finally make an appearance," I heard from the direction of my office. "After all, this is only a multi-million dollar company. Why on earth would I ever need one of my VPs to show up to work once in awhile?"

My face hardened before I forced a fake smile on my face to meet my employer's stern gaze. "Mr. Newton, what a pleasant surprise," I greeted.

Immediately after I arrived to work, I found myself accompanying the owner of the company, Mike, and my "new employee" to lunch.

Jack insisted that Laurent would be working in my office for the next six months, stating that he had been worried about me once he'd learned that I'd been hospitalized, and he decided that it was time that he hired someone to come in to take over when I was gone. I tried to explain that it wasn't necessary. Mike was more than qualified to do my job for the few weeks that I would be out. However, Jack disagreed.

"Exactly how much maternity leave do you think that I'm going to be taking?" I asked.

"I'm paying you for four weeks, but I'll allow you to take off longer if you need it," Jack informed me.

My eyes narrowed as I tried to figure out his angle. This was the man who had made it very clear to me the last time that I'd seen him that he didn't feel as if I could do my job properly when I was pregnant or as a single mom. "Four weeks?" And what in the hell did he mean by the word _allow_?

"Since it will be after the first of the year, you'll have two weeks of vacation time. Add in the five personal and sick days that you've accrued, and then I am giving you the other week. Consider it a gift." He sounded as if he were granting me a great boon.

I shook my head, more than just a little bit confused as I recognized that he was indeed gifting me with that. "That's very kind of you."

Jack waved it off but then looked at me seriously. "With someone of your professional dedication and commitment, I wouldn't think that you'd require much more time off than that. After all, it would be a shame to have to place Laurent in Seattle permanently." I recognized the warning, and I received the message loud and clear.

I knew that under FMLA I could take up to twelve weeks off. Not that I'd filed the paperwork yet, but that was only because it hadn't been at the top of my priority list. It was obviously something that I'd need to take care of soon.

However, I'd known Jack Newton for several years, and I was very aware of the way that he worked. He was giving me the extra paid leave in return for me not taking too much time off, and I wasn't sure what I thought of that. It also made me wonder what other things he was plotting or making contingencies for in regards to my employment.

Truthfully, I didn't know how much time I wanted off after the baby was born. It was hard enough for me to even acknowledge that a baby was the end result of everything that I'd been going through over the last several months.

"Why is Laurent here now, then? No offense," I added quickly to the other man, before continuing, "but I'm not due until February."

"Isabella, are you aware that you lost a four million dollar account last week?"

Holding my head high, I answered, "I am." It took every ounce of my control to hold back a cringe.

"Then I think that you know why. We can't have things like that happening, especially with the economy the way that it is now."

"We did not lose that account because I was in the hospital." Though I was still trying to figure out how that one had slipped through our fingers. We weren't due to sign contracts until this week. I still needed to speak with Angela to see if the company had perhaps called last week and needed some information or if they simply just decided to go another route.

"Let me ask you, then, when was the last time that you traveled outside of Seattle to meet with any of our clients or potential clients?"

I flinched minutely. Now that was definitely part of my job description. Travel. And I'd not done much in the time since I'd moved to Seattle. Instead, I had taken to Skype and phone conferencing and emails. And, overall, the customers were satisfied. However, there was a chance that very issue was the problem with the Dawson account. The company was located in Portland, and I'd not been there in person since October. Even then, I had only been meeting with them as a potential client.

It became apparent that Jack was still waiting for an answer. "I was down in Olympia in November. But I really don't think that has anything to do with it."

"How do you know? Have you spoken with them yet?" Jack asked.

I glared at Mike when I answered his father, for no other reason than if he'd have at least told me that something was going on, I would've been more prepared for the inquisition and would have been able to do some damage control. "Not yet. It is the first thing on my agenda this afternoon."

"No, it's not. It is the first thing on Laurent's agenda. He already has a flight booked for Portland this afternoon. He'll be meeting with Dawson's first thing tomorrow morning. He is a skilled salesman and negotiator who puts this company and its needs first and foremost."

Jack made it sound as if Laurent was more qualified than I was and was conveniently pulling him in to pick up the slack for me. _Me_. I had been working for Newton since my last year in college. I'd been told time and time again that I was one of the most trustworthy and reliable employees in the company. Hell, I'd been sent to Seattle because I was the only woman in the office who hadn't gone to bed with the owner's son. And not only that, I was the only person who could keep him in line. I had been the only person who knew that there was more to Mike than some cheesy pick-up lines, a box of condoms, and a shot of penicillin for good measure. But it was quickly becoming apparent to me that my importance to the company wasn't nearly what I'd thought it was. I was replaceable, and my replacement was currently having lunch with me.

I scrutinized my employer, and who I now considered _his_ newest employee, for a moment before stabbing a fork into a salad that I hadn't even remembered ordering.

"You have no reason to feel threatened by me, Isabella," Laurent reassured in what almost sounded like a French accent. Obviously, my thoughts were written plainly across my face.

I already knew that Laurent had a business degree and had just completed a computer science degree when Jack first interviewed him a few months ago. This was the man who Jack had hired immediately after Mike and I had moved up to Seattle. I was certain that this was the man who we had been hearing rumors about. In the few short months that he'd been working for Newton's, he'd broken all of my sales records.

"Why would I feel threatened? This is just a move to protect the company," I said steadily. Yes, that was why the very first thing that Jack said to me when I arrived at the office today was a snide remark about me not being around when it counted.

As lunch continued, I felt the dynamic at the table shift. It was uneasy. There were undercurrents coming from all three men that made me feel as if I didn't belong. Where I had previously thought that there was a possibility of my job being in danger, I now knew that was exactly the case. The only question was deciding what I should do about it.

For a moment, I wondered if I was overreacting… making more of things than necessary… imagining things. But for Christ's sake, Mike was shooting me pitying, worrying glances! If _he_ could pick up on the tension in the air, then I definitely wasn't wrong. Not to mention that Laurent's voice was too smooth, he was too self-assured, and he already had his lips attached too firmly to Jack's ass for me to trust him.

By the time the four of us left to return to the office, I was tired. I'd not even truly worked, but I wanted nothing more than to go back to my apartment and sleep. Worry about tomorrow… well, tomorrow. But, I had work that had to be done. I needed to contact Dawson's and see if I could at least get an answer as to why they chose not to sign with us, before Laurent stepped on my toes. Really, I suspected that it was for economic reasons. That certainly wasn't a stretch, but I had to make sure.

And I had meetings to schedule. I'd been planning on Mike simply stepping into my role when I actually did go on maternity leave—seeing as how the clients already knew him, it made the most sense—but now I had to introduce Laurent to them and vice-versa. I needed to ensure that my clients felt comfortable with him. At least we had some time. Before the meeting with Jack, I'd briefly considered pulling my vacation request for the holidays, but after lunch I decided that I truly needed it. Really, the time off would probably be my very last holiday alone. Besides, if I didn't use it by the end of the year, my only option would be to cash it out for half of its value.

That was both frightening and sad to contemplate. And before I could think on it too much, I resolved to call Charlie to see if he would come visit me or let me stay with him for the holidays.

As I walked past her desk, I asked Angela to come into my office so that we could work out a suitable schedule for getting everything that we needed accomplished by the end of the week.

Silently I found myself wondering exactly why it was that only a few hours earlier I'd been happy that my doctor had released me back to work.

~X~

True to her word, Alice picked me up from work that evening, though she nearly had to physically drag me from behind my desk. I didn't want to leave; there had been far too much work that I'd missed out on and that needed to be done. Not to mention that I didn't want Mr. Newton or Laurent to find any other reasons to replace me just yet. So, I didn't dare leave the office without a stack of files and papers to go through at home.

When we got back to my apartment, Alice called and ordered Chinese for dinner. I expected her to go in and start packing up her things so that she could go home, but she gave me a confused look.

"Bella, I'm not going anywhere. What if something happened in the middle of the night and no one was here for you? I can't possibly leave you," she insisted.

"I'll be fine," I said, trying to reassure her. "I have been on my own since I left home for college. If something happened, I'd just call you. You left me all of those numbers. I'm sure that I could find someone."

"But what if it was a real emergency? What if you went into labor? Or what if you started bleeding again? Or—"

I held up my hand to stop her. I really didn't need to hear all of the horrifying potential scenarios. "I'll call you. I promise."

Alice's face grew sterner, and she stomped her foot. "But how do you expect me to finish decorating my nephew's nursery if I'm not here?"

And now we were at the crux of her reasoning, and I couldn't help but chuckle lightly at her display of stubbornness. I decided that it was definitely a family trait. I sighed in resignation, and Alice knew I was about to give in to her demands… _again_. Her eyes glittered with excitement as if she were a child on Christmas morning. I couldn't deny that little voice inside my head that said she did have a point. And I couldn't ignore the stronger voice in me that didn't want to be alone anymore.

I wondered what it was that had changed in me. I'd always been on my own, a solitary figure in a sea of people. I thrived on my independence, and I had almost felt smug in the knowledge that I didn't need other people around me to be happy. Now, I was growing dependent on human interactions. It made me wonder if my self-imposed solitary confinement during all those years had been because I truly felt secure in myself or because I'd been afraid of getting hurt.

Even with my past relationships… well, obviously, none of them had been successful. And after my most recent break-up—nearly two years ago—I'd begun to question my ability to actually be in a relationship. James had called me frigid and cold, too caught up in my own world to truly see the people around me and to ever commit to another person. At the time, I'd simply believed that he wanted someone to take care of. The dutiful, doting housewife who did his cooking and cleaning while he went out to work, bringing home the money and spoiling her with lavish gifts at every turn. A kept woman.

Looking back, I could see that… _perhaps_… I had been wrong. Maybe he'd only wanted me to give something of myself, just as he had been trying to give me something of him. Maybe I _was_ too cold and frigid—too closed off from other people—to truly understand what it took to have a successful relationship.

But wasn't that what this was with Alice? She was looking for friendship with me and dragging me into her family. All I had to do was accept what they were offering. In return, she—and equally the rest of them—wanted me to allow them into my life, to permit them to be part of my son's life. When I asked myself if I truly wanted to do that, I was met with a resounding "yes."

As a result, it seemed that I had a new _temporary_ roommate. Alice didn't say how long she would be staying, and I wasn't about to ask—mostly in fear of the answer that I was likely to receive. But I wouldn't have been surprised if she stayed at least until the baby was born and maybe even a bit afterwards. And if I could keep her from redecorating anything more than the nursery, then I doubted that I would mind. Her presence would help to stave off some of the loneliness… because I was realizing that's what it was becoming to me now.

"Don't think that I'm being pushy here," Alice began cautiously after we finished dinner.

I fought the urge to roll my eyes but was still rather amused that suddenly now she was concerned about appearing pushy. "What is it?"

"Well, I just want to make sure that you're not going to be alone for Christmas. I know the doctor told you not to travel, and I don't know if your family will be able to come up here to visit you. Just so you know, you're welcome to spend the holiday with us. I don't want to pressure you, but…."

"Thanks, Alice, but I'm going to call my dad and ask him to come up."

She nodded. "Good. Well, the invitation is open if something comes up," she said as she stood up and cleared off the table. Then she excused herself to go call Jasper.

In turn, I called Charlie. I was careful in how I worded my response when he asked how I was doing. I didn't want to lie to him exactly, but I also didn't know how much—if anything—Jacob had said to him. It quickly became apparent that Jacob hadn't tipped off Charlie about my hospital stay at all, and for that I was grateful. However, when I asked Charlie what his plans were for Christmas, he said, "Don't worry about your old dad now, Bella. I know that I gave you a hard time about flying down to see your mom in your condition, but Sue reminded me that you were right, if your doctor says that it's okay to travel, then everything will be fine. You just go down to Florida and enjoy your time with your mom. I made plans with Sue. We're driving over to Montana to spend the holiday with her daughter's family."

I couldn't even find the words to tell him that my trip to Florida was cancelled because of my medical condition. He didn't deserve to know. I was more than just a little bit bitter at the fact that he was willing leave his precious Forks for his girlfriend, when I never succeeded once in getting him to leave that damn town for me. But I held my tongue. We'd made some progress, and I didn't want to go back to the way things had been between us only a month earlier. Besides, I knew that if I tried to guilt Charlie, he would change his plans to spend time with me. Then _I_ would feel guilty and the tension would only grow again between us.

That was not how I wanted to spend my Christmas.

Later, I made it a point not to mention to Alice that I didn't even have plans for the holidays with my dad. I still wasn't sure how I felt about spending Christmas with her family and really, everything would hinge on Edward. I still didn't know what to expect in regards to his behavior the next time I saw him.

~X~

Living with Alice wasn't nearly as horrific as I'd first thought it would be. Granted, in general I had decided that things would be okay with her around. However, that didn't mean that I hadn't envisioned evenings filled with chick flicks, ice cream, and makeovers.

Thankfully, none of that occurred.

Alice was still acting as my chauffer, but seeing as how it was becoming rather uncomfortable to sit behind the wheel of my car to drive, I allowed it. Really, I think her insistence was based, in no small part, on my little display Monday evening when she'd tried to get me to leave the office, she was probably afraid that I'd set up camp there.

She was great company, but Alice was also good at allowing me my space and privacy, and I was grateful to her for that. She knew that I wasn't used to someone being constantly around, and she didn't hover. A typical evening was dinner—usually takeout—a couple of short conversations, and then she would go call Jasper while I did some work at home. It wasn't until Thursday that she deviated from what had suddenly felt like a schedule of sorts.

"What is it that you want for dinner tonight?" I asked her when we arrived at the apartment and began thumbing through the stack of takeout menus from the nearby restaurants.

"Actually, Bella, I'm going out with Jasper tonight," she said, looking down at the floor and shuffling her feet a bit.

"Oh. Well that's fine."

"I can stay here if you want me to," she rushed to say.

"No, no. I'll be fine, Alice. Really."

"Are you sure?"

I snorted. "Do you not recall the conversation that we had a few days ago? I've been living on my own for a long time. I'm sure that I can survive an evening by myself."

Alice smiled and relaxed her stance. "Okay, then I'm going to go get ready."

I nodded my head. She walked off towards her room, and I began scouring my kitchen to see what was available to eat for dinner.

Thirty minutes later, I'd eaten a small salad, not in the mood to eat anything else—though I knew myself well enough to know that I would be hungry again within a couple of hours—and was sitting on the couch, surrounded by file folders, papers, and my computer.

A knock on the door drew my attention up from the papers, and Alice came out of her room with a huge grin on her face.

"Are you sure that you'll be okay, Bella?"

This time I did roll my eyes at her. "I'm fine, Alice. Have fun."

As she opened the door, I craned my head around and spied Jasper. He quickly leaned down and kissed Alice lightly on the cheek.

When Jasper looked up and nodded his head in my direction, I gave him a small wave in return.

"Don't wait up!" Alice called.

"I won't. See you tomorrow," I replied as Alice shut the door behind her.

I shook my head and turned my attention back to my work. I was trying to get everything sorted. Laurent and Jack had both called earlier in the day. Laurent would be returning from Portland the following morning. He had spent the last couple of days meeting with all of the Oregon accounts that I had already signed and those that were potential clients. Tuesday, he'd met with the Dawson's firm. Then Wednesday, he had traveled down to Salem and Eugene to meet with other clients I had there. Thursday he'd spent meeting with some other clients in Portland and, then finally, got Dawson's to actually sign their contract with Newton Corporation.

I was relieved, of course. The account wasn't lost, after all. However, I still didn't know exactly why they'd dropped us the week before. Whatever had been, it seemed that Laurent had been able to smooth things over, and for that I was pleased. I just worried what Jack would have to say to me once Laurent returned to Seattle. Thus the reason that I was currently going through all of my files, trying to make certain that every 'i' had been dotted and every 't' crossed.

I had this strange feeling that over the next few weeks Laurent would be doing more than just skimming through my files to see if anything required his attention as he'd claimed on Monday morning. In fact, the more that I thought about it, I was starting to believe that he and Jack both would be scrutinizing everything that I'd done since I moved to Seattle.

By 8:30, my head was starting to pound, and the words on the pages were swimming together. I closed up the file I had been reading through and tossed the pen that I'd been making notes with on the table. Resting my cheek against the back of the back of the sofa, I closed my eyes for a moment.

Several minutes later, I was nearly skating on the verge of sleep when someone knocked on my door, causing me to jump. For the briefest of moments I wondered if Alice had possibly forgotten her key or if perhaps Angela or Jacob had decided to stop by. However, the fact that it was Edward standing at my door completely floored me.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi. What are you doing here?" I asked warily. My door was open, but I made no move to invite him in. This was the first time that we were both fully coherent and in the same room since Halloween, and even then, the emotions surrounding us had been too great to judge. Friday and Saturday, he'd been nearly asleep when he spoke to me, and the two times before then that I'd seen him, I'd been drugged with sleeping pills.

"I came to take you to dinner." That was when I looked at how he was dressed. Tan slacks and a brown leather jacket that hung open to reveal a blue button-down shirt with a tie. I raised an eyebrow at him and looked down at my own clothes… stretchy yoga pants and an overly large tee shirt. He chuckled. "You can change."

"No, I'm not going to."

That stopped him, and his smile faded. "Why?"

"First of all, you didn't call. Second, you haven't even asked me. And, third, I'm tired—I have no intention of going anywhere tonight. For crying out loud, it's nearly nine o'clock."

He flicked his eyes from me to the door several times. "Can I at least come in for a minute?"

I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment, debating my choices. "Fine," I finally said and opened the door the rest of the way to allow him in. After shutting and locking it again behind me, I led him to the living room and motioned for him to sit, making no apologies for the stacks of files and open laptop on the coffee table. I sat down on the couch and looked at him. "Well…" I prompted, annoyed.

"I've been doing some thinking, Bella," he began after taking a deep breath. "I've been very unfair to you, and I'd like to begin again from scratch."

My eyes widened in shock at his words, and I must have stared at him for a full five minutes, my mouth opening and closing as I attempted to form words. I was truly tempted to ask him what planet was he from and when exactly had he taken over Edward's body. It certainly would explain this sudden change in his behavior and allow me to reconcile the differences. Or perhaps all of his overworking and sleep deprivation had finally caused the last threads of sanity to crack, and this was an Edward who was on his way to the psychiatric ward.

"Bella?" he finally asked, jolting me from my thoughts, and I snapped my mouth closed. It was then that I actually looked at him. Edward was sitting on the other end of the couch, running his fingers through his hair nervously, again. For the briefest moment, a stray thought crossed my path where I wondered if he would eventually become prematurely bald because of the nervous habit, but I bit back a retort when I realized that it was simply my mind trying to avoid the issue at hand. So, I stared at him, wondering at his sincerity. Hell, I wondered if he even understood how much of an ass he'd been. And what was it, exactly, that made him think that showing up in my home—unannounced, I might add—was the way to go about asking for a clean slate?

"And you're right. I should've called before I came by."

"Yeah. You should've," I agreed, at last finding my voice.

"I did tell you that I'd speak with you today," he pointed out.

I narrowed my eyes at him. There was no way he could lay any blame at my feet… especially for something so trivial. "Edward, how was I supposed to know that you'd keep your word on that? You were practically a zombie when you left here on Saturday. Besides, I know nothing about you. How was I supposed to know that you'd actually do something that you said that you would?"

He flinched and moved to stand. He was going to leave, I could tell. The hunch of his shoulders, the air of defeat. I almost felt bad for him and his small olive branch… _almost_.

"You're right."

"Of course I am," I said with a snort. I wanted to let him go. That was what my head was telling me to do. The rational side of me was shouting at me that he'd already hurt me—badly—and if given the chance, he'd do so again.

But… chances for what exactly? What did this guy want from me? He was under no obligation to do anything. I'd gone out of my way to make that perfectly clear. And this wasn't the first time that he'd actually made an attempt to be civil in the last week. I groaned and grabbed me head for a moment; I was so confused that I wasn't able to even think things through clearly anymore.

"I'm willing to try to get along," I said before he had a chance to leave. I looked up at him, and he continued to appear uncertain, as if he were wagering some sort of internal debate. "So, when was it that you realized you were behaving like an ass?"

Edward chuckled, ran his fingers through his hair, and sat back down. "I guess that I knew it all along, but…" he sighed.

"But?" I said after a full minute had passed.

"But it's… complicated."

"Of course it is," I muttered. It was the same roadblock that I'd encountered with him before, so I shifted the direction to an even more pressing concern. "I'm not willing to forgive and forget."

"I don't expect you to."

He stared at me for a moment, his green eyes flickering from the lights coming from the muted television, and I could practically see the questions running through his mind. It made him seem very much like a sad, frightened little boy, and my heart twitched with the slightest amount of pity for him. "I just want to be able to trust you, Bella. And I want you to be able to trust me," he added at last.

I nodded. "I want that, too," I replied heavily. Leaning my head back against the couch, with one of my hands resting on my stomach and the other hanging down at my side, I closed my eyes for a moment and attempted to fight back the emotions that were whirling through me.

Trust. He'd mentioned that before. It was such a simple word, yet it was so difficult to give, so easy to waste. He had been an idiot, and I still didn't know why. But I wasn't completely innocent in this either; looking back, there were things that I could've done differently, too. If nothing else, I learned that if I were ever stupid enough to have a one-night stand again, then I should keep the guy's phone number… even if he did piss me off with his callous note.

Not to mention that several times I'd tried to put myself in his shoes. If I were him, I would've thought that I was a stalker, too. Shit, I turned up everywhere. A series of unfortunate events, screwed up emotions, and a minefield of miscommunication. Of course things had gone horribly wrong. All of it simply proved that I may have been literally stumbling less while I've been pregnant, but that didn't mean that I possessed any more luck than I had before.

I looked over at him for a moment before I closed my eyes again. With everything that had gone on between us, I had to admit that this was mildly better. No one was shouting. The tension was minimal.

But what did that mean? When this whole thing began I'd only wanted to do the right thing, but I didn't even know what that was anymore. I wanted what was best for me and for my son. Before, that meant allowing Edward to choose his role, but he had shunned and rejected me so many times. He'd been hurtful and hateful. I wanted to protect my son from that pain. I never wanted him to feel the same way that I'd felt with my own father.

It was almost doubly-worse now, being forced to acknowledge that the hurt I'd suffered from my dad could've been so easily avoided.

_However,_ I reminded myself, _I decided months ago that it would have to be Edward's choice._

I just needed to trust that no matter his decision that he would stick by it. I didn't want him to chose to stay away, only to show up in five years thinking that he wanted to be "Daddy." And if he chose to play the role of a father in the beginning… I wanted to make damn certain that he wasn't going to decide that it was too much or too difficult in five years and leave my son crushed.

"Have you been feeling all right, Bella?" he asked, snapping me from my thoughts.

"Umm, yeah. I've been fine," I answered a bit confused that he'd even bother to ask.

He seemed to look at me carefully. "I've been worried."

The ice cover my heart cracked slightly. "Really?"

Edward nodded. "I was really glad when Alice called and said that you told her she could move in here."

I snorted. "Alice bullied her way in here."

His eyes lightened with mirth as he moved so that he was in a more relaxed position on the couch. "Well, that's Alice."

At that I felt myself smile. "I'm learning that."

"She's never had a lot of friends. Her life mostly revolved around Jasper, and when she was in college and then Milan, I think that she pretty much closed herself off from everyone."

"Yeah, that sounds about right." I was still not sure about where he was going with the line of conversation. Like Jack, I was guessing that Edward always had an agenda of some sort.

"Well, I think it's good that she's found a real friend. She speaks very highly of you."

Huh. I really didn't know what to make of that. Edward seemed… genuine. He sounded exactly like an older brother who was looking out for his baby sister. All of the kind things that Esme, Alice, Kate, and even Angela had said about Edward over that last few months ran through my head, and for the first time, I thought that there could actually be a bit of truth behind their words.

My mental image of Edward had been built up and shattered, leaving me with only vague impressions of who the real man was. But the two versions that I'd created in my mind didn't seem like they could coexist in one man. And how could I trust that I was seeing the true Edward?

Faith.

I found myself back at that again. Faith and trust were tantamount, and neither could truly exist without the other.

Opening my eyes and turning my head to the side, I stared at him. His eyes were focused solely on my stomach. I noticed a crease in his brow as he stared, but the hatred and anger that I'd seen so many times before was gone.

He had presented me with his peace offering by taking the steps to see me… and not only that, but to remain polite and cordial. And I needed to offer one in return. In some small way, I needed to open up something of myself.

It took me a moment of watching him for me to realize what he was truly staring at… it was the movement. The baby moved so frequently that I didn't always notice it. Right now, though, the baby was moving around so much that my stomach was actually shifting.

"He's always active this time of night," I said.

Edward looked to me, and I saw the hint of a smile grace his features. It was the face of a man I didn't know, but if this was going to work, I would need to. I forced myself to remain still when he moved over on the couch so he was sitting next to me.

Then, slowly… tentatively… Edward reached out a hand toward me. His eyes met mine, silently asking permission for the contact, and I dipped my head in a slight nod.

My heart gave a strangled yelp from the combination of harmony and hurt when I first felt his warm hand lightly brush across the thin fabric of my shirt and then more assuredly press against my stomach. The baby felt the pressure and almost instantly kicked back, and I looked up to see that Edward was completely entranced. Cautiously, I wrapped my hand over the back of his and laced his fingers with mine. I then found myself staring directly into Edward's eyes, and he smiled.

This was a start.

We held each other's gaze. The mixture of awe and confusion on his face mirrored my own, as the baby continued to tap against his hand, greeting his father for the first time.


	14. Chapter 14: Sleeping on the Couch

**Chapter 14: Sleeping on the Couch**

Groggily, I opened my eyes and willed them to adjust quickly so I could figure out what it was, and more importantly, where I was. My anxiety lessened when I realized that I was simply on the couch in my living room. Sitting up carefully, I squinted my eyes in the dark room and tried to discern if there was anyone else with me. I didn't remember Edward leaving.

From what I could tell, though, I was alone. I pushed the quilt that had been covering me off onto the floor and sat in a daze for a few minutes, slowly allowing my brain to awaken. I remembered sitting on the couch with Edward. Amazingly enough, we'd managed to make it through the evening without a major argument ensuing. Not that either of us had said much of anything after he'd placed his hand on my stomach and felt the baby move. It had been a strangely intimate moment, but I didn't know what that meant now. The last thing I remembered was yawning and him telling me to go ahead to bed and he'd let himself out. I'd refused, then I vaguely remember him asking where the extra blankets were and then being covered up with a quilt.

I groaned when my thoughts lingered on him too long. He wasn't forgiven. I couldn't forget what he'd done or how he'd treated me, but I still felt obligated to give him the opportunity to be a father. Once things were a little more comfortable between us, I would have to sit him down and ask him exactly how he intended to fill that role and make certain that he didn't take it lightly. I also would need to tell him that while I didn't expect anything from him, I'd really appreciate it if he'd quit leaving while I was asleep without saying anything at all. He had this horrible habit of appearing and disappearing whenever he felt like without any concern for anyone else, and it was frustrating. Though, to be fair, the last time he'd done that was while I'd been in the hospital.

My stomach growled, reminding me exactly why I'd awoken in the middle of the night. With a sigh, I pushed myself up off of the couch and made my way into the kitchen. Flipping on the light over the stove, I then went to the refrigerator to find something to satisfy my appetite. As I pulled out a carton of yogurt and some fruit, I found myself wishing that Edward was still around so that I could take him up on his offer for dinner. A big meal sounded immensely more satisfying than the food I was preparing to eat.

I shook my head. I must really be desperate if I was actually considering dinner out with Edward. I needed to focus on what was important at that very moment… food.

Steak.

I really wanted a tender steak, seasoned with salt, onion, garlic, and fresh ground pepper. Maybe bacon-wrapped and dusted with a bit of brown sugar. Served with some soft, warm rolls fresh from the oven…. Ooh, and a baked potato. Although, thinking about a baked potato sent me off on an entirely different tangent of a mealy, hot potato with butter, sour cream, chives, bacon bits, and sharp cheddar cheese.

My mouth watered, and then I sighed in longing as I looked down at the bowl I had sitting before me at the table. Plain yogurt with blueberries and strawberries that had been picked out of season and therefore would be sorely lacking in flavor.

"You look like someone just told you that Abercrombie and Fitch permanently closed their doors."

I snickered as I glanced up and saw Alice walk into the kitchen. "No, that would be how you would act if someone told you that Abercrombie and whatever had gone bankrupt. I doubt that I would even know."

"True," she said as she opened a few cupboards before fixing herself a bowl of cereal.

I glanced at the clock on the stove and cringed. It was nearly two o'clock in the morning. "I'm sorry that I woke you up."

Alice turned her head to me and grinned. "Bella, do I look like someone who just got up."

"No," I admitted after looking her over. She really didn't. Her eyes were bright and her smile was far too wide. "What have you been doing?"

She brought her bowl and spoon and sat down at the table with me. "I got home about twenty minutes ago."

My eyes flickered between Alice and the clock several times. Maybe hunger hadn't been the main catalyst to wake me up. "Did you have a nice night?"

"I did." She paused before she asked, "Did you?"

I narrowed my eyes at her, suddenly suspicious. "Did you know that your brother was going to stop by?"

"No." Alice raised her spoon to her mouth and before taking a bite said, "I spoke to him this morning. Well, I guess it was yesterday morning, now. He was going to call you."

"He dropped by—unannounced, I might add—to take me to dinner." I clenched my jaw, still irritated by his nonchalance when he'd shown up at my door.

Alice swallowed and then all but squealed. "Where did you go?"

"I didn't say that I went. He didn't call. Hell, he didn't even ask!"

"I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it, Bella. My brother doesn't always think things like that all of the way through."

"It was nearly nine o'clock, Alice."

She snickered. "Well, to him, that probably would've been normal. He went to bed at somewhere close to nine in the morning, and he'd been working since sometime on Tuesday. He probably just came over as soon as he was awake."

"He still should've called before expecting me to be willing to leave the moment he showed up," I grumbled. _Just like he should've told me before he left,_ I added to myself, my aggravation with him growing again even as I squirmed slightly in my seat at Alice's explanation.

"He just doesn't think about things like that." Alice paused and cocked her head to the side in thought, and her face softened. "But, you're right, Bella. He needs to pay attention to things like that. I'm sorry."

All I could do was shake my head. In the short time that I'd known Edward, he rarely seemed to be thinking, and it was becoming a rather worn and tired excuse, despite the fact that when he bothered to offer an explanation, even I had to admit that his actions were understandable..

At least Alice was acknowledging that, as well.

Finishing my snack, I cleared my bowl from the table and wished Alice a good night.

"Oh, Bella," she called as I began walking towards my room.

"What?"

"Just so that you have some advanced warning, when Edward left, he said that he was planning on stopping by again sometime on Saturday."

"When he left? But I thought that you just got back."

She smiled. "He felt bad just leaving while you were asleep, so he stayed until I came home."

"Oh." So he had stayed after all. I shook off the warm, fuzzy feeling that came with that knowledge. Instead, I rolled my eyes; Edward had accused me of stalkerish tendencies… the irony of this did not escape me.

As I made my way to bed, I found myself wondering how accurate my opinions of him were. He'd gone from scowls, glares, and scathing remarks to crooked grins and covering me up with a quilt while I slept. I didn't know how I was supposed to think of him. Though, I quickly reminded myself that any false interpretations of Edward's character on my part were his own damn fault.

~X~

I sat at my desk, on the verge of pulling out my hair, both figuratively and literally. "Angela, what am I going to do?" I asked my assistant for what had to have been the fifth time in the last fifteen minutes.

"I don't know," she mumbled in response, shaking her head and flipping through the files.

Laurent had returned from his business trip, arriving at the office at noon. I'd then had to endure a meeting with him during my lunch hour while Jack listened in on the speaker phone. Angela had already left the office to retrieve our lunch. Actually, almost everyone else had been away at lunch, except for Jessica. She was sitting at the reception desk, answering any incoming phone calls. Even Mike was out of the office for the day, looking over a computer system for one of our clients.

All of that meant that there had been no one present to intercede. I hadn't realized how much interference Mike had run for me on Monday when I'd had lunch with him, Jack, and Laurent. Looking back, though, I could see how he'd helped steer topics away from me and direct them at himself or other people from our office.

I needed to buy him lunch later in the week to thank him. He really was a far better friend to me than I'd ever given him credit for.

Apparently, there had been several accounts down in Oregon that were unhappy with Newton Corporation. None of them felt as if they were getting the personal attention and service that they'd been promised. They complained about leaving messages to speak with Mike or me and never receiving responses. They also complained about problems with their systems and it taking too long to get a technician down to help them. Dawson was upset because they'd been hearing rumors that Newton Corporation didn't live up to their promises, and the fact that I'd been out of the office and unreachable when they had called had confirmed their suspicions. I had no idea what Laurent might have promised them to get them to sign their contract—I only knew that I was off the account.

Jack had said that he expected things to be sorted out, running smoothly, and new clients brought in by the start of the New Year. I'd reminded them that I was taking my week vacation starting on Wednesday and that I was having a baby in two months. Laurent had smiled, while Jack had simply said that I'd do well to focus on my job while I still could. He couldn't revoke my vacation. It had been time that I'd earned, and if I hadn't taken it by the end of the year, then I'd have lost it. I tried to think of how many meetings I could schedule during my vacation without having to worry about the day-to-day issues in the office.

When we had completed our discussion, I pushed the button to end the call, relieved it was over. I'd been so lost in my thoughts regarding my precarious position when it came to my job that I jumped when Laurent stood from his chair. He'd stared at me, his dark eyes narrowing as he studied my face, and then gave me a threatening smile. Sitting up straight, I'd glared right back at him, refusing to back down. Laurent's smile had only grown in response. He had leaned towards me, and even though there was no one else around, he'd whispered, "You really are making things incredibly easy for me, Miss Swan. I thank you for that." Before I'd been able to form words to reply, he'd been gone.

I heard Angela sigh loudly, drawing me from my thoughts. She was massaging her temples almost as fiercely as I was.

The two of us had been looking at service orders and troubleshooting sheets for some of the clients who had complained. Laurent had been right; there had been quite a few problems.

"How could I have not known about this?"

Angela shook her head. "I think that you've been too overwhelmed."

"But someone should've told me!"

"I know. I would bet that no one wanted to trouble you with it."

"Did you know?"

Angela shook her head. "I would've told you, Bella."

I let out a long breath. "I know. I'm sorry."

She replied with a small smile.

Her statement that people hadn't wanted to bother me with the menial problems was likely true. However, I also knew what Angela was too kind to say: I should've followed up myself. I had dropped the ball. I was responsible for the sales for the office, as well as the client satisfaction. Instead, I had been too caught up in actually managing the entire office first, worrying about sales second, and then the customers third. I'd been concerned about making sure that Mike was actually managing to get more work done than flirting. I had been having my assistant spend more time helping me to manage the other employees, including Mike's technicians, rather than having her help me with customer follow-up.

And if I were honest with myself, I'd been more worried about Edward than about my job. He seemed to dominate my thoughts on a daily basis, though most of that time was just my vain attempt at trying to tell myself that Edward's attitude about me or the baby didn't matter. Funny how a person can expend more effort trying to forget about something than worrying about the actual problem.

And, of course, I spent a good portion of my time thinking about the baby.

The baby wasn't even born yet, and it was taking me away from the things that used to come easy for me. My life was no longer simple. There was more to it than work and my books. The baby was not only taking over my body, but it was consuming my mind as well. I couldn't seem to be able to go more than five minutes without thinking about the baby in some manner. Whether it was about the baby itself or about how I was feeling, or about some branch of the Cullen family, it didn't matter—presently everything in my life boiled down to The Baby.

"Angela, how am I going to do this?" I asked her.

"It'll be fine, Bella. Really. We'll just have to reorganize how we're doing things. Maybe Laurent being here won't be so bad, and you can just work on managing the office. That's a fulltime job as it is."

My distraught eyes met hers, and I saw the confusion as it began to cloud her eyes as she watched me. I shook my head slowly. "No, that's not what I meant. How am I going to manage to work here, and put in the time and energy that I need to, while I have a baby?"

"Oh, Bella. We'll figure that out too," Angela whispered, her features quickly matching my own distress as she reached out and squeezed my hands. "But, no matter what, I promise you that you're not alone."

And before the first tear began to stream down my cheek, Angela pulled me into her arms.

Alice took one look at my face when she'd picked me up from work a few hours later and insisted that she and Jasper were going to take me out to dinner, and then the three of us were going to go back to the apartment and watch a movie. I didn't complain, really; I desperately wanted—no, _needed_—a distraction.

Getting to know Jasper a little better was nice, and really, the pair of them kept me duly entertained, so that I didn't find my thoughts completely focused on work. Jasper had an overall calming aura around him that made me feel relaxed, and comfortable. For a little while I actually found myself able to put work behind me.

Alice and Jasper wound up taking me to a seafood restaurant, which did little to satisfy my craving for steak, and then Alice pulled out a movie for us to watch in the living room. It certainly wasn't the light-hearted comedy that I'd secretly been hoping for or the romance-drama that I'd feared, but it was exactly the sort of dark fantasy world in which I could immerse myself.

For the second night in a row, I awoke sometime in the middle of the night to find myself sleeping on the sofa. I could hardly even remember watching the movie.

~X~

Saturday afternoon, I had my apartment all to myself. Alice had tried to get me to go out shopping with her, even promising a trip to Barnes and Noble, but I'd outright refused. Then she'd tried to get me to go to the spa with her, reminding me of my own promise to go and tempting me with how wonderful a massage would feel, but I told her that all I really wanted to do was be alone for a few hours and maybe sleep.

Alice had huffed in irritation, mumbling that I was no fun and that she hoped that I would loosen up at least a little bit after I gave birth. Then, as she left, she reminded me that Edward would be stopping by sometime in the afternoon.

At least this time I was expecting him to visit.

I took advantage of being alone in the apartment by finally deciding to bite the bullet and call my mother to tell her that I would not be able to fly down to Florida on Christmas Eve. She wasn't happy, and I quickly found myself having to confess my short hospital stay to her… and then having to talk her out of flying up to see me. I hated how she was able to get me to admit that I was having medical problems when I'd been able to successfully lie to Charlie.

However, I did promise Renee that I wouldn't be alone for Christmas, even though that truly was my intention, and I said a silent prayer of thanks that Charlie had already left for Montana. That fact would be enough to detour my mother from meddling.

Alice hadn't mentioned when Edward would stop by, but by four in the afternoon, I found myself biting my lip and staring at the clock. Then five minutes later I'd rearrange some of the Christmas decorations, fiddle with the tree, and do two quick loops around the living room before sitting back down on the couch and biting my lip again. I didn't know what he was planning. Did he expect me to go out to dinner with him, like he had a few days before? What would I do if he made some sort of grand gesture with flowers and chocolate or did something equally asinine… like try to propose? That thought wasn't outlandish, was it? Hell, his sister was actually living with me now.

They were minor thoughts, really, each one passed through my head in a matter of seconds before I was off worrying about something else. I didn't really expect Edward to do anything, but the fact that he was so unpredictable bothered me far more than I could even express.

I finally forced myself to eat a sandwich, and the food seemed to settle my stomach a bit. It was nearly five when I heard a loud knock on the door. I wasn't nervous, exactly. I was anxious. With Edward, I didn't know what to expect. In the last week, he'd taken the opinion I'd had of him and flipped it on its head. I was just waiting for him to revert back to the Edward I'd grown used to over the last few months.

My mouth fell open as soon as I opened the door and took in the sight that awaited me. It was Edward, of course. He looked at me, a tad uncertain, and then he flashed me a smile. But what stunned me was the fact that he was surrounded by shopping bags.

"Hi," I greeted cautiously.

His smile grew. "May I come in?"

"Sure," I said, taking a step back to allow him into the apartment.

He walked in, carrying all of the bags and setting them on the floor near the kitchen. Then he looked at me, with his eyes full of determination. "I need your car keys."

"What?"

"Your car keys, Bella. Can I have them please?"

Crossing my arms across my chest, I narrowed my eyes and shook my head. "No, Edward. You have no reason to even touch my car. What do you need it for anyway? And what is all of this?" I was confused and irritated with him already, and he hadn't even been here five minutes. What was it I'd been thinking about him before? Oh, yeah, that he was constantly doing things that I didn't expect.

He gritted his teeth and his jaw tensed as his hand went immediately up to his messy and disheveled hair. "I went shopping. I thought that I should probably start to get a few things for my place, and when I was here the other day, I noticed that you didn't have anything yet either, so I just bought two of everything. And now I need your keys so I can go put in the car seat for you."

I shook my head slightly, confused. "You bought a car seat?"

"Two."

_Two of everything?_

I looked back down at the bags he'd deposited on my floor, instantly recognizing that most of them came from Babies 'R Us, and I groaned. I suspected that the desire to shop was a genetic disorder, and I hoped that my son wouldn't inherit that trait.

"Your keys, Bella," Edward prompted.

I shook my head again. "I don't need a car seat installed today, Edward."

He huffed in annoyance. "Fine. Where would you like these?" he asked, indicating the shopping bags.

I wanted to tell him that he could take them back to the store, but I bit my tongue. He was obviously making an effort, but I was wondering why. What was his motive for this stunt?

"The spare bedr—Crap, I guess that they'll need to go in my room," I mumbled. I couldn't have him throw all of the stuff into the room where Alice was sleeping. She already had the room torn apart with her "organizing" and "decorating."

I sighed as I led the way back to my room, telling myself not to feel guilty that I'd not even offered to carry any of the packages. "Just somewhere over there." I pointed to the far wall next to my dresser, and Edward dutifully placed everything just where I'd indicated.

We stood there in my bedroom, staring at anything but each other for a moment, the familiar tension between us becoming as thick as ever.

"What?" Edward asked. I wasn't sure if he thought that I'd suddenly had some profound thought or if he was simply trying to break the tension.

"Nothing."

His fingers went through his hair again. "Would you like to see what I bought?"

The answer to his question was a resounding "no," but I held my tongue. What I really wanted to know was why he bought it all in the first place. Instead, I just nodded my head and sat down on the bed near the pillows. Edward grabbed the first bag, sat down on the bed, and then set the bag between us. Then, he slowly began showing me the things he'd purchased.

As he unpacked each item, it seemed to me that Edward had bought absolutely everything that I could possibly need. There were blankets, little towels with hoods on them, soft washcloths, crib sheets, fingernail clippers, and the little sucky things that looked like miniature turkey basters.

Edward had bought some expensive baby lotions from a company that I'd never even heard of, as well as hypo-allergenic soaps. There was a thermometer that only had to be run across the forehead, some u-shaped pillow called a "Boppy," and a hairbrush and comb set.

And something called Butt Paste. Though the name was pretty self-explanatory, I was just shocked that someone would actually name a diaper cream that. I couldn't decide if it was brilliant marketing or if the person who came up with that was simply trying to be funny. I held it up to Edward, my lip slightly quirked and my eyebrows raised in question.

He shrugged. "Diaper cream was on the list. And how could I not buy something called Butt Paste?"

I tried to stifle my giggles and made a loud, unladylike snort instead.

Edward chuckled before he pulled out what had to have been bag number six or seven and started to show me a play mat he'd found for the floor.

And then he began to pull out the clothes.

There were lots of clothes, and he pulled each item out one at a time so that I could see everything. From t-shirts and little jeans, to sleepers and socks, Edward had it all. And the only thing that kept running through my mind was that he'd told me that he'd bought _two_ of everything.

He was especially proud of a tiny Mariner's baseball uniform—complete with a little baseball cap—that he laid out extra carefully on the bed. When he did that, he said that he gave me the six month size and the second one he bought was twelve month. I couldn't stop the vision of a little boy sitting on the floor wearing the outfit and playing with a ball. The image made me smile.

Edward seemed to know what I was smiling about because when his eyes met mine, I could almost see a glimmer of excitement dance through them. For just a moment, I felt strangely connected to him.

_And at least he had been practical in his double-spending,_ I told myself, trying to defend the cost.

"How did you know what to buy?" I asked him in an effort to distract myself from his mesmerizing stare.

"I stole Alice's list," he admitted.

I nodded, uncertain how to take that. I wanted to be amused, but that felt… too familiar. I felt safer keeping Edward at a distance. It hadn't been the sort of grand gesture that I'd been expecting, but it was still pretty big, and I found myself wondering what he meant by it. Was he merely reiterating the fact that we weren't together and that the child would be shuffled between multiple homes? Or was he showing that he actually cared? Or was it some other reason that I hadn't thought of yet?

That's when I saw one final bag sitting on the floor. Everything had been laid out on my bed, which was now positively covered in baby gear, except for that last package. I wondered why Edward hadn't grabbed that one when he'd been showing me everything else.

Standing up from the bed, I walked over and picked it up. "What's this?" I turned my head and looked at him questioningly before I crouched down and picked it up. The bag contained a rather large box, and it wasn't light by any means. However, I also knew enough about baby things to know that it was too small to be the car seat that Edward had mentioned.

Placing the bag on the bed, I shot another quick glance up at Edward who was sitting on the bed, nervously running his hands through his hair again and staring intently at the bag as if it were going to bite him. Holding my breath, I looked inside and pulled the box out, confused until comprehension dawned on me and I realized what it was that I was now holding. My face cracked into a genuine smile.

"Um, Edward," I said, looking at him and enjoying his discomfort. "You said that you bought two of everything."

"I only bought one of _those_."

I raised my eyebrow. "Are you sure? Or is there something you're not telling me?"

He smiled, and his cheeks flushed crimson. "I'm sure. I—I apologize, though. I didn't know if it was something that you wanted or needed. We haven't discussed any of your plans. But the woman at the store said it was hospital grade, the best they make." His words were rushed, and he stammered slightly in his anxiousness.

My lips twitched and I looked away to hide my amusement.

"I—thank you," I said, looking down at the electric breast pump. I looked back down at the box, and the words "Pump in Style" finally seemed to register in my mind. I didn't know what else to say to him, but the ridiculousness of the situation didn't escape me and I began to laugh. Edward quickly joined in, and I soon found myself truly comfortable in his presence.

As our laughter died down, I looked from Edward to the huge pile of baby things and then to the rather expensive looking breast pump that I was still holding in my hands. It was then that I actually began to understand something about him. I had been telling myself a couple of days that I couldn't let myself trust him when he said that he would actually stick around for anything, and here he'd just tried to demonstrate that he was actually thinking about what was to come next.

Really, I had to give him props for that. I'd hardly allowed myself to even think about what was going to happen in another two months time. At least one of us was thinking about the immediate future.

Not long after he'd shown me all of his purchases, Edward announced that he needed to leave, citing the fact that he had to work early in the morning.

Glancing at my bedside clock, I realized that we'd been holed up in my room for almost three hours. Not that we'd said much to each other, but we'd passed the time… yet again… without wanting to kill one another. That, in and of itself, was progress. Add in the fact that, for a moment there, we'd both seemed to be enjoying ourselves, and it began to give me a bit of hope that things would be manageable after the baby was born.

I stood up again and walked him to the door.

"Are you sure that I can't get you to give me your keys so that I can install the car seat?" he asked.

I snickered. "I'm sure. There is plenty of time for that."

Edward nodded. "Look, I'm sorry. I probably came on a bit strong when I got here today. I didn't mean to scare you."

"You didn't scare me," I rushed to say, avoiding his gaze. In truth, he had successfully pulled the giant elephant directly out into the center of the room and not only placed it on display but also forced me to look at it. That scared me far more than anything else could have. Who would've thought that an infant would be the most frightening thing to enter into a person's life?

Edward seemed to study my face for a moment, and I had the sinking feeling that he knew I was lying but didn't have the heart to call me out on it. "Are you free for dinner on Tuesday?"

I could've sworn that I saw his green eyes sparkle in the light as he asked me, and I had to shake my head slightly to clear my suddenly muddled thoughts. "I… umm," I stammered. _What was the proper protocol in this sort of situation?_ "I don't date."

"Bella, we have a lot of things that we need to discuss," he said seriously. "I don't think that there is anything wrong with us going out to dinner to talk." He glanced back at my apartment. "You know… someplace that's neutral ground."

Slowly, I nodded my head and looked back up at him. That made sense, and he seemed sincere. "Okay."

"Good," he said, relaxing a bit. "I'll be by at six to pick you up."

All I could do was nod again, and he turned and walked out the door.

That night, I intentionally fell asleep on the couch, too lazy to move all of the stuff off of the bed.

~X~

Alice returned really late on Saturday. She was so exhausted from her other late nights during the week that she quickly made her excuses and went to bed. It wasn't until Sunday afternoon that she emerged from her bedroom. She didn't seem to notice the huge pile of baby paraphernalia on my bed. Not that she often went snooping around in my room. We spent the afternoon sitting in the living room watching one of those dreaded chick flicks that I rarely enjoyed. She told me about her Saturday with Jasper, and then she grilled me about Edward. And _then_ she learned about all of the stuff on my bed.

At first Alice frowned, and began ranting about things like color coordination and that there was nothing left for people to buy for the baby shower. I didn't think that it was a good time to inform her that I didn't want a baby shower. It seemed that all that Alice really needed to do was to get it out of her system because only minutes later she decided that there were other options for baby gifts and that with more than one room to decorate she could probably figure something out to match whatever Edward had bought. And, of course, that was when she realized that Edward had bought everything himself and she squealed, rather pleased that her brother was finally taking the initiative. She gave me a smile that clearly said "I told you so."

After that, I had to sit on the bed while Alice began going through absolutely every little thing. She actually knew what everything was and gave me an abridged lesson on what things were actually used for, even the weird little turkey baster. With each item she explained, I felt a rising sense of alarm as I was once again forced to actually think of the small being that required more items for its tiny body than I could have ever imagined. Alice seemed to recognize my minor panic attack, jumped up off of my bed, and dragged me back into the living room for some "food therapy," as she called it.

It still wasn't steak, though I didn't tell her what it was that I was really craving. The grilled cheese sandwiches still helped me to calm down. Especially when I focused on trying to discreetly scrape off the blacked bread on one side. Alice really didn't know how to cook. By the time we finished eating and got the kitchen cleaned, I was too tired to stay up any longer, and I grabbed my pillow back off of my bed and threw it on the couch, insisting to Alice that the mess be left on the bed for another night.

I spent Monday at work, trying to get meetings scheduled for Friday as well as the following Monday and Tuesday, taking full advantage of my vacation time. I also spent a great deal of time avoiding Laurent. He only managed to corner me once, but Mike seemed to be watching for something because he appeared just moments later, insisting that he needed my opinion about one of our projects. Once Mike got me alone in his office, he told me that he was suspicious of our new co-worker and that he was worried about me. Apparently, Jack had called Mike over the weekend and mentioned in passing how important it was for Mike and Laurent to get along, as they would be working together to implement the necessary changes that he was anticipating would be needed in the office.

Again, it sounded to me as if I was on my way out the door. Mike seemed to think so, as well, and he assured me that he would do everything he could to make sure that wasn't the case. When I got home, I was feeling even more stressed about work than I'd been the week before, and again, Alice noticed.

She spent a great deal of the evening trying to distract me, and finally insisted that I go take a bath and relax. While I was in the tub, Alice cleared off my bed so that I could actually sleep there. When I actually went to bed, I tossed and turned, unable to shut my brain down because of all of the stressors in my life. By eleven, I got up, knowing that it was fruitless to try to sleep anymore, and watched something mindless on the television. For the fourth night in a row, I fell asleep on the couch.

Tuesday was much the same as Monday. I'd driven myself to work that morning. Alice had plans with her employees that evening for an informal Christmas party. When she mentioned that, I panicked. We hadn't had an office party. I hadn't planned one. When I told Angela, she smiled and said that she'd already arranged to have an informal party on Wednesday afternoon and not to worry so much. I hugged her and told her how much I appreciated her looking out for me.

By four, I'd had done everything that I could possibly get done in a single day, and so I made my excuses and left early. I'd already committed to returning the following afternoon because of the small Christmas get-together that Angela had arranged, but for all intents and purposes, I was on vacation. Friday, Angela and I were meeting with McIntyre—the account that had officially been the true catalyst for the move up to Washington in the first place. I needed to make sure that they were happy.

When I got home, I showered and then changed. Though, really, I didn't have the energy to put the effort into getting myself truly made-up. It wasn't a date, after all. I was having dinner with Edward someplace where we would be in neutral territory to make it easier to talk.

And we had a lot of things to discuss—if I could even bring myself to do it. I didn't really want to. Dealing with the "what comes next" in regards to my pregnancy was a topic that I wished to avoid, even though I knew that pushing it off would only force me into a corner. Just as waiting to decide whether or not I would terminate the pregnancy had essentially forced me into a corner. A fetus that had little to no impact on my life was easier, in my mind, to terminate. However, once the pregnancy had actually felt real, once my stomach had grown to the point where my clothes no longer fit properly… then it had become tangible. That had been the point of no return for me. I'd made a decision through avoidance. I didn't regret my choice… well, not yet anyhow. However, what choice—or non-choice, rather—was I setting myself up to make now?

Edward and I had to get passed this awkwardness. We needed to talk.

So, before he arrived, I forced myself to actually organize my thoughts, and I made a list. The list wasn't complete by any means, but it was some of the things that we needed to think about. Part of me was afraid that if we actually began to talk about some of those things, then it would cause the panic in me to rise, but the other part held a small bit of hope that it would relieve me of some of my stress—sharing the burden, as it were.

Edward arrived promptly at six, and my stomach was in knots by the time I opened the door.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked politely.

I nodded. "Where are we going?" I asked, taking in his appearance. He was dressed very nicely. A blue button-down shirt with a tie and his leather jacket. His hair looked a bit more tamed than usual, and I assumed that he must not have been putting his hands through his hair. Though the very moment that I had that thought, Edward moved his hand, and within moments his fingers were working their way through the silky, coppery strands. I was almost afraid to acknowledge that it was quite possibly my scrutiny that had inspired his anxiety. I felt compelled to offer him a small smile.

"Alice mentioned that you were craving steak."

I felt the blood flow increase to my cheeks at the mention of my food cravings; it made me feel like that stereotypical depiction of pregnant woman that were seen readily on television sitcoms, eating weird combinations of food like the classic pickles and ice cream. The most bizarre craving I'd had was cheddar cheese and peanut butter, and I was certain that was my body's way of telling me to increase my protein intake. I'd been craving steak for days, but I'd been too lazy to cook and takeout hadn't sounded all that appealing. "Alice did?" I couldn't remember telling her.

"She said that you slept on the couch again last night, and she heard you talking about food in your sleep."

There was no doubt about it—my cheeks were bright red by that point. I hated that I talked in my sleep, and I especially hated it when other people heard me. My roommate in college always had some interesting stories about me, too.

Edward took my silence as a confession—which, of course, it was. "We have reservations at The Met."

"Really? That sounds wonderful," I said genuinely, smiling as I grabbed my coat and purse.

The Metropolitan Grill was well known in Seattle for being one of the best restaurants for steak. I'd never been there, but it was a common place to hold lunch meetings. Even though it wasn't too far from my office, I still tended to take my clients to the Hilton.

I followed Edward out to his car. We kept a respectable distance between us, but it wasn't necessarily uncomfortable. Edward was quick to open doors for me, including the passenger side door to his car. I didn't care what it was that he wanted to call the evening, it still felt like a date. I laughed when I got in the car and noticed the car seat buckled up in the back seat.

"What?" he asked when he slid into the driver's seat.

"You really do have a car seat in here."

He grinned sheepishly, as he started the car. I wished that there was a bit more light so that I could see if his cheeks reddened at all, but even the street lights as he pulled out onto the street didn't allow me to see well. "I told you that I did."

"You did, but I didn't really believe it."

He chuckled. Then he said in a serious tone, "Did you know that over sixty percent of car seats are improperly installed?"

"Really?" I hadn't known that, but it impressed me that he did. Though, another part of me decided that he was implying that I would be one of those to install the car seat wrong.

"Yes, so I wanted to make sure that it was done right before it was needed. I see patients after surgery on a daily basis. You really don't want to be bending into a car to try to do that."

That made me feel a little bit better. At least he wasn't outright saying that I would screw it up. Then again, I was the first person to admit that I knew nothing about infants and children. It made me wonder exactly how much he did know, but I pushed that question aside for later. Maybe once we were at dinner. "You're a planner," I deduced.

"I try to be."

"Alice is like that, too. Her lists are everywhere, and she's so detailed in her agenda. I've never known anyone who was that married to their Blackberry. I use one, but it doesn't keep track of every single detail of my life like hers does," I said with a fond smile. "Is that a family trait?"

"Esme is meticulous in her organization. Lists for everything, and she strategically plots and plans every aspect of her life. Alice gets that from her. Now Emmett, on the other hand, never prepares for anything. He never did homework. He never studied for tests. He didn't plan for his career. He's successful, but his life has always been a jumbled, happy accident. I try to model myself after Esme."

"So, you're more like your mom than your dad?"

He was silent for a moment before he answered in a harder tone. "I look up to both Esme and Carlisle. I wish that I could be half as good as they are."

I narrowed my eyes as I noticed that his grip on the steering wheel had tightened. Edward's entire body seemed stiff, and I began to wonder what I'd done.

"Edward, did I say something to upset you?" As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I watched his body loosen up slightly, but his jaw remained clenched. I wondered if he hadn't merely forced himself to relax.

"No. You didn't say anything wrong."

"You know, some things aren't always planned," I said, taking the conversation back to where it had started. Then I added, "And that's not always a bad thing."

He nodded. "That's true," he said softly. The tenseness in his jaw finally left as he glanced quickly from the road to my stomach.

We slipped into silence until we reached the restaurant. It wasn't necessarily comfortable anymore, but the air wasn't thick with tension and animosity either.

By the time we were seated at the restaurant, we were talking again but only about purely inconsequential things. I asked him if there was always this much snow in Seattle—which apparently there wasn't—and if it was always this cold—usually not. I asked him about the most exciting surgery he'd ever done—I couldn't even repeat the words he'd said in my own head, and when he tried to explain the procedure to me, I had to stop him before I became too nauseated to eat dinner. Edward was very amused by that. He told me that while he was growing up, he, Carlisle, and Emmett would try to outdo each other with the most disgusting stories during dinner.

"By the time we were in high school, Irena, Kate, and Tanya were at our house for dinner a lot…"

"And, let me guess, you were overrun with women at the dinner table, and they put a stop to your storytelling," I finished for him.

Edward smirked. "No, those girls had better stories than Carlisle, Emmett, and I combined. Alice and Esme took to eating in the kitchen."

I laughed and then grimaced.

"Bella, are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just need to run to the bathroom." I moved to get out of my seat. Just as I was standing up, I heard my cell phone ring. I pulled it out, looked at the display, and sighed. "It's your sister. You talk to her. I'll be right back," I said.

"Hi, Alice," I heard Edward say into the phone as I walked towards the bathroom.

I took advantage of the few minutes by myself in the bathroom to collect my thoughts. The evening hadn't been going the way that I'd anticipated. I'd been expecting stressful conversations, awkward silences, and tension… lots of tension. However, I was actually enjoying myself. Edward wasn't being as much of an ass as he'd been before. Actually, he was being nice, and I truly hated admitting that to myself.

I didn't want him to be nice.

I didn't want him to make me see that he actually could be a decent guy.

Because if he acted like the cute, sweet, flirtatious guy that I'd met at the hotel bar back in May, then I wouldn't be able to hold onto my hurt, anger, and distrust. This Edward, the one who had been to my apartment twice and who I'd spent a lovely evening so far with, he was likable, and I wanted to get to know him.

_No, no, no, no, no,_ I told myself. Because I knew that the moment that I decided he was a decent guy, then it would only be that much worse when the real Edward came back out. To me, the angry, hateful man who I'd seen at Emmett's wedding and at the restaurant with Esme, that was the real Edward. Why would that be the façade?

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

It seemed only inevitable that Mr. Hyde would be coming out to play at any moment, and I needed to be prepared for when that happened. I had to remain strong and be able to keep myself together. If I didn't, then I stood to lose far more than my dignity.

However, I also decided to abandon my list of subjects we needed to talk about. If he didn't bring anything up about the baby and how we were going to work through some of the major issues, then I didn't want to be the one to bring reality crashing down. After all, it was equally important that we get to know one another and grow comfortable in each other's presence.

When I got back to the table, the food had arrived, and Edward sat stoically, waiting for me before eating. However, judging by the small scowl on his face, it didn't seem like I'd have to wait a long time for the alter ego to appear.

I sat down in front of my plate, and with little more than a nod of my head to acknowledge him, I turned my attention to my dinner. He picked up his place setting at the same time that I did, and for several minutes, the only sounds that could be heard from our table were the clinking of the silverware and the scrapping of the sharp knives against the china plates. The hand that my knife was in yearned to slice through the tension, but I had a feeling that the fillet mignon was tenderer.

"You're not even going to ask what Alice had to say?" he finally asked.

"Oh, I'd forgotten." I looked up to meet his gaze, and I felt my heart rate increase at the intensity of it. "Why did she call?"

"She wanted to tell you that she'll be out late with Jasper tonight."

I nodded. That news wasn't surprising news. It seemed that Alice spent a lot of time with Jasper. It's part of what made her a tolerable roommate.

I went back to eating my dinner, trying to enjoy the perfectly seasoned meat, but I still felt Edward's eyes on me. When I refused to meet his stare, I heard him put his cutlery down.

"Bella," he said, forcing my attention back to him, "Alice isn't the only one who called."

My eyes narrowed, and I felt myself go rigid. I was torn between curiosity and irritation. What right did he have answering my phone? Who in the hell did he think he was? Then my thoughts quickly began to worry about who else could've called. Mike? Laurent? Jacob? I really couldn't see Edward being happy after speaking with any of them.

"What were you doing answering my phone?"

Edward clenched his hand into a fist several times, and he averted his eyes. "I didn't intend to. I was talking to Alice when the line beeped in. I answered it without even thinking."

"Who was it?"

"Your father."

"Charlie?" I put my fork down on the table. "Is everything all right? What did he say? Where is my phone?" I asked, holding my hand out.

"He's fine. He was just calling to check on you." Edward snorted a laugh. "He was rather surprised that I answered your phone."

"I can imagine," I said, calming down slightly. I was still annoyed, but just imagining Charlie's reaction to Edward answering my phone was somewhat amusing.

Edward looked at me again, and though his face remained serious, his features relaxed minutely. The difference was mostly in his eyes—they softened. "You lied to Alice. You told her that you were spending Christmas with your dad."

My face fell. I pulled my hand back and began wringing the cloth napkin in my lap.

"I am sorry, Bella," he said, speaking barely above a whisper.

"For what?" That truly was the key: what was he apologizing for? Did he even have any idea what all he'd done?

"I must've really done a number on you to make you feel as if you had to spend Christmas alone."

I gripped the napkin tightly in my fist. "You mean that you don't know?"

"I know exactly what I said and did. I just never intended for you to feel as if you were trash that needed to be tossed out on the curb. Esme would never forgive me for that."

"Esme was there."

He looked up at me, his brow furrowed in confusion. "When?"

I turned my head and looked away for a moment. Feeling the familiar prickling of tears from remembering the feeling of rejection, I took a deep breath to try to fight them off. "At the restaurant. When you told me to stay away from your family. Your mom was sitting right there."

Edward shook his head. "She didn't hear what I said. If she had, she would've instantly jumped to your defense." He sighed, and I watched his nervous fingers attack his slightly disheveled hair. "And she would have been right."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"What I'm trying to say is that no one should spend Christmas alone, and I would really like it if you'd spend it with my family."

"I…" My voice trailed off; I really didn't know how to answer his request. I didn't know the right thing to do.

I saw the return of a flirtatious Edward as his perfectly crooked grin appeared on his face and his green eyes glittered in the dim lights. "I promise to be on my best behavior. I really do want you there."

Without even thinking his words over, I found myself nodding my consent.

"Thank you," he said sincerely. Then he picked up his knife and fork again to finish his dinner, while I tried to decide if spending Christmas with his family was truly something that I wanted to do.

By the time we were ready to leave, I was exhausted. Edward paid the check and took me home. I had to fight to keep my eyes open in the car. He insisted on not only walking me upstairs but also coming in to make sure that I got settled. I tried to remind him that I was closer to thirty years old, than I was to three.

"Would it be all right with you if I stayed until Alice got home?"

I rolled my eyes. "I don't need a babysitter. I've spent quite a bit of time by myself."

"I know that it may not sound like it, but I really do know that. I just worry. Really, it's more for my own peace of mind than anything to do with you." Even though Edward looked nearly as tired as I felt, I could tell that he was just as stubborn as I was and was not likely to back down.

I sighed. "Fine. Alice usually doesn't stay out too late. I'm—" My words were cutoff with a yawn. "I'm just going to go to bed." I turned towards the hallway, then stopped to look back. "Thank you for dinner, Edward."

"You're welcome. Good night."

Just as I was closing the door to my room, I saw him yawn, as well.

Hours later, I awoke due to my overfull bladder. I walked out to the living room to see if I was alone. It seemed oddly fitting to me that it was Edward who was the one sound asleep on my couch rather than me. After using the bathroom, I quietly walked to my closet and grabbed the spare quilt to cover him up. Then I sat down in the chair and stared at his sleeping form.

There was something about a person when they were sleeping that made them seem childlike and vulnerable. I thought about my view of Edward, all of the different ways that I perceived him, and I again wanted to know which version was true. Even at dinner when he'd closed himself off and I was certain he was going to becoming irrationally angry, he'd surprised me. He'd been upset that I'd lied to Alice but even more concerned that I was going to be alone.

I still didn't trust him. Honestly, I didn't know how long that would take to change, but I could feel another crack in the wall I'd built around myself.

I just hoped that once the wall was down, that I would still be safe from annihilation.


	15. Chapter 15: Soap Bubble

**Chapter 15: Soap Bubble**

I woke up very briefly at some ungodly hour of the morning to Edward lightly tapping my shoulder.

"I just wanted to tell you I was leaving. Alice didn't come back last night."

I nodded. "I saw you on the couch," I mumbled groggily. "Where are you going?"

"I have to work today."

I felt more than heard him start to turn away to leave, and I reached out and grabbed his arm. The contact surprised both of us. "Wait. You're not working tomorrow, are you?"

In the dim light of the room, I could barely make out a ghost of a smile on his lips. "No, Bella. I am not working tomorrow."

"M'kay," I said, dropping his hand and relaxing, already starting to fall asleep again. "See you tomorrow."

"Sweet dreams, Bella."

I woke up again much later. It was the start of my vacation, and the only thing that I had to do was make an appearance in the office later that afternoon during the little Christmas party that Angela had put together. In the meantime, I had some time alone. Alice had already told me that she would be working all day.

Unfortunately, I had shopping that I had to do at some point during the day. I'd not planned on spending Christmas with the Cullens, and I'd not even considered buying gifts. It was too late to order something online like I'd done for my own family.

I showered and then ate breakfast. While I was cleaning up the kitchen, my cell phone rang. I answered it to hear an excited Alice on the other line.

"Bella! Are you home? I really hope that you're home. I didn't expect them to call so soon, but when Jasper let it slip what he was giving me for Christmas, I knew that I had to have it delivered now rather than next week. Things will just be too hectic next week. You know? And it certainly wouldn't be good to wait until any later. There are far too many things to do."

"Umm… Alice," I tried to interrupt.

"I need to have time to start getting things set up so that I know what to tell people we need for the shower. Things have to match, and I need to make sure that the bedding looks right with the furniture. You never can really tell in photos."

"Alice."

"You know how it is, sometimes. The stain on the finished wood can be lighter or darker than you intend. And I'm really concerned about the shading of the quilt, because I need to make sure that the paint for the room matches. Though, I'm not so much worried about the exact color as I am about the group. And then there are the complimentary colors. Those are where there is really the potential for problems."

"Alice," I said louder.

"I have this funny feeling that it's going to be darker than what I'd intended, and no baby needs a dark and dreary nursery. Though, I suppose that there are some other things that I could do to lighten it up. It's just that I already hired the painter, and I really want the mural to—"

"Alice!" I shouted, finally putting a stop to her rambling.

"What?"

"Breathe." I waited a beat. "Now, what is it that you want? Because, so far, you haven't said anything that makes any sense to me."

I heard Alice take an exaggerated breath over the phone, and I had to bite back a laugh.

"Okay, the furniture for the nursery is being delivered today. I needed to make sure that you're there to sign for it."

"You bought furniture already? When were you going to tell me?" I asked growing irritated. I'd known that Alice was planning; she was constantly sketching and showing me color swatches. However, from the questions and the things she'd been saying, I'd been guessing that she was still in the planning stage. We hadn't even discussed a budget yet.

"Of course I bought the furniture already! You're due in—like what?—six weeks?"

"Seven."

"Fine. Seven weeks. That's not much time, Bella."

I sighed.

"Anyhow, they were supposed to deliver the furniture next week. They called me Monday because they got it in, but they wanted to wait until after Christmas. But then last night, I found out what Jasper is giving me for Christmas, so I need the furniture there sooner."

"When are they supposed to be here?" I asked, resigned.

"Sometime between eleven and one."

I glanced at the clock. It was almost ten thirty, and from my experience with deliverymen, it would be closer to one than eleven. Alice wasn't leaving me much time to go shopping.

"Fine," I said with another sigh. "Is there anything that I need to do?"

"You just need to sign for it. That's all."

Her request was relatively painless. "Okay, Alice. I'll be here."

She ended the call, and I went to go sit on the couch with a book to wait for the delivery.

I had been right in my assumption; the delivery driver for the furniture company knocked on the door to my apartment at exactly 12:55. I'd been expecting them to bring in a few boxes that we could set in the spare bedroom.

Boxes would've fit up against the wall. They would've been out of the way. They would've been non-descript, and I could have easily ignored them.

The deliverymen standing at my doorway did not have boxes.

But I wished they did.

Three men went into what was going to be the nursery, pushed Alice's bed up against the wall, and began to assemble the furniture. All I could do was stand there in shock that was slowly growing into horror. When they were finished putting the crib and the changing table together, two of the men left and I guessed that they were done.

"This is the delivery confirmation," the third man said, handing me a clipboard and pen. "They're bringing up the dresser right now and then the rocking chair. I just need you to sign that you received everything in good condition."

My eyes scanned the invoice until it hit the total, and then I had to work very hard to keep the gasp that escaped from my throat from turning into a scream.

"Is everything all right, ma'am?"

"I—I can't sign this," I said, handing it back to him. "You need to take it all back. This isn't right."

"What? No, the woman who placed the order, Miss Cullen, was very specific that this was what she wanted. Custom-made, mahogany nursery furniture," he read from the papers.

"That says it's over $21,000!" I shouted, not caring that I was being rude.

He flipped through the pages again, obviously confused. "That does seem a bit high," he mumbled under his breath. After another moment, he pointed to something on the page. "Here. That's the total for all three sets. We're not going to deliver those until Monday. Miss Cullen said that those could wait. You just need to sign for this set." The man circled another amount, only one-third of the total cost.

That only made me feel marginally better. Sure, I had money put away for things, I could afford the basics, but I hadn't even considered spending so much money on just some furniture. _And had Alice said something about hiring a painter?_ All this time, I had figured that she'd really been using the nursery as an excuse to move in. I thought that she was making sketches and maybe planning on adding a coat of paint, some curtains, and crib. Were cribs really that expensive?

"Ma'am, are you okay? Ma'am?"

It was when I heard his voice that I realized that I was hyperventilating. I tried to slow my breathing down before I passed out.

"Here, sit down." He helped me take a couple of steps back and sit on something hard. When I shifted slightly and felt the chair move, I gasped again but quickly realized that I was sitting in the rocking chair he'd previously mentioned.

I hadn't even realized that the other two men had returned and brought it in.

After a phone call to Alice where she told me to "accept the damn order" and claimed to be "swamped" before she promptly hung up on me, I ended up signing for the furniture. However, with the evidence staring me in the face of how expensive it was and how much Alice had spent, I was determined that I needed to write Alice a check. When I acknowledged that, I remembered that someone else had also spent an unknown amount of money on baby things just a few days earlier.

With newfound energy and determination, I then set out to find the receipts from Edward's purchases so that I could get him squared away, too. This was my baby. I was the one who had decided to keep him, and I had told Edward all along that I didn't want or need his money.

~X~

"You have got to be kidding me!" Alice shouted that evening after she'd arrived home from work.

"Look at me, Alice. Do I really look like I'm kidding?" I continued to stand there, holding out the check for her.

"Keep your money. All of it is a gift."

We'd been having the same argument for the past twenty minutes. I'd try to give her a check to pay for the outrageous furniture that she'd bought without consulting me—the furniture that had all been custom made to Alice's specifications.

It wasn't like I could return it.

Then she would insist that I'd never told her that she had to run anything past me first when it came to the room, and she thought that she had total control. She'd tried to convince me that she'd never intended for me to pay for anything anyway. To which I would tell her that I never wanted her family's money. It was the one thing that I'd not wanted to happen.

It had been a huge eye-opener when I'd gone through Edward's receipts. There was a check for him in on the counter.

All I could do was shake my head at Alice. "I can't accept a gift like that for me."

She huffed in aggravation. "It's not for you!"

I rolled my eyes. "Semantics."

"Bella, I can't send it back, and I won't take your money."

"Why would you order something like that to begin with?"

"Because my nephew needs the very best!"

"You bought three sets! That's utterly ridiculous!"

"I want him to be comfortable, no matter where he's sleeping!" she shouted, accentuating her point with the stomp of her foot.

At that precise moment, we heard a loud thumping coming from the floor, and my eyes widened. A complaint from the neighbors that I was being too loud was really the last thing that I needed. Taking a deep breath in an effort to calm myself, I sat myself down at the kitchen table. Alice followed suit.

"Look, you spent more money on this baby than I spent on my car."

"Well, technically, I didn't buy anything. Mom did."

"What?"

"Mom paid for it."

Of course she did. I sighed. So, now I needed to try to find a way to give Esme a check.

"And don't you even think of trying to give Mom any money," Alice scolded. Apparently she was a mind reader as well as a psychic. "You'll crush her, Bella." She paused for a minute, narrowing her eyes in contemplation, and then leaned over the table towards me. "Besides, it's just a loan."

"A loan?" I asked, relaxing slightly.

Her eyes twinkled in the light and she grinned. "Yep. A loan. When my nephew outgrows it, then the crib can go to Jasper and me or Emmett and Rose."

Bringing my hands up to my head, I closed my eyes and began to massage my temples. "Fine. You win," I said with defeat, as I opened my eyes and watched her all too elated face. "On three conditions."

It was Alice's turn to roll her eyes.

"You promise that as soon as my son has outgrown the furniture that you take it back. You agree that I am paying for anything else that you decide to buy for the room. That includes the painter. Finally, you will agree to stay out of my dealings with your brother, because I can assure you, I _will_ be paying him back."

As I spoke, Alice slowly began to nod her head. She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, but ultimately she managed to hold her tongue. Perhaps she was finally recognizing exactly how stubborn I could be and that this was the best deal that she was going to get. Finally, she stuck out her hand towards me. "Deal."

~X~

I was nervous, stressed, apprehensive.

If ever I was to have problems with my pregnancy that were related to stress, Christmas Day would've been the time. Things would be stressful enough with spending the entire day with Alice and Edward's family without me having to be admitted to the hospital.

Without even a thought, I knocked on my oak coffee table in hopes of preserving a small piece of luck or gaining some—either way, it didn't matter.

"Are you ready?" Alice asked, emerging from the hallway.

I slowly stood up and looked down at my clothes, tugging the shirt the plain white shirt that was under my cardigan so that it didn't bunch up and gather. "Maybe I should change."

Alice rolled her eyes without giving me anything more than a cursory glance. "You look fine." Then she paused and moved her gaze back to me. Cocking her head to the side, she stared for a moment. "Actually, you look more than fine. You look downright cute. I like red on you."

I made a face. Really, I didn't think that I looked fine at all. But I had two different kinds of clothing that I could fit into: the business attire that I wore to work everyday, or the t-shirts and yoga pants that I managed to stretch over my ever-expanding belly when I was home lounging around. I preferred the latter. Alice had brought home the three-quarter length sleeve cardigan the night before for me, and I had been planning on ignoring it and refusing to wear it. However when it came time to dress for the day, I'd felt out of options. With the sweater, I could wear a white blouse that I typically wore to work with the black stretchy pants that I usually wore at home. It turned out to be a nice cross between casual and dressy.

The sound of Alice tapping her foot grabbed my attention back to the present. "Are you ready?"

With a deep breath, I nodded, grabbed the two bags with gifts in them, and followed Alice out the door.

Alice drove us to the house. Her dad's car had been on perpetual loan since she'd moved in with me. There was much more room in it than Alice's usual car. Talk, gifts, and then dinner would take up the day. However, Alice and Jasper were going to be leaving before dinner was served to go to his parent's house, so Edward was going to take me back home. The Cullens lived on the other side of the city from me, and it took us over thirty minutes to drive out there. I'd not thought about it before. The last time that I'd been to their home had been on Halloween when I'd taken Ashley by their home and Tanya's.

Tanya, who was going to be there today.

_Crap._

Tanya and her perfect little newborn.

_Fuck!_

I'd already known that she was going to be there; I had just tried to avoid thinking about it. Fighting the urge to groan, I tried to will my stomach to quit doing somersaults. I didn't know how I was even going to look at her after our last encounter.

Alice had told me a bit more about her family the night before, including more about Tanya. Tanya and Mitch were not married but had been together for about four years. Emmett and Rosalie had been together for only eighteen months. Alice said that they had one of those relationships where they'd clicked the moment that they met. She compared it to how she felt with Jasper, though it took him much longer than her to appreciate what it was—a deep connection that had been practically instantaneous.

Then Alice had gone on to talk about actual sparks and true sense of completeness. Personally, I thought she'd read one too many romance novels.

"Relax, Bella," Alice said. "Everyone will love you. You already know most of them anyway."

At her words, I took a deep breath and realized that she was just pulling into the circle drive of the house. My heart felt like it was ready to pound out of my chest. _She's right_, I reminded myself. I really did know most of them. Maybe the thing that I was the most worried about was how Edward would act. I hoped that he would continue to be nice today.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to relax.

"If you don't come inside, all of those medically trained people in the house will start to think that there's a problem, and I really don't think you want to spend the entire day in the triage of the labor and delivery unit. I can almost guarantee you that Edward will harass Maggie and insist that they keep you overnight," Alice said in a teasing tone with a giggle.

"Fine." Just as I unbuckled my seatbelt, my door opened for me. I looked up, surprised to see Edward standing there, holding his hand out for me. He had that same crooked smile that had made me utterly incoherent all those months ago when we'd first met.

"Merry Christmas, Bella," he greeted.

"Merry Christmas." I placed my hand in his and allowed him to help me out of the car. Before I could lean over and grab the bags holding gifts in them, he had them in his hands.

"Come on, we're all waiting on you and Alice," he said as I walked with him to the house.

Glancing behind me, I saw that Alice remained next to the car. She was positively beaming. "It's going to be a good day," she said as she pushed herself away from the car.

From the foyer, I could see that the Cullen living room was full of people. It reminded me of holidays when my mom and I had lived with my grandmother in California for a few years. Those holidays had been spent with my grandmother's family and my mom's aunts, uncles, and cousins. A big family. Which all equated to chaos more than anything else.

I'd hated those holidays.

Moments after we walked into the foyer, Esme's arms were around me. "Oh, I'm so glad that you're here!"

"Thanks, Mom. I love you, too," I heard Alice say with a huff behind me.

"Hush, Alice. I just like Bella more."

Esme released me from her hug and moved on to her daughter, assuring her that she was her favorite daughter and that no one could ever replace her. I heard Edward snort beside me, and I smiled at him.

"Merry Christmas," said a booming voice from behind me, and I jumped slightly in response.

I turned my head around and took in the sight of the two people who had just approached us. Although we'd never formally met one another, I knew who the couple was. It was the newlyweds.

"Bella," Edward said, "this is my brother Emmett." He indicated the familiar-looking burly man with curly brown hair. "And this is his wife, Rosalie. Emmett, Rose, this is Bella."

I held out my hand to Emmett who was standing nearest to me, but he would have none of that. I squealed in surprise as he walked the two steps to me and wrapped my arms around me, lifting me off my feet in the process.

"Emmett, put her down. She's pregnant," Esme admonished.

"Oh. Sorry," he said, grinning at me as he set me gently back on the floor and relinquished his grip. "I'm just excited to finally meet you, Bella."

I couldn't help smiling at him, then my eyes moved over to the meet the gaze of his wife, and the corners of my mouth fell. Evidently, Rosalie was not as thrilled to meet me as her husband. Trying to be friendly, I stuck out my hand towards her. She looked me up and down with a clear look of disdain on her face. I believe that it was only the audience watching our interaction that caused her to shake my hand briefly, though she hardly touched me—and her face held a grimace as if she'd just been forced to drink blood. When she released my hand, she turned without a word and walked over to the couch to sit down next to a blonde woman that I recognized immediately.

My eyes met Edward's, but he just shook his head as he led me into the living room. I took a deep breath to steel myself, and Edward chuckled. "It's not going to be that bad," he whispered in my ear as he put his arm around me. I didn't even have time to feel uncomfortable by his gesture before Kate had me in her arms.

"I'm so happy to see you," she said. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too, Kate," I said honestly.

She led me over to the other couch. "The last few weeks have been crazy for you, I know. Alice has done a really good job at keeping all of us informed as to what was going on."

I shot Alice a glare.

"I'm sorry that I haven't called."

"Don't be," I reassured her. "I'm doing fine. Just, as you said, really busy."

She reached over and squeezed my hand. "Is everything okay with the baby?" she asked quietly.

I nodded. "As long as I don't do too much of anything. But I'm back to work at least."

"Good. I'm glad."

"Miss Bella! Miss Bella!" yelled Ashley as she came running into the room, sliding along the hardwood floor in her stocking-clad feet. I was certain she was going to slip and crack her head open.

"Ashley, slow down and walk," snapped her father. Apparently I wasn't the only one who was worried.

"Sorry, Daddy," she said softly. Ashley looked embarrassed and contrite as she walked the rest of the way to the couch to see me.

The little girl hugged me, which made me smile. Then she looked down and put her hands on my stomach. It was obviously much larger than the last time I'd seen her at Halloween. "Miss Bella, are you going to have a baby like my Aunt Tanya?"

I heard the protests that began to come from Kate, Esme, and Garrett, but I rolled my eyes at them. She was young, and I could appreciate that they were afraid that she'd say something rude or that would offend me, but I honestly didn't care. However, before I could answer her, Edward was at my side. He handed me a large mug and sat down next to me.

"Yes, Ashley. Miss Bella and I are going to have a baby."

I didn't know quite how to respond to that. I just shot Edward a questioning look. And when my eyes darted around the room, I noticed that Esme and Alice were practically bouncing out of their seats in unison. Carlisle, who I hadn't noticed before, was smiling proudly at his son, and Rosalie looked as disgusted as she had when she'd been forced to shake my hand. Emmett and Jasper both seemed to be quietly amused. Garrett and another man with sandy brown hair, who I could only deduce was Mitch, stood off to the side. Mitch winked at Edward. Tanya looked indifferent. Neither pleased nor angry at Edward's words, her eyes were focused on her newborn infant whom she'd just picked up from a carrier that had been sitting at her feet.

In the meantime, Ashley was still standing in front of me, squealing and bouncing up and down on her feet. Edward leaned over and picked her up to put her on his lap. I brought the mug in my hands up to my nose. It was warm apple cider. The scent reminded me of home and comfort. I breathed in the familiar aroma and took a sip, focusing all of my thoughts and energy on drinking the spiced liquid and allowing its warmth to relax me. Right there, in the middle of Esme and Carlisle's living room with thirteen other people, I felt safe and warm and content.

People talked with one another after that, and I was grateful to no longer be the center of attention. Tanya regaled everyone with stories about her baby. Apparently, Kirsten was already on a schedule and sleeping at least six hours solid every night. The baby nursed every three hours during waking hours and was content to sit in her carrier while Tanya did things around the house.

She was only two weeks old.

I wanted to gag. I didn't know much about babies, but I knew enough to know that it was not normal to have them sleeping through the night or content to be put down before they were quite a bit older. When my sister had been born, my mother had called me in tears, crying about what she'd called "Six Weeks of Hell."

Obviously, Tanya wasn't experiencing anything like that. I would've claimed that she must've been lying, but her boyfriend sat beside her and confirmed everything that Tanya said. Both parents looked bright, chipper, showered, healthy, and well-rested. All things that I'd heard were rare for first-time parents. I felt a combination of hope and despair at that. Hope that there was a possibility that things could be okay for me after my baby was born. Despair because it made me feel as if the expectations on me were high. This was someone's footsteps to follow in, and I was certain that everyone would be holding me to her standard… and I had a feeling that I would fail.

Rosalie sat next to Tanya, nodding her head to almost everything that Tanya said, and every so often would interject with small facts about things that she'd read and the occasional question. It was obvious to me that she was making mental notes of Tanya's experience as a mother.

Edward leaned towards me and whispered into my ear that having a baby was something that Rose wanted to do immediately, and the entire family had been hoping her and Emmett to return from their honeymoon with an announcement. It had been three months since their wedding, and there had been no baby news on that front.

After nearly an hour, Alice announced that it was time for gifts, and Ashley jumped up from Edward's lap. I was actually surprised that she'd sat still that long, but it was obvious that she adored him. He was so sweet with her, and it reminded me of when she'd fed him the cupcake on Halloween. Edward with the dabs of pink frosting on his face was far sweeter in hindsight than it had been that night.

Even after my argument with Alice the night before about the cost of the nursery furniture being more than excessive, I had not been prepared for the Cullens' penchant for overspending. I'd falsely assumed that Alice was the only one who made excessive purchases.

I had been greatly mistaken.

All of the Cullens had the same inclination, which would've been fine, except that they'd carried that habit over to spending money on me.

I'd expected gifts from Esme and Alice, possibly even Kate's family. However, I'd not expected something from everyone. Nor had I thought that the gifts I'd received would be anything more than an outfit for the baby or a new blouse. Something simple. Their generosity made me appear cheap and inconsiderate—at least that was how I was certain that they'd see me.

Clothes, books, and gift cards. The only thing that I'd received for the baby had been from Tanya and her family; they gave me a blue baby blanket. Ironically, it was the exact same blanket that I'd bought for them, only in pink. Alice gave me a gift certificate to the spa that she'd been trying to drag me to for months and informed me that we had an appointment for it on Wednesday morning. Edward surprised me the most. He and Alice had coordinated, and he'd booked an appointment with a photographer for Wednesday afternoon.

Apparently, baby belly photographs were the "thing" to do. It seemed silly to me, but it didn't escape my notice that this was yet one more way that Edward was telling me that he was accepting of our situation.

I'd given "safe" presents to people. Nothing personal; I didn't know anyone well enough to do that, and so I had relied heavily on Alice's recommendations. And overall, everything had gone over well. However, Rosalie had made a face at the candles that I'd given her and Emmett, even though they were something that Alice had said was Rosalie's favorite. Tanya was surprisingly sweet and actually laughed when she opened the baby blanket, which had confused me until I opened mine.

For Edward, well, I had a card for him in my purse, and I figured that I'd give it to him when he took me home.

Just as Alice and Kate began to walk through the living room, picking up the discarded wrapping paper, ribbons, and empty boxes, Mitch stood up and cleared his throat.

"I have one more thing here," he said. He looked as if he was trying to hide his massive grin. Then he proceeded to turn towards Tanya, get down on one knee, just as I'd seen over one hundred times before in romance movies. Tanya already had tears welling up in her eyes.

He took her hands in his. "Tanya, you're the light of my life, the sunshine of my day, the stars of my night. And now, you're also the mother of my child. How could I not want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side? Please do me the honor of being my wife."

Alice was rolling her eyes, and I could tell that she was fighting the urge not to laugh as Mitch reached behind the couch cushion and pulled out the small black ring box.

Of course she said yes. And naturally everyone cheered and offered congratulations.

Shortly after, I excused myself to use the bathroom. The guest bath was down a hallway off of the living room. Esme had directed me there, but I'd not really paid much attention and when I was coming back, the thoughts of the newly engaged couple were swimming through my head. Tanya and Mitch's relationship had absolutely nothing to do with me. I just couldn't help looking at them and feeling somewhat bereft. Lost in my own thoughts, I wound up walking right past the doors to the living room.

"I understand that the word 'nice' isn't in your vocabulary, but you're going to figure it out really quick," I heard Edward snap at someone.

There was no response from whomever he was talking to, and I was torn between turning back around to find the living room and standing there to see if I could hear any more. I knew better than to eavesdrop. Really, I did. However, I was pretty damn sure that whatever this was had something to do with me. Plus, I had to admit that the idea of Edward actually defending me… well, that was a Big Deal.

Still, it would be best for me to leave. I turned around to head back down the hall and barely heard his voice again. "Just because you had a difficult time fitting in with this family, doesn't mean that you have to make it hard for her."

Yep, definitely about me. I wondered who he was talking to and figured it to either be Tanya or Rosalie. Either way, it didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was Edward's reaction, and I had to admit that I was pleasantly surprised.

I increased my pace and found the door to the living room. Walking as quickly as my pregnant belly allowed, I made my way back to the couch, as I wondered who Edward had been talking to. Esme and Alice were sitting in there talking, but just as I sat down, Esme excused herself to go help Kate in the kitchen with dinner.

"Where is everyone?" I asked Alice.

Alice sat back and began ticking off her fingers as she answered, "Kate, Mom, and Dad are working on dinner. Tanya went to the guest bedroom to nurse the baby. Jasper, Emmett, Garrett, and Mitch went downstairs to the game room to go play some game on the Xbox, and Ashley went to watch. Umm. Edward had to call the hospital and check on a patient, and… I don't know where Rose went. She probably went downstairs with the boys."

I nodded and moved to stand up again. I couldn't just sit in the living room while people were doing other things, so I made my way to the kitchen. At least I knew where that room was from my first visit to the house.

I felt as if my life was presently residing in a soap bubble. Pretty, to be sure, and much more preferable to the virtual hell it had been only a few weeks earlier. However, the problem with soap bubbles is that they are very fragile and they always break, no matter what you try to do to preserve them. What it all boiled down to is that I didn't know how to take this "new" Edward. He was my soap bubble, and I wondered how big of an explosion it was going to be when the bubble burst.

It didn't take long for me to understand that I was a far greater hindrance in the kitchen than I was a help. Esme and Kate were sweet, but they were constantly trying to get me to sit down on one of my barstools at the center island so I could rest. In the time that I'd been in there, they'd spent more time trying to force me to eat something and refilling my mug of cider than doing their tasks. They insisted that Carlisle was already getting underfoot because he was very particular about how he cooked a ham.

After the fifth time that Esme urged me to go sit back down in the living room, I relented. I went through the dining room to see if maybe I could set the table, but it'd already been done. With a sigh, I went back into the living room. Edward had returned and was sitting on the couch next to Tanya. He was smiling, and she was just settling her baby in his arms.

"Bella," Tanya said when she looked up.

I returned her greeting with a small smile.

"Sit down," Edward said with a grin, nodding his head towards the spot next to him on the couch.

After about a two second internal debate about whether I should sit next to him or on the other couch across from him, I chose the spot that he'd indicated.

"This is my niece, Kirsten," he said proudly, turning towards me so that I could see her sleeping face.

"She's cute. About two weeks old, right?"

He nodded.

"I bet that you're getting excited," Tanya said.

"Umm. Yeah, I guess."

She narrowed her eyes slightly, and her forehead crinkled.

"I just haven't had much time to think about it really. It's all going by a lot quicker than I'd expected," I qualified.

Her features relaxed. "Yes, I totally understand that. Even now, it feels like I'm existing in a fog."

"I thought that you said she was sleeping through the night." I wasn't trying to be rude or call her out on anything, but as soon as I said the words, I was certain that was how she'd take it.

Instead, Tanya surprised me, again. "She is. She's shockingly easy to take care of, but that doesn't mean that we haven't had to make massive adjustments to our lives." She sat back into the couch a little bit. "Honestly, if it weren't for Mitch, I don't know how I'd survive." Then she looked at me intensely. "Bella, even an easy-to-care-for baby is a huge undertaking."

Her words fell heavily on me. "Yeah, there are a lot of things that I'm quickly learning." I glanced at the baby in Edward's arms and felt a knot begin to form in my chest. He looked so comfortable holding her. He looked down and brushed his finger along her cheek. Edward looked so comfortable, and I was mesmerized by that. "I am completely clueless about everything," I added in nearly a whisper.

I noticed Edward quickly give me a contemplative look as Tanya leaned forward again and quirked an eyebrow. "About what exactly?" she prompted.

I hated admitting it. This was a weakness, and these were the last people that I wanted to know about my incompetency when it came to taking care of a baby. However, they'd both heard me. Taking a deep breath, I answered, "Everything, just as I said. I don't know how to feed a baby or change a diaper. I know nothing about bathing them or how to properly install a car seat." I looked at Edward when I said that last part, and he smiled at me.

"Didn't you used to babysit or something when you were younger?"

Slowly, I shook my head. "Not for a child under the age of four." Then I sighed. "I've never even held a baby before."

It was a horrible thing to have to admit.

"Never?" she asked in disbelief.

"My sister was almost a year old before I ever held her, and that was only because she walked up to me and climbed into my lap."

They both snickered.

"Well, there's no time than the present," Edward said. I realized a tad too late to stop him that he was handing his niece to me.

My heart was hammering in my chest as he placed the pink little baby in my arms. Kirsten began to squirm from the movement and make little noises. I looked up to Edward, slightly panicked that she was going to start crying. His smile grew as he moved my arms around the infant so that I was holding her more securely in the crook of my arm. Kirsten immediately turned her head towards my chest and settled back down.

"See?" Edward said. "You're a natural."

Leaning into the arm of the couch, I adjusted the baby in my arms just a bit and continued to stare at her, feeling gradually more relaxed as the seconds ticked by. I looked back at Edward and gave him a small smile; his green eyes twinkled back. Then he jumped slightly.

"Sorry," he mumbled as he pulled out his phone from his pocket. Edward glanced at the screen, and his eyes instantly darkened. "I'll be right back." He got up quickly and rushed across the floor to the door that led to the back hallway, answering his phone just as the door clicked shut.

I looked over at Tanya, and she shook her head. "It was probably just that patient he was worried about earlier."

"Ah." We were both silent for a few minutes, and I was becoming more and more uncomfortable sitting there with her.

Tanya obviously sensed the tension, too. "Look, Bella, I want to apologize about how we met."

"I… well, I don't exactly blame you. Things were pretty messed up then."

She snorted. It was almost funny to see a woman who carried herself so well snort like that. "Things are better now?" she asked carefully.

"I think so. I don't know," I answered honestly.

"I understand what you mean. I haven't been through what you have, but Edward and I are close. We always have been, and I know how he's been. The good, the bad, and the very, very ugly. He's much calmer now than he has been in months. I'm glad that you've both seemed to come to some sort of understanding."

"I don't know how that's exactly happened. I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop."

Tanya smiled. "That's reasonable. But you shouldn't waste all of your time worrying about that. You should be enjoying the rest of your pregnancy and preparing for the changes that are about to come into your life."

I didn't know how to respond to that. This woman, who I had been fretting for the last two days about having to see again, was being kind and offering me advice. For a moment, it led me to question if Tanya had been who Edward had been talking to earlier, and she was simply trying to make amends to him. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't hear even the slightest hint of insincerity in her words. "I'm sorry, too," I finally said after several quiet minutes where the only sound to be heard were the soft sighs of the newborn. "My behavior at your house wasn't exactly my best."

She shrugged. "You were dealing with things the best that you could. It's all water under the bridge."

"Okay, we're leaving!" I heard Alice call excitedly from the foyer.

"Now that girl," she said, shaking her head, "I don't know how you can handle that much energy bouncing around your home."

We both laughed as I handed Kirsten back to her mother. Then, I heaved myself up from the couch to go tell Alice goodbye.

Alice gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek before telling me that she'd be home late and not to bother waiting up. I rolled my eyes. If the evening wound up the same as the last several, Alice wouldn't return home until sometime after midnight, and there wasn't any worry about waiting up or staying alone because her brother likely wouldn't leave until her return.

Soon after Alice and Jasper left, Esme and Kate called everyone to the table for dinner. I walked towards the dinning room just as I heard Emmett ask, "Where's Edward?"

"He's on the phone. I need to go wash up. I'll find him," I offered.

When I left the bathroom, I walked back towards where I'd heard Edward's voice earlier in the day. I reached the end of the hall where a door was closed. I could hear soft mumblings coming from the other side. Unsure whether I should knock or just enter, I waited a moment and then turned the doorknob silently before pushing it open just a crack.

As it turned out, opening the door had been highly unnecessary as the next words that came out of Edward's mouth were shouts. "I don't care what this entails! I want her gone! I won't allow someone like her to come in here and destroy my family!"

My eyes filled instantly with tears as I struggled to breathe. My heart was pounding out of my chest, and I turned right around and ran as quickly as my horribly off-balance body could manage. When I reached the door to the living room, I wrenched it open and was barely into the living room when I heard another door slam shut.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I barely heard Esme's concerned voice as she came up to me and put her arm over my shoulder and began to lead me back to the damn couches.

I began to push her off of me before she could sit me down, but she dropped her arm on her own as I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise. Turning my head, I watched as Edward stormed past both of us, heading towards the entryway.

"Edward, wait! What's going on?" Esme asked, walking over to him. She glanced back at me and then towards her son, worried and confused, but he never looked up. It was as if he was completely oblivious to everything else that was going on around him.

The bubble had most definitely burst, and it'd been just as loud as I'd expected.

Having heard Esme, Carlisle came out of the dining room, and he intercepted Edward just as he opened the front door. Several rushed and mumbled words were spoken between them before Edward yanked his arm out of Carlisle's grasp and stormed out the door.

It took everything I had left in me to keep myself from falling apart. The pain and rejection hurt worse than before. I'd grown comfortable and had actually begun to think that things would work out.

And now this.

Carlisle walked into the living room and looked from Esme to me. When he spoke, his voice was calm and soothing. "Bella, Edward had something that he had to take care of. He'll be back soon."

I shook my head, vehemently. "No. I'm not staying here any longer. I need out of here now."

Carlisle nodded his head slowly. "Just let me grab my keys. I'll take you home." Esme followed him.

Still shaking, I walked to the coat rack and grabbed my coat and purse. Before I could forget, I pulled the envelope with Edward's name on it and set it on a small end table. I took several slower breaths, trying to bring my anxiety level down and wiped away the trails of moisture on my cheeks.

"Are you ready?" Carlisle asked calmly a moment later.

I nodded.

Esme ran over and gave me a hug. "Hush now. Everything is going to be all right," she crooned in my ear, and I wanted to do nothing more than to shout at her that she was downright delusional if she thought such a thing were even possible now. But just as I'd done before, I kept my mouth shut and allowed her to try to soothe me. When she released me, she placed her hands on the side of my face and wiped away some of my tears with her thumbs. I saw her own damp cheeks and understood that she was feeling upset by this sudden turn of events, too. And I felt the sudden need to reassure her.

"Thanks. It's not your fault that your son is an ass," I said quietly.

She looked at me, her eyes full of confusion. Then her eyes moved to behind me where Carlisle stood, and she gave him a quick nod. "Be safe driving," she said to him. Then she looked back at me. "And I'll talk to you tomorrow, sweetheart."

"Don't please. I don't… I can't…."

Esme patted my cheek lightly. "Carlisle will talk to you." In a very motherly gesture, she kissed my forehead before releasing me.

"Umm, there," I began, pointing to the envelope on the table, "that's for your son." I was so pathetic; I couldn't even bring myself to even say his name.

"I'll give it to him when he returns. Now go."

With my stomach still churning, I forced myself to ignore all of the other curious eyes now watching from the dining room and the kitchen entrances. I turned and followed Carlisle out the door and away from the Cullen's house for what I was certain would be the last time.


	16. Chapter 16: Revelations

**Chapter 16: Revelations**

I desperately tried to hold myself together. My heart still felt as if it were about ready to pound out of my chest, but I managed to keep the tears at bay as I stared out the passenger side window at the city lights. According to the clock on the stereo, it was just a bit after five. It was already growing dark outside. No wonder there was such a high incidence of depression in this dismal city during the winter months.

It was safe to say that the day had predictably turned into a disaster, but I didn't know what had made it that way. Tanya had been surprisingly pleasant to be around, and no matter how jealous I was of her and her newborn who magically slept for six-hour stretches at night, I had appreciated her kindness earlier. Rosalie hadn't been the nicest person, but we had barely interacted. I didn't think that I'd be too thrilled to meet the woman who crashed my wedding either. All of my fears for the day had been for naught… until Edward. My lips began to tremble as I fought to keep my entire body from shaking as an ache that had formed in my chest months ago began to grow. It made me ill to think that, after all of this time, he still considered me to be a threat.

"Bella," Carlisle said softly, jerking me from my thoughts.

I shook my head and fought back the tears. "I'm sorry, Carlisle. I don't want to talk about it."

He took a breath and opened his mouth as if to say something before letting the air out of his lungs in a loud _whoosh_ and snapping his mouth closed.

I leaned my head against the cool glass of the window and closed my eyes, praying that the soft hum of the engine and gentle motion would lull me to sleep. Of course, that wasn't going to happen. I was too emotional and too keyed up to fall asleep. All I wanted to do was wake up tomorrow morning and find that the entire experience—from meeting Edward Cullen at the bar to the pregnancy to his asshole behavior—had been nothing but a dream. Just a horrible dream.

In the quiet of the car, I found I could think a bit more rationally. Edward had been pleasant to be around all day. Hell, less than an hour ago he'd been encouraging me to hold his newborn niece. I could not make the connection between _that_ Edward and the man who had stormed out of the house.

The words he'd used—_I want her gone! I won't allow someone like her to come in here and destroy my family!_ —sounded too much like when he'd threatened me to stay away from his family the day of my first ultrasound. Of course, Esme hadn't heard him that day in the restaurant. I wondered if his family had any clue as to how he had treated me.

I fought back the hysterical sob that wanted desperately to bubble up from my chest. I was having a difficult time allowing myself to believe that every bit of kindness Edward had shown me over the last couple of weeks had been false.

My eyes began to water, and I felt the tears begin to pool behind my eyelids, then slip down my cheeks.

"Bella," Carlisle said again.

Opening my eyes to look at him, I realized that we were stopped in front of my apartment building. "I'm sorry," I said, fumbling to unbuckle my seatbelt so that I could simply go upstairs and wallow in my own self-pity. "Thanks for the ride home."

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. Just like I'd seen him do several times… like I'd seen Edward do countless times, as well. "There are some things that you need to know," he began.

The baby kicked, and out of habit my hand moved to cover where he'd bumped. In the end, this was all about him. It was about my baby and what was best for him. When I'd finally accepted the pregnancy, I'd known that I'd have to go through this alone, and I needed to refocus my energy on that.

"I just really can't do this right now," I said apologetically.

"Bella, I just want to make sure that you're all right." He watched me for a moment with gentleness in his eyes. "Please."

"I can't do this. All of you just sit there and make excuses for him." I hazarded a glance at Carlisle, he looked as if I'd slapped him, and I felt guilty instantly. "He has been abominable through this. Why can't any of you see that? He treated me like some gold-digging whore, and all any of you did was apologize for him and promise that there was a very good reason. Well, I can't sit around and wait for that anymore. He proved this afternoon that nothing has changed and I can't sit here and wait for someone to tell me what in the hell is going on," I ranted and instantly realized that I stuck my foot in my mouth even further. But it had to be said. He had to know. This wasn't a one-time thing with Edward.

"What did he do to you?" he asked, looking more surprised by my words than I would've thought.

"You should know. He refused to speak to me. He called me a stalker for allowing Esme to take me to lunch, and then again when I took Ashley to Tanya's house. When I called him out on how he thought of me as that gold-digging whore, he couldn't deny it."

Carlisle looked even more defeated. I was surprised that had even been possible.

Managing to find the latch for the buckle, I removed my seatbelt and opened my door.

Without a word, Carlisle got out of the car and followed me into the building, apparently not understanding that I was trying to avoid any further discussion. He remained silent as he walked me up to my apartment, and when I unlocked the door, he trailed behind me.

"Why don't you go sit down?" he suggested kindly.

"I…"

"Please." Though it was a simple request, his tone held a note of authority, and I had the sense that I was in for another tedious discussion about how Edward just wasn't thinking and how everything would turn out all right in the end. I was sick of those conversations. No one ever said a damn thing worth anything. Feeling more than just a little bit irritated,

I went into the living room and sat down on the couch. I heard cupboards being opened from the direction of the kitchen, and then the faucet turn on. I rolled my eyes at the way that the Cullens tended to push their way into my home and my life at every turn.

I heard him walk out of the kitchen and lifted my head to tell him that I was quite all right on my own, and that I was ready for him to leave, only to find that he was holding out a glass of water towards me and a prescription bottle.

"Here, take this, please. You're under a lot of stress, and you're already at risk for complications."

Looking at the bottle, I realized that it was the medication that my doctor had prescribed to help stop the contractions. She'd taken me off of it not long after I'd been discharged. Carlisle was right; it probably wouldn't hurt, and truthfully, I would do almost anything to avoid another trip into the hospital. Taking a deep breath, I opened the bottle and took one of the small pink tablets with a sip of water.

"Thanks, Carlisle. I'm sure I'll be fine now." I sat the glass on top of one of the magazines on the coffee table. "You don't have to stay." I wanted him to leave. I needed the chance to calm down and sort through my thoughts and emotions, and that wasn't going to happen if he was in my home, trying to justify Edward's behavior.

Instead of leaving, he sat down.

"I need to talk to you, Bella."

"I can't do this. I can't sit here while you make excuses for him." I took a shaky breath to calm myself. "I… I just really don't want to talk right now."

"There are things that you need to know," he insisted, sitting forward in the armchair and leaning towards me.

Kicking off my shoes and curling my legs up beside me on the couch, I wrapped my arms around my chest and shook my head. "I can't listen to anymore excuses. I just… I don't want to hear it."

"I didn't know the specifics about before. I knew pieces, of course. Edward's an adult and we had decided he needed to figure things out on his own, but... What did Edward say that upset you tonight?"

I shook my head. "Nothing."

Carlisle sat up straighter and raised an eyebrow in question. "You were very distressed."

I nodded.

"Tell me why, please."

I swallowed down the bile that had begun to creep up my throat from forcing myself to think about Edward's hurtful words. "I don't know. Because he was yelling at someone and… and I was sure that it was because of me and… he said something about destroying his family, which is something he said to me a few months ago, and… I don't know."

Sitting up straight in the chair, Carlisle sighed again and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, closing his eyes as if trying to hide himself from me. "This is my fault."

I barely even heard him.

"I am so sorry, Bella. It's one to thing to have to live with the mistakes that I've made in my life, but it's another to see how those mistakes carry down to newer generations, hurting everyone else around me."

Now I was listening. I lifted my head and looked at him. "I don't understand. None of this is your fault."

"You're wrong. This is very much my fault."

He sat there, rigid and unmoving, as he stared at the Christmas tree that Alice had decorated, seemingly lost in thought. All I could do was wait for him to elaborate on his words. After several long minutes of him watching the tree—while I watched him—Carlisle finally turned his eyes back to me.

"Where to begin," he muttered softly to himself as he began to tap his fingers on the arm of the chair.

"Preferably at the beginning." My voice was harsher than I had intended, but by that point I didn't know how much I even cared. I was certain that there was nothing Carlisle could say that would make me change my opinion of his son. This had all been going on long enough, and if I was going to get some answer, then I sure as hell was going to get all of them. I wiped away the tears and tamped down the emotions so that I could actually focus on what Carlisle had to say, rather than my own turmoil.

"Fair enough." He paused again for a moment. "I know why Edward reacted to you the way that he did initially. However, I had faith in him that he would overcome his personal issues and come to see you for who _you_ are, rather than a reflection of someone else." He took a deep breath and sat back again. "He just took longer than I had anticipated."

I snorted. I wanted to tell him that he had no idea how nasty Edward truly was, but I held my tongue.

"It wasn't fair to you, Bella. We all know that—Edward included. Though, what you have to understand is that everyone else was either trying to protect my privacy or his. We didn't set out to hurt you, and I'm sorry that it's taken any of us this long to speak with you about this."

All I could do was shake my head. "You're not telling me _anything_, Carlisle!" I was growing irritated. The last thing that I wanted was more fucking excuses. They had all been feeding me excuses for months, and it was outright ridiculous. "What in the hell happened to Edward tonight? Where did he go? Why did he shout things about stopping someone from destroying his family?"

"He went to go see his mother."

I felt as if I'd just run headlong into a brick wall. I had prepared myself for a variety of responses. From Edward running off to see a lawyer to ensure that I was out of his life forever, to some ex-girlfriend who was also carrying Edward's offspring… hell, I'd even thought of ludicrous answers that included mutant aliens and a plot to takeover the world. However, the fact that Edward had to deal with Esme? Of all of the things that I prepared myself to hear from him, that was the last thing that had crossed my mind. And it didn't even make any sense—he'd left the house, but Esme had been with me in the living room.

Carlisle quickly took pity on me for my confusion. "Esme isn't Edward's biological mother."

"Oh." I shook my head and tried to clear my jumbled and confused thoughts. "I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't. It's all right," he said gently. "I met Edward's mother when I was in college," he began emotionlessly. "Elizabeth was a twenty-one year old waitress at a bar that I used to go to whenever I wanted to escape from school or hide from my father or both. I don't remember what exactly did it, but she quickly became my confidant. That friendly face maybe, someone who listened and lent a sympathetic ear. She would talk to me, reassure me that all parents were unreasonable and overbearing, then she'd ask questions about my goals and ambitions. However, looking back, it seems from the moment that I spoke to her, she had a plan."

I have to admit that my interest piqued as I heard his bitter tone. "A plan?"

He nodded. "She knew that my family had money. I'd said enough about it before I'd even finished my first drink." He stared at nothing for a moment before he began speaking, his voice monotone again. "One night, only about five or six weeks into the semester, I made my way down to the bar. It had been a particularly stressful day; an exam in my organic chemistry class, followed by an argument with my father about my career path. Elizabeth was there. By that point, she knew about my issues with my father. She began bringing drinks to my table. She'd never done that before. Before that night, she'd get me a few drinks over the course of the evening, and then come over to talk. You know how people tend to say more than they intended to when they've been drinking… before then, that'd been her intent. That night, she'd had a new plan, or maybe it'd simply been the next step. I'm not sure. But the drinks came in a constant stream. The moment I finished one off, there was another to take its place. I woke up the next morning in a strange apartment, with my arm draped around her." Carlisle pursed his lips and clenched his jaw.

This bit of news wasn't the least bit surprising. From the moment he'd began his story, it had been obvious where it was going. I listened as Carlisle told me how Elizabeth had come to him completely distraught several weeks later, saying she was pregnant. She'd been living with her mother, who upon learning of Elizabeth's pregnancy had threatened to throw her out into the streets, and Elizabeth didn't make enough money at her job to live on her own. Carlisle, of course, being the moral man that he was, had insisted that they marry even though he hadn't loved her. They'd married quickly, before Carlisle's father could interfere and stop them.

"That had been her plan from the moment she started serving me those drinks." Carlisle stood up now and began pacing around my living room, growing more and more agitated as he had to think so much about his story. I began to feel anxious for him, but I was far too curious about what else he had to say to stop him. "My father was furious. He saw her for exactly what she was. However, I was too busy thinking about doing what I told myself was the right thing to heed his warnings."

I chewed on my lip as I listened to Carlisle explain that he'd had a trust fund that he'd mentioned to Elizabeth one of the many times that he'd gone to the bar, and soon after they were married, she'd begun asking about it. Before becoming pregnant, she'd not asked when those funds would be released, and she had become angry when she'd learned that Carlisle had another two years until it became available to him.

To further complicate matters, Carlisle's father did not want him to become a doctor; he had wanted him to go into the family business. To appease his father during his first four years of college, he had worked at a double-major. So, he'd graduated from college with a degree in chemistry and another in economics. However, his father had refused to pay for medical school. Carlisle had then been forced to apply for financial aid and scholarships and rely purely on his academic record to get accepted into medical school. Elizabeth had agreed to everything. Apparently, she'd thought that Carlisle's father would come around and end up paying for everything for them.

"By the time I graduated from University of Illinois, I had a very cranky, very pregnant young wife, a father who was threatening to disown me if I didn't start making wiser decisions, and an acceptance letter to medical school at the University of Washington." He walked over to the window and stared down at the street, resting his head against the glass. "Elizabeth hated being pregnant. I'd thought it was the hormones, the changes that I was forcing her to go through… the fact that we would be moving soon…." He shook his head, sighed, and went back into his story. "Edward was born in June. I was wholly unprepared for what it meant to be a father. My own father had been largely uninvolved in my upbringing. Child-rearing was a task left to the mother, and to hired staff. The short time that we were in Chicago after Edward was born had been fine. However, at the beginning of August, my father was still refusing to offer any assistance. Even so, Elizabeth and I moved to Seattle into a tiny one-bedroom apartment near the University**.** It was old and rundown, with an avocado colored bathtub and toilet and bright orange shag carpet. The screen door was held together by duct tape, and we constantly had to set out traps for cockroaches."

I shuddered slightly. His description of the apartment reminded me a lot of my first apartment, only my experience had been far more recent than his. But in Arizona, I'd had a problem with scorpions; I would've gladly have had to deal with cockroaches over those. I shuddered again, but Carlisle didn't notice. He was still staring out the window into the cold, snowy night.

He turned to face me again. "Elizabeth seemed angry all the time and overwhelmed. I don't think that she'd fully understood what she was getting herself into when she married me. At the time, I ascribed her behavior to our youth. I didn't realize for years that my father's behavior and my insistence on being financially independent did not fit in with her plan."

Carlisle grew quiet as he clenched his jaw, and his hand went up to run through his hair, much like I could envision Edward doing.

"What did she do?" I asked in hopes of prompting him, though I was fairly certain that I already knew. Carlisle had mentioned this "plan" multiple times already, and each time he used the word, he sounded more and more bitter.

His eyes met mine, and his features softened slightly. For the first time since he'd begun speaking, I could see the tiniest piece of the kind and compassionate man who I'd come to know. "Edward was a beautiful baby, but Elizabeth was overwhelmed. She had intended to walk with me along the path to a life of luxury, and instead, she'd found herself trapped in the middle of struggles that surpassed the day-to-day problems she'd been through before." He began nervously pacing in the living room again. "It was October when I finally understood what she'd been thinking. I'd had a late class, followed by an even later study group at the library. When I finally made it home, it was nearly eleven, so I tried to be quiet when I walked through the front door. I never knew if I'd be coming into a home with sleeping occupants or a screaming infant… no matter what time of day it was. The lights were off, so I silently set my books on the kitchen table before going into the bedroom. Out of habit, I stopped next to the crib to listen to my son's breathing. My eyes hadn't quite adjusted to the darkness, but I heard nothing. So, I reached my hand in to touch his cheek, but all I found was a soft blanket. I ran may hand around all four corners of the bed, but the crib was empty. I panicked. He was only four months old, but in that time, Elizabeth had never brought him to bed with us. So, I flipped on the light in the bedroom and prepared to hear her screaming protests while my eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness.

"The room was silent, the bed unslept in, and just as I'd thought, the crib was empty. I rushed out of the bedroom and turned on the lights in the living room to find that room empty, as well. When I turned on the kitchen light, I noticed a note on the counter. Elizabeth had had enough and left."

Even though the final outcome was quite obvious to me, my stomach sank for what Carlisle must've gone through. The thought of Edward taking my son away caused an immense feeling of pain and devastation in me. "I can't even imagine how that must've felt. I just… I don't think that I would be able to go on if someone took my baby away from me like that," I said, stumbling over my words as I tried to contain my volatile emotions.

He caught me by surprise when he snorted in disgust. "Elizabeth didn't take Edward away."

I gave him a puzzled look. "What?"

"Before she left, she packed up a bag for him, took him over to the neighbor's place and left him there for me to retrieve."

"Oh," I said, surprised. "She just left him?"

"Yes," he said with disgust, "with a woman who we'd never done anything more than say hello to on three separate occasions. When I went to pick up my son, the woman quickly answered her door as soon as I knocked, and she allowed me in to see that Edward was safe. She offered to continue to watch him the rest of the night, but I declined, taking him home. She said that she'd seen Elizabeth packing to leave earlier that afternoon because Elizabeth had left the door wide open as she loaded a taxi. Edward had apparently begun crying at one point, and Elizabeth had screamed at him for ruining everything for her. The neighbor had overheard the shouts and had intervened… offering to watch Edward for as long as Elizabeth needed. Of course, at the time, the neighbor had expected that to mean only an hour or two."

I shook my head in disbelief and revulsion. "What did you do?" And to think that all of this time, I'd been overwhelmed at the thought of working a full-time job with a baby, but at least I knew that there were people around to help me. Carlisle hadn't even had that much.

"I did whatever I had to. I sold my car so that I could supplement what little money Elizabeth had been making at a waitressing job she'd had whenever I had time off. I spoke with some other students at school and found a man who had a family at home. His wife offered to watch Edward during classes. When she wasn't able to take him, I went to my neighbor. She was a recently divorced mother with a little boy who was seven months older than Edward."

"What about your parents? Did you ask them for help? Did your wife come back?"

"I waited to contact my father. I was young and prideful, and even though I had been wrong, I couldn't bring myself to listen to his rants about how he had been right. It would've only netted another discussion about how I needed to come home and take my 'rightful place' in the family business. No, instead, I found a cheap attorney and filed for divorce."

I wanted to ask what sort of things his father had said and how Carlisle knew the truth, but I couldn't bring myself to ask. Just this much of the story felt far too personal, I didn't need the details… even if my brain was screaming for them.

"About six months after her departure, Elizabeth showed up with the divorce papers in hand. It had taken some time to track her down again. I think that she had been hoping to wait until I'd finally come into my inheritance before agreeing to anything. She had basically abandoned us and couldn't claim anything, but she started making threats of claiming spousal abuse. It was then that I finally called my father, who stepped in with his checkbook in hand, stating that it was just the easiest way to get rid of her. It might've been much better to take her to court then and strip her of all of her parental rights, but back then, the mother almost always received custody, no matter the circumstances. I didn't want to risk losing my son, so I insisted on just the divorce, and she promised that she'd stay away." Carlisle crossed his arms in front of his chest and took a deep breath. "Every once in a while, she would send a card or letter to Edward, but that was the extent of her interaction with either of us. He knew that she was around, but she wasn't important to our lives. Edward had women in his life that he could see in that maternal role—he never lacked for motherly affection."

Carlisle paused a moment and closed his eyes briefly, and I wondered if the worst was yet to come. "By that time Edward turned seven, my father had died, and I had received my trust fund and my inheritance. Elizabeth had been keeping tabs and knew just the right time to step in. She threatened to sue for custody, and it required a hefty sum to eliminate the problem before it became too large. The last thing that I'd wanted was to put Edward in the middle of a custody dispute. That time, however, I was smarter about things, and I got her to sign away her rights."

He went back over to the chair, sat down, and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. This was such a different side of Dr. Carlisle Cullen, one I'd never seen before. It felt like I was a cross between a confessional and someone trying to perform armchair psychiatry. Silently, I reminded myself of the reason Carlisle was telling me about his son's messed up life, but that thought made me feel equal parts irritated and saddened. It certainly didn't explain everything about Edward's actions, but it definitely gave a basis for some of them.

I still had the urge to scream and shout at him, though.

"I just can't believe someone would do that to their child," I said, slightly bewildered. Elizabeth had to have known how treating Edward like that would hurt him. _Hadn't she?_

"She didn't care. That's really what it all came to. She was in all of it for one thing and one thing only. And she got it," Carlisle said, lifting his head to watch me again. Then he seemed to brace himself, stiffening again and clenching his jaw. "There's more."

My stomach sank at hearing those words, and I mentally braced myself for what horrible truths Carlisle was preparing to reveal to me now. Hell, I suddenly I found myself closing my eyes and scrunching my face to brace for the impact. Then, Carlisle began to speak, and I found that, yet again, I hadn't fully grasped this woman's full potential.

"Elizabeth returned again when Edward was thirteen—young, emotional, impressionable. She had the worst possible timing… or the best, I suppose, depending on how you want to look at it. She'd already signed away all of her rights… she was supposed to be out of our lives for good."

"What did she do?" I whispered, afraid of the answer.

He sighed loudly and rubbed his face with his hands before he answered. "She didn't come alone. She brought a man named Edward Masen."

I narrowed my eyes and scrutinized him. Of course, I'd immediately recognized the similarity in the first names, but….

"She claimed that Mr. Masen was _my_ son's biological father."

Oh. I was confused. She'd lied? But that would've meant that she'd planned on returning from the very beginning. Unless… oh! _Oh!_

"DNA testing proved her claim," Carlisle said, confirming my suspicions. "Edward Masen had been the lead singer of one of the bands that frequented the bar she'd worked at when we first met. She slept with him, and two weeks later she missed her cycle. She took a test, and that night I just so happened to have gone into the bar and played right into her hands. I'd just thought that Edward was a family name and that was why she'd been so insistent that we name him that."

All I could do was shake my head, with my mouth hanging open in completely and utter shock.

"That time in our lives was the absolute worst for my entire family. Edward, being a typical teenager, wanted to latch on to that fantasy of the grass being greener on the other side. Even though he remembered that Elizabeth had been around before, and he was afraid that she'd leave again. It made him wary about trusting her. However, he knew nothing about Ed Masen. So, he easily trusted him, falling quickly into his web of lies. Especially since Masen denied ever knowing about my son until Elizabeth told him just a short time before their arrival. I felt sorry for Edward. All he really wanted was to get a chance to know his 'real father.' But Masen hadn't really wanted anything to do with my son. He'd only played things up as well as he could so he could help Elizabeth. It had all been another plot to extricate another stockpile of cash. They just put my Edward, my child, _my son_ in the middle of their stupid game." He spit the last words out as if they were venom, and I shivered.

I gripped the sides of my head with my hands, and took several slow, shaky breaths. "I… I can't… I don't…" I didn't know what to say, but I could feel the weight of Carlisle's pain and sorrow as it began to pile on me.

He managed to shake it off. "It was horrible. Edward and I were constantly fighting because he wanted to spend time with his real father. He wanted to look up to him, admire him, and to use him as a role model. And Masen was not just a talented musician, he was an expert liar. He had my impressionable son completely deceived. The very moment that the papers were delivered that would ensure that Masen and Elizabeth would stay out of our lives once and for all, Edward began to blame Esme and me for driving his father away. He was understandably distraught. But Esme and I knew what kind of man that Ed Masen was, and we knew that our boy would only be hurt in the end."

Carlisle swallowed hard as he stared at the Christmas tree, and I could tell that he was simply trying to maintain his calm. "We finally relented and allowed Edward to call his father, and Mr. Masen didn't disappoint. He said that he already had everything he wanted from us and told my son to never call him again."

A small whimpered sob erupted from my chest as I felt the moisture prick the corner of my eyes as the missing pieces of Edward's personality began to click into place. It absolutely crushed me to even think about the sort of damage that something like that could do to a person. I couldn't imagine the feeling of that level of rejection. It made me feel as if my own sorry relationship with my father was healthy compared to the disaster that Edward had suffered through. I sniffled loudly and wiped away the tears as they began to slide down my cheeks. "How could he handle something like that?" I asked, as I imagined a thirteen-year-old Edward caught in the middle a battle of between two sets of parents—the ones who loved him and the ones who used him.

"He felt tremendously guilty. Esme and I watched him so closely, and I'm honestly surprised that he wasn't suicidal at the time. But that didn't stop him from taking all of the burden and the blame. And in many ways, I believe that he still does."

My heart broke for him; both for the thirteen-year-old, who desperately just wanted to be loved and accepted, and for the much older man, who still carried around the pain of that rejection and the burden of guilt. However, now I felt like I was beginning to understand who he was.

"And now she's back?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer to that question.

"Apparently," Carlisle muttered, running a hand through his hair.

It suddenly became very apparent to me the vast number of mannerisms that Edward had picked up from Carlisle. There were many similarities between them, and it brought to mind something I remembered reading in high school biology about the concept of "Nature Versus Nurture."

We sat quietly for several minutes while I tried to force the tears to stop. In the meantime, Carlisle continued to stare straight at the lights of the tree, as if lost in thought. Whether he was thinking about his past, present, or future, I didn't know.

When the silence grew to be overwhelming, I asked one of the many questions that had been weighing on my mind. _Perhaps a slight subject change will be enough to ease the tension_.

"How did you meet Esme in all of that?"

My effort worked, because Carlisle's eyes shot to meet mine and the corners of his mouth lifted into a small grin. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, there was a loud knock at the door.

I jumped slightly.

Carlisle stood up. "That's probably Edward. I'll get it."

I nodded at him as he rose from the chair. When he walked near me, Carlisle stopped and looked down at me. "And, Bella."

"Yes?"

"Esme was the neighbor with the eleven-month-old little boy," he said as he patted my head in a fatherly gesture, his grin growing by the second.

I felt a watery smile emerge on my face to match his as he walked past me and toward the door to allow his son into my apartment. Although, I didn't know how I was going to be able to deal with him now. My mind was still trying to process everything that I'd just learned. My head hurt, and my heart felt like someone had just tried to dissect it with a spoon.

And I was still mad. Because now I knew exactly who Edward had been comparing me to, and the very thought of being associated with someone so… someone who…. I shook my head and fought back the urge to vomit. I would never do anything like that, and the fact that he could jump to conclusions that way….

"Bella?"

I looked up and saw Carlisle standing in front of me again.

"I need to go home and talk with Esme. We'll see you tomorrow," he said with a note of finality. I'm sure that was because I had tried to deny Esme when she'd said something similar before I'd left their house.

I simply nodded, and he smiled in response. Then he looked to Edward and a small conversation seemed to pass between them without a sound being uttered before Carlisle walked to the front door and let himself out.

Edward stood in front of me, nervously running his fingers through his hair and shifting his weight from foot to foot while he stared at me intently. His green eyes held a hint of sadness and trepidation as he waited for me to say something.

I wrapped my arms around my torso in an effort to shield myself from whatever he was going to do next, but I refused to break the tension in the room. He had to be the one to talk. He had to be the one to finally realize the hell he'd been putting me through because of his own fucked up life.

Edward had to be the one to apologize.

Breaking eye contact, he looked behind him, then moved some of the things on the coffee table over and sat down directly in front of me. He leaned towards me, and his eyes met mine again.

"Bella," he began, "I don't know what you heard earlier at the house, but I can only imagine—"

"I won't listen to your excuses, Edward," I said, cutting him off.

"No, no. You're right. I don't expect you to. I just…" His long fingers ran through his hair again. "I owe you an explanation for my behavior, and I just want to make sure I don't leave anything out." He looked directly into my eyes, holding my gaze as he said his next words, "Nothing I said on the phone this afternoon had anything at all to do with you."

I nodded.

I believed him.

That was one point down… only a thousand other little issues to go.


	17. Chapter 17: Truce

**Chapter 17: Truce**

My small apartment had never felt so confining before.

After his semi-apology and a bit of staring, I'd decided that I couldn't handle the awkward silences anymore and had gone into the kitchen to find something to eat. It wasn't going to be Christmas ham with scalloped potatoes, but it wasn't entirely my fault that we'd missed out on dinner with the rest of the Cullens—even though I was beginning to feel guilty about that very thing. However, I could also rationalize with myself that if I hadn't insisted on leaving, then I would have still been in the dark about what Edward's problem was. Just thinking about that caused my anger to spark.

Edward joined me in the kitchen and simply leaned against the counter, not really saying much of anything as I smashed the garlic and added it to the melted butter and cream in the saucepan. He seemed to scrutinize my every movement as I began to heat the mixture and then pulled out another pan for boiling noodles and followed by one more for the chicken and broccoli. Yet he remained silent and still.

The tension seemed to be thickening at a faster rate than the Alfredo sauce I was stirring.

So, I did my best to ignore everything about Edward and focused all of my energy on cooking something for us to eat. I was heating up the chicken and adding the cheese to the sauce, when Edward surprised me by stepping over and pouring the noodles into the pan of boiling water. As my hands became occupied with a task, Edward immediately recognized what needed to be done next and he simply did it without a word passing between us. This was Edward. Yet another side that I'd not seen before. There was so much that I didn't know about him, and I wondered what he was truly like underneath all the layers. He and I began working in unison with one another, and I felt my irritation and anger with him slowly begin to wane, leaving me in a state of complete and utter confusion.

We ate in virtual silence. I knew that we were currently sitting on the precarious blade of a knife, and I could sense that Edward did, too. Neither of us wanted to take that final step toward our much needed discussion.

After eating, Edward insisted on cleaning things up while I changed my clothes. And I had to agree that changing into my favorite oversized tee-shirt and my comfortable old sweats with a hole worn through the knee—Alice would throw a fit if she saw me, but I knew that they would help me to relax enough to proceed forward with the inevitable conversation.

We stared at each other for nearly ten minutes after I went back into the living room and settled on the couch.

Edward sat next to me and nervously glanced around the room, as if he were looking for inspiration; then he tapped his foot. Next, he opened his mouth to say something before immediately snapping it closed, running his fingers through his hair, and sighing loudly.

I couldn't even get my mouth to open. I felt as if I were caught in some sort of limbo. It was as if we were simply… _stuck_. I was so completely overwhelmed by everything that had happened over the course of the last few hours that I no longer knew how I was supposed to react. But as I sat there and watched Edward struggle to find his words, I felt the irritation begin to grow again. I was caught somewhere between tears, anger, and laughter. Although the urge to laugh had absolutely nothing to do with humor. It was that feeling of being so completely overwhelmed and emotionally drained that I knew at any moment the hysteria would begin to bubble up and try to seep through the last sane cells in my brain. It took absolutely everything that I had left to keep the laughter at bay.

The hurt, the frustration, the heartache, the rejection… I didn't want to think about those feelings anymore.

_Opens mouth._

_Snaps mouth shut._

_Runs fingers through hair._

_Sighs loudly._

The cycle continued, and I began to wonder if he even realized that he was so predictable or that there was even a pattern.

_Opens mouth._

_Snaps mouth shut._

_Runs fingers through hair._

_Sighs loudly._

This was Edward.

Edward, who was currently sitting next to me, acting more nervous than a teenager meeting his girlfriend's father for the first time while that father was meticulously cleaning his rifle.

Edward, who had spent months trying to push me out of his life and away from his family.

Edward, who had stormed out of his parent's house just before Christmas dinner with hardly a word to anyone. Well, he'd spoken with Carlisle, but did that really count?

Edward, who had tried and convicted me based on his mother's sins.

_Opens mouth._

_Snaps mouth shut._

_Runs fingers through hair._

_Sighs loudly._

Edward, who had been kinder lately and had made me feel as if—maybe—I could handle being a mother when he'd handed me his niece to hold.

Edward, who had insisted that I spend Christmas with his family because he didn't want me to be alone.

Edward, who had made my heart melt when he'd told Ashley that _we_ were having a baby.

Edward, who had smoothly moved around me in the kitchen while we both prepared a meal in silence but in perfect synchronization.

Edward, who made me want to care about him.

_Opens mouth._

_Snaps mouth shut._

_Runs fingers through hair._

_Sighs loudly._

I couldn't bring myself to do anything more than shake my head and stare at him. I hated this. I hated being confused. I hated the conflicting emotions. I hated not knowing what to say or do next.

_Opens mouth._

_Snaps mouth shut._

_Opens mouth…_

He had suddenly changed his pattern, and I found myself wondering if we could move ourselves out of the confining state of purgatory.

"I'm sorry," he said. He stared at me sadly, his eyes soft as he hunched his shoulders, reminding me of a repentant child.

I sighed. "Why?"

"What do you mean?" he asked almost defensively.

"Exactly what it sounds like," I said exasperatingly. "Why? Why did you storm out like you did? Why do you go through the motions of apologizing when you don't even know what it is that you're supposed to be sorry about? God, Edward, why are you putting both yourself and me through this torture? Why are you so damn confusing?"

He stood up, his own irritation pouring off of him in waves as he walked away from me. Then he turned around. His tensed body crumpled, and his head dropped. Edward brought his hands up and gripped the sides of his head. I caught a brief glimpse of the pain behind his eyes just before he squeezed them shut. It told me all that I really needed to know—Edward was as torn up, just as confused, and in just as much pain over everything as I was.

The sudden desire to offer him some sort of comfort was overwhelming, but I wrapped my arms firmly around my chest instead.

"Where did you go?" I asked after several excruciating minutes and the realization that he wasn't going to answer my other questions.

"I thought that my father already told you."

"He told me that you went to see your mother."

"I did."

"Why?"

He ran his fingers back through his hair and lifted his eyes so he was looking at me rather than at the floor. "She was the one who called while you were holding the baby."

I nodded my head and waited for him to go on, but Edward began pacing and didn't say anything more. "Why did she call?" I finally asked.

"Elizabeth only ever calls for one reason, Bella," he said with a roll of his eyes, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Granted, it probably was to Edward, and from my earlier talk with Carlisle, I was fairly certain that I knew what he meant. Though thinking about that made feelings of hurt and anger begin to swell up in me again, and I desperately tried to push them aside, I swallowed thickly and asked, "What did you do about her?"

Edward's gaze met mine once again, his eyes cold and hard, reminding me of the emerald stones that they resembled. "I got rid of her the only way that I could on Christmas," he said, his words laced with venom. Immediately, Edward went back to pacing.

I didn't know what to make of his statement. His voice had been firm, and he sounded so _final_. Coupled with the words that I'd overheard right before he'd left…. I fought back a shudder as I thought about the possibilities. "How?" I finally asked, unable to contain my curiosity.

"How do you think?" he growled. Then he took a deep breath and sighed, apology clearly written in his expression. "Just don't worry about it. She said that she'd stay away. She won't bother you."

"And you think that she'll keep her word?" I asked, moving my hands to rest on my stomach.

Edward only nodded in response.

It was then that I finally grasped exactly what he had just said. "Wait. Me? Why would she bother me? I don't know her."

"Yes, you. You may not know her, but she knows all about you."

I swallowed again as my stomach began to churn more, and I felt the tiny hairs rise on the back of my neck. "How?"

Edward shook his head, then turned to look at me. "It's what she does. But when it comes right down to it, it's my fault. I knew there was a chance that she would find out, but I didn't want to interfere in your hospital admission, so I waited for Dad to come in and suggested that we should change your status to private, like any other member of our family would be. He took it as a sign that I was beginning to accept you and didn't question me. Can we just… can we drop this line of discussion, please?"

Well, that answered one of my questions… though it wasn't a question that I'd thought of since the day I'd been released from the hospital. I wanted to ask Edward how his mother would even know to become suspicious of patients in the hospital, but clearly he didn't want to speak about it anymore. I wished that someone would've told me something about this earlier.

It wasn't until the words were out of my mouth that I realized I'd spoken my last thought aloud.

"I'm sorry," Edward said with a heavy sigh.

"So you've said," I replied, my tone harsher than I'd meant for it to be.

Edward's face hardened for a fraction of a second before he went back to appearing repentant. Before I had a chance to wonder which face was the mask, he sat down on the sofa next to me again and reached for my hand. His fingers brushed against mine, cautiously at first, and then more decisively before he gripped my hand firmly in his. "Bella, I am sorry for absolutely everything. If I could go back to the very beginning and make different decisions then we wouldn't have to be here now dealing with all of this."

I yanked my hand out of his. "No."

"What?"

"No," I repeated more firmly. "You don't get to do that. You aren't allowed to give some half-heart—"

"It's not half—" Edward began, but I held up my hand and stopped speaking for a fraction of a second so that I could start in again.

"Fine, then. You mean it. That's even worse! Because, dammit, I'm not sorry!" The words flew out of my mouth so quickly that I hadn't even thought about them, but the moment that they were out there, I knew that they were true. "I'm not sorry that I'm pregnant, and because of that, I can't be sorry that I met you. Maybe a few weeks ago I would've wished to turn back the clock, Edward, but not anymore. I _want_ to have this baby."

I took a shaky breath the moment I finished my statement, and I had to fight to keep the tears at bay. But it felt almost as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I truly wanted my baby. I wanted him. I _loved_ him. I was actually looking forward to holding him the same way that I had held Tanya's baby just a few hours earlier. And I knew that I couldn't continue thinking about "what ifs" and "if onlys," and I sure as hell couldn't go on regretting the choices that I'd made that had brought me to this point.

"This entire time I haven't allowed myself to be even remotely happy or excited about this… but I think that maybe I can be. Hell, I should be. Because what's done is done. We can't change anything that's already happened." I was speaking as much to myself as I was to Edward. My own words were ringing back to me with a finality of truth to them that I couldn't deny, and I felt my heart beginning to lighten as I allowed myself to believe them.

"Is that why…" Edward began before his voice trailed off, and I gave him a questioning look that all but begged him to continue. "You haven't…"

"What?" I finally asked.

"You just haven't seemed very excited."

"I haven't even allowed myself to truly think about it. To me, there hasn't been anything to get excited about. It's all so abstract."

Edward's eyes looked pointedly from my face to my stomach and back again. "Seems pretty tangible to me."

I smiled. "Nah, that's just my excuse to eat anything I want."

He chuckled then, and it surprised me to note how much lighter I felt simply from something as simple as a little bit of laughter. Edward shocked me again when only moments later he sat back on the couch, so close to me that our shoulders were touching, and then moved his hand so that it was resting on my stomach.

"I wasn't fair to you when I took out my personal issues on you. But you have to understand that I swore to myself that I would _never_ find myself in a position even remotely similar to the one that Carlisle found himself in. When I first met you, Bella, I was very drawn to you. Of course, I was drawn by your appearance, but I didn't expect there to be anything beyond that. But when I told you that sleeping with random women that I picked up in bars wasn't something that I typically did, I meant it. I broke my own rules that night," he said, now staring intently into my eyes. "You were everything I had ever hoped to find in a woman. Smart, funny, beautiful. For a man like me, who chooses to spend most of his time either working or alone, that was not something I expected from a chance meeting in a hotel bar. I was really glad to see you at Emmett's wedding. I'd thought that I had already lost my chance with you when I didn't hear from you again. And then…"

"And then I became your worst nightmare come true," I finished for him. For just a moment, I could see it all clearly through his eyes.

"I never should have treated you the way that I did."

"But you..." I wanted to say that he couldn't help it, but I knew that wasn't right. Not exactly. We're all responsible for our own actions. Regardless, I understood a tiny bit of the screwed up psychology that led to the automatic reaction. And from experience, I knew that fighting that knee-jerk reaction could be harder thn one might think. I was far more appreciative of him in that moment than I ever thought I would be. Edward's gaze met mine again as I spoke the words, and an understanding seemed to pass between us, but I couldn't shake my own sense of budding guilt. "And what do you want now?"

He quirked his eyebrow. "I thought we already went over that."

"Yes, but… I keep expecting you to change your mind."

"Why?"

"Because you had so much anger toward me at first."

"What about these last few weeks?"

I turned my eyes away from him and began to stare at the flickering lights on the Christmas tree again. "I'm still waiting for you to change your mind and leave."

"I have no intention of leaving," he said with a tone that rang with so much certainty that I had to turn and look at him again.

"You can't know that," I replied, shaking my head in protest. "We're not even in a relationship."

Edward stared at me for several minutes, clearly studying my face. "Is that what you want?"

If I could've quickly jumped off of the couch at that moment, I would have. Instead, I was stuck simply sitting there gaping at Edward, dumbfounded, before I was able to use my voice. "No!" I took a breath and forced myself to calm. "No," I repeated in a more rational tone. "Hell, your parents were married before…. Even my parents were married..." I couldn't bring myself to finish either statement, and I allowed my words to trail off.

"What about your parents?" he prodded. I'm sure that he was grasping on to anything to change the course of the conversation away from him. And what could I do? I'd heard his story. Granted, it had been Carlisle who finally told it to me, but I did know. It seemed only fair that I tell Edward mine.

So, I did. I explained about their divorce, how it had affected me, and how it had affected my parents. I told him about the way that Charlie would talk about my mom and the way that my mom would insist that Charlie hadn't loved us enough to follow when she left. Edward listened as I told him what life was like living with my mom and how I'd felt more like the parent than the child. Then I confessed how little I remembered my visits with my dad and exactly why that was. Finally, I told him what I'd learned from Jacob only two weeks earlier, about when my relationship with Charlie finally crumbled into dust and that it had all been over a misunderstanding on my part.

"I spent years annoyed with my mom for being childish and immature, while resenting my dad for not wanting me or loving me enough," I finally finished, trying my damndest not to sound like a petulant and whiny child.

While I'd been talking, Edward had draped his arm over the back of the couch, and by the time I had finished, his arm was holding me tightly to his side. I felt comforted and utterly foolish at the same time. I had just poured out my life story to some guy that I was only just beginning to get to know. Not only that, but my pitiful story didn't even hold a candle to the drama he'd had to live through. I felt as if my personal issues were nothing compared to his, and as such, he'd think that I was even dumber than I felt. But his arm around me made me feel that he didn't think of me as a complete idiot.

The next words that he uttered surprised me even more. "I can see why you would just be waiting for me to one day decide to up and leave, then."

"Exactly," I said, realizing that what he said was very true. Edward had managed to endear himself to me more than he already had in such a short span of time, and I allowed myself to rest my head against his shoulder and take the security while I could. But I didn't want to think about my own issues anymore. "Was… was this…." I took a deep breath in an effort to calm myself. I knew what I wanted to ask him, but I wasn't sure how he would react to the question. Wrapping my arms around my torso, I tried to speak again, "Wa-was this the first time that you've seen her since you were a teenager?"

I cringed after the words were out of my mouth and mentally braced myself for Edward's temper to flare.

He didn't react at all. "No."

I thought about that for a moment. Carlisle had made it sound like Edward hadn't seen his mother since he'd been thirteen. I didn't have to think about it long before Edward expanded his monosyllable answer.

"I last saw her about five years ago, but I know that she keeps close tabs on what I'm doing."

"How do you know that?"

"She sends me short letters, cards, and calls every once in a while."

After everything else that I'd heard about his mother, this was unexpected. "Like she's checking in to see how you're doing?" I asked, lifting my head from his shoulder so I could look at him.

Edward snorted and glanced at me out of the corner of his eye before moving his eyes to stare straight ahead again. "No."

The silence fell over us again. I wanted to know more, but I also didn't want to press Edward any further than he'd already been pressed for the day. Still feeling reassured at his closeness, I rested my head back on his shoulder. Within moments, he began rubbing the top of my arm with his thumb, and I was back to feeling safe and secure in a way that I'd not felt in a very long time.

"Over the years, I've learned that Elizabeth always has a hidden agenda," he continued, "and in the end, it all boils down to different ways of manipulation so that she doesn't have to work to support herself financially. Though I'm sure that if you asked her, she'd say that it takes a lot of work to live off of other people."

The level of disgust Edward felt toward her was clear by the tone of his voice. "And when you saw her five years ago…"

"She had decided that since I was a legal adult and had access to my trust fund that I was now the best person to come to for money."

"Did you give it to her?"

"She threatened to go to Carlisle and give him her sob story, knowing full well that I would've done just about anything to keep her from ever going anywhere near my dad again." He took a deep breath and exhaled sharply. "She always has a story. Her mother dying of cancer, or she was just in a car accident, or her car broke down and she can't get herself to work—not that she's actually held a job in the last twenty years." Edward mumbled the last part of his sentence under his breath.

"And you give her what she wants?"

Edward ran his free hand through his hair. "Until today, my parents didn't know that I still speak with her on occasion. You see, when I was thirteen… Carlisle told you about that, didn't he?" he asked, turning to look at me.

I nodded my head against his shoulder. "Yeah."

"That entire ordeal was horrible, Bella. The stress, her constantly showing up whenever she felt like, the way that she harassed Carlisle…. It was such a huge strain on my family, and it was all because of me. And then I only made things worse for Carlisle and Esme when I actually entertained fantasies of seeing my birth parents. I even went so far as to accuse Carlisle of pushing my father away out of jealousy."

Lifting my head up so that I could see him clearly, I quickly tried to reassure him. "You were young. It wasn't your fault."

"Can you deny that if I didn't exist then Elizabeth wouldn't have had the opportunity to nearly destroyed Carlisle and Esme's marriage?"

"And if it wasn't for you, what makes you think that Carlisle ever would've met or gotten to know Esme in the first place?" I countered.

The corner of his lips quirked upward slightly as he removed his arm from my shoulder and angled himself so he was facing me. I tried not to think about how my side felt colder without resting up against him.

"Dad even told you about that, did he?"

I felt a matching smirk form on my lips. "Yeah, he did. I'm sure he left some things out, but he did tell me about when he met Esme. It's like the theory of the butterfly effect—one tiny event sets off a chain of them. Besides, I already told you that I was done thinking of ways to turn back the clock."

He nodded, though it seemed that he was almost reassuring himself more than agreeing with me. "I was scared today."

I tilted my head and bit my lip—my own nervous habit that I'm certain rivaled Edward's need to run his hands through his hair. "Why?"

"Because when she called today, Elizabeth was in her car and less than twenty minutes from my parents' house. I was worried that she would carry through on her threat before I even had the chance to meet up with her. I was afraid that she'd then go to Esme or Alice or _you_ in an attempt to get what she wanted."

I felt the knots in my stomach tighten and his words. "Is she dangerous? Should I be worried?" I asked. Somehow I managed to keep my words calm, but I couldn't stop the sudden desire to be angry that he had kept something from that could pose a threat to me or my baby.

"No, no, Bella. She's not like that. She's all about manipulation. I think that if I would've ignored her phone call today, the worst she would've done was spoken to you the next time you came up to your apartment alone or been a surprise business meeting at your office the next time that you went in to work, thinking that if she could befriend you then she'd have another route to me."

"Oh." I felt only slightly relieved at that.

"I just don't want anyone else getting pulled into her disgusting web."

"So, earlier, did you do something to keep her away, like file a restraining order or something?" I really didn't know how that sort of thing worked. My only knowledge came from the few crime dramas that I'd watched on TV and books that I'd read.

Edward averted my gaze and began to run his fingers back and forth along his scalp.

"Edward?"

My question was met with another loud sigh. "I did the same thing that I always do—whatever needed to be done to make her go away quickly and quietly. I've never wanted anyone else involved. She's my responsibility, and I need to keep her and her crazy schemes away from family. As I said, until today no one knew that I've been speaking with her, and I don't want them to know to what extent. She promised to stay away, and I know her well enough to know that she will hold to that for a while at least."

Oddly enough, I could almost understand that. I knew from experience that when you're waist-high in something, it's hard to clearly see everything around you. Edward was doing what I'd seen him do before—he was reacting almost as if on instinct. I wondered what his family would say now that they had some idea as to what was really going on. I had to sternly remind myself that as long as his mother stayed away from me and my son, then it had nothing to do with me.

Without warning, I yawned widely.

"You need to get some sleep."

"No," I said before yawning again. Even though I knew that he was right, I didn't want to give up whatever it was that was passing between us. More than anything, I knew that I needed to be able to hold onto this honest conversation that we'd been having. I was afraid that if I got up and went to bed that come morning, we'd be back to polite pleasantries and conversations that barely brushed the surface. That's what was easier for me. Because in some way, I knew that if I allowed us to continue getting to know one another, then the more it would hurt when he finally decided that he was bored and had better things to do with his life. Or worse yet, when he decided, once again, that I was no better than his birth mother who was always looking for an easy paycheck and a free meal. As he sat back into the corner of the couch and pulled me against his side, I yawned again and silently hoped that Esme would have Edward's Christmas card when we saw her the next day so that I could at least be certain that he had no reason to compare me to Elizabeth any longer.


	18. Chapter 18: Beautifully Blissful Bellies

**Chapter 18: Beautifully Blissful Bellies**

Friday dawned with a kink in my neck and a back that was aching quite a bit more than usual. Apparently sleeping on the couch with someone else wasn't anywhere near as comfortable as it was to sleep alone. However, being sore and achy didn't negate the fact that I'd also managed to sleep through the night.

I groaned as I sat up, disengaging myself from Edward's arms. I had no idea how he'd been able to sleep.

"This was comfortable compared to some of the places I've had to sleep," he said as he stood up. Though I found myself doubting his words as he stretched his back, popped his neck, and immediately asked where I kept the Advil.

"You didn't have to stay."

Edward smiled. "I believe you've said that before."

I sighed as I stood up and decided that I might as well go get ready for the day. "Have you seen Alice?" I asked.

"Didn't you hear her leave?"

"Huh?"

"She just left a few minutes ago... and she wasn't quiet about her departure."

It seemed possible that Alice leaving was what had actually awoken me. "You were awake when she left?"

He nodded.

"How long?"

"What?" Edward's forehead creased in confusion.

"How long were you awake?" I asked as a sense of guilt began to set in.

His head shifted slightly to the side as his eyes narrowed further. "About an hour."

"You should've woken me."

The creases on his face began to diminish, and his crooked smile reappeared. "You were sleeping too peacefully to even consider that."

I sighed and shook my head. "You were obviously uncomfortable, Edward."

He shrugged. "Yes, but if you would've been awake when Alice left, she would've tried to drag you out shopping with her this morning. She is a sucker for sales."

I couldn't fight back the shudder at the image of fighting though the crowds at the Day After Christmas Sales with Alice.

"That's what I thought," Edward said with a chuckled before he turned around, and disappeared into the kitchen.

In turn, I went off to go get showered and dressed for the day.

By the time I emerged from the bathroom, Edward was sitting at the table, sipping on a cup of coffee while he talked on his cell phone. As I walked in, he smiled at me and pointed to the stove. Opening it, I found a plate of scrambled eggs and toast. I picked up the warm plate, turned the oven off, grabbed a fork, and went to go join Edward at the table. I looked at his cup of coffee enviously before spotting the glass of orange juice on the table in front of an empty chair.

Edward was engaged in his conversation and didn't seem to notice my longing glances at his mug. The only thing that I'd been able to take consolation in was the fact that I knew the only coffee in my cupboards was several months old. I'd not had any since I'd learned of my pregnancy, and Alice chose to pick-up her daily caffeine infusion from the coffee shop down the street. So, instead I'd been drinking various herbal teas and pretending they contained the caffeine jolt that I craved. I took one more wistful look as Edward lifted his cup and sipped on his drink.

"Yes, I'll ask her," he said into the phone, his eyes flicking to meet mine for a fraction of a second. I quickly moved my gaze to look down at my plate, embarrassed at being caught staring, and began eating my breakfast. I tried to tune out his conversation as I pulled out my Blackberry and scrolled through my emails. While I was reading I heard Edward clear his throat, and I looked up at him to see him grinning at me. His phone was sitting on the table in front of him, so he was clearly done with his conversation.

"What?" I asked, putting my phone down.

"That was my mom," he said, and I was glad that I knew him well enough to know that it was Esme he was referring to and not his birth mother. "She wanted to know if we would meet her and Dad for lunch today."

I cringed as I thought about how I'd left the Cullens' house the evening before. "Sure, that sounds good," I said with a nod.

Edward's grin widened to a smile. "Good."

"When do you have to work next?" I asked suddenly. It was Friday and I was already aware that he'd been lucky to have Christmas off.

"I go in tomorrow morning." Then he tilted his head toward the table. "I don't want to interrupt. Go ahead and finish what you were doing."

"No, I'm fine. I was just looking through my emails. It hurts my eyes to read them on there, and I'm supposed to be on vacation. Angela will call me if there is something important going on." I grabbed my glass of juice and took a drink just to give my hands something more to do than fidget.

"How did you manage to find someone like Angela?" he asked.

"Just luck. After I found out I would be moving up here, Mike and I created some job postings for the office here, and hers was one of the first résumés I received. A phone interview later and I had her go into a temp agency to do the hiring paperwork. We did that with most of our applicants."

Edward nodded, but I could tell from the small crease between his eyes that he was confused. He was cute.

Not long after, Edward stood from his chair. He grabbed his phone and slipped it into his pocket before picking up his mug. After drinking the last dregs of his coffee, he went and rinsed his cup in the sink before turning back towards me. "I'm going to run home and get showered and changed for the day." He glanced at the clock on the stove. "I'll be back in about an hour. Is that okay?"

"Umm, yeah. That sounds good." I stood and followed him to the door, glancing at the clock as I walked by. Even in an hour, it seemed kind of early to have lunch. "What time are we meeting your parents?"

"Noon. We're meeting them at a place over near their house, so it'll take a bit to get out there," he said. Before I could respond, he repeated, "I'll be back in an hour," and left.

After clearing my plate and glass off of the table, I went back into the living room, grabbed a book off of the bookshelf, and settled onto the couch to read while I waited.

~X~

It felt like another date. Edward was sweet and attentive. He insisted on opening doors for me, and the smile never left his face. His warm hand rested on the small of my back as he led me into the restaurant to meet his parents. A week ago, I would have felt awkward, but for some reason, it didn't bother me. It felt… _nice_.

There was a change about him. His jaw was more relaxed, there was a faint crinkle in the corners of his eyes when he smiled, and the way he simply carried himself was that of a man who had just had a huge weight lifted off of his shoulders. He was so much more like the man who I'd met back in May. And despite my fear and reservations, that thought made me smile.

When we approached his parents' table, he pulled out a chair for me as Esme stood up and quickly pulled me into a hug.

"Oh, Bella, I'm so glad to see you," she whispered in my ear. "I was so worried."

"I'm sorry about yesterday."

She pulled back and looked at me. Bringing her hand up to brush my cheek, Esme wiped away a tear that I hadn't even noticed had fallen. "Oh no, sweetheart. Don't think on it again. It was completely understandable."

Esme held me another beat longer before she patted my cheek lightly and dropped her arms. After greeting Carlisle, the four of us sat down to the table.

After the pleasantries were exchanged, it didn't take long for the discussion to turn to the events from the night before. Edward confessed to his parents how he'd been in contact with Elizabeth through the years. I felt a small amount of pleasure when Carlisle reprimanded his son for keeping all of that to himself and carrying the stress and burden for so long by himself. It was oddly comfortable being part of the discussion, and for once I didn't have the feeling that people were keeping secrets from me.

The only time I had a feeling things weren't going well was when I excused myself to the restroom as everyone was preparing to leave. When I returned, Edward and Esme were standing near the front of the restaurant leaning close to one another as they conversed. I watched curiously as Esme handed Edward something, but the angle of their bodies kept me from seeing what it was. He had just finished placing the mystery item into the inside pocket of his leather jacket when they spotted me, and Edward's grin swiftly returned to his face. I kept my curiosity to myself, however.

Esme had the foresight to bring along our gifts from the day before, and Edward transferred our things from her trunk to his car. With another hug from Esme, and Carlisle saying that he'd see us soon, Edward and I left.

"You can relax now," Edward said as he pulled the car out onto the busy street.

I took a breath and exhaled on reflex. "I hadn't even realized I was nervous."

"Why were you?"

Taking another breath, I rested my head back against the seat and closed my eyes. "I don't really know. I guess I'm still expecting this to all blow up in my face again."

I opened my eyes again and turned my head to look at him. The smile was gone from his face, and I felt guilty for that. "You realize that's half your problem, right? If you weren't always expecting the worst, then you wouldn't have run out of the house yesterday."

I glared at him until the tense lines disappeared from around his eyes. "I know, it's partially my fault, too," he admitted.

"I'm sorry." And I truly was. "I'm trying here. It's just… I figured that as soon as you started talking about everything again, I was sure it would bring up all the emotions again and I…." My voice trailed off and I took a breath.

Edward kept his eyes on the road but nodded his head in acknowledgement of my words.

"You need to give me some time."

With a quick glance towards me, he gave yet another nod before turning his attention back to the slush covered street. "It's the very least I can do for you." His voice was quiet, and I didn't know if he'd meant to reassure me or if it was almost a reprimand to himself.

Almost thirty minutes later, he pulled up to my apartment, and he rushed out of his seat to help me out of the car. Then he grabbed my things from the backseat and walked me upstairs.

After helping to drop off my things in my bedroom, Edward left. He said that Alice would be back soon, and he predicted that she would want to talk my ear off while rehashing everything. He was certain that it would all go much quicker and smoother if he wasn't there. Before he left, he reminded me that he'd be working all weekend, but if I needed anything to call him. Then he asked me if I would have dinner with him on Monday.

He actually asked, giving me the option to say no if I chose.

I was so stunned by the simple gesture that I couldn't even find the words, so I nodded dumbly. Edward flashed me his familiar crooked smile and left.

I went in to take a nap and found that I was so tired that I was asleep within moments of lying down.

While I was sleeping, I felt as if I were being pulled out of slumber by an annoying beeping sound. It was infrequent and soft enough that it wasn't jarring, like my alarm clock could be, but it was loud enough that somewhere in my subconscious, I knew it was there. But just as the sound would begin to awaken me, I'd become conscious enough to listen… hear nothing… and slip back into sleep… only to be pulled back out of my dreams by the same noise. The process continued to repeat until I actually woke up enough to recognize that it hadn't all been a strange dream.

I continued to lie in bed, staring at the ceiling for several more minutes as my brain slowly woke up. When I finally decided that I couldn't stay in bed any longer, I got up to go investigate the strange noise. Whatever it was, the sound was coming from the other room. My first guess was that Alice had bought something and had it stashed in the baby's room. But one look in the room told me that I really didn't want to attempt to search for anything in there. It was still a mess, though I could clearly see that she'd actually managed to organize one part of the room… hopefully that meant that the rest of the room would follow soon after.

I shut the door and went out into the living room just as I heard the sound again.

_Beep_

Now that it wasn't so muffled by closed doors and distance, it sounded familiar. I walked directly to the kitchen table and grabbed my phone. Until that very moment, I'd thought that my phone had been sitting in my purse and that I'd taken it with me to the restaurant.

_10 missed calls_

I groaned as I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch.

Every call was from Angela and a knot of pure dread began to form in the pit of my stomach.

I felt an instant wave of nausea as soon as I heard the first message. "Bella, it's Angela. Where are you? I'm down here at The Met for our lunch meeting today with Bill McIntyre. I'm not seeing you anywhere. Call me."

Shit.

~X~

Angela came to my apartment after she finished work on Friday, and we went over what all had happened at the lunch meeting that I'd forgotten about. She and I talked well into the night, leaving me little time to talk with Alice.

Alice seemed more than a little bit put out at the fact that I was spending my evening working with Angela instead of telling her about everything that had happened after she and Jasper had left her parents' house on Christmas. I didn't dare tell Alice why it was imperative that I work with Angela, but she eventually got the point and wound up going into the spare bedroom with her laptop and a credit card. It seemed that those two little items were all she would ever need to be happy.

On Saturday, one of Alice's employees called in sick, so she had to go into her shop, leaving me with a full day to myself. Needing to get out of the apartment for a bit, I went to the bookstore and used one of the gift cards that I'd received for Christmas to get some much needed books on childbirth, parenting, and most importantly, names. It was high time that I actually looked to what my future now held. When I got home, I made myself comfortable on the couch as I read all about the joys of childbirth.

Both my mother and Charlie called in the afternoon. I felt more than a little guilty for not having spoken with either of them since Christmas morning. With each phone call, I gave my parents a brief overview of my holiday… just leaving out the part where I'd run out right before dinner because my baby's father had mommy issues and then I'd had a major heart-to-heart with Carlisle and then Edward. When I ended the call with Renee, she reminded me to call her after my next doctor's appointment and told me that she loved me. And before I hung up with Charlie, he asked if I would have lunch with him the following Saturday. I acquiesced and knew that it would be my opportunity to fully try to put aside my daddy issues and hopefully begin our father-daughter relationship with a clean slate.

Edward called a total of five times throughout the day to check in with me when he was in between patients or sitting down with a stack of charts, a cup of coffee, and a sandwich. It was almost enough to make me want to take him something a little more substantial—or at least a bit better tasting—than hospital food, but I convinced myself that it wasn't my place to do anything of the sort.

Saturday soon rolled into Sunday, and with it came another snow storm. Alice kept insisting that it wasn't typical Seattle winter weather, but it was the fourth major snow fall in just two weeks.

"I just hope that it's not snowing on Thursday," Alice whined as we worked together to take down the Christmas tree.

"I thought that you were psychic. Shouldn't you know if the airport is going to be shutdown due to bad weather?" I challenged with a grin.

"Haven't you heard of something called chaos theory? No one can accurately predict the weather. Even if she is psychic. Just because I don't think we'll be snowed in on Thursday doesn't mean that something small and seemingly insignificant won't cause the currents to shift slightly," Alice said before sticking out her tongue.

I rolled my eyes at her.

Our day carried on in a similar manner. We jibed and teased each other while we cleaned, and every so often, I would answer one of her questions about what had happened on Christmas. It was a much more relaxed setting and easier for me to confide in her that way.

Normally, I liked to keep the Christmas decorations up until New Year's Day. However, there was so much stuff adorning my living room, that it would've been a lot for one person to do on their own, Alice would be leaving with Jasper on Thursday for a two-week vacation to Milan. It was her Christmas present from him. "But don't worry—we'll be back just in time for your baby shower," Alice assured me.

It was the first that I'd heard about a baby shower. Apparently, Kate and Angela were throwing it for me since Alice was going to be out of the country. The party was going to be at Esme and Carlisle's house.

She also confided in me that she was nervous about leaving me alone for so long, especially so close to my due date. "I almost told Jazz that I couldn't go, but Edward assured me that he would be around. Are you okay with that?"

"I'll be fine, Alice." I was certain that I wouldn't be alone. There was Kate, Angela, Esme, and just as she'd said, even Edward would be around to keep me company. Hell, just on Sunday he'd called no less than four times by two o'clock in the afternoon.

On Monday, I made it to my meetings without any problems. Angela sat with me with poise and grace. The wheels in my head began spinning as I began to fully see her potential. I'd have to do some thinking on the best way to utilize her and see where things went once I got back to the office and met up again with Laurent, but it was information that I would definitely keep with me. I tried to reschedule my meeting with McIntyre but didn't have any luck on that front. The only shining star on that point was that they were still locked into a contract with us.

That evening, after he woke up, Edward came over with pizza and salad, but the evening was spent mostly in silence while I continued to fret over work, and eventually, he fell asleep while watching TV.

~X~

"Hurry up, Bella!" Alice shouted as she pounded on the bathroom door.

"Give me another minute!"

For a day off, it was way too early in the morning to be dragged out of bed and shoved into the shower. I could hardly wait for the annoying woman to leave on her vacation. I was looking forward to what could only be two blessedly peaceful weeks. Yesterday had been the most relaxing of my so-called vacation so far. I'd only had a short doctor's appointment, followed by a lunch meeting. The rest of the day had been spent reading and relaxing.

"We're going to be late!" Alice's yelling pulled me out of my thoughts and back into my harsh reality. I had a feeling that the day I was going to have would be anything but blissful.

"You said that our appointment wasn't until nine," I called through the door as I dried my hair with the towel.

I heard a bit of rattling with the doorknob before Alice yanked it open.

"You never told me you were an expert at picking locks."

Alice snorted. "You don't know the half of my talents, Swan. Now, come on."

"I haven't even brushed my hair yet."

She rolled her eyes at me, then grabbed my hairbrush out of my hand and quickly attacked my tangles. "We needed to leave five minutes ago."

"I thought you said our appointment was for nine o'clock."

"Have you ever heard of something called 'rush hour?' It's 7:30 on a Wednesday morning, Bella, and we have to drive all of the way up to Kirkland," Alice said in a condescending tone. She quickly brushed out my hair and pulled it up into a sloppy bun. "We'll fix it before your pictures," she mumbled as she dragged me out of the bathroom, tossed my coat at me, and then hurried me down to the car so we could make it to our appointment on time.

I'd had no idea what to expect of our spa trip, but I felt as if I were completely transported into another world the moment we walked through the doors. The place was busy. I knew that based on the sheer number of cars in the parking lot, but no one would know by looking inside. The walls were a smooth dark wood with sparse paintings on the walls. There were a few chairs against the far wall next to a waterfall. The sound of the running water was the only noise in the room. Alice and I approached the reception desk and waited for the redheaded receptionist to finish whatever it was she was doing and greet us.

"Alice Cullen and Bella Swan," Alice told the woman without any preamble.

"Yes, of course." The receptionist smiled as she stood up, looked at both of us, and pulled out a folder, handing one to Alice. "Ms. Cullen, you are scheduled for a massage, body wrap, facial, manicure, and pedicure." Then she looked at me and pulled out another small folder. "For you, Ms. Swan, we have our Pampered & Pregnant Package, which includes a prenatal massage, facial, and our exclusive Beautifully Blissful Belly treatment. Then you added a pedicure and a manicure."

I wanted to deny what she'd said. I hadn't added anything of the sort, but a sharp glare from Alice told me to hold my tongue. Though I did have to bite it rather firmly to prevent myself from asking what in the world a "beautifully blissful belly" was. There was absolutely nothing blissful or beautiful about the itching skin that was stretched taut over my ever-growing uterus with the red marks and that damn brown line down the front. Just thinking about it made me move my hand over the skin to scratch. I was just plain uncomfortable.

Instead of voicing any of that, I gave the receptionist a tight smile and nodded.

"She also needs to have her hair done," Alice chimed in.

"Alice," I hissed as I shook my head.

"Oh, hush. Edward is picking you up from here at three. I've got your make-up, but I didn't bring anything to style your hair, and it's time you had it trimmed up anyway."

I groaned, but when I started to protest again, Alice covered my mouth with her hand. A glance at the receptionist told me that she was highly amused by our disagreement.

"Please, Bella, this is important to my brother," Alice said in a soft, pleading tone after she removed her hand from my mouth.

I sighed in defeat. "Fine."

After we were signed in and I'd filled out some paperwork they'd requested of me, both Alice and I were escorted to private dressing rooms and given robes. Alice chatted aimlessly about anything and everything while we changed, and soon after, we were escorted to a room with two tables. One was a classic flat massage table, the other was had pillows on it, including a large body pillow. Just looking at it made a few of the tenser muscles in my neck and shoulders start to relax.

With the help of the attendant, I was soon comfortably lying down on my side with a large fluffy towel covering me, facing Alice. The masseuses both entered the room, and not long after I was feeling the knots being eased in my neck and shoulders. I was putting trust in the fact that these women knew what they were doing when it came to massaging a pregnant woman. I'd heard that it was dangerous and could cause contractions, but the fact that they'd asked for a bit of my medical history, any complications with my pregnancy, and for me to mark any current complaints about my body, all told me that they were aware of the issues with gravid woman. But the more she worked my sore and aching muscles, the more I felt myself relaxing, and not long after, I was being gently awoken and led off to the next treatment.

Alice and I split up when she was ushered for her body wrap, and I was taken for the belly thing.

Okay, it wasn't that bad.

Honestly, it was pretty damn good. It was a moisturizing mask that the technician applied to my swollen belly and then a crème that she gently rubbed into the skin, doing something that she called effleurage. The entire thing took only about thirty minutes, and by the time she was done, my skin felt smooth and soft. Most importantly, it wasn't itching nearly like it usually did. It was almost more relaxing then the massage, even though I hadn't fallen asleep during it. Next, I was off for my facial, which was okay, but not nearly as nice as the massage or the belly treatment.

I met up with Alice for our light lunch, and then we both went in for our manicures and pedicures. Personally, I was ready for a nap, but when I said as much, the nail technician said that the type of manicures she did would help wake me up. They were meant to be revitalizing.

"Which color would you like?" the manicurist asked.

"Clear. Just a French manicure."

I turned my head to gape at Alice. I had been certain that she would say something asinine… like Candy Apple Red. She grinned and shrugged her shoulders. "The point of the photos is a natural beauty kind of thing. Besides, I've noticed that you bite your nails when you're nervous, and red nails only look good if they're long. And I do know you well enough to know that you don't want tips."

"I don't bite my nails."

In response, the manicurist lifted my right hand and tapped my index finger. Oh. Maybe I did bite them. It was shockingly something that I'd never even realized that I did.

"So, Bella, what is going on between you and Edward?" Alice asked a few minutes later while our hands were soaking.

"Nothing is going on." I mumbled, attempting to suppress a yawn. Sometimes Alice didn't make any sense at all.

"Oh, please. He's doting on you, or haven't you noticed?"

I gave her a perplexed look. Really, I hadn't noticed. "He's called a few times and brought dinner over on Monday, but I don't think that counts as doting."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Bella, he has called over twenty times in the last five days."

"It hasn't been that often."

She raised an eyebrow as if to challenge my statement.

"Fine. Even if it has been… that's four times a day. A little much, but he's just concerned."

"Do you really like sailing along on that river?"

"What?"

My manicurist removed my right hand, patted it dry, and began massaging it with lotion.

"De Nile… it's not just a river in Egypt."

It was my turn to roll my eyes.

"You don't know my brother as well as I do," she continued. "He doesn't call anyone more than once in a day, and he never… I repeat… _never_ calls anyone unless it's an emergency while he's on one of his shifts at the hospital."

"Never?"

"Never."

"Oh."

Alice nodded. "Exactly. How many times did you hear from him over the weekend?"

I knew the number without even having to think about it. And I knew because I had been trying to discern why it mattered to me to even count to begin with. "Eleven."

Alice beamed. "So, let me try asking this again: What is going on between you and Edward?"

"I don't really know," I admitted with a sigh. "He's being very sweet, but I can't stop myself from wondering how much longer it can really last. Reality is bound to rear its lovely head sooner or later, and then what's going to happen?"

"He really likes you," she said simply in response.

"What?" I asked, jerking my hand so that the stuff that my left one had been sitting in sloshed over the table and the nail technician gripped my right hand firmly. I hadn't even realized that she was working on my cuticles yet.

"He does."

"The only thing he's concerned about is the baby."

"No, Bella, if that were the case then he would've left you alone while he was working. He would've trusted that I'd call him if there was something going on, or he would've waited for you to call him."

I felt my left hand being patted dry, and I tried to focus on that. The last thing that I wanted to think about was Edward developing any feelings for me beyond caring for his son.

"And you like him."

My stomach churned at her declaration. "No, I really don't." The response was automatic, and even I could hear the insincere tone, but Alice didn't press me any further. Telling me that she is far wiser than I give her credit for.

Silence filled the room for quite some time after that. I didn't know what consumed Alice's thoughts, but my mind was focused on trying to deny everything she'd said. It was while our feet were resting in the paraffin wax when Alice finally spoke again. "Please just promise me that you'll give him a little bit of credit. Despite what you believe now, he won't suddenly cast you aside like he did before. Edward learns from his mistakes… he won't make the same one again."

"Okay, Alice," I conceded. Thankfully, that was the end of that conversation.

~X~

We were finished at exactly three o'clock. I hadn't realized earlier, but Alice had brought clothes for me, and she insisted that I change into them for the trip to the photographers.

"There are two more shirts in here that you can change into during the session," Alice said, holding up a shopping bag.

"Why aren't you coming along?"

"I have to go make sure that everything is ready at the boutique."

I nodded. We were going to Alice's shop that evening to help with her year-end inventory so that she had time to get the paperwork done before she and Jasper went to the airport.

We walked out of the salon and just pulling up front was Edward. He smiled as he jumped out of the front seat and went around to open the passenger side door for me. "Hello," he greeted.

I smiled in return as Alice and I walked towards his car. She handed the shopping bag over to him, and after giving her a quick hug and thanking her for the day, I got in the car. Edward shut the door, said something that sounded like a thanks to Alice, and then got back in the car.

"Well, did you have fun?" he asked once he got the car started up again.

"It was fun, yeah. But not something that I'd want to do very often." I shuddered when I thought about the bill we'd racked up by the time Alice and I had finished. I had caught a brief glance at the pricing sheet earlier in the day, but once my mind calculated that the day was finishing somewhere in the vicinity of four figures for only two women, I'd forced myself to stop thinking about it.

Edward glanced at me. "Your hair looks really nice," he said.

"Thanks." I felt my cheeks burn at the compliment, and I cursed myself for reacting that way. I liked what the hair stylist had done with my hair. She'd trimmed it up and curled it before pulling the sides back. When she had shown me in the mirror, I'd loved how it all fell in soft waves behind my back. That coupled with the light amount of make-up that Alice had insisted on applying, I actually felt pretty for the first time in years.

We arrived at the photo studio fairly quickly, and Edward came over and helped me out of the car. I tried to leave the shopping bag with the extra shirts on the floor, but Edward reached over and grabbed it, telling me that Alice had made him promise that it would go in with us.

Once inside, we were led back to the studio. Bright lights, backdrops, props… it was all there.

"I'm Cameron," the photographer said, shaking first Edward's and then my hand.

I had to work very hard to hold back the laughter that wanted out after hearing his name.

"You have very expressive eyes," he then said to me. "It's okay, you can laugh. My mother was a photographer, too, and she thought she'd be making a statement with that name." He clapped his hands together. "Okay, let's get started then. First baby, right?"

"Yes," we answered together.

"Okay. Let's start with you over here," Cameron began as he led me over to stand in front of the backdrops.

The first several shots and poses were of me. He had me simply stand with my hands on my stomach or holding a rose and looking down. In one pose, he had me pull my shirt up so that my stomach was bare and my hands rested above and below, almost cradling my abdomen.

Partway through the session, Edward made me change my shirt into something tighter that hugged my shape more than the loose clothes I tended to wear. Cameron seemed amused that it only took one word for me to concede. _Alice._

Several of the photos were done again with the new shirt. Just when I thought that we were done, Cameron tossed something to Edward and then told him to join me. Edward walked over, and when he opened up his hand to see what he'd caught, he chuckled.

"Just use that," Cameron instructed.

I felt like I was missing out on a joke until Edward kneeled down in front of me, reached around my middle, and wrapped the cloth measuring tape around my stomach. He was smiling widely, as my mouth hung open in horror.

_Click, click, click_

I heard the camera shutter continue to go off as I tried to shove Edward away.

"I don't want anyone to ever know how big around I got!"

"Bella," Edward said in a soothing tone, "you still have several weeks to go. Your stomach will be larger than this."

Instead of merely shoving his shoulder, I smacked him hard against his chest.

"Ow!"

"No more jokes about my size."

He flashed me another of his infamous crooked grins. "Scout's honor."

I was fairly certain that we'd already established that he'd never been a Boy Scout. I rolled my eyes for what had to be the thirtieth time that day and shook my head.

Then Edward dropped the tape measure to floor, looked up at me, and kissed my stomach. "I'm sorry I teased you," he whispered.

All through our interaction there was still the continuous, _Click, click, click_.

Edward pulled up my shirt and kissed my bare abdomen one more time before he stood to his feet, while I blushed and I tried to catch my breath at such an intimate act. _He's performing for the camera,_ I told myself firmly. Then he smiled at me before he turned his head and actually started slightly when he saw Cameron a few feet away from us. I swallowed hard when Edward's cheeks flushed, and a very loud voice began screaming in my head that Edward had been sincere. It made the last several minutes even that much more intimate to realize that and my cheeks burned even hotter.

The posed photos with Edward felt more comfortable than the ones of me alone. Whether that was because I simply hated being in the spotlight or because I was suddenly feeling more at ease around Edward, I didn't know. My favorite pose was when Cameron had Edward stand behind me, wrap his arms around me, and form a heart over my belly with his hands. There were several variations, both over the top of my shirt and against my bare skin. Sometimes my hands covered Edward's, and sometimes I wrapped them across my chest or simply kept them out of the way of the photograph. I tried to ignore how comfortable and complete I felt with Edward's arms wrapped around me and focused on the fact that these were all poses for pictures. But my mind kept reminding me of how it felt to have Edward's hands skimming along my naked flesh, making it very difficult to remember exactly where we were and why were doing… what we were doing.

It really didn't help my overactive hormones when Edward whispered, "Thank you for doing this for me, Bella."

"I thought that this was a Christmas present for me."

"It was the only way that I could think of to get you to agree to do it."

I leaned my head to the side so I could try to see his face. "Why is this so important to you?"

"Because I want you to know that this is important to me. And I want our son to know that he was loved and wanted before he was born," he said seriously. "Besides, didn't we just have this conversation? It's time that we were both more excited about this." Then he kissed my temple.

It was my turn to be surprised when I noticed the bright lights and the photographer.

Not long after that, we were finished. While Edward went and worked out the details of when the pictures would be ready, I went and used the bathroom. Then we were on our way to the car, dinner, and_hopefully_ a short evening with Alice and Jasper.

~X~

It was still dark when I heard my alarm go off. I groaned and turned my face into the pillow before taking a deep breath and slowly sitting up.

It was just after five, and Jasper was going to be by soon to pick up Alice. We'd all stayed up way too late the night before. Doing inventory had taken far longer than I would've thought. Though I really think that it was because of the number of people. Four people probably could've gotten the job done in an hour or two… on the other hand, ten people had taken much longer. Not the sort of New Year's Eve party that I would've thought that I'd attend, but it was also a nice, informal way to spend time with the Cullens. Edward, Alice, Jasper, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie, Kate, and Garrett were all there. Tanya had stayed home with Ashley and Kirsten. We'd talked, snacked, talked some more, wrote down numbers, and talked even more. The only person I hadn't really interacted with was Rosalie, but after Christmas, I didn't really care. As long as no one else was shooting me nasty glares, it didn't matter. Edward had brought me home shortly before eleven. After a kiss on the forehead, he'd said that he needed to get home so he could get some sleep before his next shift.

I'd barely heard Alice as she stumbled through the door a little bit after one.

Now, Alice was dragging her suitcases towards the front door. She looked bubbly, perky, and hyper with the way that she was bouncing around with a huge grin plastered on her face.

"Good morning," she sang when she saw me.

No one should look that good on less than four hours of sleep. She was dressed and showered. Even her hair and make-up was done. It was sickening.

"Morning," I mumbled groggily.

She put her last suitcase down and came over to me. "I'm going to miss you," she said.

"I'll miss you, too. I hope that you have a lot of fun."

Alice cocked her head to the side and looked thoughtful for a moment. "Will you be okay here by yourself?"

My face broke out into a smile as I laughed lightly. "I'm 28 years old, Alice. I think I'll be fine by myself."

"Bella, have you and Edward discussed what's going to happen after the baby is born yet?" she asked seriously.

"Not yet. I know that we need to, but…"

Alice sighed. "Please talk to him while I'm gone."

My eyes narrowed as I looked at her curiously for a moment.

"Please, just talk to him."

She was right; it was something that Edward and I needed to discuss and time was running out. "Of course, Alice. I'd planned on it anyway."

Then she bent down towards my stomach and shook her finger at it. "And you need to promise that you'll be nice to your momma while Auntie Alice is away. You're not allowed to come out until after I get back. Do you hear me?"

Alice's voice was so stern that I wanted to laugh again. "I think he heard you."

"Good. Oh, and I saw all of those books that you bought the other day, and you and Edward need to try to come up with a name for him before I get back."

"You certainly are a demanding little thing this morning."

Alice's smile grew. "That's something that'll never change." There was a knock on the door, and Alice leaned up and kissed my cheek. "Be good. Mom, Kate, and Angela will all check in on you. And I would be shocked if Edward left your side for anything other than work or you tossing him out on his ear. I'll be back in time for your shower."

"Sounds good," I said with a small chuckle. Then I hugged her quickly before opening the door.

As Jasper gathered up Alice's bags, she gave me one more hug before leaving.

I stood in the doorway for several minutes after they'd finally gone with a peculiar sensation that I couldn't shake. My instincts told me that there was something more behind Alice's words than just a simple goodbye, but I couldn't put my finger on what exactly it was.

Finally pulling myself out of my thoughts, I closed the front door, and crawled back into bed. It was my last day off, and I wasn't going to waste it by staying up all day when I could be blissfully sleeping. I might as well take advantage of that small wonder while I still could.


	19. Chapter 19: Fringe

**Chapter 19: Fringe**

It felt equal parts good and miserable to go back into work on Friday morning. Edward had called from the hospital the night before and asked me if I needed him to come by in the morning to take me to work. It was a sweet gesture, but no matter how much I despised driving with the beach ball sticking out my stomach, there was no way in hell that I was going to have someone who hadn't slept all night drive me anywhere. However, Edward was planning on stopping by my apartment with dinner when he was done with clinic. I had no idea what that meant—"clinic". When I'd asked him, he'd said he was seeing patients in the office. I hadn't known that he had an office.

I wondered how serious Alice had been when she'd said that the only time that Edward would leave would be when he was at work or if I threw him out.

"Good morning, Ms. Swan."

"Morning, Monique," I said to the receptionist as I walked past her desk. Angela was at her desk, talking on the phone. I dropped a stack of files on her desk from the meetings that we'd had over the last week. She smiled at me and mouthed, "I'll be right there."

It felt strange to be back in my office. I'd been gone before. It had only been a few weeks earlier that I'd been in the hospital, but now I felt like an actual foreigner upon my return. The room was cold and felt almost sterile. For the first time since I'd begun working, I didn't _want_ to be there. I wanted to be home, even though I didn't really know what I wanted to be doing there either.

I felt this strange compulsion to go home and get things ready for the baby. To go into the spare bedroom and look to see what all Alice had done and spend the day cleaning out the closet and sorting through the things I had and get rid of the things that I no longer needed. I wondered if this was the "nesting" compulsion that I'd heard about. Whatever it was, it felt like an itch that suddenly had to be scratched and no amount of work at the office was going to satisfy it.

Only a few minutes passed as I got my things situated and booted up my computer before Angela came in.

"This will help," she said as she walked over to my desk and set a Starbucks cup on it.

"Thank you," I said as I took a sip of my tea. "So, what have I missed?"

Angela sat down across from my desk and pulled out her planner. "Well, you know most everything." Then she began to list the agenda for the day and leads that she had for me to follow up on during the next week.

"And have you heard anything from Bill McIntyre?" I asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"No. He's still not returning my calls," she said, her face serious.

"Angering the clientele?" came a voice from the doorway.

I scowled. "It's not your concern."

I watched Laurent as he entered my office, his jaw firm, his head held high, and he had this cocky swagger that made me want to vomit. Confidence seemed to roll off him in waves. It was intimidating as hell. "I think that it is my concern. I spoke with Jack on Tuesday…." He let his voice trail off and let the words hang in the air between us.

Angela's eyes shot back and forth between Laurent and me as if she were watching an intense tennis volley, while Laurent continued to stare at me expectantly. I refused to give in. If he had something to say to me, then he had damn well say it; I wasn't in the mood to play games.

"Either you have something to say, or you can get out."

He narrowed his eyes and scowled.

"You should be aware that changes are going to be happening around here. You just need to be prepared." After his ominous comment that said absolutely nothing surprising, he turned and left my office. Gone was the cocky swagger, only to be replaced by what could only be described as a thunderstorm.

"Do you know what he was getting at?" I asked my assistant.

"No."

I sighed and began massaging my temples. I'd been in the office for exactly fifteen minutes, and already I had a migraine coming.

"Get me Jack on the phone, please."

"Right away," she answered as she hurried out of my office.

My phone conversation with Mr. Newton turned out to be just as fruitless as most of my discussions with him had been lately. He hardly said anything, while I came off sounding more like a whiny child than a VP.

And the one thing that was upsetting me the most was that my inability to make meetings that I'd scheduled or sign new accounts was just proving Jack's archaic theories about pregnant women right.

Stupid.

The rest of my day continued to pass by with the speed of a drunk turtle, and my headache only managed to increase in its intensity by the time I was ready to pack up my things and leave for the day. I was both glad and irritated by my decision to return to work on a Friday. On the one hand, my day had felt as if it were five all rolled into one; on the other, there were so many things that I still needed to do that I would've benefitted from more time. And, unfortunately, there were some things that could only be done during the nine to five, Monday thru Friday, work week.

Angela popped her head into my office shortly after six. "Everyone else is gone. Are you about ready?" she asked.

"Yes. You can leave. I'll only be a few more minutes."

She stepped further into the office. "Nope. I'm under strict orders not to leave you here alone." Angela wore a smile much like the one that Alice typically sported when she knew that she was about to get away with something.

I slammed the papers I was holding down on the desk, louder than I'd intended. "Tell me, Angela, when will people stop coddling me like some bratty little two-year-old and actually treat me like the adult that I am?"

Her eyes snapped open wide as the words flew from my mouth in their venomous tone, and I instantly felt regret.

"I'm sorry, I—"

"Don't worry about it, Bella," Angela said softly, but her eyes didn't look up from the spot they were fixed to upon the floor.

"I'm tired. I'm stressed. And my head feels like someone stuck it in a vice and began pounding a wooden stake in my right temple. I—"

Angela snorted and looked up. "I know."

"I really am sorry."

"I know that, too. You just need to know that we all care about you."

"I realize that. I just don't want to be coddled and pampered. It's unnecessary and annoying."

With a sigh, Angela's eyes looked back to the floor, staring attentively as she scuffed her shoe along the floor. "Fair enough."

I knew she was holding something back, but I didn't have the energy to call her out on it. As long as she didn't _say_ that she was fussing over me… then I would do my best to hold my tongue.

"I'll be just another minute."

She nodded and walked out of my office, but I knew that she hadn't gone home.

It was a quarter to seven when I trudged down the hall to my apartment. As I'd predicted, Angela had stayed until I was ready to leave, but neither of us had said a word about it. A small amount of guilt settled uncomfortably in my stomach as I thought about what I'd said to her earlier, but I did my best to brush it aside. At least I had the weekend to focus on other things.

I turned the corner down the hall and stopped at what I saw. Sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall, dressed in jeans, a t-shirt, and his leather jacket, was Edward. His eyes were closed, and his head was cocked oddly to one side, his hair messier than usual. He looked like he was asleep, and I was instantly annoyed. Yes, he'd mentioned stopping by for dinner, but I'd heard nothing else from him. And why in the hell would he sit outside my door, practically sleeping in the hallway? I'd had a long day. All I wanted to do was get inside my apartment, take something to ease my headache, and go to bed.

His eyes popped open when I put my key in the door.

"Hi," he said groggily.

"Why are you sitting out here?"

"I was waiting for you to get home."

"You could've called," I snapped as I pushed the door open.

He quickly scrambled to his feet and followed me inside. "I did call. I was starting to get worried."

"I'm sure that Angela reassured you. By the way, I would appreciate it if you didn't tell the people who work for me that they have to sit around babysitting me… especially when they're off the clock." I went to the dining table and dropped my things on it before storming back into the kitchen. Edward continued to stand in the entryway, with the door wide open behind him. I shot him a glare, and he quickly closed it, then walked towards me.

"I didn't call Angela. And what in the hell are you talking about?" Edward's tone held the same weight of irritation now as mine did.

I opened a cupboard, pulled down a glass, and filled it with water from the sink. "I'm an adult, Edward. I don't need a babysitter. Shouldn't you be sleeping or something?" Taking a sip of water, I leaned back against the counter and closed my eyes for a moment, not really caring if Edward answered my question or not.

"I was off work at two, so I slept until five and then came over." I heard him opening and closing a cupboard door, and then I heard the refrigerator opening. "And since you brought it up, I don't need people keeping tabs on my sleeping habits," he added bitterly.

Keeping my eyes closed, I took a slow deep breath. _In through the nose, out through the mouth,_ I recited to myself. "Touché. But you still should've called," I murmured before opening my eyes and pushing away from the counter only to open another cupboard and begin rifling through the medications.

"I'm telling you, I did call. Your cell kept sending me to voice mail."

Turning my head to look at him, I noted that Edward looked about as miserable as I felt. The sallow pallor of his skin and the dark circles under his eyes were a clear sign that he'd not had much sleep. I highly doubted that he'd slept three hours like he'd claimed. "Sorry. I didn't hear the phone."

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose, closed his yes, and sighed loudly before he opened his eyes and looked at me. His features were suddenly more relaxed. "What was that about babysitters?"

I turned and began looking through the pill bottles again. "Angela refused to leave the office until I left. Said that she promised that she wouldn't leave me alone." Finding what I was looking for, I grabbed the bottle and opened it. "It's stupid, really."

"I didn't tell her to babysit you. Really. But you have to admit that you shouldn't be left alone in the office."

I shot him a glare and then dumped two pills into my hand.

"Think about the last time you stayed late at the office. You had to be taken to the hospital," he said. Then he grabbed the prescription bottle out of my hand. "What are you taking?"

"I have a migraine."

Edward grabbed the pills out of my hand before I could take them.

"Hey! My doctor gave me those."

"Yes, she did," he snapped, as he tossed the two tablets in the sink and pointed to the label. "She prescribed this in September. Did you know that there's aspirin in this?"

I scrunched my eyes in confusion, but I was still angry that he'd grab things out of my hands and try to tell me what I could and couldn't do. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"It makes it harder for your blood to clot. Which isn't something that you want in your blood stream, especially since you've had problems bleeding already and you may have to have a caesarean. That could be a problem, Bella!"

And just like that, I felt as if I'd been slapped. I did the only thing that I could then—I turned away from him and burst into sobs, complete with large, messy tears. "I didn't know," I managed to choke out.

Within seconds, I felt warm, comforting arms wrap around me from behind. "Shh," Edward hushed in my ear as he pulled me back against his chest. "It's all right."

We stood that way for a long time as I cried out the tears and frustration that had been accumulating all throughout the day. At some point, Edward turned me around so that my face was buried in his chest while he continued to whisper soothing and calming words. It wasn't the medication that had upset me.

It was because he was probably right about the medication. Just like Angela had been right about not leaving me alone. And it made me even angrier with myself for not being competent or capable enough to take care of myself. It was only a baby. How could things get this stressful and messed up before he was even born? And the closer we moved to his arrival, the more fucked up my life seemed to get.

I began to feel fingers deftly move across the skin on the back of my neck, easing some of the tension and relieving some of the pain in my temple.

"Would you like something to eat, or would you rather lie down?" Edward asked quietly.

"Food, first. Then sleep," I muttered into his chest.

The sudden absence of his warm fingers made me regret answering his question. He dropped his hands to his side, and I lifted my head to look at him. He still looked tired and even more stiff than he had been before, giving off an air of uneasiness that I couldn't place. As I took a step back from him, Edward seemed to relax minutely and took a deep breath. "If you'd like to go change, I'll see if I can find something here to eat."

I simply nodded and left the room to get out of my work clothes. When I returned less than fifteen minutes later to help Edward with whatever it was he'd found in my refrigerator, he was setting down plates next to bowls that were already on the table.

"It was quick, and I didn't think you'd be very hungry," he said in an apologetic tone. I immediately noted how much calmer he seemed to be—though he also looked as if he could collapse into a heap onto the floor at any moment.

"It's fine. Thank you." Sitting next to my cutlery were two Tylenol. Dinner wasn't extravagant, but it was more complicated than I would've attempted. Tomato soup and sandwiches, but Edward wasn't like Alice. The sandwiches weren't burnt… and they weren't just plain grilled cheese. Instead the bread had been egg-dipped, and the sandwich didn't just contain cheese, but it also had ham and turkey. Edward mumbled something about protein and left it at that. I imagined that on any normal day I would've thought that it tasted good, but instead the headache gave everything an unappealing flavor. I tried to remember the last time that I had actually prepared a meal, and the only time in the last few weeks that I could think of was Christmas. "I miss cooking." Just like most things I'd said since the pounding in my head had begun, the words slipped out of my mouth before I'd even truly considered them. Migraines tended to cause the filter between my head and mouth to vanish.

"What do you like to make?" Edward asked.

I stirred my soup with the spoon, a little surprised that he was making conversation. "Anything, really. Lately I've just been either too busy or too tired."

"Come on," he coaxed. "There must be a Bella Swan Specialty."

I shrugged. "Not that I can think of." And I truly couldn't. I cooked a lot of things, but presently my brain wasn't allowing me to think clearly at all. After a while, I picked about the sandwich and stared at it before I answered, "Bread. I like to bake."

He nodded and smiled warmly.

"So, um, what are your plans for the weekend?" Edward asked several minutes later.

"I'm having lunch with my dad tomorrow."

"You don't sound very excited about that." He put his spoon down and leaned toward me, giving me his unwavering attention. His interest in any form of conversation that didn't pertain to the baby, my health, or his screwed-up personal life surprised me a bit. We'd talked before, sure, but I hardly remembered what any of those discussions had been about.

Dropping my spoon into my bowl, I propped my elbows on the table and rested my head in my hands, then sighed.

"If you don't want to talk about it…"

"No, it's fine. My head just hurts, and my stomach is actually protesting that I tried to feed it." With another breath, I moved my chair back and stood up. "I'm sorry. I just need to go lie down."

"Of course," Edward replied, scrambling to his feet, but he didn't follow me as I stopped in the kitchen to grab myself an icepack and then went off to my bedroom.

Entering into my room, I stumbled to bed, leaving the light off. I didn't even bother changing my clothes again before I climbed under the covers and laid my head on the pillow, placing the bag of frozen peas wrapped in a washcloth under my neck. I felt instant relief when my head hit the cold; my body began to relax, but it was short-lived. Without any distractions, the only thing that I could focus on was the throbbing pain in my head, and when I finally made that realization, I let out a soft whimper.

"Are you going to be okay?"

I jumped at his words, and my eyes snapped open, focusing on the dark shape in the doorway. "Yeah. I just need to sleep, and it will go away." I could see Edward shifting his weight from foot to foot, as if he were nervous.

"I guess that I'll just go home and let you—"

"Please don't go."

Edward stopped shuffling his feet at my words. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. Stay… please."

"Okay. I'll just go to bed in the other room. Goodnight, Bella." He paused for a minute and then moved back out towards the hall.

"No."

Edward turned his head. "What?"

"Would you…" My voice trailed off as I struggled to find the words. "Could you stay and distract me?"

"What would you like to talk about?" he asked.

"Anything. I just… I won't be able to sleep. And I…"

"You what?" he prodded.

"I don't want you to think that I was running out on you out there. I just couldn't sit up any longer, and I needed the lights off, and—"

"Trust me, I completely understand. Of course I'll stay." He turned and took a tentative step back into the room. Edward seemed to think for a moment. Then he walked over to the bed. I wasn't sure what he planned on doing, until he walked to the other side and I felt the bed dip at his weight. I couldn't bring myself to move an inch as I felt him lie down next to me. "If you change your mind and want me to leave, just say so. But I'm not running on enough sleep to be able to stand in the doorway."

"You're fine."

I felt him shift a bit more behind me before I suddenly felt his fingers on the back of my neck and under the ice pack. Then he began to talk, and I felt myself lulled by the soothing sound of his voice but not quite enough to put me to sleep. Edward talked about work and patients that he'd seen during the course of the day. That lead to him discussing some of the more interesting patients he'd ever had. He told me about when he was an intern and a woman had come into the emergency room, screaming that she was certain she had leprosy, only to discover she'd just returned from camping where she'd had a midnight rendezvous with her boyfriend in a large patch of poison oak. Then there was the story of the men who had gone out fishing together, drank a few cases of beer, and had proceeded to take bets as to who could swallow the most bait. Somehow one of them managed to swallow a fishing lure without shredding up his esophagus. It wasn't long before I found myself relaxing even more. As the headache slowly eased, I found myself smiling more and enjoying the stories as he told them.

When Edward finished recounting a story about the six-year-old girl who had stuck a dime up her nose just so she could see if they fit… and when it did, she stuck another one up there, he stopped. The change in the air around us was palpable, and I felt myself stiffen as I waited for him to say what was on his mind. "So," he started cautiously, "if you weren't actually running out on me back there, I'd like to hear more about your meeting with your dad tomorrow." With his hands he pushed my hair out of the way and up on the pillow, then his fingers went back to my neck. At first his touch was tentative, but after a few moments, there was more strength behind his ministrations.

"I don't want to see him. I'd prefer to just shove everything under the rug and not have to deal with it, but it's one of those things that I need to do. But…"

After a minute of silence, Edward's fingers stopped moving. "But…" he said in an effort to spur me on.

"But after my conversation with Jacob, I know that some of the things that I thought I knew to be true were in fact only my skewed interpretation and weren't anywhere close to the actual truth."

"That sounds oddly familiar," Edward mused as he began massaging my neck and shoulders again.

"Ironic, isn't it?" I asked, and I felt a small smile try to form on mouth as I thought about how I'd reacted when he'd done the same thing to me that I'd done to my own father. I'd already told Edward about my strained relationship with Charlie back on Christmas when we'd finally laid the bulk of our issues out on the table.

"So, you're going to fix things with him?"

"I'm going to try. I don't know if I can."

His hand stopped again, but a moment later he ran his up to my forehead and then slid his fingers through the strands of my hair in a calm, gentle motion. "He's your father. I'm sure that he's already forgiven you. Keep in mind how fiercely he set out to protect you from me. He loves you very much, Bella. It was evident in every action and in every word that he spoke to me when I met him."

Silence fell heavily upon the room again, and I closed my eyes, enjoying the soothing feel of Edward's hands and the sudden ease in stress from hearing his reassurances. Just as I began to feel myself nod off, Edward asked, "What are you plans for work?" My shoulders stiffed instantly at the subject and Edward obviously noticed as he clarified, "You know, after the baby. How long are you planning on taking off? What are your plans afterwards?"

"I don't know. Well, I've thought about it, but I haven't figured out the answers yet." His fingers relaxed again. Pulling the mostly thawed bag of peas out from underneath me and setting it on the nightstand, I rolled toward him.

With the dim light coming from the bustling city outside through the gap in the drapes over my window, I could barely make out Edward's features. He was facing me, still fully dressed in his t-shirt and jeans, lying on top of the comforter on his side. His head was resting on his right arm, and I could feel more than see his eyes staring at me intently. "I went to see my doctor on Tuesday."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You were busy, and I knew that you were taking Wednesday off for me, so I didn't want you to have to take off any more time."

His hand came up and brushed the hair from the side of my face. "I really wish that you would've at least given me the choice." Edward's words were more regretful than irritated, and I small wave of guilt washed over me. "What did Maggie say?"

"She said that she wants to do one more ultrasound next week. She said that the placenta is right on the border of being too low, or something like that. Do you want to come with me?"

"When are you going in?"

"Tuesday morning."

In the shadows, I could see his cheeks lift as he smiled. "I would love to go with you. Thank you."

"You're welcome." I smiled back, but I wasn't sure if he could see. "Anyhow, when I go back, she said she'd give me a definite answer on whether or not I need to have a c-section. I read that the recovery time is longer if I have to have surgery. So, that will depend on whether I take four or six weeks off."

Edward instantly propped himself up onto his elbow and looked down at me. "Four or six weeks? Are you insane?"

I moved up to match his position. There was no way that I was going to allow him to try to intimidate me by looking down at me. "I work, Edward. I get six weeks off, but my job is important, and if I can go back to work after four weeks, then I will do what I need to do."

"The recovery is more than just physical. I don't think that you realize how much of an emotional effect this will have—on both of us. And what are you planning on doing with him when you're at work?"

"I don't know. I have appointments to meet with a couple of childcare centers next week. And my receptionist said that there was an opening with the woman who watches her daughter."

Edward sighed loudly. "And have you considered how much time I'll want to spend with him?"

"No," I answered quietly. It was a fair question, one that I hadn't really considered. From the moment that he'd mentioned three nurseries, I'd tried to avoid thinking about bouncing my son around from place to place all of the time.

"Think about it, Bella. I'm not going anywhere, and we need to figure some of these things out together."

"I will."

"Would you do me a favor, please?"

"What?" I asked warily as I laid my head back down on the pillow.

"Please let me see what I can come up with on my end, too. If my son is going to have to go to daycare, I'd like a chance to interview them, as well."

"Okay."

Edward moved to sit up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed.

"Wait. Where are you going?"

"I need to go get some sleep, and I think that you probably need to also," he said, sounding even more tired than he had before. I wondered how much of that was physical exhaustion versus mental.

"Edward…." My voice trailed off, and I couldn't bring myself to say what it was that I'd truly wanted to.

"Yes?" he asked, turning towards me.

"Umm, nothing. Have a good night."

He walked around the bed, I moved back over onto my other side. And as he walked toward me to go out the door, he stopped and ran his hand along my forehead and temple. "Good night." Then he grabbed the ice pack and washcloth off of the nightstand and went out the door, quietly shutting it behind him as he left.

My room had never felt so empty.

~X~

"Are you sure?" I asked for what had to be the twentieth time in the ten minute phone conversation.

"Yeah, Bells, I'm positive. Everything'll be fine." His voice was so calming, so reassuring, I was having a difficult time _not_ believing him. "Relax."

I sat back into the cushions of my couch, further. I was trying to stay calm before my dad arrived. Charlie had called earlier that morning to tell me that he was leaving Forks and said that he'd call when he got to the city. Edward had helped me clean things up to look presentable, and then he'd even helped me put together a pan of lasagna for lunch before he'd left. Just as it had been on Christmas, Edward and I seemed to move around the kitchen in near-perfect synchronization. He anticipated my needs as I was cooking just I predicted his, all with as little words as necessary. Neither one of us thought that it would be a good idea to have Edward at my apartment when I was trying to mend fences with my father. I'd promised Edward some of the lasagna for dinner if he'd return that evening.

"He's your dad. He's been waiting for this moment from you for years."

"You're not helping, Jacob," I muttered into the phone.

Our conversation carried on like that, and partway through, the other line beeped in. It was Charlie, telling me that he would be at my place in thirty minutes. So, when I went back to my conversation with Jacob, I did it while I put the food in the oven to cook and tossed a salad. Just as I ended my call with Jacob, I heard a knock on the door.

Charlie was standing in the hallway, laden down with bags.

"Hey, Bells," he said with a nervous smile. I fought the urge to correct him. Why was it that when Jacob called me by the nickname it didn't irritate me nearly as much as when Charlie said the same thing?

"Come in."

He walked into the entryway and I closed the door behind him. "Wow… umm…you're looking… umm… big."

"Thanks, Dad… I think."

Then he just stood there, looking lost and confused while I did little more than stare back at him. It was uncomfortable. I seemed to snap out of my daze when he shifted the bags in his arms a bit, and I noticed them again. "Oh! Can I take something?" I asked, pleased to have something to do.

"Sure. Here." Charlie held one of the bags towards me. "That's for dessert."

"Thanks." I took it out of his hands and walked into the kitchen, smiling when I pulled the box from Simply Desserts out and set it on the counter.

"I don't know if you remember, but that used to be your favorite," Charlie said as he came into the kitchen a moment later without the bags.

I smiled at him, suddenly feeling much more relaxed. "Actually, I do remember."

Charlie let out a breath, and I realized that he'd been nervous about my response.

"Lunch is almost done. Would you like something to drink?"

"Sure."

I looked at him expectantly and began to list off the options. His eyes began looking around the small room, seemingly to take everything in. I wasn't sure if this was another sign of nervousness from my father, or if this was normal behavior for him.

"Whatever you're having is fine," he mumbled and then walked to the dinning table when I invited him to have a seat.

Lunch was strained. It bothered me how quickly the walls between us seemed to fall and just as quickly resurrect themselves. Whenever one of us brought up a topic for discussion, it was ended with one- or two-word answers. Charlie's trip to Montana was nice. The snow was deep. The weather was cold. Christmas was great. Sue was doing well. Billy says "hi." And peppered in the middle of the strained conversation, Charlie kept saying things like, "How're things going with you and Jacob?"

Really, he only seemed to manage to string together more than three words at a time whenever he mentioned Jacob. He didn't seem to want to hear that Jacob and I were just friends and nothing more. Or that the frequency of my phone calls to Jacob had dropped off drastically in the last couple of weeks. It wasn't until I mentioned the word "roommate" that Charlie seemed to actually acknowledge that I had been saying something of any meaning.

"Roommate?" he questioned, his eyes hardening more and more with each passing second.

"Yes, I have—"

"Who?" he asked interrupting me. "Is this the reason that he answered your phone? Did he force himself into your apartment? I won't let that guy wear you down and hurt you." He was patting his hip in search of his gun as he spoke, and I was grateful that we weren't at his house where it would've been easy for him to grab it.

"No, Dad. Just stop and listen for a minute." This was one of the things that I knew that we needed to talk about, but I'd planned on actually apologizing for how I'd treated him for the last ten years first. I sat back in my chair and sighed. "Edward's not my roommate. His sister, Alice, moved in here a couple of weeks ago to help me out." Okay, the fact that Edward had been sleeping at my place periodically since Alice's arrival was not something that I was going to mention of my own freewill.

"If you needed something, you could've called me. I would have been up here as soon as possible. Or you could've called Jacob. I don't want you having to rely on those people, Bells. Let your family help you."

"You don't…" I allowed the words to trail off as I stared at the placemat underneath my plate and began to finger the crocheted fringe. I shook my head in an effort to refocus my thoughts. Talking about whether or not I should be spending time with the Cullens or hearing about how much Charlie thought I needed to be spending time with Jacob was not why I'd agreed to see my father. With another deep breath, I chose to go ahead and start with my overly rehearsed speech like I'd originally planned on doing. "I know now that I was wrong to treat you the way that I did. But I hated visiting you. I hated hearing you go on about my mom—it made me feel like you were more interested in fishing for information about her than you were in spending time with me. I hated it when you refused to compromise and visit me in California and still forced me to go to that tiny, boring, dreary little town that had trapped my mom. For years I've hated calling you and talking to you because you never really said anything to me. I never moved to Forks because I didn't think that you wanted me there… I never thought that you wanted me at all." I glanced up to his face as I said the last sentence. "I was wrong. I know that now. But up until a couple of weeks ago, I still believed that way." The sad, hurt, absolutely devastated look in his eyes was too painful for me to look at, and I focused my eyes back on the placemat. "Jacob told me I was wrong, and even though I believe him, you've got to know that this is hard for me."

The room was silent after that, and I couldn't bring myself to raise my eyes to see if I could tell what he was thinking after my confession. Instead, I focused on the placemat, where I'd somehow managed to undo the knot without even thinking about it and was currently separating the individual strands of the string. If I kept it up, soon there would be nothing left to even salvage.

Charlie reached over and covered my hand with his—warm, gentle, calloused, with the faintest wrinkles beginning to appear. He ran his thumb across the back of my knuckles and then squeezed my hand. "I'm so sorry, Dad," I whispered as a tear slid down my cheek.

"I'm sorry, too, Bella." He squeezed my hand one more time before he moved his hand back to his lap. I looked up at him, and this time when I smiled he smiled, as well, and I felt the stress and worry dissipate, dissolving into nothing.

"It looks like you might've ruined that," he said, nodding his head at the table.

I looked down at the unraveled corner of the placemat and brushed my hand gently over it, flattening it down without damaging it further. "Maybe, but I think it's fixable, Dad."

"Yeah, I do too."

The rest of the afternoon continued on in a much smoother fashion. Charlie helped me clear the table and put the leftovers away, and then he proceeded to show me the other things he'd brought. He had hand-me-down clothes and blankets from when Sue's youngest was a baby. He tried to apologize, stating that it wasn't much, but I appreciated the thoughtfulness. I told him more about Alice, and after I got us both a slice of cheesecake, I went on to talk about Edward. Through the conversation, I tried not to make excuses for Edward's behavior, but I also tried to make it known to my dad that Edward was there to stay, and if he could do his best to get along with him, it would ultimately make things easier on everyone involved.

"I don't trust him," Charlie muttered as he put his empty dessert plate in the sink.

"But, I'm learning to, and really… that's all that matters."

"I don't want you to get hurt anymore than you already have been."

Surprisingly, I found myself smiling at that. Not even a month earlier, I would've found his comment patronizing and been angry at his attempt to try to act fatherly, but I was slowly beginning to see his concern for what it was. Maybe in another month I would be able to stop cringing whenever he called me Bells. "I think he'll be okay. Really. He's around a lot. He even helped me clean this morning and get lunch started."

"We'll see how long that lasts," he mumbled so quietly that I'd barely heard him. I fought the urge to laugh… mostly because he had voiced the exact thoughts I'd been having for weeks.

With promises that he and Sue would be back when the baby was born, I hugged my dad and walked him to the door.

"I love you, Bells," he said.

"I love you, too, Dad. Thanks… for everything."

He just nodded and walked out the door, but I knew that we were okay. Not perfect, but since my talk with Jacob, I'd been seeing my dad in a new light.

I went to the dining table and picked up the fraying place mat. A little bit of care and time, and no one would be able to see the damage.


	20. Chapter 20: A Thousand Words

**Chapter 20: Worth a Thousand Words**

On Sunday afternoon, I met with Angela and Kate for a late lunch after they'd both returned home from church. They were excited about planning my baby shower, and the topic of our conversation revolved largely around that. We mostly discussed food and the guest list. However, no matter how hard I tried to tell them that the only people I wanted at the shower was the two of them, Alice, and Esme, they refused to concede. By the time we were finished, the guest list included the four people that I'd insisted on plus all of the women from my office, Angela's mother, Rosalie, Tanya, and my father's girlfriend.

The party wasn't for another two weeks, and I could already tell that it was going to be a day that I wished to forget. I hated being the center of attention.

Edward had spent both Saturday and Sunday evening at my apartment, and we'd shared dinner and pleasant conversation before we read, watched television, turned on some music, or did a bit of work. The entire scene was very domestic, and if I thought about it too much, I would have had to admit that it scared me. The only thing missing was that my bed was still cold and lonely while he slept in the guestroom—soon-to-be nursery.

Again, this was a subject that it truly frightened me to think about, but think about it I did. It was staring me in the face at every turn, and I didn't know what to make of it. But my feelings for Edward were changing. Perhaps it was the pregnancy, or maybe it was because I already felt as if my stability—my life—was in jeopardy. Of course, I didn't mean that literally, but I had that dreaded, sinking feeling that my job was hanging by a thread and with that, went my ability to provide for myself and my son. Perhaps my surging desire for Edward was just some pathetic Neanderthal compulsion that made a woman want a male provider and protector. I could rationalize that more easily than acknowledge the simple notion that I was actually developing an emotional connection with this man in particular.

The fact of the matter was that relationships scared me.

And whether I blamed my messed up childhood or not truly didn't matter. I had a difficult time trusting people, having faith that they would be there for me when I needed them the most. Both of my parents had failed miserably at that task, and if my own parents hadn't been there for me, then how was I supposed to find a way to trust someone else to not let me down?

I was slowly beginning to rely on these people. Angela and Mike, my two constants at work. Kate, who had taken this poor, frightened and very much single young woman under her wing when I'd learned of my pregnancy. Esme, who was strong, confident, and supportive. Alice, who had barged into my life, into my very home. All of them had become far more important to me in the short time that I'd been in Seattle than most of my nearest and dearest friends in Phoenix.

And then there was Edward.

Edward.

He was becoming my friend.

No, that wasn't it. He _was_ my friend. The shift in our relationship from its hateful, hurtful state just a month earlier to whatever it was now was easily recognizable. And I had this strange sensation that in the very moment that I embraced that possibility of friendship with him, I'd actually agreed to so much more.

That thought made me even more frightened. Because while we talked on Saturday and I confided in him about how I felt about Charlie and how I was struggling with this change in my relationship with him, he was caring and supportive, and as the weekend progressed, I felt myself trust him just a little bit more.

Edward and I were both back to work on Monday.

My Monday at work went no better than Friday, though at least I didn't snap at Angela for hovering. Edward was on call and planning to spend the night at the hospital. He called a little after ten to wish me a good night and to ask whether I wanted to meet him at the doctor's office or if I wanted him to pick me up.

That night, not only did my bed feel cold and lonely, but my entire apartment felt the same way, as well.

I met Edward at the doctor's office Tuesday morning. Although he smiled at me after I checked in and sat down next to him, I could see the exhaustion painted plainly on his face.

"Rough night?" I asked.

He snorted as he laid his head back against the wall and closed his eyes.

"I'll take that as a yes."

The corners of his lips quirked as he cocked his head to the side and just barely opened his eyes for a moment before closing them again. "It was a long night."

"You don't have to go back in, do you?"

"No. When we're done here, I plan on going home and sleeping until tomorrow morning."

It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him, and I opened my mouth to speak.

"Bella Swan," the nurse called out.

My head snapped up, and Edward was suddenly standing in front of me, his hand held out to help me up.

I felt incredibly self-conscious as I caught Edward trying to sneak glances at my chart as the nurse documented my weight and then my blood pressure. She led us into the ultrasound room, where we waited for a few minutes before my doctor came in.

My doctor smiled when she arrived, and for a small moment I wondered why it was that she was doing the ultrasound and not the technician I'd seen the last time. Dr. Swanson first greeted me and then she turned to Edward. "Well, well, Edward. I saw your sister a couple of weeks ago, and I was wondering when you were going to be in," she said.

"Hi, Maggie."

She eyed him speculatively for a moment before she asked, "You just got off shift, didn't you?"

"Yeah."

She laughed. "I warned you before you ever even started medical school." Then she nodded towards me. "It's going to be even worse now."

Edward matched her smile with his own as the doctor motioned for me to lie back on the table.

"That's what I hear," Edward replied. "Tanya went to go stay with my parents last night, because Mitch had to go out of town and she panicked."

"Tanya?" I interjected.

"Yes."

"As in Perfect-Baby-Tanya?"

Edward raised his eyebrow at my name for her, but after another brief pause, he nodded. "Kirsten decided last week that she didn't like sleeping at night."

"Oh."

Dr. Swanson squirted the cold goop on my stomach, and Edward's attention was instantly drawn to the image that soon appeared on the monitor. My doctor moved the transducer, and Edward watched with rapt attention. All the while, the only thing that I could think of was that if Tanya was finally having a difficult time, then how was I going to manage? And her fiancé went out of town and she panicked? My mind was having a difficult time wrapping itself around that concept. I barely heard anything that the doctor was saying.

"Bella? Bella?"

"What?" I finally responded, and I turned my head and saw that Edward was looking at me with concern.

"Are you okay?" He brushed his fingers lightly along my brow.

"Yeah, sorry." I turned my head and noticed that my doctor was trying to look busy entering data into the ultrasound machine, blatantly trying to ignore us.

"Did you hear what Maggie said?"

"Huh?"

"The placenta is high enough, Bella," she said as she looked from her computer screen to me. "I hope that you paid attention to the breathing in the childbirth classes."

I'm quite certain that my eyes were as wide as saucers at that moment, and I felt my hand squeezing Edward's as tightly as I could. "Childbirth classes?" I managed to squeak out.

Edward squeezed my hand back, but instead of terror, his eyes showed calm reassurance. "We're going on Saturday, actually," he said as if it were a fact, though I happened to already know that he was going to be working all weekend.

The doctor nodded as she shut down the machine and handed me a washcloth to clean off my stomach. I suddenly started to lament the fact that I hadn't really even seen any of the ultrasound—I'd been too caught up in my own thoughts. Edward obviously noticed my distraction and took the washcloth from my hand. He proceeded to clean off the gel from my skin and then pulled my top back down before he helped me to sit up.

Dr. Swanson sat down on the stool and opened up my chart. "How have you been feeling?"

"Fine. Just tired."

She laughed. "That should go away in about eighteen years."

I forced myself to smile at that, though on the inside my sense of alarm was only increasing.

"How long should she expect to take off for maternity leave?" Edward asked. I shot him a glare for interfering.

"At least six weeks, but I'd prefer if you took off longer." The look on Dr. Swanson's face told me that she wondered why Edward was asking. Thankfully, Edward didn't appear to be gloating at her answer; he simply nodded thoughtfully.

"She's been complaining of headaches," he said next.

I fought the urge to snap at him. Now he was just being ridiculous. No one cared if I was having headaches. But despite my internal shouting, my doctor began flipping through my chart and nodding her head before she started asking how frequent, how intense, and if I was seeing black spots or anything like that. She then said that she thought everything was probably fine, but that she'd have the lab run some tests just to be safe.

A few tests included giving the nurse a few vials of my blood and a large container that looked like an orange juice jug that I was to fill and return in the next day—I really didn't want to even think about how I was supposed to fill it. And I glared at Edward as I tried to figure out how I was going to deal with peeing in a jug while at work all day.

Then, with more pictures to put in the baby book that I'd yet to purchase, we were finally allowed to leave.

"Thank you, Bella," Edward said as he walked me out to my car.

"You're welcome," I managed, though I'm not sure it sounded all that sincere. Then I looked up at him and once again noted how completely exhausted he appeared. "Get some sleep."

"I'll call you when I wake up tonight."

I just nodded as I opened my car door and got in.

Just before I shut the door he said, "Don't forget we have a date on Saturday."

"A date?"

"Childbirth classes. I'll pick you up at eight."

"I thought you were working this weekend."

He shrugged. "I got someone to take Saturday."

I narrowed my eyes and pursed my lips. "How did you know that I was going to need childbirth classes?" I asked skeptically.

Edward grinned. "Alice isn't the only one who is psychic." When all I did was glare in response, he amended his statement. "There is a c-section class and newborn class that run concurrently. I know the woman who runs the education center, and she promised us a spot in whichever classes we needed. I'm going to call her and confirm as soon as I get out of the parking garage."

"Oh." It was a pathetic response, but really, I never knew what to say to him when he proved how much he'd planned and thought ahead. It made me feel wholly inadequate.

"Have a good day at work," he said genuinely. Then he shut my door for me and took a step back while I fumbled a bit for my keys and started my car to drive myself to work.

~X~

True to his word, Edward called me Tuesday evening shortly before I was heading off to bed.

Wednesday, I took my mostly filled plastic container back and turned it into the lab. Then Wednesday evening, after my doctor called to tell me that all of my test results were normal, Edward took me out to dinner. We went to a small Italian place that wasn't far from my office, and after a good meal, he wrapped his arms around me in a hug and kissed me on the top of my head before walking me to my car and telling me good night. Just as I was starting my car, Edward knocked on my window. After rolling it down, he slipped me a large manila envelope.

"Pictures," he simply said with a grin, and then he ran back off to his car.

I held the envelope in my hands for several minutes before I set it on the seat next to me, took a deep breath, and shoved all thoughts about them right out of my mind. I had enough to worry about, and something told me I wasn't ready to look at them yet.

The second half of the week passed much the same as the first half. We both worked, and when we both had time off, Edward would either call or spend some time with me… usually over food. We were talking, and it felt good to do that. We'd divulge personal bits of information about our lives, and then he'd tell me about his day while he asked me about mine. I never told him much about work. There wasn't much to tell. Business meetings on top of business meetings, a push to sign contracts, cranky and upset clients, and Laurent, who had spent more time out of the office in the last two days than he had in.

After that, Edward and I would talk about the baby. Ever since my doctor's appointment, my nervousness at actually becoming a _mother_ had increased tenfold. I almost asked Edward if he could use his connections and get me into the newborn class for the following weekend. However, that would've interfered with my baby shower, and there was no way that Alice would have ever forgiven me for such an infraction.

I think that Edward seemed to sense my feeling of overwhelming dread, because he began making small comments about how I was going to be a "fantastic mother" or that he thought that our son was "lucky to have a mother like" me. It was sweet, but I didn't think that Edward had any idea about what in the hell he was talking about.

There were two things that we hadn't discussed. The first was that he never once brought up the Christmas card that I'd left for him. I didn't even know if he'd gotten it, but I tried to trust Esme enough to know that she would've followed through with what I'd asked. And after the time that Edward and I had spent in the last two weeks, I was almost afraid to even ask him if he had received it. I was beginning to feel a bit guilty about its impersonal contents.

The other subject that we both did well at avoiding was how we were going to deal with custody and living arrangements after the baby was born. Even though I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud, I was scared. I didn't know how things were going to work out, and although Edward had been trying to tell me that I could rely on him, I didn't know what his limits were. But I was beginning to understand exactly how difficult things were suddenly going to be.

I'd seen Tanya's baby. I'd held her. She was as ideal as any baby could get. I could tell that from the stories Tanya had regaled us all with on Christmas. The fact that Tanya had been panicking because her fiancé had gone out of town for a three-day business trip outright scared me. Edward didn't live with me. And after Alice's departure on New Year's Day, I'd had this sinking feeling that she wouldn't be living with me much longer either.

How was I going to take care of a newborn infant on my own? There would be no one around to relieve me when I was exhausted from not having slept in three days. No one around to hold him when he had colic and had been screaming for six hours straight and all I wanted was to step away for five minutes in an effort to save my sanity. No one to allow me to catch two hours of sleep because I had an important business meeting in the morning and I _had_ to get some sleep to be able to function. There would be no one around to catch me when I fell.

It would have been an entirely different scenario if my mother lived nearby. It might even had been better if Charlie wasn't hours away. And I knew that Edward's family would be there for me. But I also knew that there was no way that I would be able to even permit myself to consider packing my stuff up and moving into Carlisle and Esme's house—even if only for a couple of days.

When I wasn't spending time with Edward or trying to work on the ever-increasing pile of reports that I needed to finish up for work, my evenings were spent reading pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting books. I was absorbing the information like a sponge, but the one thing I found to be the most upsetting piece of information was that every baby was different and that babies weren't born with instruction manuals.

I wanted an instruction manual, dammit.

I was in way over my head, and I felt at a loss for what to do.

Saturday morning, Edward came by my apartment and picked me up for our class.

If I'd been scared by the things I'd been reading in the books, that had nothing on the videos that we watched or the horror stories that the instructor told. I kept shooting Edward worried glances, and he would merely grin and pull me back to rest against his chest.

After glancing around the room at all of the other people, most of the women looked about as calm and relaxed as Edward did. It was their partners who had horrified faces that mirrored my own. Again, I wondered why I couldn't be a normal woman where things like pregnancy and childbirth automatically felt natural to me, like they did everyone else.

"Isabella, I think that I can say with almost certainty that there isn't a single person in this room who isn't at least a little bit scared," Edward whispered in my ear.

"What?"

"You're worried," he said matter-of-factly. "But everyone else is, too. They've just spent more time psyching themselves up for this than you have."

I kept my eyes trained on the screen that now showed a very messy and ugly looking baby being rubbed down with a blanket, but I turned my head slightly toward Edward and asked, "Are you scared?"

I felt the vibrations as he chuckled softly. "Utterly terrified," he said with his lips right next to my ear. I took a deep breath, and when I exhaled, I felt some of the tension begin to loosen and leave my body. Edward kissed the side of my head before he sat up straighter and squeezed me lightly to him, putting his hands back to rest on my stomach while we watched the rest of the video.

~X~

Sunday was the first day that I had entirely to myself in weeks. Edward was working, Alice was still gone, I had no reason to call Angela or Kate, and when I'd spoken with Jacob the night before, he'd told me that he was spending the day with some friends of his watching football. So, I finally gave into the nesting compulsion and went to work on the spare bedroom. My day was spent going through boxes, throwing things out, and washing the baby things that Edward had bought me weeks ago. I made up the crib with clean sheets and set things up on the changing table. After that, I even washed and changed the sheets on the double bed that was in the room. The only thing that needed to be done after that was moving the furniture around, but I knew better than to do that on my own. Both Edward and Alice would have had my head if either of them found out. Besides, Alice had said that the painter was supposed to arrive sometime during the week she returned from her vacation, and I was certain that the furniture would have to be moved again then.

Monday night, Edward insisted on bringing dinner over to my place where we had a very lengthy discussion about baby names. Again, he didn't stay, and again I was forced to admit to myself that I really wished that he would have… I just wasn't sure what to make of things with him. Each time that we were together felt more and more comfortable. He would run his fingers through my hair or across my neck, and I felt almost as if I could melt into a puddle right onto the floor. He was caring and affectionate, but the logical part of my mind continued to warn me that it was all an act or some delayed reaction to the baby. Maybe Edward was acting that way purely because I was the mother of his child, not because of any deep-seated, pent-up feelings that he had for _me_.

I had another doctor's appointment scheduled for Tuesday. Edward had surgeries scheduled that morning and had asked me if he could change my appointment from in the morning to late in the afternoon so he could go with me. I agreed and since my doctor was a close family friend, Edward was able to pull the necessary strings and get me seen at five in the afternoon.

"Bella," Angela said as she walked into my office that Tuesday afternoon.

I glanced up to from my computer and immediately noticed her worried and frazzled appearance. It wasn't unusual, especially not over the last few days. She and I had been working hard in that time, trying to get things more evened out. Though I hadn't managed to sign any new accounts, I'd had several successful meetings, and our prospects were looking good. Jack had only called once to say that he was pleased with the way that Laurent was handling things and that he was glad that he'd thought to place him here. It'd been enough to make me feel ill.

"What is it?" I asked Angela as she neared my desk and set a large envelope on it.

"I don't know. A courier just delivered it." Then she pointed to the return address, and my face paled to match hers.

Swallowing hard, I opened the clasps on the envelope and pulled out a small stack of paper. A quick skim told me more than I ever wanted to know, and I felt my stomach churn. Another minute went by as Angela shifted her weight nervously from foot-to-foot, while I flipped through the pages of the document, all confirming exactly what the opening letter had revealed: our biggest account had found a loophole in our contract, and they were terminating our services.

Taking a deep breath and fighting to keep my emotions in check, I glanced up at Angela. "Get me Bill McIntyre on the phone… now."

Her eyes moved from me to my clock and back to me again. Then she nodded once and scurried out of the room. I sat on the information in the packet all afternoon. There was no way that I was going to let Jack know what happened before I had a chance to fix things. As I read through everything in depth, the knot in my stomach tightened as I realized just how thorough McIntyre and his lawyers had been. When Angela came in moments later to tell me that she'd still been unable to get my call through for me, I told her to contact our lawyer instead so that I could speak with him.

She agreed, but not before reminding me that I had an appointment in twenty minutes. And then there it was. My choice: stay at work and try to solve a major problem that I likely would never be able to solve anyway, or put my unborn child first. The doctor's appointment could be moved. Edward had gone to the effort to rearrange his schedule so that he could find a way to be there today. The doctor had technically scheduled me afterhours to accommodate us both. But I knew that this was a much bigger decision than a simple question of whether or not I could put off my appointment. My decision was who was more important and who was going to come first in my life: my child or my job.

When it came down to it, I knew what I had to do. "Fax the documents over to the lawyers, tell them what's going on, ask them to review it all, and get back to me in the morning."

Angela smiled, the first genuine smiled I'd seen on her face all day, and she left my office.

I was distracted through my doctor's visit, and I was sure that I was snippier than usual. Everything with the pregnancy was continuing to progress normally. My doctor said that since I was 35 ½ weeks, she wanted to do a Strep B test to see if I needed to have antibiotics when I delivered. She stepped out for a moment so I could change. I didn't care that Edward was still in the room. He'd been standing as if to leave, but I ignored him. Stripping off my pants and underwear before he even made it to the door, I tossed them on the bench in the corner and sat back on the table, only to grab the drape as an afterthought.

"What?" I asked when he continued to stare at me.

Edward sat back down in a chair next to my clothes. "Are you okay?"

"It's not like you haven't seen it all before," I snapped.

Edward narrowed his eyes for a moment before he seemed to relax; the confusion and worry was replaced with reassurance. He rose from his chair and moved to stand beside me. Without a word, he took my hand in his. Threading his fingers with my own, he squeezed my hand gently. And in that moment, I felt the comfort and security that I'd been longing for. I found myself leaning into him for support, and within moments, he had my side held against his chest as his arm came around my back and he rested his chin on my head.

"Sorry. It's just been a really long day."

"Do you want to talk about it?" he offered, pulling back slightly so he could look me in the eyes.

I took a deep breath, and debated over my options for five full seconds before I answered, "No, I'll be fine."

He didn't get to say anything else before the doctor came back in the room.

We were on our way out the door less than fifteen minutes later.

"Dinner?" Edward asked as he walked with me to my car.

I sighed. I didn't really feel like going anywhere, but the look on my face must have told him that. "How about you come over to my place?" he suggested instead.

"I'd like that," I answered after a moment's thought.

"Good. Just follow me. It's not far. The code is six-eight-six-nine-two."

I followed Edward's car a little over ten blocks away, just on the cusp of where the towering building downtown began to thin. It was a nice area, not feeling quite so crowded. Edward pulled his car down a small side street and into a parking garage, stopping at the gate where he punched something into a keypad and the gate opened for him. When I pulled forward, I hit the numbers he'd told me and followed. He parked in space number 812, and I saw him point to the spot next to him as he got out of his car. The second space was also labeled 812.

Edward was at my door and helping me out of my car in mere moments. Holding my hand, he led me to a set of elevators, where he again had to punch in another code. As we rode up to the eighth floor, Edward told me the key code for the garage elevator and that whenever I came by, he would like me to park in the garage. He made it sound like I would be there a lot. Which, I supposed, was possible.

Hell, it was more than possible; it was very likely. Thinking about that, I hadn't even noticed it when we left the elevator. The next thing I knew, we were standing in front of his door, and he was unlocking and opening it for me.

Edward flipped on the light as he followed me inside, and I stopped short. We were in his living room, and I stood there with my mouth agape, staring. It was spacious and roomy. From the brown leather couches to the hardwood floors to the flat panel television to the fireplace to the black baby grand piano, I was immediately envious. But those things were nothing compared to the fact that the entire far wall was glass, giving an amazing view of the city.

"This is…. Wow."

Edward chuckled. "Here, let me take your coat," he said as he helped me take it off and then went and hung it up in a closet. "How about a tour?"

Embarrassingly enough, my stomach chose that moment to growl loudly.

"Okay. How about food first? Then I'll give you that tour," he amended.

"Sounds good," I said, with a smile. I felt a bit of my stress begin to melt.

"Follow me."

The living room was the center of the main living space. Off to the right, in the corner, was the dinning table and next to that was the kitchen of my dreams. Barely aware of my surroundings, I followed Edward in there. It was amazing. I couldn't help but run my fingers along the smooth marble countertops as I openly stared at the stainless appliances and one of the nicest gas cook tops that I'd ever seen.

Edward began pulling food out of the refrigerator, setting a variety of vegetables on the counter next to the sink, and as soon as I realized what he was planning, I went over, washed my hands, and began rinsing the lettuce. It was just as it had been on Christmas when I'd cooked dinner—we moved fluidly around each other. As soon as I'd finished rinsing the vegetables, I turned around to find a cutting board, knife, and bowl, only to have Edward setting them down at that very moment. As I put together a salad, Edward warmed some bread in the oven and then cut up some cooked chicken. Not long after, we were seated at his dining room table and eating our dinner.

"Do you want to talk about what had you so upset when you arrived at the doctor's office today?"

I swallowed the bite of chicken in my mouth and took a sip of water. "It was nothing—just a very long day."

"You know, if you want to talk about anything, I'll listen, Bella."

I looked at him, his green eyes filled with concern. I was growing dependent on that look from him, his obvious caring. It was easy to get caught up in, and I often found myself wishing that it could be so much more. Despite that, I couldn't bring myself to say anything. My job was my business and my responsibility, and as such, it was something that I needed to deal with on my own. "Thank you," I answered and then returned my attention back to my dinner.

Through the corner of my eyes, I could see him watching me for another beat longer before he quietly sighed and ate a bite of bread.

We both finished eating, and Edward stood up to clear our dishes. When I went into the kitchen to start cleaning up, he put the glasses next to the sink and then put his hand on mine. "Leave it. I believe I owe you a tour."

"You do."

"Well," he said, motioning his arms around him, "this is the kitchen."

I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, obvious. Come on." Edward motioned for me to take his arm, and we walked out of the kitchen back into the dining area. "Dining room."

"I like the table."

"Mom did all of the furnishing here," he said. "I think she found that up in Vancouver. And, obviously, this is the living room."

As we walked past the couch, my eyes went to the one of the end tables and the glass, curved picture frame there. I instantly recognized the photos. There were three separate profile images from my ultrasounds. The one from my first ultrasound, the second was from when I'd been admitted to the hospital, and the third was from my ultrasound a week ago.

"I like this," I said as I slid my hand from his arm to pick up the frame and examine the photos a bit closer.

Obviously, he had received my Christmas card because that was where two of the images had come from. He just smiled without comment, and I decided not to say anything about what else had been in the card. If Edward wanted to say something about it, then he would. I put the frame back down on the wooden table and allowed him to continue on.

We walked past the piano, and I vaguely remembered him telling me many, many months earlier that he enjoyed composing music. I made a mental note to ask him about it later as he pointed out the balcony, laundry room, and the guest bathroom off to the left, and then he led me off to the right.

"The den," he said opening to the first door we came to. I could smell the books on the shelves even before my eyes focused on the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves along the eastern wall. He seemed to know exactly what I was thinking as my eyes darted to the desk because he said, "Yes, it's the same style as the table. Esme found it just last year, and she insisted that she swap it out for the other desk I'd had."

There were several picture frames on his desk, but it was facing the opposite direction and I couldn't see them. On the wall hung his diplomas, and then there was a large family picture of his entire family, including Kate's family, Jasper, Rosalie, Tanya and Mitch, and another couple who I'd never seen before.

"That's Irena and Eric."

"Ah." I already knew that Irena was Kate and Tanya's sister. She was the one who lived up in Alaska.

"That's a lot of people. When was that picture taken?"

"The week of Emmett and Rosalie's wedding."

I don't know why, exactly, but hearing that and seeing how happy all of them looked, I couldn't help feeling like I had missed out on something. As if he knew my exact thoughts, Edward put his arm over my shoulder. "There will be at least three more people the next time."

Two were easy to figure out: our baby and Kirsten. "Who's the third?"

Edward only laughed and dropped his arms from me, before he took my hand. "Come on."

We walked down the hall, and he opened another door.

"Oh!" I gasped as my eyes instantly filled with tears. It was the sweetest nursery that I'd ever seen. The identical furniture that was currently sitting in my spare bedroom looked infinitely better here. Two of the walls were a pale yellow color, and there was a jungle mural that covered the other two walls. It matched the bedding perfectly. The room felt comfortable, inviting, and… _warm_. I walked over to the crib and picked up a stuffed lion in the bed and hugged it to my chest as I looked at the picture hanging over the changing table. Then the tears began to fall.

It was one of the pictures from the photo shoot. One of the ones that were still sitting in the manila envelope Edward had given me almost a week earlier, which I had yet to open. The envelope was sitting on my bedside table.

The image was when Edward had lifted my shirt and kissed my belly. His eyes were closed in the picture and he looked so blissfully happy, as if he were standing at the gates of heaven and expecting to reside in paradise for eternity. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and sniffed, embarrassed at my emotional display. At last, I managed to tear my eyes away from the picture, and I noticed the rocking chair in the other corner. Another picture was sitting in a frame on a small table sitting by chair: a black and white picture of Edward's hands forming the heart over my stomach and my hands on top of his.

I looked back to see that Edward was standing in the doorway, watching me as I looked at our son's nursery. His eyes were alight and dancing with joy, and his smile was infectious. "Do you like it?"

I nodded. "Yes. I like it very much." Although he didn't know it, I was talking more about the emotions that were suddenly surging through me than the room itself.

"There's more," he coaxed, and I followed him out of the room.

The next room was a guest bedroom. A full-sized bed and a dresser were all that sat in the room, but there were a few more pictures hanging on the walls, the most noteworthy being of Ashley. He told me that Tanya was going to have pictures taken of Kirsten in another week, and then he'd put some of her in the room, too.

"One more room," he said, and I shut off the light and closed the door before I tagged along.

The last was the master bedroom. As with everything else in his home, his bedroom was beautifully decorated. I noted his neatly made bed with its fluffed pillows, and I had to ask him, "Do you have a housekeeper?"

The flush on his cheeks answered my question.

"She comes in twice a week. So, my bed won't be made again until Friday."

I laughed. "Good. I feel a bit better now." I was turning to leave the room and not invade on his privacy anymore when one last photo caught my eye. On Edward's nightstand was a framed picture. The man was standing behind the woman, with his arms wrapped securely around her chest from behind. The woman's head was turned to it's side as she looked up at the man. They gazed into each other's eyes with love, adoration, and longing written plainly across their faces. And if I didn't know any better, I would have said that they were very much in love. It was from when I'd forgotten that the photographer was in the room.

Edward came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, just as he had in the photograph. "You hadn't seen the pictures yet, had you," he stated.

"No."

His arms tightened slightly, and he hugged me closer to him before he kissed the top of my head and then loosened his hold. "Why?"

I gripped the stuffed lion to my chest for a moment before holding it with one hand and turning around in his arms. We stared into each other's eyes for an immeasurable amount of time. "I was scared," I finally whispered.

Edward's head dipped slightly as his eyes darted from my eyes to my mouth. "What are you afraid of, Bella?"

My body was filled with anticipation. My nerves were tingling, and my heart was beating so hard that I could hardly think clearly. I could hear Alice's all-knowing voice in my head saying, _"He really likes you,"_ followed by, _"And you like him."_

Then in one moment, I was standing there staring, almost daring him to close the distance, and in the next, I had dropped the stuffed toy to the floor, stood up on my tip-toes, and wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him the rest of the way down to me. "This," I said just before I pressed my lips to his.

There was no ignoring the thrumming energy that I felt course between us as our lips moved in unison. It was the energy that I'd noticed the very first time we'd ever touched, and it was the very sensation that I'd been forcing myself to forget about and ignore ever since. My fingers moved from his neck to thread through his hair. Edward groaned, and I took advantage of that to lick the thin crease between his lips. As his mouth parted and I tasted the sweetness on his tongue, Edward's hand slid from the small of my back around the side of my stomach. His fingers lovingly rubbed small circles against my taut skin, a reminder that we both knew exactly what our relationship involved and that the words that he'd been telling me for weeks were true… he truly wanted to be there for both of us. He wasn't simply getting caught up in a kiss. It made me desire him all the more.

The necessity for oxygen was the only thing that managed to pull us apart, and I loosened my hold on his neck. Edward leaned his forehead down and pressed it against mine as we both struggled to breathe.

"I…" I began, but I lost my train of thought as Edward's thumb brushed across my temple.

He chuckled. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."

"Tell me."

"I want you so much. Every part of you. Ever since I saw you at my brother's wedding."

I squeezed my eyes shut at that painful reminder, and I felt Edward pull his head back. His thumb brushed across my cheek again. "I'm so sorry, Bella. You can never know how truly sorry I am."

Feeling a tear form at the corner of my eye and then slide down my cheek, I opened my eyes and looked at him. I believed him. He meant what he said, and he deeply regretted all of the animosity that had grown between us. And despite the pain that had been left in the wake of his words, his answer told me the one thing that I truly needed to hear: whatever was growing between us ran much deeper than just our baby.

"So, much wasted time," he said so quietly that I almost didn't hear him. Then he lowered his face that little bit further and kissed me again. Softly, gently, almost reverently, his lips brushed against mine.

Once…

Twice…

The third time, he pulled back and straightened his back to stand fully. It was only then that I realized how uncomfortable he must have been to lean down so much. With my stomach in the way, he'd had to bend even further than he would've had to before.

He kissed me once more on my forehead and then pulled me into a hug.

I felt like the woman in the photograph by his bedside, the one who was loved, cherished, and cared for. It took everything I had to pull away from the comfort and security that Edward's arms provided me, but eventually I had no choice. It was growing later, and I knew that I needed to get home to sleep so that I would be prepared in the morning for whatever consequences would be awaiting me.

"I have to go."

Edward nodded and then moved a hand from my waist to run through his hair. "Okay. Let me walk you out."

After he helped me put my coat on, Edward went with me back down to the garage. When we reached my car, he cupped my check with his hand and leaned down for a quick chaste kiss. "I'll call you tomorrow."

"Good night, Edward."

"Good night."

He opened my car door for me and closed it after I was settled. As I pulled out of the garage, I could see Edward in my rearview mirror, looking lost in thought.

My mind ran through the last hour of the evening with Edward as I began the drive back to my apartment. The rational side of my mind me reminded me that I didn't want to make the same mistakes that my parents had made when I was born. And I didn't want Edward to feel the same way for me as Carlisle felt for Elizabeth. I wouldn't do that to him… I couldn't do that to him.

The emotional side of me was a different story entirely. I felt completely caught off-guard and swept off of my feet. Everything about him was pulling me to him and standing beside him was exactly where I wanted to be. His kisses were sweet and needy and made me feel that at long last I was a whole person. The missing piece of the puzzle was Edward. He was what I'd yearned for, longed for, what my soul had been crying out for all along. The desire was all-consuming, and when I was with him, I felt pleasantly overwhelmed.

I was nearly home when I heard the muffled ringing of my cell phone from inside my purse. I tried to find it while I kept my eyes glued to the road and one hand on the steering wheel. After fumbling through my purse, grabbing everything from my completely useless tampons to a pack of gum, I finally found my phone. I pressed the button to answer it without even looking.

"Hello?"

"Bella, I'm so glad you answered. Now, just hear me out," he said hurriedly. "I've been giving this a lot of thought, and I really believe that this is the best solution. Just, don't answer right away and think about it for a few minutes first. Okay?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but he hardly paused before he continued. "Bella, I just—I think that this is the best thing to do. I mean, I wouldn't say this if I didn't think that it was. Bella—" I heard him take a breath. "—will you marry me?"

I knew him well enough to know that he was being completely sincere with his question. I was at such a loss for words, that as I stared out the windshield it took me two full seconds to realize that the light at the intersection I was approaching was red.

Slamming on the breaks, I dropped the phone at the same time.

As my heart rate and breathing slowly dropped down to normal, I said a quick prayer of thanks that the road I was driving on was practically deserted and that I was okay.

"Bella! Bella!" I heard quietly from the direction of the floorboards.

I swallowed hard.

Next, I had to deal with that.


	21. Chapter 21: Nightmares & Dreams

**Author's Note:** First up, Coming to Terms has been nominated for Fic of the Week at The Lemonade Stand. If you feel so inclined to go vote, you can find them at: tehlemonadestand dot net

Thank you!

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* * *

**Chapter 21: Nightmares & Dreams**

I was sitting in the recliner, my legs curled up against my side, one of the few ways that I was even remotely comfortable while sitting. I didn't think that it'd be very polite for me to sit with my legs spread wide with a guest in my home. I tried desperately to figure out what was supposed to happen next when all I really wanted to do was go into my room, crawl into bed, and sleep. Unfortunately, that didn't seem like it was going to be on my agenda for the night. I was seriously considering fudging on my self-mandated "no caffeine" rule just to help me stay awake.

"We don't need to stay up all night discussing this." Though I knew he was trying to be soothing, his voice jarred me, causing me to jump slightly. "We can figure it out in the morning."

"Obviously we do. You're the one who called me. You're the one who came over here at some ungodly hour in an attempt to play Superman. Or have you forgotten already?" I asked, unable to rein in my temper.

He groaned and plopped onto the sofa. "Ten o'clock is not an 'ungodly hour,'" he said, complete with air quotes. "You're tired, Bella. I shouldn't have called you tonight. But dammit, you scared me. All I heard was the squealing of your brakes followed by you swearing in the background." He took a breath and stared at me intently.

"I wasn't swearing."

He chuckled. "Like a sailor. Just one of the reasons that I adore you."

At the last statement, I did roll my eyes. "It's a stupid idea."

"It just seemed like the obvious solution."

Seriously, who would think that a marriage proposal—over the telephone no less—was the obvious solution?

_Mike Newton, that's who._

With a sigh I leaned my head back against the chair and closed my eyes. After Mike's phone call and my near accident, I'd thankfully had enough sense to pull off to the side of the road before trying to find my phone in my car's floorboards. Okay, maybe it hadn't been the most intelligent thing in the world to park in the middle of downtown Seattle at that time of night, but at the time it'd been a better solution than just to let Mike continue shouting into the phone. After reassuring him that I was fine, I'd told him that I'd see him in the morning and we'd discuss his "proposal." Then I'd dialed Angela's number to find out if she had any idea as to why Mike would suddenly decide that marriage was The Answer. Apparently, when I'd had Angela fax over the documents to our lawyer, Laurent had caught her and he had been all too happy to call Jack in Phoenix. I could still hear Angela's voice on the phone as she said, "I swear, it was almost as if he was expecting it."

No sooner had I taken off my coat after arriving home than Mike had shown up with a worried look on his face and, even more importantly, an explanation: Jack was going to be arriving on Monday, and I wasn't supposed to know.

I groaned as everything seemed to converge on me all at once.

And through it all, there was one fact staring me right in the face: I was going to lose my job.

"Bella?" I heard Mike ask in an effort to gain my attention.

Shaking my head, I answered, "I can't marry you, Mike."

"It's the best answer. Just think about it. Dad wouldn't fire you if we were married."

I looked up at him and sighed. "You do realize that's sexual harassment, right?"

Mike's eyes widened a moment. "I wasn't—I mean. I—I didn't…." he stammered, but I couldn't bring myself to let him stew on that little gem for too long. Mike had been accused of sexual harassment before, and it wasn't something he wanted to be faced with again. Really, he meant well, he just had a tendency to think with his dick rather than with his brain, and thus words would spew forth out of his mouth without much thought behind them. There had been more than one complaint made to Human Resources when we'd been in Phoenix, and one case, by a particularly spiteful woman, had wound up costing the Newton Corporation a pretty hefty sum. All because Mike had apparently offered her a promotion while she was su—Ugh. I had a sudden urge to scour my brain even as the mental images began to run through my head. The only important point was that though I knew he really needed to watch what he said—not to mention quit screwing the staff—Mike simply never meant to hold money or job position over any of his father's staff.

"I know you didn't mean it that way."

He sucked in a deep breath and released it in a relieved sigh. "Good," Mike said with a sharp nod. "I would never do that to you."

"I know, but you _would_ cheat on me the first chance you got."

He smirked. "Probably." His grin fell quickly, however. "You do know why Dad is acting this way, don't you?"

"I don't know, really," I said with a shrug. "He's been treating me differently since I met with him in August. And to some degree, I can almost understand. He sent me here to expand his company, and I've been too wrapped up in personal drama to give the company the sort of attention that I should."

Mike was shaking his head before I even finished speaking. "He sent you here to babysit me. I'm not stupid, Bella."

Well, yeah, I knew that, too. I actually hadn't realized that Mike had honestly believed that, though. "Well, you haven't been screwing every female in the office. I think I've done okay there."

He ducked his head and looked sheepish.

"Fine. There haven't been any complaints filed with HR, at least."

"But he's expecting one any day."

"What? Do you think that Jessica will—"

"Not Jessica," Mike interrupted. "Ever since Dad found out you're pregnant, he's been just sitting at his desk waiting for you to file a complaint with HR, hire a lawyer, and take my family for every penny."

"What on Earth are you talking about?" I asked, truly confused. But before Mike could respond, the light finally went off. "Oh. Wait. B-but he asked me outright! I told him it wasn't yours!"

"I know. He cornered me about it, too. Then he dropped it for a while until sometime in December—or maybe it was the end of November—I can't remember. It doesn't matter. The point is that he called me up and really laid into me when it got back to him that I was referring to your baby as mine."

I snorted. "Well, you made several other people upset by that little remark, you know."

"Yeah, well, it wasn't long after that when there were the problems with the Portland people, and he began to look into things like your travel logs and productivity, plus your hospital stay right in the middle of that. That's when he showed up with Laurent. So, that's all of the shit he's looking at. You were his golden child. He thought you could do no wrong. And I swear that more than once I overheard him telling people that he wished you were his kid rather than me."

"And since I've moved here, I've done nothing but fall on my ass."

"Pretty much." Then he laughed. "Which, now that I think about it is kinda profound. Don't you think? I mean, it hasn't escaped my notice that you used to find away to trip over thin air. It seems to me that Karma found a way to make sure that you're still managing to stumble while keeping that little guy a bit safer."

"Gee, Mike, thanks," I mumbled, even though I knew that I'd already come to same conclusion weeks earlier. I just hated it when anyone else felt the need to point out my flaws.

"Anytime." He took another breath, and the cocky grin disappeared from his face. "Bella, I don't know how exactly to say this, but I think that Dad's problems with you have less to do with you actually having a baby and more to do with the fact that he thinks that he's lost you."

As I stared at Mike, I felt my forehead scrunch up in confusion as I tried to understand what he was trying to tell me.

"I don't know," he said in frustration. "I think that he feels like you let him down. And…"

"And?" I asked after his voice trailed off.

"I think…. Fuck." Mike paused for a moment, took another breath, and then began again, "I think he _wants_ us to get married. I think it would make him happy, and just like he's afraid that you'll come after the company for me impregnating you, I think that he's equally afraid that you're telling him the truth and he's lost something from you. I think that just as he would've preferred you to be his child over me, I think that he somehow hoped that we'd end up together and he could claim you as his daughter in some form. I think _that_ was the real reason why he sent you and me here together."

And just like that, I felt as if the wind had been knocked out of me. I could hardly breathe as my mind attempted to digest Mike's words. After several long seconds, I managed to gasp in a lungful of air and I felt the tears well up in my eyes. Suddenly, everything made sense, and I felt ill.

"Do you think that he's really going to fire me?" I managed to ask several minutes later.

Mike nodded and laid back against the couch in defeat. "He didn't say, but…yeah, I think he will. He likes you, Bella, but he's hurt and I think that he's feeling a little bit betrayed. You know him almost as well as I do—he's not the type of man who is just going to continue to sit back and allow things to continue on the way that they are."

With a loud sniffle, I proceeded to wipe away the tears that were now streaming down my cheeks with the back of my hand. Even without analyzing everything that he'd said, I knew that Mike was right. This was the way that things were going to go down, and if I allowed myself to truly think about it, I knew that despite Jack's motives, I'd been failing at my job. I'd stopped traveling, even though my job demanded it. I'd neglected to do some of my follow-up work. Despite my unspecified duty of babysitting Mike, as far as I knew, he was still boffing his secretary, Jessica. Hell, I'd even managed to miss a meeting with Bill McIntyre the day after Christmas! A meeting that _I_ had set up. Then we had just lost McIntyre's account from what was supposedly an iron-clad contract.

I'd failed. I'd fucked up. And regardless of what Jack was really thinking, I knew that I was going to pay the price.

"So, when do you want to leave for Vegas?" Mike asked, suddenly sounding excited. It reminded me how much he typically acted like a child.

"We're not going to Vegas." I shook my head. "Besides, what makes you think that getting married will change anything?"

"Dad sent my grandmother's wedding ring to me as a Christmas present, and he gave me nearly a week's notice before coming up here. Last time he showed up here with almost no notice because he wanted to catch you off-guard. He's giving us time, Bella." He stood from the sofa and walked over to me, dropping down to his knees in front of my armchair. "You should know me well enough to know that I may not always think before I speak, but I'm not stupid. If I've actually put energy into diverting the blood from my dick to my brain, then I've actually tried to make a logical decision."

I unsuccessfully fought back a snort and then tried to hide it as a cough at Mike's last remark. His lips quirked into a slight grin as he continued to stare at me. In all the time that I'd known him, I'd never seen him so intense yet so completely sincere, and I couldn't help myself when I uncurled from the chair and quickly wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him tightly to me.

The sniffling and sobs quickly overtook me as I finally began to grasp just how much this man cared about me, and for that, I couldn't help but love him. He held me as tightly to him as he was able.

"I promise that I'll be a good husband, Bella. Honest. I know we joked about me cheating, but I really would try not to do that to you," he said softly in my ear, as one of his hands slowly rubbed my back. "I really do care about you."

"Oh, Mike," I said with a loud sniff. Keeping my head on his shoulders, I moved my hand to wipe away some of the tears.

I pondered his suggestion for three entire seconds.

_One…_

I wouldn't lose my job and I wouldn't be alone.

_Two…_

Even if I did lose my job, Mike would be around help me. He'd take care of me. He'd be supportive and he'd be my friend.

_Three…_

If what Mike said was true, Jack would be happy. Maybe I would actually be able to remember what it was that I used to love about my job and find myself again.

My baby began moving restlessly in my stomach, and my thoughts immediately shifted. Of course, I wasn't going to take Mike up on his offer. Less than two weeks earlier, I'd been wondering if one of the reasons why I was so drawn to Edward was merely because of some primitive urge to have someone around to care for me.

And here was someone offering to do just that. Mike might have been exceptionally immature, but I knew his greatest secret—he had a heart of gold. Even if he didn't have the first idea what to do, I had complete faith that he would do everything within his power to be what I needed when I needed it. He was a loyal friend.

It was then that I realized that I wasn't just looking for _someone_ to fill the roles of Provider, Companion, and Father. The feelings that I'd been experiencing the last few weeks were genuine. The kiss that I'd shared with Edward earlier in the evening was because I truly had feelings for him, not because I was trying to fill a void.

I swallowed thickly because I knew that sitting in my living room, my arms wrapped around my co-worker, in the midst of a professional crisis and an emotional wreck, was not the proper time to come to the realization that I might be falling in love with my baby's father. It was something that needed to wait, and I quickly found myself trying to push the revelation aside.

After several minutes, I finally dropped my arms from around Mike's neck and moved back in my seat, putting distance between our bodies again. "I think that there may be hope for you yet, Mike," I said as I continued to wipe at my eyes. "And someday, you will make someone a really great husband."

He looked crestfallen, but after several moments, Mike nodded his head in agreement. It was obvious to me that he understood that this was my final answer and that I was certain.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. I think so. Your dad hasn't fired me yet. I figure I have five days to try to change his mind. I won't go down without a fight."

"That's my girl," Mike said.

I smiled, but it quickly broke into a wide yawn and I covered my mouth with my hand. "Excuse me," I said.

He laughed. "That's my cue to leave, because now it really is an ungodly hour." Mike leaned forward and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before he stood up. "Just let me know what you need me to do."

"I will. Thanks again. You're a great friend."

"Anytime."

After seeing Mike out, I locked the door and got ready for bed, changing into a t-shirt and stretchy shorts. It was only after I was settled under the covers that I allowed myself to think about my kiss with Edward earlier in the evening. A warm, tingly sensation wrapped itself around me as I again acknowledged my growing feelings for him. Placing my hand on my stomach, my son moved and squirmed, and I felt as if things could actually play out well for us. Suddenly, I realized that was all that I wanted.

I wanted my fairy tale… my happily ever after. I fell asleep with a smile on my face, feeling secure despite my reservations about work.

It wasn't until I awoke with a start in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. As harshly as if someone had just dumped a bucket of ice water over my head, my nightmares had reminded me of exactly how Edward would respond if I told him I no longer had a job. The smile was wiped from my face, and I spent the rest of the night tossing and turning, trying to keep the tears at bay.

~X~

When my alarm went off at seven, I hit the snooze button in the vain hope that knowing I had to get up in the next fifteen minutes would be enough to convince my mind that I could sleep a little longer. That was all I really wanted, I wanted to sleep. After I'd awoken at a little after two by a nightmare that involved Edward taking my son from me and turning me out to live in the streets with Elizabeth, I'd not been able to get back to sleep.

It all felt entirely too real and made way too much sense. Actions spoke louder than words, and in my heart of hearts, I knew that Edward was not going to take the news of me losing my job well. Every time I closed my eyes, I would envision him holding me, kissing me, loving me, and then suddenly it would morph into this image of Edward shouting at me, calling me a whore, and him telling me that I was no better than his gold-digging mother. He would take my baby from me, and throw me out, effectively locking me out of the overly expensive condo that he lived in. With no money and no job, I would have nowhere to go, and no resources to get back my son.

I wanted to believe that none of that was true, that Edward truly cared about me and that my financial status wouldn't be an issue. But I'd seen too much evidence to the contrary. And it was painful to contemplate. My recent realization of my feelings for him made it even worse, and my heart felt as if it were being wrenched in two.

I swallowed down the bile as the images again washed over me, and my eyes began to burn as the salty tears formed again. My eyes were practically raw from the tears that I'd shed throughout the night. I lightly dabbed at them before glancing at the clock again. Squeezing my eyes shut for a moment, I then took a breath and forced myself out of bed.

A shower, clean clothes, and a small breakfast and I was awake enough to drive into the office… barely. I must've sat in my car for ten minutes once I pulled into the parking garage as I tried to muster up not only the courage but the energy to go into the office. It was when I noticed Jessica Stanley pull into a parking space that I opened the door to my car.

"Good morning," she greeted with what I assumed was supposed to be a smile but looked more like a sneer.

"Morning." I opened the door to the building and quickly walked to the elevator.

Jessica was behind me, but I didn't hear much of anything from her as we both entered the elevator. Something was off about her, and I found myself watching her. Each time I moved my eyes from the floor, to the glowing buttons on the elevator, and back to her again, I got the feeling that she wanted nothing more than to stab me with the pencil she was holding in her hand.

_What in the hell is her problem?_

As we stood there, I could've sworn that she was mumbling things like, "needy," "pathetic," "watched too many soap operas as a kid."

"Is something the matter, Jessica?" I finally asked, narrowing my eyes and challenging her to tell me what she was really thinking rather than carrying on with this passive-aggressive crap.

She crossed her arms across her chest. "No, Ms. Swan. Nothing at all," she said as the elevator doors opened, and she exited out into the hallway ahead of me. As she walked towards the office, I could've sworn that I heard her mutter, "Keep your hands off of Mike," but she was through the door without a backwards glance, and all I could do was clench my fists and gnash my teeth together in irritation.

Moving past Jessica's desk, where she was bent over, grabbing things from her purse and oblivious to anything else going on around her, I walked into Mike's office and glared at him. "What did you tell Jessica about last night?"

Mike's normally jovial mouth grew into a thin line. "I didn't tell her anything."

I raised my eyebrows at him in challenge and waited. When he said nothing more, I merely said, "Keep it that way," with a warning in my tone.

"What?" he asked, rising from his chair as concern washed over his features. "Why? What happened?"

I shook my head. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

He eyed me cautiously for another moment before he added, "Bella, I would never say anything negative or otherwise to anyone else. It's no one else's business."

Nodding my head, I let out a breath. I was blowing things out of proportion and probably misheard Jessica in my own sleep-deprived paranoia.

"Thanks, Mike," I said as I gave him a small smile. I went to my own office to get a start on my day. The rest of my morning continued on about as well as the first part of it. I was cranky from my lack of sleep, but I was still determined to do whatever I could to fight for my job.

The lawyer called at ten to inform me that everything appeared to be in order with the contract termination. He said that we could fight him on it, but in the long run he didn't believe that was the best image for our company. I told him to email his report to both myself and Jack and we'd get back to him. After that, I threw myself into my work. It had been the news that I'd expected, but that didn't stop the feeling of hopelessness that came with it. I felt like a failure. I'd been working with Newton Corporation for years, and up until a few months ago, I'd loved my job.

Change was painful, it was hard, and no matter how hard I fought against it, it was inevitable.

With Angela's help, we began to put together a portfolio of all of the things that I'd done to benefit and grow the company since opening the Seattle office over the summer. It detailed things like productivity, profit and loss, employee satisfaction, and new clients. Angela then pulled up numbers from the Phoenix office and compared the data. The more time we worked on it, the more I was convinced that I was being driven out of my job rather than writing my own ticket. I had certainly fucked up, but it was quite apparent that I hadn't been the only one to do so.

As we compiled the reports, I also worked on a few of my own files with information that distanced Angela from me and my failings. If I was going to end up taking the fall, I wasn't going to drag her down with me. My goal was for Jack to see exactly how beneficial Angela was and insist that she stay on as office manager. She was already covering most of those duties anyway; it was working for me that was preventing her from devoting all of the time needed to the task.

I'd managed to stay busy and focused, so when Edward called me at nearly six o'clock, asking me to dinner, I had been surprised to discover that it was so late in the day. As usual, Angela was still in the office with me, but after poking my head out of my door, I soon learned that she and I were the only ones still there. My eyes moved from Angela who was sitting at her desk, working on the computer, to the Blackberry in my hand as I debated on what to say to him. There was a very strong part of me that wanted nothing more than to throw my arms around him and find comfort in his embrace. I needed that peace. I yearned for it. The other part of me—the much louder side, the logical side—told me that I needed to step away now before he hurt me anymore than he was already going to.

Reject him first before he has a chance to reject me. Give him a reason to get angry and frustrated so that the reason is actually valid and not because of something that I can't control. I wanted that power. If he was going to kick me to the curb, I wanted to make certain that he was doing it for a good reason. The problem was, I didn't want to do that yet. Just the thought of pushing Edward out of my life again caused this horrific ache in my chest.

I stared at the phone in my hand for another moment longer while I forced myself to begin shutting him out. "Sorry, Edward, I can't meet you for dinner. Angela and I are working late tonight."

"Oh, okay then. Do you need me to pick you up something and bring it to you both?" I was touched by his offer, and unbeknownst to him, it made shutting the doors even that much harder. Food would be nice, but if I was going to get through any of this, then I needed to avoid seeing Edward as much as possible.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I rested my forehead against the doorframe. "That's very sweet, but no. We've already taken care of it." I paused, lifted my head, opened my eyes, took a breath, and began picking at a small dent in the wood frame. "I'll talk to you later."

"I'm on call tomorrow night, and I won't be off until Friday afternoon," Edward said before I could press the button to end the call.

"Oh," I replied, though deep down, I was relieved to hear it. That would mean that the soonest I'd have to see him would be Saturday. And since his sister was returning to town on Thursday and Saturday was my baby shower, I thought that it would be highly unlikely that I'd have to spend any time with him sooner than Sunday.

I heard him sigh into the phone. "I'll call you tomorrow, Bella. Call me if you need anything, please."

"I will."

Ending the call, I looked up to see Angela watching me closely from her desk. "Edward?" she asked.

I nodded, turning to look at her.

"He's not going to give up on you, Bella," she then said softly. My eyes snapped to hers for a moment, and she smiled gently. "You know that no matter what happens here, he'll be there."

I couldn't even bring myself to answer her; if I did, the tears would begin to fall again and I would breakdown, telling her everything, and I knew that I couldn't do that. There were too many secrets, too many things that I couldn't let go of.

"Are you okay?" she asked when I remained silent.

"Angela, how close are you to the Cullens?" I asked, in an attempt to change the topic of conversation.

She shrugged. "Esme and Carlisle go to my dad's church. And Carlisle has been my family's doctor since he first started practicing. We aren't best buddies who hang out every chance we get, but I see them at get-togethers and such. I'm closer friends with Kate though than with Alice, if that answers your question," she said, tilting her head to the side and eyeing me curiously. "Why?"

"I just wondered. You seem like you knew them all really well, but I wasn't sure how well, I guess. And…" I sucked my lower lip in between my teeth for a moment as I thought about how to word what I was thinking. "I just wanted to make sure that anything that goes on between us here at work stays here. I don't want any of them trying to get involved in this mess."

Angela shook her head. "Bella, I promise you, I wouldn't dream of telling anyone about what's been going on here. That's your business, not mine. I have no problem keeping my personal life separate my professional one. The question is, do you?"

I narrowed my eyes at her in question. "What do you mean?"

"What I mean is, will you be able to put your professional life aside this weekend and enjoy your baby shower?" she asked with a smile.

I laughed lightly in relief. "Yes, Angela. I promise."

~X~

It was eight-thirty before I pulled into the parking garage at my apartment. I figured if I was going to use Angela and work as an excuse not to see Edward, then I might as well not lie about it. Exhausted and ready to do nothing more than attempt to catch up on the hours of sleep I'd missed the night before, I trudged up to my apartment, oblivious to anything and everything else going on around me.

My back was sore, my feet hurt, and as usual, my head was starting to hurt. I slid the key in the lock and turned the handle, pushing the door open.

The loud scream that met my ears, followed by the arms that quickly flung themselves around me could only mean one thing—Alice had returned from her trip a day early.

"Bella! I've missed you!" she cried as she started to rock me from side-to-side in excitement.

I hugged her back and found that I couldn't stop the smile forming on my face if I tried. "I've missed you, too, Alice, but the baby is already constricting my lung capacity and I really need to breathe."

She laughed as she dropped her arms from around my chest. Alice stepped back. "Look at you. When I left, it was like you were carrying a basketball in there and now it's more like a beach ball. No, wait, maybe it's more like one of those yoga balls. It's only been two weeks," she exclaimed.

"Gee, Alice, thanks. Every pregnant woman wants to hear that she looks like a beached whale."

"Pfft. Quit being so melodramatic. You love me. I'm just amazed at how much that baby has grown, and I'm so excited that he's going to be here soon."

I walked past her, hanging up my coat in the closet. "We've got another month still. Plenty of time."

"Does he have a name yet?" Alice asked, batting her eyelashes at me. "I believe that I told you that you needed to decide on that while I was gone."

"He does have a name, but we're not going to tell anyone until he's born. Not. Even. You," I taunted, going so far as to stick my tongue out at her. I laughed at her full-blown pout and walked over to put my purse and laptop case on the dining room table.

"Where have you been? It's so late. Were you out with Edward?" Alice asked as she followed me through the kitchen.

"No, I wasn't out with your brother. I had to work late."

"I'll call him later then," she said decisively.

"He's on call tomorrow night. He won't be off until Friday afternoon. You should probably let him sleep while he can."

"My, my, aren't you protective?" Her smile was back as she tried to tease me. When I didn't say anything else, she calmed a bit and added, "Well, we'll see him on Saturday."

Her remark reiterated what Angela had said… I would be seeing Edward soon. Regardless of whether or not I tried to avoid him, there was a small part of me that knew that no matter what, if I saw him, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from seeking out his touch. I was shaken from my musings by Alice's shrieking, "Oh my God! Bella, what are those?"

She was pointing down at my feet, and I rolled my eyes, annoyed. The last thing I wanted was Alice critiquing my lack of fashion sense right now. "I believe they're called shoes," I retorted.

Alice snorted. "No. Look at your ankles! What did you do? I didn't even swell that much when I broke my ankle in the sixth grade!"

I sat down in one of the chairs so I could lift my foot and see what she was freaking out about so badly. "Ugh," was all I could say when I saw them. My ankles had been swelling the last couple of weeks, and at my appointment the day before, my doctor had said to keep my feet elevated if they got bad. I'd obviously spent too much time on my feet. "I need to put my feet up. It really has been a long day. But first, I'm going to go change."

When I emerged from my room ten minutes later, dressed for bed, Alice looked me over and nodded. Grabbing my hand, she dragged me back into my room. "Lie down," she said firmly. "It doesn't look like you've slept in days, and Edward would kill me if you passed out from exhaustion because of me."

I thought that this meant that Alice was going to leave me to sleep, but I was wrong. Instead she climbed up on the bed, sitting with her back against the headboard next to me, her legs crossed out in front of her on top of the comforter. It was as if she knew exactly why I hadn't slept the night before, when my fears and nightmares had kept me awake and thinking all night long. I had missed her.

Settling my head onto my pillow, I closed my eyes as Alice began to regale me with stories of her adventures in Italy. As I drifted off to sleep, instead of nightmares where Edward threw me out into the streets, I dreamed of the two of us walking through the ancient streets of Rome, roaming the wine vineyards of Tuscany, and finally getting married at a private villa in Florence.


	22. Chapter 22: Snips 'n' Snails

**Chapter 22: Snips 'n Snails**

I had missed Alice. For someone who had only been in my home for about a month, I really didn't like the idea of her gone again. I told her this on Thursday morning as we were both getting ready to leave, and she gave me a small smile and promised that she would be there for me as long as I needed.

Thursday went much the same as Wednesday, though I noticed more glares from Jessica than I had in the past. Each time I walked by her desk, her eyes looked like she was trying to inflict me with bodily harm. Then, while I was in Mike's office, she would make a point to interrupt every two minutes and had a habit of leaving the door open behind her. When I told Mike that he'd better be careful because Jessica seemed to have some serious jealousy issues, he confessed that he had been trying to break things off with her for the past two weeks and he was having a difficult time getting rid of her. And, because of his history with sexual harassment, he was trying to be careful with exactly what he said to her and how he said it.

If I didn't know Mike and his playboy ways so well, I might have felt sorry for him.

Alice picked me up from work promptly at five, putting her foot down rather forcefully when I tried to tell her that I had an important meeting to prepare for and that I still needed to work. Of course, I refused to give her any details of what that meeting was about, so she had no idea that the fate of my job was hanging by a thread.

"Look at your feet, Bella," she said, pointing at my swollen appendages. "That right there should be your indicator of when you've done too much. I saw your ankles this morning, and they weren't anywhere near that large. Does Maggie know that they're getting that bad?"

"I saw her on Tuesday. I'm fine, Alice." What I didn't tell her was that the swelling hadn't really been that bad until Wednesday; I was attributing it to my diet and stress since Mike's impromptu marriage proposal.

Alice harrumphed, crossing her arms in front of her chest, but she said nothing further as I caved to her wishes and packed up my things so we could head home. Though I'd never tell her, I appreciated her bossy nature.

That evening, Jasper stopped by, and Alice attempted to wow us both with her cooking skills. After she managed to burn the steak and overcook the broccoli to soggy mush, Jasper ordered pizza while Alice and I tried to air out the apartment.

Which meant even more salt to ensure that my swelling wouldn't diminish any by the next day.

Edward called shortly before eight o'clock when he took his dinner break. I was once again filled with conflicting emotions. I was torn between simultaneously wanting to hang up on him to push him away and wanting nothing more than to go take him dinner just so I had an excuse to see him. I settled for small talk and inane pleasantries.

By Friday, I was finished compiling my reports for my meeting on Monday. I'd come to the conclusion that I'd done the best that I could do, but I still had a nagging feeling that I was missing something. Whatever it was, the answer wasn't coming to me while I leaned against the back of my chair, stared at my computer screen, and lightly tapped my fingers on my protruding stomach. Edward called when he got off of work, simply to tell me that he was home and intended to sleep until sometime the next morning. He ended the call by telling me that he'd see me at the shower.

That evening, all I wanted to do was to try to sleep off what was quickly becoming a never-ending headache. Alice managed to make a salad for dinner, though the fact that she didn't have to actually cook anything was definitely a factor leading to her success. After eating, I went to go lie down, and she left to go see Jasper and her family. Thankfully I was so exhausted that my mind was silent as I slept. There were no dreams that night.

~X~

"Who all is going to be there?" I asked Alice as she finished curling my hair.

"You helped Angela and Kate with the guest list."

"I know. I just—"

"You just don't like being the center of attention, especially in front of a bunch of people that you don't know. Honestly, Bella, I don't know how you manage to do your job."

But it was different when I was speaking to a boardroom full of executives. I felt almost like an actor portraying a role. Bella was quiet, meek, shy, and introverted, whereas, Bella Business Woman was confident, outspoken, determined, and stubborn. Okay, maybe both versions were stubborn, but the point was that I was a different person at work. Besides, lately I hadn't seemed to manage to do my job anyway.

I internally cringed while I tried to focus on my more immediate concern… a baby shower. I still wasn't sure why I needed one. Edward and Alice had already gone out and bought absolutely everything I could possibly need.

When I tried to argue that very point, Alice just laughed and shook her head. Five minutes later, she declared me perfect. I used the bathroom once more before we were set to go and took a last glance in the mirror. I couldn't help but smile at what I saw. I loved it when my hair was tamed from its typically limp strands to the light, wavy curls that Alice was able to coax it into. She'd pinned the sides of my hair back with a barrette and then asked me to apply just a touch of make-up. I liked the woman who looked at me from the mirror. And it struck me suddenly that she looked older, more mature than the woman I'd seen looking at me in my reflection just a year ago. I didn't think that I quite looked like a mother, but I no longer looked like I'd just graduated from college. I smiled at that thought. "You look fine," Alice shouted from the other side of the door.

One final glance and I conceded that she was right; even I had to admit that I liked the blue wrap-around long-sleeved shirt and the black pants that she'd given to me when I'd begun getting dressed earlier. And it was early enough in the day, and I'd spent enough time off of my feet, that I hadn't begun swelling too much yet, though there was definitely some puffiness in my cheeks. With a deep breath, I left the bathroom, and we made our way out to the car.

The longer we drove, the more nervous I became. Alice was right—I hated being the center of attention. When I slipped into that confident but impersonal skin for work it was easy, but that was the key… it was impersonal. This was anything but. I hated parties and getting gifts for the singular reason that it put all of the attention on me. I didn't want that attention. I'd never been popular, always preferring to lurk in the background. Having the spotlight shining solely on me meant that there was no lurking and no hiding. I had to suck it up and endure the next three-plus hours of hell.

I leaned my head against the back of my seat, closed my eyes, and groaned as I imagined all of the potential disasters that were to come. After all, the last time I'd gone to the Cullens' house had been Christmas, and though the end result had been good, the drama that leading up to it… well, I would have preferred to do without.

"Oh, relax, Bella. It's not going to be that bad."

"M'hm," I half-heartedly agreed. With a sigh, I turned my head and saw Alice's beaming smile. It was always difficult not to get caught up in Alice's excitement, and this was no exception. "I hate games."

"We're not playing any games," Alice said firmly. "I made them promise."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

As Alice pulled into the large circular drive, I caught sight of the lawn sign with balloons in the shape of a lion, a zebra, and an elephant tied to it. Even Alice groaned at that. "Come on," she said, as she opened the car door. "Let's see what other atrocities they've committed."

"So help me, Alice, if they have a cake in the shape of a pregnant woman's stomach in there, I'm coming right back out here and driving myself home."

Honestly, the look of pure panic on Alice's face as she bolted to the front door screaming for Angela and Kate was enough to make me endure almost anything. I couldn't hold back the laugh bubbling up from my chest as I continued to walk at a reasonable pace up to the porch.

Within moments, Esme was standing at the front door, holding it open for me. She gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek as she ushered me inside and took my coat.

Angela, Kate, and Ashley were in the living room, and Alice was flitting around fiddling with the decorations. She removed a ribbon from next to the stack of plates and added one to where the cutlery sat on the table, she adjusted the flower arrangements, and literally moved a balloon no more than three inches to the left. Anal much?

The cake, blessedly, was not in the shape of a pregnant belly. It was actually three cakes placed in a triangular pattern on the table with a cream colored frosting and animals all the way around them. In one of the back corners of the table was a plate with several chocolate cupcakes, each one was frosted only with the face of a jungle animal. Elephants, lions, zebras, tigers, monkeys. The other corner held two frames. One was the black and white photograph of my pregnant belly with Edward's hands around me. The other was poem written in calligraphy on what I was fairly certain was fine vellum. I picked up the framed poem and read:

_I'm really glad that you could come to help celebrate with my mother.__  
__Sit down, relax, enjoy yourself and chat with one another.__  
__Sorry I can't be with you to share in mommy's shower….__  
__But you see, I'm very busy, 'cause I'm growing more each hour.__  
__Though I'm not here to thank you for the special gift you brought.__  
__My family and I are grateful…. We appreciate the thought.__  
__I'll be arriving shortly…. I'm as happy as can be!__  
__So after I've been home awhile, please come and visit me.__Love,__Baby Swan-Cullen_

As I wiped away a tear as it streamed down my cheek, I heard someone come up behind me. "You refused to give me a name," Alice said in a chiding tone.

I laughed. "And you're still not getting one, either."

She stuck her tongue out at me. "They did a nice job, didn't they?" she said after she examined the table for a few minutes.

However, I did notice that as soon as I soon as I placed the framed poem back on the table, Alice had to move it back in the exact spot that I'd found it.

"Hey, Bella! Glad you could make it!"

I whipped my head around quickly, Emmett's booming voice catching me by surprise. I smiled at him as he walked across the room and put his arm over my shoulder, being much gentler than he had been on Christmas when he pulled me into a hug.

"It's her party, you idiot," Alice chided, whacking him on the shoulder.

Emmett laughed. "Oh, yeah." When he released me, he put a hand on my stomach for a moment. "He's definitely going to play football," he said as the baby began to kick against his hand.

"Just the thought of that already makes me feel edgy," I said.

"I remember when Emmett began playing Pee Wee football. I was so afraid that he was going to wind up with a broken bone, a black eye, a sprain, or something that I hardly got any sleep the entire game season," Esme said as she walked over to join us.

"Yeah, tell her what happened, Mom," Emmett coaxed with a taunting chuckle, and I could hear that there was more to the story.

Why was is that the potential of anything even remotely dangerous, like playing football, had my heart thumping rapidly in my chest? I was beginning to term the sensation as "parental nerves," and I didn't think that I liked them very much.

"Of course, in the end, he was fine," Esme answered with a grin. I had a feeling that she could sense my nervous tension and wanted to quickly put me at ease.

Emmett snorted, apparently not pleased with the fact that his mother had attempted to cut the story short. "Yeah. See, Mom was a wreck all season long. Of course, she was at every practice and every game. She would stand behind the bench and constantly harass the coach, telling him when she thought we needed water breaks or if she thought one of the players was being too rough or if she thought he was working us too hard. She annoyed the hell out of him. He would constantly give her tasks to keep her busy and out of his way, like make her in charge of snacks after the games and the team party and shit, just to keep her busy and to try to get her to focus on something else. It didn't work."

I smiled at him. I enjoyed listening to Emmett speak. His blue eyes twinkled as he energetically talked, motioning with his hands to emphasize what he was saying. The portrait he was painting of Esme as the doting mother was very sweet and fit her to a tee. For a brief moment, I wondered if I would be that way as a mother, and I liked the vision that I saw.

"But like she said, she was certain that I was going to get hurt," Emmett continued, pulling me out of my thoughts. "She was especially tense during the games, and Dad had to keep tabs on her so she didn't get into it with the game officials. So, it was the morning of our playoffs, and she was more freaked out than normal, probably because there was a chance that we'd have to play more than one game that day. Mom kept trying to tell me that she'd prefer if I sat on the bench for the games that day, insisting that she just had a bad feeling that something was going to happen. Much to her dismay, I told her that wasn't going to be happening. So, we were all getting into the car to go down to the field, and Mom decides that she needs to bring a bigger first aid kit because she was certain that I was going to need it. She wanted to grab the one with the instant ice packs and that huge trauma pad. Well, she ran back inside the house, grabbed the kit, ran back out the front door, and missed the front step."

My eyes went wide at the unexpected direction of the story.

Emmett started laughing loudly and slapped his thigh. "Dad had to drive us down to the hospital where he called Tanya's mom to pick us kids up from there so I could go to my game. Best games of the season were that day. Coach said it was because he actually felt like he could let me play without fear that my mom would start chasing me down the field holding a handkerchief, wanting to wipe my nose."

I turned to Esme, slightly horrified. "What happened?"

"I lost my footing, fell off the step, dropped the first aid kit, and broke my wrist when I foolishly tried to break my fall."

"All because she insisted on getting more bandages," Emmett interjected. "Good thing she grabbed that instant ice pack seconds earlier."

Esme smiled.

"That must've been horrible," I said as I fought back my own giggles. Though I wasn't sure if it was the pain from the broken bone that I was referring to or the stress of worrying over her child for so many weeks.

Her smile grew. "I don't regret a single moment."

There was more behind those simple words, and I instantly sobered before I prompted her to continue with a simple, "Why?"

"Not only was my oldest son thrilled with the fact that his team won their games, but it was that day when my other son decided what he wanted to do. When Carlisle took me into the emergency department, Edward insisted on staying with me, even after Joanie came to pick up the children. He followed Carlisle around and watched everything that they did to me, from the x-rays to them giving me a shot of Demerol to putting on the splint. Even after we came home, he doted on me, constantly reminding me of the rules that I'd been given—keep it elevated, don't get the splint wet, lots of ice, rest. When we all finally sat down to dinner the next night, Emmett bragged about his games, how well he had played, and how many points his team scored. When he was finished, Edward sat at the table quietly contemplating for a few minutes. He looked up at Carlisle and then me, and he announced that he was going to be a doctor just like his father. Even though we can't always see it, there are reasons for everything. I think that's even truer as parents." Esme reached up and ruffled Emmett's hair. "That weekend, I had never been prouder of either of my sons. It was worth the pain and wearing a cast for six weeks."

Esme then put her arm around me to replace Emmett's. "Let's get you settled in a chair with those feet up—Alice says that they've been swelling. Your guests are about to arrive."

I turned to say one last thing to Emmett, but he was no longer there. A quick glance around the room and the few men that I'd seen earlier had disappeared. "Where are the guys?"

"Down in the basement. Emmett was setting up some epic Halo battle or something. They'll be up for lunch."

"Ah." I'd wondered about that. When I'd talked about the guest list with Angela and Kate, we'd not discussed whether there would be men present or not. I didn't really care either way, but I also knew that I'd see Edward today. He'd told me that he'd be here. If he was upstairs with me, then there would be less attention on just me. But then again, if he stayed downstairs with his brother, it would be a safer distance. Regardless, I couldn't stop myself from being a bit hurt that he'd not even bothered to greet me. _Was he even here yet?_ And if not…. I glanced at my watch. _What does it mean that he's not at the party ten minutes before it's scheduled to start?_

I sat down in the wingback chair that Esme led me to and dutifully put my feet up on the ottoman as I tried to shove my worries aside. I felt a bit lazy that I wasn't standing around and mingling with the few people that were already at the party, but as Esme reminded me, I was the guest of honor, not the hostess. If people wanted to speak with me, they were welcome to come in and sit down.

"Are you all right?" I heard someone ask as they sat in the chair next to me, proving Esme's point.

I looked over and smiled at Angela. "I'm fine, Ang. How are you today?"

"I'm good. What do you think?" she asked gesturing around the room.

"I think that you and Kate did a lovely job. Where did you get that poem?" I asked, pointing to the cake table.

"It was at my mom's baby shower when she had the twins. The hostess had it printed up with the ultrasound picture of the boys and then gave it to each guest. We had to change the wording just a touch, but Kate thought it would be a nice thing to have for your shower, too. We made these little gift bags for each guest, and it's in there."

"That's very sweet. Thank you." I looked around the room again and bit my lower lip in thought for a moment before I asked the question that was settled heavily on my mind. "Where's Edward?"

Angela's smile grew impossibly wide. "He's out getting your surprise. He should be here soon, don't worry."

"My surprise?" What more could I possibly need?

She reached over and patted my hand. "Don't worry. You'll like this surprise." I heard the doorbell ring, and Angela stood up to go greet whomever it was that had just arrived.

"Aunt Bella! Aunt Bella!" a small voice called from across the room. Just then, Ashley came running into the room and slid across the floor in her tights, stopping right in front of me. I'd seen Ashley when I'd first arrived, but I'd lost sight of her not long after.

"Aunt Bella!" the child yelled again as she began to pull on my sleeve.

"What is it, Ashley?" I asked as I puzzled over why she was calling me "Aunt Bella." She'd never called me that before, only "Miss Bella."

"Did you see the cake?" she asked excitedly as more people began to file into the living room.

"Yes, I did. What do you think? Do you think that there's enough cake for everybody?"

Her eyes went to the cake table and then looked around the room at the guests who were now chatting in small groups. Then she nodded emphatically. "Yes. I think so."

"Is the cake what you're looking forward to the most?" I then asked.

Ashley's grin broadened even wider. "No."

"What do you want to do the most then?" From what little I knew of baby showers, I couldn't think of any activities that she would be particularly interested in. And the gifts would all be silly baby things that wouldn't interest her at all. The poor girl would probably be better off taking that plate of cupcakes and going downstairs to join the guys while they played video games.

"I get to play with my friend," Ashley announced.

"Oh, you have a friend coming? Who is it?" I asked as I started to think about the people that I knew. Aside from Kate and Tanya, the only guests that had children still living at home were a couple of women from the office, Monique and Crystal. If memory served, Monique's child was two and Crystal's was seventeen.

"I don't know. Mommy just said that I had a new friend coming."

I laughed at that, but before I could say anything else to her, Ashley ran off to go see someone else. People came over and started greeting me. I still felt stupid for remaining in my chair during that, but every time I moved to stand, someone would put their hand on my shoulder and insist that I sit back down. Angela introduced me to her mother, and despite the fact that she was a minister's wife—and the fact that I had been certain that she would look down on me for my obvious transgressions—she instantly put me at ease. Soon, she began telling me stories about her twin sons. I could tell where Angela got her kindness and compassion.

And the people kept coming. Most of them were women from my office who I knew only insomuch that I could name them. The majority of whom I had actually hired. I think I visibly cringed when Jessica walked into the room, but I quickly smoothed my face out into a polite welcome. She gave me a simpering smile and sat down two seats away from me. She had always rubbed me the wrong way, but now there was something about her that made me feel uneasy. I didn't trust her, but there was little that I could do about that now.

My dad's girlfriend arrived, and she appeared a little lost in the sea of people. "Oh, Bella, you look good," she said as she approached me.

"Hello, Sue," I greeted. I was trying to be warm and inviting, but I hardly knew this woman. "I wanted to thank you for the things that you sent up with my dad last weekend."

"You're welcome."

"Did he come up with you today?" The thought just occurred to me that if Charlie was in town, then perhaps I could use him as an excuse not to have to spend the evening alone with Edward.

"No," she said, dashing my hopes, "he stayed in town and went fishing with some men from the station."

I nodded, unsurprised by her answer. I was going to crumble, I just knew it. Already, I was feeling antsy and anxious. It had been four days since I'd seen Edward. Each time a new person walked into the room, I would look up, only to feel my heart sink back down into my stomach when the person had the wrong color hair, the wrong eyes, the wrong build… the wrong gender.

I hated feeling so dependent.

Looking around again, I watched as women sat in chairs and on the sofas that had been placed in a circle around the spacious living room. They were all talking to one another and occasionally asking me how I was feeling. I could hear Kate and Angela conversing behind me. They were trying to decide what to do because Edward hadn't arrived yet.

Again, I felt my heart sink. Maybe in the last four days he'd had some time to think about our kiss and had decided on his own that he didn't want anything more to do with me—even without hearing about my job situation. Listening to the hum of conversation going on around me, I squeezed my eyes shut for just a moment and tried to calm myself. Even I knew that my thoughts were irrational. After a deep breath, I opened my eyes and forced a smile back on my face. Hopefully, no one had noticed my brief bout of insecurity.

In hushed whispers, Kate and Angela decided what they wanted to do. As Angela began handing out disposable diapers to everyone, Kate went around, passing out pens. Alice, who was sitting in a chair next to me on my right, eyed them both dubiously, and I heard her whisper harshly, "I thought we agreed that we weren't doing games."

"Relax, Alice," Kate said, quietly. "I promise that we're not going to smear melted candy bars in the diapers and make people guess whether it's a Twix or an Almond Joy."

I bit my lip and held back a chuckle as Alice narrowed her eyes in warning. Another moment passed and Alice yanked the pen out of Kate's hand with a small huff. Kate laughed.

Angela then explained to everyone that they were to write inspirational messages on the diapers for when Edward and I have slept only ninety minutes in thirty-six hours. Some of the women had stacks of diapers that they began writing on; others only used one or two. It was the type of activity that I had been dreading for days because it started the horror stories. Sue began the torture by talking about when her oldest daughter had been about ten days old and her husband had come home from work to find her sitting in the rocking chair. Sue said that her husband had been ready to haul them both back to the hospital because it was a toss-up over who was crying harder, mom or baby. Many of the other women nodded in agreement, or said that they remembered similar incidents, while I sat there and tried to assure myself that newborns weren't always that hard. I felt Alice pat my leg as Esme launched into her own tales about her babies. I glanced at Tanya just as she was looking to me. As our eyes met, she gave me a reassuring smile and nodded slightly as if to tell me not to worry. However, the light bruising underneath her eyes from lack of sleep wasn't exactly reassuring..

Jessica was sitting on the other side of Alice, and I heard a constant stream of complaints coming from her direction. They were such soft, mumbled remarks that I only caught a few words. "Stupid." "Ridiculous." "Can't believe she managed to fool these people." They were comments that she was muttering to Lauren, a woman who worked in the accounting department at my office. Alice looked like she wanted to take the pen in her hand and stab Jessica in the heart, but one pleading look from me and a shake of my head, and Alice refrained. Jessica running to Jack on Monday morning before my meeting with him would not help my case any.

When they were finished, Angela collected all of the diapers and said that they'd pack them up for me. Ashley appeared back in the living room, and I heard her asking Kate where her friend was. Angela looked at a loss for what to do next. Alice looked from Jessica to me and then clenched her jaw. Jumping up, she announced that they were going to play a game.

"Traitor," I muttered as she asked Esme for some scissors and ribbon. Kate pulled Ashley into the room and sat her down on her lap as Alice went around the room, holding out ribbon and scissors and asking each person to cut it off in lengths. Now, I may not be well-versed on baby shower games—I mean, hearing about the melted candy bars and diapers mortified me—however, I wasn't stupid, and I knew exactly what they were planning with the ribbon. So, I sat back and prepared myself for humiliation as they all tried to predict how big around I was.

After everyone had snipped off their desired lengths, all of them eyeing me carefully before having done so, Alice looked around at the women and their strips of ribbon. She then got this evil glint in her eye as she saw the very long length that Jessica had in her hands. Jessica had clearly intended on trying to embarrass me. Alice winked at me. "Okay, now we're going to go around in a circle and each of you will take the ribbon and wrap it around your finger. For each time around, you need to say something nice about Bella or something that you know about her. Jessica, why don't you start?"

I had to take a sip of punch to hide the huge grin on my face at Jessica's expression. I almost felt sorry for her as she struggled to make her mouth move. Then, with a huff, she began. She spent most of her time describing me. But she had such a long piece of ribbon that after she spent three rotations describing my hair, she realized that she had to say something else to stave off further embarrassment. Each time she said something even remotely nice, she looked as if she were sucking on a lemon. I knew how uncomfortable it was to be the center of attention, especially amongst a group of people that I hardly knew; it almost made me feel sorry for her.

Of course, I also took a great amount of pleasure as Jessica said things like, "She's easy to work with," "She stays later than anyone else," and "She works well with everyone." I fought back a snort as I wished that Alice was taping this so I could take it with me on Monday. Jessica looked smug as she wrapped the ribbon around her finger one final time as she said, "And I'm sure that Bella will have no problem finding something new to do if she chooses."

The little bitch. She knew what was going on.

Angela was gritting her teeth at the last remark, but she said nothing. Alice appeared confused, but she ignored it and then turned to Lauren to let her know that she was next. Before she could begin, however, Ashley jumped off of Kate's lap and starting running towards the foyer, shouting, "My friend is here! My friend is here!"

Alice and Esme beamed at each other, while I looked on, puzzled.

"I think that Edward is here," Angela said, in an effort to make me understand.

"Edward is Ashley's new friend?" I asked, even more confused than I had been.

I heard a smattering of chuckles from the women in the room as Alice took my drink from me, set it on the table then helped me out of my chair. "Come on," she said leading me to the front door where Ashley was bouncing on the balls of her feet excitedly while she stared out the small window next to the door. Just then, the front door opened and Edward walked in. He was grinning from ear-to-ear, and all of my fears that he'd not wanted to be there whipped right back out the door that he'd just walked through. When his eyes found mine, I could almost swear that they sparkled, and I blushed at the intensity of his stare. Edward immediately moved toward me, leaned down, and kissed me lightly on the cheek. For the first time since Tuesday night, I felt like I could actually breathe again. Despite all of the things that I'd been convincing myself of since my nightmare a few nights earlier, I wanted nothing more than for him to kiss me again … and again and again … right then and there. I didn't care who was around to witness it.

"Hi," he said quietly, as if I were the only person in the room.

"Hi."

He and I simply smiled and stared for a moment until someone coughed, snapping us both out of our strange bubble. "Sorry," Edward said. "I brought you a surprise."

"What?" I asked. Edward stepped to the side so I could see what—or who, rather—was behind him.

"Bella!" came a familiar voice from the direction of the door.

My mother came practically running into the room, her arms opened wide and welcoming. "Mom, you came," I said as tears started to instantly well up in my eyes. Within moments, Renee's arms enveloped me.

"Of course, I came, baby."

"I'm glad that you're here."

She finally let go of me, both of us having to wipe away the happy tears that were streaming down our faces.

Renee, Phil, and Brett were all standing in the foyer. I laughed as I realized that my little sister was the "friend" that Ashley was so excited to see. Brett gave me a quick hug around my middle before Ashley dragged her off to her room to play. "Ashley has a bedroom here?" I asked Edward as the girls were running up the stairs.

He laughed. "Yes. Remind me before we leave, and I'll show you the room that Mom set up for this little guy." Edward put his hand on my stomach as he said the last words, and I closed my eyes for just a moment, enjoying the contact.

Introductions were made between my mom and step-dad and the Cullens who had gathered in the foyer. But soon after, Kate reminded us that there was still a roomful of guests, we decided to go back into the living room. Edward promised me that he would return shortly before he took Phil downstairs to join the rest of the guys.

Alice, blessedly, said to forget her ribbon game once we returned to join the rest of the women. Instead, Angela began opening up some packages while Kate set out a bunch of craft supplies on the tables. There were fabric markers and paints. She even set out a few needles and embroidery thread. Then Angela handed out white onesies to everyone.

I smiled when I realized that everyone there was going to decorate a shirt for the baby. Angela had bought several different sizes, ranging from newborn up to eighteen months so that he would have onesies to wear for quite a while.

Angela was explaining the activity just as Edward walked in and took the empty seat next to me. Renee had taken Alice's chair on the other side—I wasn't sure where Alice had run off to.

Even Edward took a t-shirt and then grabbed a couple tubes of fabric paint. The activity took a little over thirty minutes while people chatted with one another, and then Angela announced that our time was up and told people that they had to show off their creations.

The talent and creativity of some of the shirts amazed me. One woman had taken the embroidery thread and sewn three teddy bears on her shirt. Others had taken the fabric markers and drawn pictures of things ranging from footballs and baseballs to animals. A few had simply written, "Baby Swan-Cullen," like the poem had said. But it was Edward's onesie that brought a tear to my eye. In blue fabric paint he had written "Daddy's Little Boy." Then he'd decorated it with drawings of a baseball and bat and a piano using different colors. It was sweet and far outshone the t-shirt that I'd decorated that simply read "#1 Baby" and had several stars on it. Okay, so I'm not creative.

When we were finally finished, Kate took all of the t-shirts and set them in another room to dry. She then asked Esme where she could put all of the craft supplies so that the girls could decorate the remaining onesies later on. It was then time for lunch. The dining room table was soon covered with food as Alice, Kate, Angela, and Esme moved various dishes from the kitchen to the table to set up a buffet. It was all mouth-watering, and my stomach instantly growled. The guys came up from the basement then, too, so that everyone could eat at once.

The living room was full, and a few people stayed in the dining room to eat. Edward insisted that I stay seated while he went and filled a plate for me. Renee was soon back from getting her own food and told me that they were planning on staying for a week, and then she would be back for a couple of days when the baby was born.

"Are you sure, Mom?" I asked her, in shock. "It's the middle of the school year, and I know that it'll be hard for you to get the time off."

She shushed my worries quickly. "It'll be fine. Really, Bella, how many times do I get to become a grandmother?"

I grinned at her just before turning back to my food. Edward sat with me while we ate, but soon after, he excused himself to go talk with his dad and to make sure that Phil was comfortable with the group of guys. Over the next ten minutes women kept coming over to the vacant chair and would say a few kind words before getting up to talk with someone else. Renee met each person with polite interest, and I suddenly remembered that it was Edward who had brought her to the house and wondered how their initial meeting had gone. I made a mental note to ask her about it later on. I was sure that it couldn't have been too bad with Brett with her, but I knew that even since our last phone conversation, she wasn't completely sold on the notion that he had revised his original opinion of me and we'd worked through our differences.

Just as Tanya sat down in the vacant chair after Monique had gone to speak with Angela, Renee leaned over and whispered, "So, what's her problem?" She tilted her head to where she wanted me to look.

I turned and glanced to see Rosalie standing in the far corner doing little more than glaring at everyone. In truth, that'd been about all that she'd managed to do all day. "Um. I honestly don't know."

Tanya looked from Rosalie to my mother and me and sighed. "Rose is… well, you get used to her," she said apologetically. "If it helps any, she's not too fond of me right now, either." Then she held out her hand to my mother and introduced herself. I did notice that the perfectly manicured hand without a chip in the nail polish that I'd seen on Christmas was no longer present. Her nails were cut short, no polish, and I could've sworn that I saw a hangnail on her right index finger.

"Oh, I've heard about you. You're the one who just had a baby, right?" Renee said, and I suddenly wished that I could hide as I tried to remember exactly what I'd told my mom in my phone conversations over the last month.

Tanya nodded, seemingly oblivious to the idea that I might have said anything negative about her, and I said a silent prayer of thanks. She and Renee began talking. Tanya gladly pointed out Kirsten, who was currently being held by her father. Tanya then told me how much more difficult the last two weeks had been with the baby. "At first, it all seemed so easy," she said.

Renee commiserated with her, even going so far as to tell stories about when I'd first been born. However, unlike the countless other times that I'd heard the tales, this time I listened. It was suddenly all vitally important to me to hear how my mother coped with me. Young, lost, confused, mostly alone. I felt like I could mostly relate to that. Granted, I was older than Renee had been when I was born, but my lack of experience with children or anything remotely baby related certainly evened up the score there.

After several minutes of conversation, Renee excused herself as she went to go check on Brett.

I couldn't help it, and I took advantage of my mother's absence by asking the question that she had begun. "What is the deal with Rosalie?"

Tanya bit her lip as she glanced in Rosalie's direction and then back to me. After seeming to think about her words thoroughly, she finally said, "Well, most people know anyway, and it really isn't fair to you that she'd be this way with you when you really don't know her at all." She shook her head. "I really hate the idea of betraying confidences, but after the fiasco at Christmas, I really don't think that anyone should be keeping anything from you, Bella."

She took a quick breath and then continued, "Does the name Rosalie Hale ring a bell?"

I nodded my head. The name had sounded familiar the first time that I'd heard it at the wedding, but for the life of me, I couldn't place it.

"You didn't look it up?" Tanya asked.

"It was at the wedding. After that, I became a little distracted by other things."

"Ah. Yeah. That makes sense. Well, does the name Royce King sound familiar?"

I felt an instant sense of dread at the name as soon as Tanya uttered it, and I was finally able to recall the summer when the entire city of Seattle had been blanketed in fear—fear of Royce King. He'd been a serial rapist, attacking dozens of women before he'd been apprehended. In fact, if I recalled correctly, he had only been caught because his last victim had somehow managed to rip off his ski mask and escape, despite having been beaten to within an inch of her life with a baseball bat….

I looked to Tanya, horrified. "Rosalie?"

Tanya nodded sadly. "Rosalie."

"I can't imagine trying to recover from that sort of trauma," I whispered.

"The emotional recovery was horrible for her. I can only just imagine how awful it was. However, there was the physical, too. There had been a lot of internal damage."

I shuddered as I imagined the kind of bruising, bleeding, and broken bones that would come from repeatedly being hit with a baseball bat.

"Sorry. I know it's horrible," she apologized, "but there's more."

I took another breath and nodded. "Go on."

"They don't know if she can ever carry a pregnancy to term."

"But Edward told me that everyone was expecting them to return from their honeymoon pregnant."

"They started fertility treatments as soon as they were back. So, yeah, we've all been hoping. It's just very hard for her. She says that she's always wanted to have a child and to hear that it might not be possible was crushing for her. You can imagine how it is for her to be around Kirsten or you."

"Then why is she here?" I asked without thinking. But I truly wanted to know. If I desperately wanted a child and thought I couldn't conceive, I doubt that I could've forced myself to be around newborns or pregnant women.

"Bella, I know that you haven't been around us for very long, but how do you feel about this family?"

I thought about that for a moment. How did I feel about the Cullens? From Esme to Alice to Emmett to Kate and even Tanya, they were all welcoming. They were loving and caring, and I knew that when Edward decided that I was only using them all, it was going to kill me to be separated from them. I loved them. All of them. They felt like family.

"I love them," I admitted quietly.

Tanya smiled. "We all do. It's almost as if Esme and Carlisle collect children and pull them into their fold to love, care for, and nurture."

Yes, that's exactly what they were like, and I now had my answer about Rosalie. She would do anything for the family, including sitting through the torture of my baby shower… because that's what family did. I felt a twinge of guilt as I allowed that thought to carry forward a bit in my head. Family did anything for one another, they went to each other when they had a problem and they helped one another. A little voice in the back of my head pointed out that my work issue was just that sort of a problem, but I didn't know how they would react. Though, admittedly, I was more concerned about Edward's reaction than Esme's or Alice's. And an even quieter voice told me that I didn't need to be concerned about any of their reactions, but I couldn't allow myself to listen to it. My eyes found Edward's then, and I couldn't fight the smile that wanted to appear on my face.

"You really care for him," Tanya observed.

I wrung my hands as my eyes moved away from him to the floor. "I do."

She stopped and studied me for a minute. "Trust him. He's worth it. And he won't let you down."

"Thank you, Tanya." From the expression on her face and the look in her eyes, I knew that she understood that my gratitude was for everything that she'd done and said to me, not just for reassuring me about Edward or trusting me enough to tell me about Rosalie. She, like everyone else, was pulling me into the Cullen family and making me feel just as important as everyone else. She squeezed my shoulder as she stood up and went to go get her child from the arms of her fiancé.

Edward took her chair and quickly laced his fingers with mine. "You looked like you were having an intense conversation with Tanya."

"Yeah."

"Is everything okay?" he asked, staring at me intently with concern as if I were the most important thing in his world.

"It's fine." I gave him a smile and squeezed his hand. I couldn't understand how I went from feeling so lost and confused about what to tell him and how he'd react to feeling as if everything was going to be okay just by being near him. Before I could think on it further, Angela announced that it was time for gifts.

It surprised me that everything we opened was actually something we needed, especially after the small fortune that Edward had spent on the baby already. Alice had made a diaper cake, which I had never heard of before, but I thought had to be one of the cleverest things I'd ever seen. Not to mention that it was adorable. It was four layers tall and made out of disposable diapers, a couple of receiving blankets, and a fleece blanket. Then it was decorated with rattles, pacifiers, booties, lotions, socks, ribbons, and topped with a stuffed giraffe. I was completely in awe of how it was made and even more amazed when Alice said that she'd done it herself.

Renee and Sue, along with Charlie, had bought a highchair, while Esme had given us a stroller. Most everything else was clothing, diaper bags, and diapers—lots of diapers—though Alice given us a baby book, as well. The very last gift we received was what appeared to be a scrapbook. However, upon opening. I found pages and pages of advice and stories of their experiences from most of the women present. Kate said that she'd given out the pages a couple of weeks ago and had been putting the book together since. She'd just added the final pages from my mom while everyone was eating. It was absolutely amazing. In thumbing through some of the pages, I found that Esme and my mom had filled out the most pages with Kate and, surprisingly, Tanya coming in closely behind. Words of wisdom from real people, written solely for me… I felt blessed.

After that, it was time for cake. By then, I'd had enough of the sitting down, and I walked around a bit, talking to a few people from work, and eventually going to sit down to eat some cake with my sister and Ashley. Immediately, the two girls got into a discussion about what to call me. Ashley was trying to insist that I be called "Aunt Bella" while Brett was adamant that it was just "Bella." As they were discussing it, Kate walked over and I mouthed, "Aunt Bella?"

She shrugged, leaned towards me, and whispered, "On Christmas when Edward said that you were both having the baby, she put two and two together and then started talking nonstop about having another cousin to play with. If it bothers you, I'll tell her to stop."

"No, it's fine. Really. I was just surprised."

Then Kate tried to explain to Ashley that yes, it really was possible for Brett to be my sister and that she wasn't supposed to call me "Aunt Bella."

Ashley nodded her head, but I don't think that she truly understood.

As people were finishing their cake, they began coming over and saying their goodbyes. It was almost strange to see my mother hug Sue before she left for her long drive home. I stood from the dining room chair I'd been sitting in and gathered up my empty plate—and the dirty dishes from the girls—and moved to take them into the kitchen. I gasped, nearly dropping the fine crystal dessert plates, when I felt two arms wrap themselves around me.

"How are you doing?" Edward said softly as he gently pulled me back against his chest.

"Good. A bit tired. Who knew that these things could be exhausting?" God, and here I'd thought that I'd be able to stay away from him? Nothing… _nothing_ could make me feel as right as I did when he held me like that.

"I'll take you home shortly." I felt him kiss the top of my head.

"I need to spend some time with my mom and Phil."

"No, you don't. They're going to be here all week, and they understand. Besides, they already have plans this evening."

"They do?" I asked as I turned my head to the side and looked up towards him.

"If you haven't noticed, your sister and Ashley have hit it off well. They're going to go back to Kate's house—where I believe they will spend the evening decorating baby t-shirts—while my parents take your parents out to dinner. They'll all be fine, I promise. Besides, I haven't seen you in days, and I missed you."

My heart felt like it would pound out of my chest in that moment. I'd missed him, too, and I felt a wave of guilt knowing that one of the reasons that it had been since Tuesday was because I'd been trying to push him away. But if I didn't do that, how was he going to react if—no, when—I was unemployed come Monday. A small voice that sounded eerily similar to Tanya's whispered, "Trust him," in my ear, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I squeezed my eyes shut for just a moment in an effort to stop all the irrational thoughts that were running through my head. I forgot that I was still holding the dessert plates in my hand, and I forgot that I was worried about my job while I allowed myself to simply enjoy being held and comforted in Edward's arms.

He released his hold and gently turned me to face him. His hands gripped my arms, and I found my eyes locked in his gaze, before he leaned down and softly kissed my lips. And right then I knew that I never wanted to let him go. "I'll go get our coats, and you can go say goodbye to your mom so we can go," he said as he released me and stepped away. I tried not to whimper at the loss.

I moved toward the kitchen counter but almost instantly stopped again in my tracks when I heard two people move towards the other entrance. From their voices I could immediately discern that it was Jessica talking. As she neared the kitchen door, I could clearly hear her say, "No wonder Bella has been doing such a shitty job at work. She _wants_ to get fired so she can mooch off of these people. I wish that I could find some rich doctor to take care of me. At least Ms. Bitch in Charge is going to get her wish."

I heard a sharp intake of breath behind me, and I turned to see that Edward was still at the threshold to the dinning room and had heard Jessica just as clearly as I had.

Just as Jessica walked into the room with Lauren on her heels, the crystal plates I'd been holding slipped out of my hands and shattered into thousands of pieces of the tile floor as I stared at Edward in fear.

* * *

**Author's Note:** What? Another chapter so soon? Meh, TLS made me do it. ;) Coming to Terms has been nominated for Fic of the Week at The Lemonade Stand. If you feel so inclined to go vote, you can find them at: www dot tehlemonadestand dot net

Thank you!

The poem was from a reader way back in the day. I had put out a call for baby shower games, ideas, etc, and I thought that was just the sweetest thing when the reviewer told me about it. So, there you go. :)

As always, if you have any questions, you can PM me or follow me on Twitter... or follow me on facebook or on my blog or heck... I even have a Goodreads account. Just where ever. I'm around.

Twitter: GinnyW_31

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	23. Chapter 23: A Little Fall of Rain

**Chapter 23: Little Fall Rain**

The sound of thousands of small shards of glass dancing on the floor was the only sound heard in the room as I stared at Edward's face, watching as it slowly shifted from surprise to anger. As he took several steps towards me, I slowly backed away, our shoes crunching the remnants of Esme's crystal. When my backside bumped into the marble counter, I felt my rising panic reach its peak. Through the now rushing sounds in my ears, the only other thing I could hear was a muffled "Mom!" that seemed to have come out of Edward's mouth. His steps were cautious and measured as his lips moved, but I couldn't hear any other sounds. In my periphery, I could still see Lauren and Jessica standing and staring at whatever scene was now playing before them, smug and satisfied looks on their faces.

It took everything in me to keep my breathing steady. I felt my eyes sting, but I wouldn't allow the tears to fall—I couldn't. Several other people burst into the kitchen just before I felt myself being pulled into Edward's arms. His touch was tentative, though, and he didn't hold me as tightly as he had just moments earlier. Edward's chest rumbled and hummed as he spoke but nothing was discernable to my ears. Then, I was led out of the kitchen and through an unfamiliar door.

He released me, and I felt something draped over my shoulders as I heard more murmurings.

Against my will, a strangled sob escape.

Another pair of arms engulfed me. My senses were assaulted with the scent of laundry detergent and sage, with the faint smell of incense that clung to the blouse, and I fought the urge to bury my face into my mother's shoulder. Her hand smoothed my hair and stroked my back while she gently rocked my stiff form back and forth.

Everything was coming to a head and all I could think was that I needed to stay in control. I had to stay rational. I couldn't fall apart. Not now. Edward hated me. To me, that was a fact as certain as the rising and setting sun. Apollo was drawing his carriage across the sky and here I was, about to be immersed in darkness. After everything, the tentative world I'd slowly been constructing over the last few weeks was shattering around me, exactly like the crystal dessert plates that now littered the Spanish tile in the kitchen.

"Oh, baby, everything will be okay. Everything is going to be all right, baby," my mother cooed in my ear, but I couldn't allow myself to believe her words—I just couldn't.

Feeling another hand on my back, I pulled back from Renee's shoulder, and she loosened her grasp. I had been on the verge of a breakdown in the middle of Esme's kitchen during my baby shower. Hell, I was still hovering on the precipice.

Looking around the room, I realized I was in a small laundry room with my mom, Edward, and Angela.

"I'm sorry," I muttered to the people standing in the room.

"No, baby. It's all right. You're under so much pressure," my mother reassured, rubbing my back again.

I just shook my head. That wasn't what I'd meant. "No," I said, shaking my head. "I just need to get out of here."

"We're leaving," Edward said to me as his hand brushed my arm.

All I could do was nod in response.

I swallowed thickly and felt the tears prick at the corners of my eyes again. Another deep breath and I was able to hold myself together by the finest of threads. It was then that I realized that my coat was hanging over my shoulders, and I pulled my arms through the sleeves.

Moving towards the door we'd come through, I placed my hand on the knob, my stomach churning with embarrassment at the thought of facing all of the people on the other side.

"We're going out through the garage," Edward said, placing his hands on my arms and gently leading me to another door at the other end of the room.

As we passed Renee, I gave her a kiss on the cheek. And as we moved towards the door, I stopped to give Angela a hug.

"I'm sorry," I said into her ear so only she could hear me.

"It's okay, Bella. We'll deal with it on Monday, I promise."

I pulled back from her and nodded my head. "Thank you. And tell Kate and Esme and Alice, please."

"Of course. Go home and get some rest. I'll see you Monday."

"Ready?" Edward asked.

I gave Angela a tight smile. "Yes," I answered, without looking at Edward. Already I knew that seeing him would be my undoing. I had over thirty minutes in the car with him as he drove me home, and I prayed that would be enough time to compose myself for the conversation he and I were bound to have.

This time, Edward put his arm around my back and led me through the door he'd opened for me. It was when we crossed the threshold into the garage that I realized I felt like a dead man—or woman, rather—walking to her execution. My heart was hammering out of my chest, and I was fighting to remain calm. I didn't even have time to appreciate the vastness of the Cullens' garage or the vintage automobiles that were on the far side. I did notice Edward's car was sitting there, and when he opened the door for me, I saw the key was sitting in the ignition.

"Is home okay? Or do we need to stop by the hospital?" he asked.

That pulled me up short, and I took a deep breath in an effort to relax. It was only marginally helpful. I took a second breath and mumbled, "Home," as I got into the car.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward nod his head just before shutting my door.

"You parked outside," I said dumbly as way of greeting when Edward sat in the driver's seat.

"Rosalie pulled the car into the garage for us."

"Oh." I sat back further in the seat and closed my eyes, but the engine remained silent. When the car was still sitting stationary and the only audible sound was that of breathing, I opened my eyes and turned them back to Edward.

He was staring at me, pain and anguish etched on his features. I caught the briefest of glances at his eyes, and I had to turn away before I lost my carefully crafted composure. It made my heart hurt even worse. His pain equated to disappointment.

"I want to go home, Edward," I said to break the silence.

Turning his attention to the car, he mumbled, "Put your seatbelt on." I heard the garage door open as he started the engine, and we were on our way.

Just as I did most times during the same drive, I rested my head against the cold window and closed my eyes. This time, it was an attempt to order my thoughts. The discussion I'd been avoiding for days was now going to happen in my living room. But each time I got too specific with my thoughts, I felt my heart instantly accelerate.

The baby started to squirm in my stomach, and I opened my eyes and slowly began to rub the spot he was currently using as his punching bag.

I had to stay calm. I had to relax. And I had to get through the next hour or so with a minimum amount of stress….

Because I had to take care of _him_—of my baby. He had to be my first priority.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, glancing from my face to the hand on my stomach and then back to the road.

"I'm fine."

He gave me another quick appraising look. It was clear he didn't believe my answer when he said, "I need to know if I should take you directly to the hospital or if you've finally calmed down enough that we can attempt to have this conversation at home."

As I took in the slow, deep breaths, I thought about how I dealt with imbeciles like Jack during meetings at work. Cold, detached. That was how I needed to stay. I rubbed my stomach in small circles and focused all of my attention on the life that was growing inside of it. "I already told you that I want to go home," I bit out in a harsh whisper.

Edward said nothing in response, and I leaned my head back against the window and stared without seeing out the window at the passing scenery. It was quite obvious to me; the only thing that he cared about was the baby.

So lost in my own head full of anxiety, stress, and dread, I didn't notice anything until the car finally came to stop and Edward rolled down his window. The blast of cold air that blew through the open window from the frigid winds outside pulled me from my own private hell.

"Where are we?" I asked, somewhat disoriented.

"Home," was the only answer Edward gave as he closed his window and drove into the parking garage.

Blinking three times more in quick succession, I allowed my overly worked brain to process where we were. Then it suddenly clicked, we were at Edward's place. I groaned.

"What?" he asked at my sound of discontent.

"I thought that…." I allowed my voice to trail off and bit my lower lip.

Edward didn't say another word as he pulled his car into the parking space and got out. All I could do was stay where I was. The discussion we were about to have was going to end in a fight, I knew that. I had no way to leave, and the likelihood of Edward storming out of his own apartment in the middle of an argument was pretty damn slim. There was no escape for me.

The rushing sound began to cloud my ears again, and I rubbed my stomach in soothing circles. Another deep breath and I felt ready to deal with whatever Edward was going to throw at me. Just as I unbuckled my seatbelt, Edward opened my car door and helped me out. Then, with his hand on the small of my back, he led me to the elevator and eventually upstairs to his place.

The moment we crossed the threshold, he helped me out of my shoes, and then he brushed his hand along the leg of my pants, saying that he wanted to make sure there weren't any stray glass shards that could hurt me. He asked if I had any cuts, and all I could do was shake my head. The broken crystal was the last thing on my mind.

Edward's condo was just as nice as I remembered. Just as clean. Just as beautiful. And I quickly noted that I could smell a scent that was inherently Edward permeating throughout the rooms.

It almost felt comfortable. Shaking my head, I reminded myself that I couldn't afford to feel that way. I needed to go home. To my home. Where I would be safe and secure. That was where I _needed_ to be. I fought back the tears from the hopelessness I was already feeling.

_Stay calm, Bella,_ I said to myself.

My arms were crossed tightly over my chest, and I fought to hold myself together. It was only through gentle prodding that Edward managed to help me out of my coat. He then took my hand and led me to the sofa and quietly encouraged me to sit. Then he sat on the loveseat and leaned forward, giving me my space while, at the same time, telling me that he was ready to begin our discussion.

I swallowed thickly as my gaze wandered around the room, finally falling on the end table with the framed ultrasound images. The tears began forming again when I thought about the last time I'd been in his apartment. The dam that was holding back my emotions creaked… loudly.

All I could do was sit there and wonder how my life could have fallen apart so quickly. How could four days change everything? The irony that only a single night had been what had originally sent my life into a tailspin was not lost on me, but I had dealt with that. I had coped. _This was… this was…_.

I couldn't complete my thoughts because that was when it happened. My eyes went to Edward, who was staring at me from the loveseat, and for the first time since Jessica's remarks, I allowed myself to meet his gaze. The emotion behind those green pools was my undoing. I could no longer keep the tears at bay, and I felt the dam finally give way to the flood of emotions I'd been trying to contain for so very long.

The tears were the first to come. Edward moved to get up, but I shook my head vigorously.

My head was flooded with too many questions to be able to think clearly. Just this last week I'd been slowly starting to imagine more than just having a father to my baby—I had been imagining a family.

Now, I all I could do was mourn that loss.

A noisy sob erupted from my chest, and then nothing could stop my crying. I didn't even want anything to. This was the culmination of everything I'd gone through over the last several months. For me, crying had always been emotionally cleansing, washing away the gray clouds. Like a spring rain fall.

The rain was what makes the flowers grow.

In that moment, however, I only felt as if I were in the darkest and coldest part of winter.

_Edward, Edward, Edward…_

_Baby, baby, baby…_

Everything was collapsing around me, and I feared that I was going to get dragged down into the abyss.

I felt more than heard Edward moving around the room, though he still said nothing.

Moments later, a box of Kleenex was placed next to me on the couch, but Edward was now pacing the living room. I grabbed several of the tissues in my hands, but I couldn't get my tears to slow. I couldn't make myself calm down enough to be able to think things through rationally. And the more he paced—the more he moved—the more hitched my breathing became. The irritation was rolling off of him in waves as he ran his fingers through his hair several times in quick succession. But I didn't know the cause of his frustration; whether it was simply having to deal with an emotional woman or because that same emotional woman was a failure at life, I didn't know.

Finally, he stopped at the far corner of room and whipped around, stared directly into my eyes, grimaced, and just shook his head.

It was as if a switch went off in my head, and I took the few moments to stand. "What? What do you want me to say? I don't know what to tell you! I already know what _you're_ going to say—what _you're_going to do!" I screamed through my tears. Then I took two steps forward and unsuccessfully choked down several sobs.

"Don't presume to know what I'm going to do or say. You won't talk to me. Now, tell me, what do you want, Bella?" his words were measured and careful, but he didn't move from where he was standing next to the piano.

"I want it all! I want everything for my child that I never had! I want a home and a family! I want my son to feel loved and wanted and cared for! _I_ want to feel loved and cared for and cherished! I don't want to feel like a burden!"

I was angry. Angry with him because he wasn't behaving how I'd anticipated. Angry with myself because I had this irrational urge to defend myself and to speak every thought that passed through my mind.

Making fists with my hands while holding the balled up tissues tightly in them, I brought them up to press against my eyes for a moment. "This has been going on for so long," I said with a sob. Dropping my hands from my face, I folded my arms across my chest and tried to measure my breathing. "I'm scared."

Edward took several steps towards me but still gave me my space. "What are you afraid of?"

"Everything!" I wailed, waving one arm around the room. "I don't know what to do anymore. My own childhood was so screwed up that I don't know how to do any of this. I don't know how to have a relationship with someone that involves actually talking to another person. Because of everything that happened with my father and what turned out to be his non-existent rejection of me, I don't know how to trust anyone else. And I'm going to be a mother any day now, and I don't know what in the hell I'm supposed to do!"

"You're not alone in this," he said soothingly.

I wanted to believe him, but I couldn't allow myself to do that. Not now. Not anymore. "You can't say that. You don't know that! By this time on Monday, I won't have a job anymore! And the moment you actually start to think about things and understand that, you are going to decide that I'm just as much of a burden as mommy dearest was, and you're going to throw me out that door!" I cried while forcing myself to ignore his wince at my accusation.

I tried to calm my breathing just a bit more, but it was to no avail. My pain and distress wouldn't lessen. And then every thought that had been running through my head suddenly found their way to my mouth and, in no particular order, began falling from my lips in between my noisy sobs. "I'm scared and alone, and I don't know what to do anymore. My mother fucked me up so badly, I don't know how a real mother is supposed to behave. And my father fucked me up, and I can't figure out how to trust anyone else. And even worse than feeling like a failure at my job, I'm scared out of my mind that I'm going to do something to screw up this baby even worse than I am. He is the most important thing in my world, and I know I do a good job at keeping my feelings to myself, but I love him more than anything, more than I ever thought that I could love another human being. And I want him. And I don't want to fuck this up. None of it. And, right now, it seems like that is exactly where things are headed."

I saw Edward move closer to me, his eyes holding almost as much pain as I was feeling inside of me. But I couldn't allow him to get close. Not yet. I needed to say everything that was on my mind, whether he wanted to hear it or not. There was too much, too many things that I was carrying around inside of me that I needed to get out and let go of. Taking a step backwards, I shook my head, and he stopped where he was. I dabbed at some of the wetness on my cheeks with the balled up tissue that was still held tightly in my hand and took a breath. But just as I managed to calm myself a bit, I felt new tears pricking away and stinging the corner of my eyes.

"And the worst part," I began as another sob wracked my frame before I managed to control it, "the very worst thing is, I'm terrified of these feelings you've brought out in me." I couldn't even bring myself to look at him as I wrapped my arms around myself even tighter. "Ever since Christmas, we came to an understanding. You've been sweet and wonderful and caring. And without even fully comprehending it, I found myself falling for you so hard and so fast that it makes my head spin. I don't want to do this alone, but more than that, I want to do this with _you_! I only realized it when Mike proposed to me the other night. Even though he was actually serious and he's my friend, I couldn't bring myself to accept, because he wasn't you! Don't you see what you've done to me? I don't know what I'm going to do when you leave and—"

I couldn't finish my statement, because at that moment, I felt his hands on my cheeks, and Edward lifted my head up to meet his eyes. He brushed his thumbs under my eyes and continued to stare at me intently. In the green depths of his gaze, I found the one thing that I'd been desperately searching for over the last hour—security.

Without even thinking, my arms relinquished their hold from my chest and wrapped around him. With just his eyes he was pulling me to safety, and there was no way I was letting go. I gave another whimper, but instead of it being a result of pain and heartache, this time it was from the overwhelming sense of relief I was feeling.

We stared at each other, our eyes locked, until Edward leaned his head down towards me. He stopped when his lips were only centimeters away from mine, and he whispered, "I'm not going anywhere, Bella. And neither are you." Then he lightly brushed his lips across mine before kissing me more firmly. His kiss spoke louder than my shouting and held more comfort than words ever could. When he moved back, he gazed at me a moment longer before resting his forehead against mine. I felt myself calm even more as my breathing fell into sync with his.

"I don't want to be some pathetic woman you think you need to save from her pathetic little life."

"I don't think that. I could never—"

"Yes, you could. For months you thought I was after you for your money," I reminded him.

"Did you know that memory was the very furthest thing from my mind? I know you're not like that. I trust you. I believe you. All I want right now is to be here for you. To help you. To be whatever it is that_you_ need from me," he said in a firm but soft voice. "That is how a relationship works, you know—any kind of relationship. It doesn't make you dependent or weak."

His thumb brushed my cheek again, and after a deep breath, he pulled back and dropped his hands from my face. He then put one arm around my back and led me back to the sofa. Edward sat down first, leaning his back against the arm. Then he gently pulled me down to sit between his legs, my back resting against his chest.

I understood the purpose of the way that he'd sat us both down. Edward's arms were wrapped around me, his hands resting on my belly. It was comforting but without the distraction of the emotions swimming behind his eyes. In the safety and security of his arms, I could finally relax enough so that I could unravel my thoughts into slightly more coherent threads.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Don't be." He brought a hand back up to cheek and tucked a stray bit of hair that had escaped from the barrette and was matted to my face from the tears. Then, he traced the back of his fingers along my throat.

"This wasn't how it was supposed to be." I stared at my hands, which were now fidgeting with a tissue.

"I know." Edward's voice was calm, but even in those few words, I could hear the undertones laced with sadness.

My gaze moved from the now twisted and torn tissue to the ceiling as I laid my head back against his chest. He wasn't pushing me away. Instead, he was holding me tighter than I'd dare to hope after Jessica's remark.

"Tell me everything, Bella," he pled.

I thought about his request. I'd already blathered on about more things than I should have—about more that I normally would. Instead of rejecting me and pushing me aside, however, he was holding me close and trying to soothe me with his words… with his actions… with his whole demeanor. How could I not start to trust him on some level? He wasn't behaving how I'd anticipated. I was still unsure whether or not the soap bubble would pop as it had seemed to before, but I also knew that I was slowly beginning to trust him more than I ever thought I could.

"By Monday, I probably won't have my job anymore."

"So, what that woman said in the kitchen was true?"

I could almost hear Jessica in my head say, _"She _wants_ to get fired so she can mooch off of these people."_

For a moment, I thought I was going to vomit from recalling the venom-laced words. And I knew that was what Edward was getting at. Was he still preparing to believe the worst about me? There was nothing I could do about that.

"Just because I'm probably going to be fired doesn't mean that I did it intentionally."

"I didn't say that it did." I could feel him as he shook his head briefly, as if his thoughts were as muddied as mine and he was trying to clear them. "I just meant that your position was as precarious as she implied."

I sighed. "By Monday afternoon, I'm going to be unemployed and no longer able to support myself."

"What happened?"

"What hasn't? This has been going on since…" My voice trailed off as I thought about that for a moment. "… a few weeks before your brother's wedding."

"Emmett's wedding?"

"It all comes down to that, doesn't it? But yes, since then. My boss was in town a few weeks before, and that was when I remembered that you had all been at the Hilton that night to book their wedding. So, I began to spend my free time there." I was getting sidetracked. "Anyway, when I saw my boss, he made some snide comments about my pregnancy. He made it clear that he was certain I couldn't perform my job."

"That's discrimination," he stated firmly.

I couldn't hold back a snort at Edward sounding as if he was going to come to my defense. The conversation wasn't playing out at all how I'd imagined it. "I know that. It wasn't quite like that. Maybe it was. I don't know," I rambled, my thoughts again becoming muddled. "I didn't perform as well as I'd hoped… as well as I maybe should have. But I also know that I'm doing the job of two people. And when Jack finally decided that he had to take action, he sent someone up here who began strutting around my office and acting like he was going to steal my job away from me."

"And that still sounds like harassment."

"I lost a major client."

"When?"

"Last week." I shook my head. "They found a loophole in the contract. I don't know how our lawyers missed it, and I don't know how the other company found it. It's like… I don't know. It still isn't making any sense to me."

"Were they not happy? How is it your fault? Did you do anything to cause the client to leave?"

"Things were fine. I landed the contract when I was here last May, and that was actually one of the driving reasons the company chose to open an office in Seattle versus Olympia or Portland. Laurent arrived right after I went back to work after being discharged from the hospital. Jack—he's the owner of the company, Mike's dad—had heard there was a client in Portland who was upset and blamed it on my hospitalization. Jack decided he needed another set of eyes here. Because of all of that, I thought I should cover my bases a bit better, and the week of my vacation, I set up meetings with some of our major clients. I just wanted to make sure they were happy."

"You worked during your vacation?"

"Some." I shrugged. "But one of them… the one we lost… I was supposed to have lunch with him the day after Christmas."

I waited for Edward to put that together. Though, admittedly, it had been a few weeks, and it was possible he wouldn't remember. So when he said nothing, I explained further. "The day we went to lunch with your parents."

"You missed your meeting," he surmised.

"Yeah. I got home and went to take a nap. It was some time later that I actually heard the beeping of my cell phone telling me I had messages. I'd forgotten my phone and left it at home."

He sighed again and one of his hands left my stomach to rake through his hair.

"You need a lawyer," he mumbled. Before I could tell him that I didn't want that, he said, "I want to know about this proposal."

I took a deep breath, then swallowed thickly and readied myself for his reaction. "Right after I left here on Tuesday, Mike called. He asked me to marry him."

"And you told him no?" he asked in a tight, barely restrained voice.

"I told him no."

"Why?"

"Why did I tell him no? Or why did he propose?"

It was another moment before he responded, and I could feel the tension radiating from him again, immediately setting me on edge, too. "Both."

"I told him no because, while I considered his request, I finally understood something that had been plaguing me for a couple of weeks."

"Which was?"

Even though I'd already said it to him in my hysterical rant, I was scared of telling Edward about my growing feelings for him. But I also knew that I could no longer hold anything back. "I'd been uncertain about how I was feeling… about you. I'd …" I paused for a moment and swallowed down my nervousness. "I had been wondering if my feelings for you were some inherent, programmed reaction to being single and pregnant or if it was actually because of you." I sighed and focused my eyes more intently on the huge window across the room from us. "I'm not saying this right. I just wondered where my feelings for you were coming from. I figured if it was just an underlying desire to have a man around to take care of me or help me, then Mike's proposition would've been more appealing. But it wasn't. You came into the equation within the first few seconds of even thinking about it, and I knew immediately…."

"You knew what, Bella?" he prompted when my words trailed off.

Another breath and I forced myself to say the one thing I'd been trying to avoid even thinking about but was getting harder and harder to ignore. "I knew that I cared for you far too much to even consider trying to be with anyone else."

He didn't say anything and after a long beat, I angled my head back so that I could see his face. Noticing my movement, he looked down at me and smiled. "I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that," he said. "Because I am falling in love with you, Bella Swan."

A stunned silence fell over me before a happy grin broke out on my face, too. The air was lighter, and I felt like I could finally breathe again. I relaxed back against him and felt him kiss my temple. His words from before, how this was how relationships worked, ran through my head, and my heart stuttered.

"You didn't answer my other question," he said a bit later.

So, I told him about my conversation with Mike the other night, about his version of events and his interpretation of his father's actions. Edward scoffed when I told him that Mike had been sent an engagement ring for Christmas.

"You can fight it," he said when I'd finally finished telling him all the finer details of both my talk with Mike and the happenings at work.

I nodded. I knew that, but was it really worth it? I didn't voice the fact that fighting it would entail getting a lawyer involved, and I wasn't keen on that idea—partly because I was the sort of person who liked to fight her own battles and partly because I didn't want to make things any messier than they already were.

"I need you to be honest with me. How badly do you want to keep your position?"

"I don't have much choice in the matter."

He gently tilted my head up towards him. "Yes, you really do. Do you want to work after he's born?"

I thought about that for a moment. It wasn't something I'd ever considered. Did I really have a choice in the matter? What would I do if I didn't work? I had some money saved, but not enough to get me through anything more than a few months. If I truly had a choice, I knew I didn't want to stay home and idle forever. I wanted to work. I enjoyed it, and I liked my independence. But I also knew how much I liked the idea of staying home with my baby. Not forever, but maybe for a couple of months. I had seen how tired Tanya was, even several weeks after her baby's birth, and her warning at Christmas rang clearly through my head. _"Bella, even an easy-to-care-for baby is a huge undertaking."_

"I don't want to sit around doing nothing."

"You wouldn't be. I'm not saying that you should consider quitting your job and never going back. I'm saying that if you want to take a few months off and get used to the changes, then you can do that."

I shook my head. "It's just not feasible right now. I have my apart—"

"Bella," he sighed in frustration, "you're not hearing me. If you didn't have to worry about work or money or apartments or anything else, would you want to stay home?"

"Well, yeah, I suppose. For a little bit, anyway."

"How long?"

"What?"

"How long would you want to stay home?"

"I don't know. Six months maybe? But really, that's all moot. I have money set aside for about three months. I could stretch it out longer if I'm careful."

"Move in here," he said simply.

My entire body stiffened at his words. He said it so casually. I couldn't help but be taken aback by his words. _Sure_, I thought with a snort, _I'm the sort of woman who just moves in with any random guy_. My heart began to pound faster in my chest. I shuddered slightly and moved to sit up and gain some space from him, but he wrapped his arms around me tighter and held me in place.

"Bella, hear me out, please."

I took a breath, and as I did, his grasp loosened slightly.

"Will you listen without getting into a panic now?"

Hearing him out was the least I could do. I would just spend the time carefully planning my arguments because his idea…. There was no way we were ready for that. "Okay."

The fingers of Edward's right hand began to lightly trace designs on my stomach as he mulled over his words. "I was trying to wait until I thought you were ready, but…. I don't want to push you into anything that you're not ready for—anything that _we're_ not ready for. It's just… I don't like the thought of you being even just a few blocks away while I'm here. I want to be there for everything, from the late night feedings to his first smile. I don't want to miss anything because we can't figure our shit out. I don't know what it would mean for us either." I angled my head towards him again, and he ran his fingers through his hair; I appreciated that he was just as flustered and nervous by this as I was. "I'm sure that I could easily start to campout on your couch, but I have a feeling that neither one of us would be getting much sleep that way." He took a shaky breath. "I'm not asking you to sleep with me or anything. You can have the spare bedroom—it's right next to the nursery. And this way you can cancel the painters Alice hired for next week, and you won't have to worry about anything else," he rambled.

I couldn't help but crack a small grin at his apparent anxiety. But as I thought about it, his words slowly began to sink into my mind, and I found myself considering what he'd said far more seriously than I'd thought I would. The one thing that struck me the most was his insistence that he wanted to be present for everything, whether it was minor or a milestone.

But I also thought about what he'd said not long before, too. Edward had said that he was falling in love with me, just as I'd felt myself falling for him. I couldn't move in with him. Not with those sorts of confessions dangling between us. Because, more than anything else, what was scaring me was how much I _wanted_ to.

"I can't, Edward," I finally forced myself to say, sitting myself up so I could turn and face him better. "I can't allow you to pay my way. Not to mention there is Alice to consider. Oh, and my lease won't be up until July. There are already two empty places in my building—the likelihood that they'll be able to find someone else is slim."

He snorted. "You know, usually it's the man who is the commitment-phobe."

"What?" I was surprised by his accusation. Was that really my issue? I didn't think it was, but I couldn't deny that I felt almost as if I were warring with myself over what my heart wanted and what my brain was telling me to do.

"I told you, this is all at your pace. The last thing I want is to pressure you." His hand slipped from my stomach and into my hands.

"Fine. Let's say that is my issue. You can't tell me that you possibly think that it would be a good idea to move in with you before we've had a chance to get to know one another." I looked down at the floor as I was speaking, uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation.

"Hmm. Yeah. That probably means we shouldn't have sex until our third official date. Oh, wait, we already did that."

"Smart ass," I mumbled.

He squeezed my hand a bit tighter, and I looked back up to meet his gaze to see his eyes twinkling with mirth. I had to smile back. "Bella, this is as much for me as it is for you. Please, move in here."

"What about what I said? Those aren't trivial issues to me."

"Well, you were already going to be getting child support from me. Maybe we can consider that your room and board."

I started to protest, but he put his finger on my lips.

"I own the condo. It's not like I pay rent every month. If you and the baby aren't here, those rooms are just going to be sitting empty."

Try as I might, I couldn't find any objection there. _And they are beautifully decorated rooms,_ I thought to myself. "What about Alice?"

"What about her? Have you spoken to her about her plans?"

"No. Not really. She just said that she'd be around as long as I needed her. And she's said how much more convenient it is being close to her boutique. I just figured she'd stay for another few months, at least."

"You do know that she would do just about anything for you," he said.

It struck me again how integrated into the Cullen family I was becoming. I liked the sense of security and warmth that came from that thought.

"Alice doesn't want me to tell you this, Bella. When she came home from Italy, well, I think she was hoping that we'd have settled all of this already, but when she found out we hadn't, she wanted to make sure you had a choice."

"What are you talking about?"

"Alice and Jasper got married."

"What?" I asked in shock.

"They eloped… didn't tell any of us until they came home. I guess they were married in Florence—"

"At a private villa," I finished as I remembered the dreams I'd had the night that Alice had returned.

"She told you?" he asked, confused.

"I thought I dreamt it, so I can only guess that she was still talking." I sighed. "I should've known."

Edward shook his head. "She might've told you, but I'm sure she knew you were sleeping. She didn't want you to feel like you were abandoned."

"So, what? She was just going to stay with me until I told her I didn't need her anymore?" I was growing irritated now.

"Don't be mad at her."

I narrowed my eyes at him. But, in the end, I knew he was right. Really, all Alice had been trying to do was help. Granted, there were probably better ways for her to do it, but she'd been trying to be supportive. Edward gently pulled me back so I was resting against him again, and I slowly felt myself relax.

"And what, pray tell, is your simple solution regarding the issue of my lease?"

"There are two options, really. One, you can just pay off the remainder of the rent. Since you won't be paying to be live here—"

"I can't afford to do that for very long. You said that one of the reasons for moving in here would be so that I didn't have to work for a while," I interrupted.

"You didn't let me finish. I really do think that you have a discrimination suit on your hands and, at the very least, if you lose your job, then you should be able to get some monetary settlement out of the deal. You could use that." I opened my mouth to contest his words, but Edward continued on, "Or, two, Alice and Jasper can take over the lease. I happen to know for a fact that he rents his apartment on a month-to-month basis, and he wants to move into something a bit larger. And, as you said, Alice likes being closer to her boutique."

"My apartment is larger?" I asked, doubtful.

Edward laughed. "Yes, it really is."

"And why wouldn't they just buy a place?" I glanced around the room. "Obviously money isn't an issue."

"It is and it isn't. Mom and Dad would let them have the money, but since Alice went off on her own in college, she's wanted to do most things on her own. And she doesn't gain control of her trust fund for another year."

I didn't even pretend to understand how all of that worked, so I just nodded my head in agreement.

I stared at the ceiling a bit longer after that, allowing my imagination to takeover so that I was seeing shapes and designs in the texture. I was still considering Edward's solution, and I had to admit, it made sense. And, just as before, I knew that I wanted to take him up on his offer. I wanted my child to have two parents who were around and available whenever he needed them. I wanted to have someone else around in the middle of the night when I was running on twenty minutes of sleep and on the verge of insanity. Edward was offering me everything I'd ever wanted. But did getting my happily ever after mean that he saw me as nothing more than a damsel in distress, someone who was dependent on him and he had no choice but to coddle and care for? Because, even though I wanted to go riding off happily into the sunset, I wanted to be on my own horse.

"If Alice and Jasper will take the apartment…." I sighed. "There would have to be ground rules."

"What? Like no walking around the house naked?"

I snorted. The idea of walking around the house naked with my breasts already bursting out of my bra, and the flab that was sure to be on my stomach after having the baby was enough to make me think that I wouldn't want my body to be seen by anyone for quite some time. "And no leaving dirty socks on the floor," I added. Then I took a breath. "And I would have to pay you rent."

I could almost swear I heard Edward grumbling, and I could definitely feel it. Words like "ridiculous" and "stubborn," made their way to my ears.

"Fine," he said at last. "If that's the way you're going to be." He shifted on the couch, and one of his hands reached underneath me. I was surprised as his hand touched my backside, and I tried to shift out of his way, but moments later his hand was in front of my face holding a folded piece of paper. "Here," he said.

Confused, I took it from him and unfolded it. The minute I recognized it for what it was, I swallowed down my burgeoning nerves.

"If you're going to be bullheaded about it, this will cover your first three months."

My hands were holding the check I'd put in his Christmas card to cover the cost of the items he'd bought for the baby. I squeezed my eyes shut and didn't even flinch when I felt him snatch the check back out of my hands.

"I couldn't believe you actually did that," he said into my ear several minutes later.

"You shouldn't have to buy things for me. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"Has it ever once occurred to you that I want to provide things for my son? Not everything is about you, Bella. No one thinks that you're incapable. In fact, my family is amazed by absolutely everything about you. Or haven't you noticed?" One of his hands smoothed my hair, almost instantly calming me.

"And if I move in here, what does that mean for us?"

"Whatever you want it to. I promised that I wasn't going to pressure you."

"But you said that you were falling in love with me."

"And before that, you said that you cared deeply for me."

That was true, but I hadn't said the "L" word. I didn't even think that I could. Not for a long time. Edward was right in his assessment of me—I was a commitment-phobe. Because I knew that even though I hadn't known him for very long or under the best of circumstances, the feelings I was developing for Edward were unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. Even with the other long-term relationships I'd had before, nothing could quite compare to what I felt when Edward was holding me.

When I didn't respond, Edward said, "I think we'll both have our hands full with the baby to worry too much about anything else for a while."

I nodded but couldn't help feeling saddened at hearing his words. Why did all of it have to be so confusing? When I took a deep breath in an attempt to tap down the emotions, I noticed how shaky my breathing was.

"I know it's been a long day. It's okay, Bella. We'll figure it out. I promise. We don't have to decide anything today," Edward then said into my ear.

Somehow I managed to utter a soft, "Okay."

"Okay," he repeated in a reassuring tone.

I shook my head. "No. I mean, okay, I'll move in here."

And despite the butterflies that were currently fluttering my stomach at a pace to outmatch my currently squirming baby, I finally felt as if I'd made the right choice and that things were finally on the right track. We were all going to be all right.

All of us.

* * *

A/N: Sorry about the delay. I've been swamped with family and work. I'm hoping this summer will see things lightening up, though. :)

If you're wondering where to find me, check out my profile page.


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